Title: Fly
Author: Nina90
Rating: Teen
Classification: GSR angst
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, if I did, Sara and Grissm would be on their second child already!
Spoilers: none
Summary: I could fly. She told herself, looking down at the canyon before her. I could fly for myself. Not for anyone else but me.
Status: Finished
The weather was unusually hot, even for Las Vegas in the middle of June. Tourists stayed inside at the casinos with the comfort of air conditioning. Rather than enjoy the sights the city had to offer. In the desert the heat was unbearable, the temperature reaching up to 113 degrees F, in the sun. Even the vegitation that grew naturaly was suffering from the severe drought.
Sara peeled off her forensics vest as she climbed out of her car. She stood for a moment, silently ovserving the beautiful cliff that's location was miles from the city. The location which harbored the death of Joann Duran, a middle aged woman who was high in her career. She shouldn't have died. Sara thought bitterly, She should still be alive, she should have lived.
The case was now officially labled 'unsolved'. But what it really ment was that Sara didn't have enough evidence to pin the murder on the murderer, David Duran. Sara knew he did it. She just knew. On the ex-rays of Joann's body all the fractures and broken bones of the past and recent showed up. People didn't get injuries from everyday life. They got them when they were being abused.
Sara knew that for a fact, seeing her mother desperatly try to cover the cuts and broken bones she recevied all to regularly. Sara remembered the pain of hearing her mother cry out in the night, cry when Sara's father beat her, for no apparent reason. She had taken this job to try and bring all the women who suffered like her mother to justice. Just sometimes people were special.
That's the way it is.
Sara left the car door open as she walked to the edge of the cliff. Her black tank top catching too much sun, making her uncomfertable. Her black heeled boots getting dusty as she walked over the silent land.
Why is it, Sara wondered as she stopped at the edge of the cliff that hung 40 feet above the landing, That people who have a reason to live die, and people that have no purpose live? Why did Joann have to die? Why did her husband have to kill her? 'People die everyday, Sara.' But maybe they don't deserve to die.
Sara thought as she remembered the words Grissom had said to her earlier. When she had broke down in his office, with tears streaming down her cheeks. His voice held no remorse. This was just another case to him. He treated all the cases the same. But not all were equal, some were more important to solve than others.
Like this one. The one that remained unsolved, when the murderer was in eyesight with a horrible aliby.
Sara looked down at the ground below her. Her eyes were met with nothingness.
No crime scene tape. No cross marking the spot where her life ended. Nothing.
Only the memory of Joann's twisted body laying on the rock below.
Sara took a shaky breath. Life truly wasn't fair. Sara was now thinking how much she despised her life. She lived to look at dead bodies. She lived to bring the murderer to justice. The idea sounds like a good way to live a life. Bring justice to victims. She could only think that she could have spent her life trying to stop the crime from even happening. Sara felt sick to her stomach.
The more she thought about it, the more she thought that life was funny. How people spent their whole life trying to build something that in the end will just be lost anyway. How could people live every day, knowing that everything they do won't matter in 10, 20, 30, 40 years? How could they live knowing that one day, everything they've worked for will fade into the darkness like the people before them? How could they have the strength?
Strength was one thing Sara was good a faking. She had strength, just enough to cover up how empty she had become. How waking up each day got harder and harder. She was surpriesed each day that she found the strength to pull herself out of bed, and into a word of lies, murders, and death. She wondered if people knew that one day she would crack. If they did, why didn't they try to help her? 'You need something other than work.' Grissom had told her. But what did he have that she didn't? Bugs?
No, She told herself, Strength.
Sweat formed on her forehead, she suddenly felt lightheaded. But she didn't move from the spot, the spot where Joann Duran was pushed, where she fell, above where she died.
Sara looked down at the small canyon. The only good thing that could come out of having a death like that was the ability to fly. It wouldn't be so bad, being able to fly before you would die. It'd actually be ideal. Being able to let go.
A small breeze blew her hair in her face. It could end. It all could be over. Just a little strength and it'd be over.
She remembered in all the suicide cases she ever worked, everyone would saw that they had taken the cowards way out. But they never thought about how much courage it would take to end your life. They never thought that maybe there was no other way out. Maybe the person couldn't handle it anymore. Like herself.
Her hair weighed heavier and heavier as the heat weighed it down. She took a deep breath, only to find sufficating air fill her lungs. She closed her eyes, wondering Do I have enough courage?
I could fly. She told herself. I could fly for myself. Not for anyone else but me.
She smiled at the thought. Doing something for herself. Even the thought felt surreal. But she lifted her arms up and tilted her head back. I could fly.
Her body leaned foreward, she felt at peace.
Untill arms snaked around her torso pulling her backward. She landed on a soft lump. She gave a groan before rolling to the side, landing on dry, hot earth.
"What the hell were you thinking!" Grissom's angery voice yelled, as his hand grabbed her upper arm and dragged her into a sitting position in frount of him kneeling.
Her eyes were focused on the cliff behind him. The one thing she had wanted for herself he had taken away.
Sara was angry.
"What the hell was I thinking!" Sara countered back, her voice raging. She quickly stood up, and tried to walk back to the edge, only to be grabbed on both forearms holding her in frount of him.
"Sara, what are you doing?" He asked, his voice ergent. Tears filled her eyes before she could stop them. Suddenly she looked in his eyes, surprised to see fear more than anger. But she was not going to let herself fall for it.
She tried to slap his arms away, but the harder she hit, the stronger his grip got.
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?" She screamed, looking up at him as his fingers dug harder into her arms, causing her pain.
"What are you doing here? Do you realize what you almost did! What's the matter with you, Sara!"
"Why did she have to die?" Sara asked, causing confustion to mask Grissom's face. "Wh-why did she have to die? She didn't deserve to die! And I, I couldn't even do my job and lock that murderer away! I couldn't even do that! So simple and I failed her!"
"Sara, you didn't fail anyone. You did your job."
She looked at him, his face was blury from the tears that still had yet to fall.
"If I did my job, that man would be behind bars!" She yelled, still trying to push his hands away. "If-if I did my job, he wouldn't have another chance to hurt another woman! None of them would!"
Grissom looked down at her, He's studying me, she thought, Like evidence! That's all I am. A specimen. That's all I'll ever be to him!
"You can't save everyone."
At that, she stopped pushing his arms away, all the unsed tears rolled down her cheeks. Her head lowered, ashamed. He pulled her close to him, she didn't fight.
His arms wrapped around her, and he suddenly realized, She's too thin. When was the last time she ate? He pulled her away from him, trying to get a good look at her. The tears had stopped falling, all that was left what a shell. She looked tired, defeted.
He let go of her arms, and watched as she fell to the ground.
When she said 'it might be too late' he never thought that this was possible.
I am too late. He thought, looking down at Sara's body.
(A/N: Pleaseleave a review, let me know it you liked it, hated it, or even what you had for dinner last night! I don't care...just push the little button that says 'review'...you know you want to!)