Greg ran into the break room the next morning in a mad frenzy. "Guy's you gotta come see this!"
Nick rolled his eyes. "What is it now Greg? Did you discover some new chatroom?"
"Guys I'm serious!"
Catherine put down her magazine. "Greg when are you ever serious?"
Warrick joined in. "Yeah like that case last year, you couldn't keep a straight face the entire time!"
Nick started laughing. "Yeah and remember when – "
"It's about Sara!"
At the mention of her name, all three CSI's turned around. Nick was the first to speak. "What's happened Greg?"
Catherine looked confused. "What's wrong Greg? Where is she?"
Greg looked worried, and slightly embarrassed. "I…..uh……I think she's gone."
Nick jumped up knocking over his chair. "Gone! Whadya mean she's gone. She was here yesterday!"
Warrick looked confused. "Yeah man I saw her yesterday. She was a bit weird, but she's been working a few double shifts lately and I thought that she was just a bit tired."
Nick shook his head. "This doesn't make anysense. Did she say anything to you Cath? Cath?"
All three turned to look at Catherine. Her face was pale, and she was sitting shaking her head and whispering. "No… no it can't be. No."
Warrick wrapped his hands around hers. "Cath what is it. Where's Sara?"
"She….she's gone. Left. She's finally done it. She's finally been driven so far that she's packed and left."
Greg was still standing in the doorway. "Uh guys. I think you should come and see this. It's from Sara." He turned and led the others down the hall until they got to the lab bulletin board. Pinned right in the middle on top of the other papers was a new sheet.
Hi Guys,
I'm sorry about all of this. And I'm sure that it comes as a big shock to all of you. I wanted
you to know that you all mean so much to me. Though the beginning of our friendships was
a little rough, you're really great friends. I meant it. It's been a long time since I had any
real family, and that's what we were weren't we? Just one big family. And I'm sorry of
having to leave you, especially like this. But it was time for me to be moving on. A positions
opened up for me in San Fransisco, and I think that it's a real opportunity for me. Things
here were getting to tough to cope with. I tried hard, really I did, but I'm not as perfect as I
look. I love you all so much. Thanks for everything!
Sara Sidle
The three CSI's jaws dropped as they read through the letter. This time Greg was the first to speak. "Guys I ran some lab tests on the paper. What? I wanted to see if it was authentic, and I found some salt stains on the paper."
Nick was speechless. "You mean she was crying when she wrote this?"
"Uhhuh. I really don't think she wanted to leave."
Suddenly Catherine turned and dashed down the hallway. Greg looked at Nick and Warrick, his face mirroring the confusion in theirs.
Catherine burst into Grissom's office to find him sorting through some papers. Without even waiting for him to acknowledge her presence, she started. "What the hell did you do?"
His face looked calm but bewildered. "What are you talking about?"
"What did you do?"
"Catherine calm down."
She took a couple deep breaths to compose herself but a look of rage was still plastered all over her face.
"Now tell me what on earth you're talking about."
"Sara."
His features tightened a bit at the mention of her name. "What about her?"
"What did you do to her? Tell her? Not tell her? What?"
"I still don't know what you're talking about. But maybe you should be talking to her." His face still looked confused and clueless.
"She's gone."
"She's not here? Maybe she took a day off. Did you call her?"
"Gil she's gone. Left! She's left Las Vegas altogether. She's gone! So what the hell did you do! I know it has something to do with you!"
His face instantly paled, and his eyes expressed deep pain and confusion. "What?"
"You heard me Gill."
"B….but…. I thought she was ……"
"No. Something was wrong."
"Wait how do you know?"
"Sara left a note on the lab bulletin board. Greg found it, and showed it to Nick, Warrick, and-"
"Why didn't she tell me? This isn't like her."
"Are you sure she didn't leave you a note, letter, or anything?" She walked over to his desk and started shifting some papers. "Wait what's this?" She pulled a small package from underneath a pile of forms and bills. "This looks like her handwriting. And it's dated back to last week." She handed it over to him. "Here, I'll leave you to read it." Catherine turned around, and as quickly as she entered, left.
With shaking hands, Grissom opened the top of the package. Inside, was a letter, and a CD. That's odd, I don't remember lending her a CD. There was a small sticky note attached to the CD.
Listen first, before you read. The mixed song on the CD might help you understand.
He pulled the note off, and placed the CD, in the CD player, and pressed play. Some guitars started playing in the background.
I try not to think about the pain I feel inside,
Did you know you used to be my hero.
All days you worked with me
Now they seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
Can't stand another fight.
And nothing's alright
'Cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever,
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
Now it's just too late, and we can't go back,
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
Nothing's gonna change the things you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
You've already turned your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand.
'Cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever,
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
Now it's just too late, and we can't go back,
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
Too late? Am I really to late? I never meant to make her feel like she had to be perfect. Just then the music changed key, and the singing started up again.
Do you wana be someone else?
Are you sick of being so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more, before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are sick everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies,
While deep inside your bleeding.
No you don't know what its like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what its like to be like me.
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be let out in the dark,
To be kicked when you're down, feel like you've been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down, and no ones there to save you
No you don know what its like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face
No one ever stabs you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be ok
Everyone getting what they always wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be let out in the dark,
To be kicked when you're down, feel like you've been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down, and no ones there to save you
No you don know what its like
Welcome to my life
His hands were still shaking when he pressed stop. Oh my God! Did she really feel like that? There's only one way to find out Gill. Open the letter. He opened the letter carefully, and put his glasses on.
Grissom,
I've tried hard lately to put on a brave face. You always tell us to keep our personal lives and emotions at home. I've always tried hard to do that too, but it's harder with you Grissom. I've tried. God I've tried! I've tried countless times to put you out of my mind. It's obvious that you were never going to figure out what to do with "this". And I thought I could live with it, seeing you at work every day. I could probably have kept on as well, but then you would start to ignore me. You stopped working with me, and only kept me on low-priority cases. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to keep on a happy appearance, but inside it was a nightmare. I'm hoping by leaving and starting a new life, I will be able to put this behind me, and get rid of some of the hurt. Please don' tell the others. I want to keep this hushed up. I will tell them myself in due time. I leave in just over a week for San Francisco. I've got a job in the Crime Lab over there. I think that this is more than enough notice to set things in order, and to find a replacement for me. The "lab" doesn't need me anymore, and it's time for me to move on.
Bye Grissom
Sara Sidle
By the time he had finished reading it his eyes were full of tears. Did she really think that about me? Did she really "feel" that way about me? God why couldn't I have told her what I felt from the very beginning?
This was when Catherine decided to make another appearance. This time her face was softer, and she spoke more gently. "How was it?"
He looked up at her. "I didn't know she felt like this. How could I have been so stupid?"
"You aren't stupid, just slow to notice the signs."
He stood up and placed his hands on his head in frustration. "How could I let her leave! If I had bothered to open up that package when it was first delivered, then I would have had all last week to stop her! Catherine, I just let the only woman that ever cared for me leave! And…..and…..possibly the only woman that I ever cared for leave!"
"Go."
He spun around. "What?"
"Gill go to her. Tell her how you feel."
"But what if it's too late?"
"Gill. What if it isn't? Life's full of risks, and you have to take them, otherwise you could end up regretting it for the rest of your life."