Disclaimer by: 2 Clouds! (From FFVIII and Kingdom Hearts. (You guys remember Kingdom Hearts, right? It's been a few years...anyway, I was playing the Gameboy version recently.))

GMHY: (looks from one to the other) "Wow. Two of them."
FFCloud: (looks at other Cloud in shock) "What have they done to you?"
KHCloud: "I'm all angsty inside!" (pouts angstily)
GMHY: "You're just a pansy. You got beaten by...Hercules..."
KHCloud: "No one understands me!" (starts crying)
FFCloud: (shakes head sadly)
GMHY: "Did I do this to him?"
FFCloud: "No...it was dang Squarenix!
GMHY: "And they're jumping on the sequel bandwagon like friggin' Disney!"
KHCloud: "They gave me a cool cape..."
FFCloud: "You stole that cloak from Vincent. They made you into...Vincloud."
KHCloud: "But our personalities clash so much! Ahhh! It burns!" (writhes on the floor)
GMHY: (smiles viciously) "That's what we get for selling out to Disney!"

Optional Characters

by Great Materia Hunter Yuffie

Chapter 6: CPS and "THE RACK"

"Thirty-two years? That's #!"

The strange man saw the group's stunned expressions and wondered if they could digest the information.

He thought of the Sephiroth clones that had been jammed in the room, their shifting black-clad bodies a testament to the dark will of science and he knew that by joining their group, he had done the right thing. The time for resting had passed. There would be time enough for self-indulgent apathy later on.

This was what he had needed for so long. The calling that would help him to leave the mansion. He would stop Hojo and his creations no matter what the cost.

Perhaps he would even find absolution.

He had never felt so carefully optimistic.

Vincent's fingers shook slightly as he finished loading the Quicksilver. I need to get a better gun, he thought wryly. This one was inches off by only a few yards. Horrible.

The silence had gotten awkward. He eyed Cid Highwind calmly. "Believe me or not, it matters little to me. Nevertheless, I am still going with you."

He holstered the Quicksilver without looking.

Cloud looked troubled. "I...believe you. I have also been one of Hojo's experiments, too, and I wouldn't put it past him. I was kept in a test tube for five years."

"I was also one of Hojo's experiments, if only for a short time. He was a horrible man," Red XIII said quietly.

"Did Hojo...? Your arm...?" Tifa asked hesitantly, then clapped a hand over her mouth, blushing at her lack of tact.

Vincent, not wanting his new companion to feel embarrassed, held out his clawed right arm and touched the fingers together mechanically. The mako energized lights overhead flickered. "Yes, he did," he replied shortly.

If anything, Tifa blushed more because he answered. She looked at anything else but the gunman.

Human, Chaos broke through his train of thought like a knife, sounding amused but slightly hurried. There is something interesting happening outside. I suggest you take a look. I also suggest you hurry.

Without questioning, Vincent barked, "Something is happening outside," and went up the stairs. He heard the other members of the group following him in a confused shamble.

"Wait- what is going -?"

"Will ya quit steppin' on my ! foot?"

When he reached the front door of the ShinRa Mansion, Vincent stopped for two reasons.

The first, less obvious reason was that it was the setting sun was very bright and he was moderately blinded.

He had not seen the sun in thirty-two years.

The second, more obvious reason that he paused was that he saw the ninja girl being attacked by a giant gray monster. They were in the street in front of the mansion, Yuffie held in its grip and screaming hysterically.

"What in the-" exclaimed Cloud behind him.

"It's the ninja!" Red XIII roared.

"The monster is going to eat her!" Tifa took action and ran across the lifeless lawn.

Vincent aimed his gun at the beast's face, but realized he couldn't take the shot. His gun wasn't accurate enough to risk hitting the teenager. He would have to take the shot at closer range.

"Someone help me!" Yuffie yelled. "Get this ugly thing away from me!" A large gray hand was pawing at her neck. It seemed to be searching for something.

Tifa was at the gray monster's feet, pummeling it with her fists. The beast paused and glanced down at the woman.

Gasping, Tifa fell back. "It...it's face! It looks like...I think it's another clone or something!"

The others had caught up with her. Yuffie finally noticed the newcomers were AVALANCHE. "Oh, holy crap," she said, her voice very tiny.

Cloud spoke to the group. "Alright, guys. Try not to hurt the kid too much. We're going to take her in for questioning."

Thus saying, he jumped very high, slicing through the arm of the monster that was holding Yuffie. The girl flopped to the ground, still held in the giant fist, which was now squeezing her in rigor mortis. Tifa and Cid rushed to the girl's aid, the pilot cutting away at the flesh with his spear, the woman pulling with her gloved hands.

The monster was not defeated. Looking ponderously at its attackers, it roared in frustration and pain.

Vincent shot a round steadily into the thing's human-looking face. It screamed and fell onto its back, twitching in agony. Red XIII cast Ultima and the powerful green spell finished the monster off.

Cloud, Vincent and Red XIII gathered around the trapped ninja. Vincent felt mildly disappointed that the ninja had not gotten farther than she had. He had frankly expected to never see her again.

Chaos. Did you tell me because you wanted us to save her? Vincent asked, intrigued.

Actually, it was a trick. Anything to get out of that mansion, the demon responded equably. You're so gullible.

The ninja girl was finally released from her macabre bonds. Cid grabbed her by the arms and pulled her upright. When he didn't let her go, Yuffie looked sheepishly at them. "Ah, man."

"Who are you and why did you steal the huge materia?" Cloud asked, sounding tired.

To their surprise, the girl burst into tears. "I-i-it was j-just a p-p-prank! I d-diddn't m-mean for it t-to go so f-f-far! Honest!"

Red XIII growled, "I'm not going to believe this for a second. You mean to say you were pranking AVALANCHE by stealing the most powerful materia in the world?"

She looked perfectly pathetic, her eyes a blotchy mess and tears streaming down her face. "I d-didn't th-think you w-w-would g-get so m-mad at m-me!"

Cloud rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "Look, we don't care about your feelings. Just give the materia back."

The girl nodded, sniffling, and pulled the bag from around her neck. "O-okay. S-sure. Th-they're all in th-there."

Tifa took the bag from Yuffie and knelt down to comfort the crying teenager. "It's going to be alright. We're not going to hurt you. What's your name?"

Yuffie sniffled. "Yuffie K-K-Kisarag-g-gi."

Cid puffed a victory salute on his cigarette. "Glad that's over."

Cloud grinned and nodded. "Yeah. That's one worry off my mind."

Red XIII and Vincent were silent, the former because he was still suspicious of the ninja but was loath to give Cloud more trouble, the latter because he knew for a fact that Yuffie was lying through her teeth.

Chubs, Yuffie's blue and overweight chocobo wandered over and wedged itself into the little gathering. Slightly startled, Vincent grabbed the reins before the others noticed. The chocobo eyed him with watery eyes and shook its crest of feathers, not objecting.

Once, Yuffie looked up at Vincent. Their eyes met, hers narrowed in thought and his stayed as placid as twin lakes at sunset. She looked away at Tifa quickly and kept up her crying act.

What was that guy doing? Why wasn't he turning her in?

"I think we should go back to the inn," Tifa remarked after vainly trying to comforting Yuffie. She turned back to the girl. "Would that be alright?"

Wordlessly, Yuffie nodded, but silently cursed in frustration. It would only be a matter of minutes before they found her trick. That is, if they weren't complete idiots.

When they were seated comfortably in the upstairs rooms of the Nibelheim Inn, Yuffie became even more nervous. She felt like she was miles in enemy territory. Red XIII was stretched out on the floor in front of the door, blocking the exit unconsciously. Cid sat in a chair near him, smoking the tail end of his cigarette and trying to make it last. Cloud and Tifa were each sitting on the edge of two of the three beds, and Yuffie had been set down in a cozy chair by a window. The sun had already set, splashing the room with garish red light. The ninja stared out the window (and possible freedom) hopelessly, letting none of her true feelings show on her face. She let her false tears and sobs subside and rubbed her eyes.

The man in red, who had silently saved her skin (or her life. That Cid Highwind looked mean...) twice, stood against the opposite wall. Yuffie tried to make eye contact with him, but he never looked at her. Instead, he seemed to look only past her at the sunlit sky as if seeing it for the first time.

"Cloud," Tifa said. "This is all happening too fast and I'm really worried. How can we find out what's going on?"

"I thought all the clones were dead," added Red XIII, his gruff voice echoing off the floorboards.

The leader scratched his spiky head. "We all did. This should have been over two years ago."

Cid finished the cigarette and threw it in the trash. "It's like that nightmare is coming back again." His face darkened, his face looking older than he was. "That nightmare from two years ago. I thought that Aeris had put a stop to all this #."

A silence permeated the room at the mention of that name. Each of the members of AVALANCHE was lost in thought. Yuffie couldn't understand what they wanted with her. This is ridiculous. They'll probably want to question me in order get info out of me or some malarkey like that.

Cid leaned back in his chair and promptly fell asleep.

Getting bored, Yuffie tried to make the black-haired man look at her without success. Finally, Yuffie could stand the silence no more.

"I should get home," she mumbled, trying to stay inconspicuous.

Red XIII responded without opening his eyes. "You're going to stay right here, ninja girl, until we get some answers. We need to know why these mysterious things have happened. Why the clones have reappeared, why the basement was filled with science equipment, why you stole the materia from my grandfathers house..." here he opened his eyes, pinning her with his one-eyed gaze. "And lastly, why you were just attacked by one of the clones."

Cloud folded his arms, thinking. "That's right. The clones never actually attacked anyone before. "

Yuffie looked peevish. "How am I supposed to know why that thing attacked me? I was just minding my own business!"

Cloud answered, "What you did was really suspicious. You stole the Huge Materia. You were probably going to deliver them to Sephiroth!"

Yuffie was confused. "What the heck are you talking about? Isn't that guy dead?"

Cloud looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure. He may have come back to life. I think he's the one controlling the clones."

Red XIII added, "That clone attacked the ninja...maybe because she wouldn't give up the materia to him."

They all stared in shock at the short-haired ninja, including Vincent.

Tifa looked amazed. "You're working for Sephiroth?"

Yuffie felt the situation was getting a little ridiculous. "What? No! You're just making all of this up!"

"Then why was that clone attacking you? I saw it trying to get your bag of materia!" Red XIII demanded.

Yuffie let out a long breath. "Okay, look. I don't know what you crazy people are talking about, but this is what really happened. I was scared that you guys would find me and kill me before I could explain. I stole the materia on a dare, to prove my awesome ninja skills. I ran away here, because I wasn't really expecting to get them, right? And just when I was about to get away from here, that huge monster attacked me. That's all. I don't even know half of the crap you're talking about."

I hope that guy realizes that I didn't tell them about how he helped me escape. Now we're kind of even. She met his gaze again but couldn't read anything in it.

Red XIII let out an impatient breath of air. "That story isn't believable. Until we get the complete truth out of you, you're going to stay with us."

Yuffie frowned. "Um...that won't work for my schedule. I really need to get back to Wutai as soon as possible."

Cloud smiled evilly. "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

Vincent turned to look at Cloud. "Excuse me. I don't believe I understand...everything. Could you explain your relationship with Sephiroth?"

Cloud was startled. "Oh, I guess we hadn't covered that for you, yet? Well, it's a pretty long story. But we don't seem to be getting anywhere with her," he gestured vaguely at Yuffie, "so we'll tell you. Then afterward we'll put her on the rack and make her spill her guts."

As Cloud spoke, the sun finally covered itself with the horizon. The buildings slowly lost color, turning red, then dark blue and finally gray and purple-black. The lights turned on outside. Still no one ventured out of doors. Yuffie still had seen no townsfolk in the strange town. Creepy place, she thought. The other members of AVALANCHE helped Cloud with his narration. In about an hour, the story was told, with Tifa's and Red XIII's versions as well as Cloud's, but without any input from the sleeping Cid.

"So we went down into the Crater. It was a really long way and we had to fight Dragons every few feet, but we finally got to the bottom. In the center was Sephiroth." Cloud went silent suddenly, looking at his hands.

Tifa looked at him in concern, then continued for him. "First we fought JENOVA, then Sephiroth himself. We fought him for...a long time. But we beat him. We thought we would never have to fight him again."

Cloud looked up. "We still don't know if he's back, Tifa. Maybe the clones are just acting on their own. We just don't know. Don't worry yet, Tifa."

Red XIII scratched his neck with his hind foot like a dog. "After Sephiroth died, Holy was released. Then Midgar was destroyed. But the world wasn't, so we defeated Sephiroth and saved the world. It's all thanks to Aeris."

Yuffie couldn't help but be a little interested in their story. She wished they had given more details. It wasn't every day when the heroes of the world personally told you how they did it. "That's it? What happened after that?" She pointed at Cloud and Tifa. "Did you guys finally get together?"

Cloud looked surprised and Tifa blushed and nodded. "We got married, yes."

Yuffie looked pleased, grinning like a little kid. "That's good then. That's a good ending. Happily ever after."

"Yes, but now it's time for the rack." Cloud punched his fist into the palm of his other hand.

Yuffie's eyes went wide. "Uh, is that really necessary? I'm not going to go anywhere."

"Sure you're not. We're just making sure. Tifa, tie her up."

Tifa obediently retrieved a rope and tied her very securely to her chair. As she did so, (and as Yuffie yelled, "CPS is gonna have a field day!") Cloud explained, "This is how we'll break her. We'll all take watches and interrogate her. The rest of us will sleep, but she won't. If you catch her in a lie, make a note of it. She's really sneaky and I know she's lying about something."

Cloud and Tifa picked her up, chair and all and put her out in the hall. "Hey, be careful! What are you doing?" Yuffie yelled.

Ignoring her, Tifa asked the others what the order for watch would be. They decided that they would take two-hour watches with the first being Cloud, then Tifa, Red XIII, Cid, and Vincent going last.

Yuffie didn't like this plan. She liked sleep. She looked hopefully at Vincent, but he didn't seem to have any opinion at the outrageousness of the situation.

She railed, "Hey! I'm not letting you guys just go to sleep! I'm gonna be so loud you won't be able to get any sleep at all! And the innkeeper will come and kick you all out!"

Cloud smiled, knowing he had the upper hand. "If you don't keep quiet, we'll turn you into a frog."

Yuffie agreed to be quiet.

Six hours later, they hadn't gotten anything out of her. Ever since she was a little girl, Yuffie had been adept at making up stories. No matter what question they threw at her, she always had a good answer. A good lie, she knew, was one that had a great deal of truth in it. She regaled them with hundreds of tales of her childhood. Finally, overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of her stories, Cloud, Tifa, and Red XIII were convinced that she was a ninja from Wutai who had been dared by one of her friends to steal the Huge Materia.

"!#," was all Cid said when he came in to watch her. He sat down heavily in the chair opposite her.

Yuffie was tiring out and didn't really know how to convince Cid of her innocence.

"Hey, Cid," she said simply. Her eyelids drooped to half-mast.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "This is # ridiculous. If I had been awake when they thought of it, I would have told them to stick it in their ear. I wouldn't care if you were # Ultima Weapon. So this is what we're going to do. You're going to shut up so we can both get some # sleep. Alright?"

During his watch, Cloud had found a bright lamp and put it right by her face to keep her awake. Cid pulled the string, turning it off. Everything went black.

Yuffie smiled at him. "Thanks, Cid. You're a good guy."

He closed his eyes. "Don't mention it. Now shuddup."

Two hours of sleep later, Vincent's turn for interrogation came up. He arose and stepped into the hall. He wasn't surprised to see the captain and the ninja fast asleep. He nudged Cid in the shoulder. Cid came awake with a jerk.

"Ah, #. Must have fallen asleep. It's your turn, I guess?"

Vincent nodded. Cid escaped into the other room and his bed.

For a few minutes, Vincent looked at the sleeping girl. She looked uncomfortable, with her arms tied behind the chair and her chin resting awkwardly on her collarbone. He sat in Cid's chair and tapped on it with his metal fingers.

He reached over and shook her shoulder. "Wake up."

She yawned hugely. "Where am I?" she looked around and spotted Vincent. "Oh, yeah. You shouldn't have woken me up. I was having a really good dream."

He didn't say anything, so she elaborated. "I wasn't tied to a chair and a strawberry shortcake the size of my head was telling me to eat it. And I was just about to, but you just had to wake me up. I know that you're just jealous of my good dreams, but you don't have to be so spiteful."

He still didn't say anything. Yuffie rolled her eyes. "What the heck do you want? I mean, if you didn't need anything, then why did you wake me up?"

Vincent was a former Turk. If anyone in the group knew how to be interrogative, then it was him. He knew that a girl as talkative as Yuffie was would spill the beans on her own, if there was any to spill.

She became quieter. "You never answered me before. Why did you put your neck on the line for me? You don't even know me."

He raised his eyes to her for a moment, then looked away. "Have you ever met...Hojo?"

Yuffie was surprised. "The evil guy from the story? No, I haven't. But you didn't answer my question."

"Why did you need the Huge Materia? What were you going to use them for?"

The room was so dark. Yuffie just wanted to go back to sleep. "I don't want to tell you."

His voice was unreadable. "It was a great theft. No one else could have done it."

She smiled. "Yeah, I guess that's true. It was awesome."

He went on, slowly. "If Sephiroth somehow...had need of the Huge Materia..."

Yuffie angrily shook her head. "I told you guys that I did it on my own. You're just making that up. It's like you don't think I could have thought of it on my own."

His eyes flashed up to hers, catching her in a slip. "So you did...think of it on your own? That fictional friend didn't put you up to it?"

Yuffie began to struggle with the ties. "What do you want from me?"

"I want to know if you are in league with a reincarnated Sephiroth."

She smiled angrily. "Don't you all? I told you that I'm not, you just won't believe me!"

His frown deepened. "Then...tell the truth for once."

"You want to know the truth?" she whispered. "Fine! I'm Yuffie Kisaragi, daughter of Lord Godo of Wutai! I have climbed the Pagoda of the Five Gods and became the guardian of my country! I need that materia, and I won't just let you..." She trailed off, cursing at herself internally.

What was it about him that made her want to tell him the truth? was it just that he helped her out?

"So you...don't have anything to do with Sephiroth..." he sounded thoughtful.

"Not any more than anyone else," she said. "He was the one who...turned my country into a tourist trap. Sephiroth ruined my life. That stupid war. My mother died in that war."

He didn't respond. She looked up at him curiously. "What do you have to do with all this?"

"I was the one responsible for Sephiroth's birth." His voice was bleak. "The only way to redeem myself is to stop him. If Hojo is somehow alive, I will kill him as well."

Yuffie smiled. "I think that's the most I ever heard you say, Vince."

A pause. "If Sephiroth caused you suffering, I am truly sorry."

Yuffie shook her head. "I don't see how anything he did was your fault. It's okay, anyway. It happened when I was really little. It kind of gives me something to work on."

"You are going to single-handedly restore Wutai?"

"Why not?" she asked. "Anyway, I have to. I can't stand to see it like it is now. I'm searching the world for the strongest materia so Wutai will be strong again. I was going to use the Huge Materia to save my country from...tourism."

"I believe you," Vincent said. "The truth always...sounds different from a lie."

"So, can I go back to sleep now? I'm going to be so dead tomorrow." Yuffie looked at him pleadingly.

He inclined his head. "Yes."

"Thanks, you're a pal."

In two minutes, she was asleep. He sat, simply watching again.

Chaos spoke to him. I am pleased. These few hours have been more interesting than the last thirty years put together.

Vincent closed his eyes. I'm glad you're amused, he answered sarcastically. I'm glad we could be so entertaining.

Don't be so bitter, human. You knew this would happen eventually.

In reply, Vincent made a noise in the back of his throat.

I like that one. She is the most interesting. Filled with life. Chaos sounded speculative.

She is very young, the Turk responded.

There was a minute of silence, and then Chaos spoke again. I will not be content to live within your body forever. Soon I will lose interest in this little adventure. I will take control of your body and eat every person in this little group and make you watch. Then, I will kill every miserable little human being on the face of this Planet.

Be quiet, thought Vincent angrily.

Another moment of silence. If Hojo is alive, I will assist you in killing him. I will postpone my feast until then.

Then the demon was silent, utterly and completely.

Vincent turned his gaze to the rising sun. The light was white, as bright as death and rebirth.

Author's Note: "Placid as twin lakes at sunset?" I'm sorry! I'll never write another metaphor again, just keep reading! Ahh! Don't lynch me! CPS, for all you non-American types, is Child Protective Services. The people who take your kids away if you don't take care of them.

Ahaha! I have ideas for this fic that I've never seen before. Crazy and original ideas. I think that they will blow your...uh...socks off? I hope you're wearing plenty of socks. Cause I know I am.

Reviewers: (Yeah! 8! Thanks be to you!)

Yuffie Kisaragi2: looks shifty and mumbles "How did she guess?" under breath Yeah, I have to admit I saw your name on the internet and, um...stole it from you. Don't hit me! I'm sorry! I just had to have it!

not applicable: Thanks! I will keep it up and hopefully won't screw it up anymore. Uh, I need to redo the first chapter anyway. Freaking snap.

Kikyos killer: Kikyo...she um...needs to die... eyes start to gleam Maybe we could hire Vincent to do it? gets bad idea for crossover and wanders off

YokoShippo: (another Inuyasha lover? Go Shippo!) Ah, thanks. You're so...complimentary!

Cattibrie393: Your name is freaking cool. dazed at your awesome name, then snaps out of it Ummm, yeah, I was surprised that no one did this idea before. Maybe someone has, but I haven't found it if they did. I hope I don't find another, much better version of my story somewhere. I think I'd start laughing.

MariQ: Thanks! I think that once a certain pairing becomes hyper-popular (uh, now it's Yuffentines), people just pick a way to do it and characterize them just like the next author. I'm trying to just make them be like they were in the game. So Yuffie's gonna say "heh heh" a lot and Vincent's gonna say "..." a lot. Man, I take the easy way out... ;; Thanks for the encouragement.

Aeolus the Soul Hunter: Two things: 1) I love Alien Ant Farm! (wasn't that song a cover for Michael Jackson?) and 2) What if we called it Yuffent Kisentine? Or Vincie Valaragi? cracks up I could think of a million...! wipes tear from eyes Yeah, the best one is Vincie Kisentine...

Karasu Kurokiba: 5w337 10v3 uv L337 m347, i 10v3 J00! ahem, recovers from L3375p34k I mean, thanks! You're the best!

Attention! Everyone who reads without reviewing! I gotz a project for you!

...looks sneaky...try this pairing on for size...

Sephiborougheartrifentineragighwind!

If you can tell me all 7 people in that horrible, horrible pairing...I'll...give you candy...and lots of respect! It's kind of tricky, but I wouldn't be surprised if everyone gets it.