Author's note: Many, many thanks to StoryMom, my legal counsel. Her help was invaluable. Anything I get wrong is because I didn't listen to her. Many thanks to Maudgonne and Silver Weaver, not just for betaing (at which they rule) but also for their constant encouragement.

Ryan stepped into the courtroom with Sandy at his side. His stomach was doing somersaults as they walked toward the table where Barry was already sitting. Barry and Sandy had spent the past two days on jury selection, but this was Ryan's first time here, which meant the trial was actually starting and was real.

He sat down at the table, between Barry and Sandy.

"Hey Ryan, how you holding up?"

Ryan just nodded in response, as all the saliva seemed to have drained away the minute he entered the room and he wasn't sure if his tongue would work properly or not.

"Just remember what we talked about and things will be fine." Barry gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, which did nothing to reassure him. He tried concentrating on the advice Barry and Sandy had been drilling into him in the weeks leading up the trial. He was to pay attention to what was going on, not look bored, or too relaxed, or too guilty, and no matter what the prosecution said about him, no matter how untrue, he couldn't let the jury see him upset or angry about it.

He felt a hand on his back. "I'm right behind you, Ryan," Kirsten said.

He nodded without turning around. He actually would have preferred if Kirsten hadn't come. He didn't need her hearing everything that had happened that night. He didn't want to relive everything that happened that night. He wished he could keep the whole trial separate from his life at home. But when he had suggested that Kirsten not come, she had told him not to be silly – she wanted to come and support him. She didn't understand that it wasn't what he wanted.

The bailiff called for everyone to stand up when the judge came in, who then called the jury in.

The prosecutor stood up and addressed the jury. "This case is fairly straightforward, making your job easy. We have a man killed in the course of a fight. We have a defendant who readily admitted to killing that man in the fight. Mr. Atwood readily admitted that the fight was over a girl. He readily admitted that he wasn't attacked. You will hear from witnesses who saw them push each other inside the bar prior to the altercation that resulted in the death of Jake Malloy.

"But now his lawyers are going to tell you this is a case of self-defense. But remember this - at the time of his arrest, Mr. Atwood never made a claim of self-defense. When he was questioned by the police at the station, he never said a word about being the victim. Why? Because Mr. Atwood was not the victim. Hewas angry at the victim. And as a result of that fight, a man is dead, and that makes Mr. Atwood responsible. It is your job to hold Mr. Atwood accountable for his actions that led to the death of Jake Malloy. Thank you."

Barry sat at the table a few moments, studying his notes before he stood up to address the jury. "The death of Jake Malloy is a tragedy. No one is denying that. But Jake Malloy was an angry young man. The night of his death wasn't the only fight he'd had. That was the third time in a month he'd been kicked out of the same bar. It was Ryan's misfortune to be the object of Mr. Malloy's rage that night.

"The prosecution believes that Ryan is guilty because he didn't behave like he was innocent, how they believe an innocent person should behave. Maybe he didn't. But he did behave like a person who grew up in a neighborhood where the police aren't trusted. He behaved like a person who grew up in a home where it was easier to comply with demands placed on him than to fight them. He behaved like a person who grew up in a home where he had to apologize for slights – real or imagined – to avoid dire consequences. He behaved like a person who was a victim so often growing that the only way he could cope was to believe he wasn't a victim and had control over what happened to him.

"Mr. Malloy was taller than Ryan. He weighed more than Ryan. He was angry and looking for someone to take out his anger on. Ryan was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and had the misfortune to not behave as the police and prosecution think he should have. His reactions were perfectly normal based on his life experiences – a life he was a victim of.

"Ryan was not looking for a fight. Ryan tried to avoid the fight. Ryan was only trying to protect himself. He is not responsible for Jake Malloy's death."

By the time Barry finished, Ryan was seething inside. Where did that come from? Why was Barry talking about his life in Chino and calling him a victim of his life?

He felt Sandy's hand on his shoulder, and tried to relax his fists under the table. He knew Sandy was looking at him, but he refused to return his gaze. Instead, he turned his attention to where the prosecution was calling Officer Fontaine as their first witness.

When Officer Fontaine took the stand, he described what he found when he arrived at the scene. He explained how Ryan was co-operative and that he freely volunteered that they had been fighting over a girl.

"And did he claim at point to have been attacked by Jake?"

"No."

"And in your experience, when people have been attacked, do they generally make this known?"

"Yes. People who have been attacked are quick to tell us what happened. Mr. Atwood made no attempt to let us know what happened."

"So in your experience, Mr. Atwood did not act like an innocent man?"

"No, he didn't."

"Thank you, Officer Fontaine." The prosecutor turned to the judge. "That's all the questions I have at this time."

"Mr. Dunbar, so you have any questions for Officer Fontaine at this time?"

Barry stood up.

"You say Mr. Atwood didn't behave like you'd expect an innocent person to behave. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Well, did he behave like you'd expect a guilty person to behave?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, do guilty people admit to what happened and co-operate with you the way Mr. Atwood did?"

"Not always, no."

"So Mr. Atwood didn't behave like you'd expect an innocent or guilty person to act. He acted in a unique way to Mr. Atwood. Would that be fair to say?"

"He never said he was attacked. A person who was attacked would say they were attacked."

"Answer the question please, Officer. Would it be fair to say that Mr. Atwood's behavior was unique to Mr. Atwood?"

"Yes."

"Thank you.

When the judge called a recess for lunch, everyone stood up and stretched, except Ryan. Since they didn't have long, they agreed that the courthouse cafeteria would be the best place for them to go. Kirsten placed her hand on Ryan's back again. "Are you coming to eat, Ryan?"

Ryan shrugged her hand off. "I'm not really hungry."

"Why don't you go on ahead?" Sandy sat back down beside Ryan. "We'll try to catch up." He turned his attention back to Ryan. "You want to talk?"

Ryan shrugged back at him.

"Okay, let's see if we can find a conference room."

As they walked down the hallway together, Sandy was mentally kicking himself. He and Barry weren't thinking things through when they agreed to wait to tell Ryan what Dr. Patel would be testifying. And now he had to think quickly because he had an angry and confused young man he had to explain things to. Hopefully, he would be more confused than angry, but he wasn't counting on it.

They reached the room the bailiff assigned them and Sandy held the door to let Ryan enter first. He watched Ryan stand by the window, trying to gauge his mood.

"I thought you said we could win this, that if I told the truth about what happened, we could win it."

"Yeah. That's the plan."

Ryan nodded, taking it in. "Then why does Barry think he has to lie? That I'm a victim of my life?"

"That's not how Barry meant it, Ryan. He's just putting it in terms that the jury will understand, to gain their sympathy."

"I've never wanted anyone's sympathy, Sandy."

"No, you're right. And that's what Dr. Patel is going to explain. You never expect anyone's help; you always take the blame for things. It's who you are and explains your reactions that night."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"We were going to tell you before Dr. Patel took the stand. We weren't planning on blindsiding you like this. I forgot about the opening statement."

Sandy watched Ryan's body language. His guard wasn't down yet, but the tension that had been building seemed to be abating. "So you're saying my reactions aren't normal?"

"We're saying they're normal for you."

Ryan slumped into one of the chairs at the table and Sandy sat down beside him. "Ryan, whatever is said about you in the courtroom, doesn't change who you are or how we feel about you. You are still Ryan and we still love you. You've lived with us for two years and we know how you react and feel about things. Hearing that quantified into words won't change anything."

"So you know I'm not normal."

"This isn't about being normal or not normal. You're a strong kid who's been through a tough life and come out the other side. You've got scars on the outside and scars on the inside. It just is what it is."

Ryan sat quietly for a few minutes, as though he were digesting what Sandy had told him. "Does Kirsten have to be here for all of this?"

"She wants to support you."

Ryan looked at Sandy, asking him again with saying word.

"You're lucky Seth can't be here because he's a witness or you'd have him to contend with too." He checked his watch as Ryan hung his head. "You know, we have a few minutes. Let's go see if we can grab a bite to eat before we resume for afternoon. We don't want the judge to hold you in contempt for a grumbling stomach."

Ryan returned to the courtroom with Kirsten and Sandy. It had been an awkward lunch, which was exactly the reason Ryan wished Kirsten wasn't at the trial. He had quietly picked at his egg salad sandwich as Sandy and Kirsten discussed the opening of a new restaurant. He had pretended not to notice as Kirsten shot Sandy questioning glances about what was wrong, and as Sandy had shaken his head slightly.

The prosecution's first witness after lunch was the medical examiner. As she brought out pictures of Jake lying in the alley and of his head wound and bruising, Ryan felt like he was going to be sick. He knew he wasn't supposed to look guilty, but he felt guilty. He was responsible for what happened to Jake.

She described how Jake moving backwards, the gravel in the alley, and Jake's intoxication combined to throw him off-balance; how when he fell, he hit his head on the corner of a crate on his way down, resulting in a subdural hematoma, the cause of his death. Along with his fatal injury, he had bruising on his chest and face, indicative of being hit.

As the Medical Examiner described Jake's injuries in detail, Ryan wished he didn't have to sit through it. It was enough just to know it happened. He knew there was no way he could face Kirsten, knowing she had heard exactly what he had done to kill this man. He couldn't look at himself the same way anymore, and he knew she wouldn't either.

The prosecution handed the questioning over to Barry, who went back to Jake's injuries. He asked if Jake's hands had injuries. She turned back to her notes. "Yes, his knuckles were bruised and scraped."

"And what does this indicate to you?"

"That he threw quite a few punches. Hard punches."

"So while his injuries were fatal, this wasn't a one-sided affair. He inflicted quite a bit of damage on whatever he was hitting?"

"Yes, I would say so."

"How big was Mr. Malloy?"

Again, the Medical Examiner checked her notes. "He was … six two. Two hundred and twenty pounds."

Barry nodded like he was impressed, even though Ryan knew he had that in his notes too. "So, he was about my size, give or take a few pounds?"

"Take, probably." She smiled at Barry. "And he was more muscular."

"So he was a big guy, especially compared to Ryan?"

She rifled through her notes a bit more. "I don't have the data on Ryan."

Ryan watched as Barry walked back towards him at the defense table. "Stand up, Ryan, so we can compare."

He hadn't been prepared for this. He thought all he had to do was sit and pay attention. He pushed his chair back from the table and started to stand.

"Objection." Ryan stopped his movements and glanced at the prosecution. "Mr. Dunbar isn't Jake, so it's not really a fair comparison."

"I'm six two," Barry said. "I want to show the height difference."

"Overruled. I'll allow it."

So Ryan stood up with Barry beside him. "So, now would you agree that the difference in their heights was substantial?"

"Yes," she said. "Mr. Malloy was quite a bit taller than Mr. Atwood."

"That's all the questions I have," Barry said.

When the prosecution called for Jake's girlfriend Amanda to take the stand, Ryan went cold inside. She had stuck to her story at the deposition, which meant she was planning to lie on the stand as well. He couldn't figure out why she was doing this. Her testimony was going to be some of the most damning testimony – without her, the prosecution's case would be much weaker. And there was no one to refute it. Only three people were present during the incident but Jake wasn't around to tell his version and Barry wasn't planning on letting Ryan take the stand. So whatever Amanda said was the version of events that the jury was going to hear.

He watched as she walked towards the stand, his eyes boring holes in her as she swore to tell the truth and proceeded to do just the opposite. She claimed to have been waiting for her friend when he came up to her, leaning in too close, making her feel uncomfortable. Jake recognized her uneasiness and came over to help her out. Ryan got belligerent so Jake pushed him away. Ryan retaliated and that's when Jake punched him. She alleged that Ryan was the aggressor, and Jake was just protecting himself and her in the bar before they got kicked out.

He couldn't believe she was doing this. He didn't understand what she had to gain by lying about what happened. Not that it mattered – he couldn't change what she was saying. Maybe Barry could get the truth out of her, but he didn't hold out much hope.

Barry stood up and started questioning everything in her story.

"Did you say Ryan approached you, or did you approach him?"

"Did you say you and Jake were or weren't broken up?"

"Didn't you say that night that you had just broken up with Mr. Malloy?"

"Didn't you ask Mr. Malloy to stop? Wasn't he the one instigating the fight?"

With every question, Amanda stuck to her story. She said Ryan was the one coming on to her; she and Jake had had an argument, but they certainly weren't broken up; and that Jake was only protecting her – Ryan was unquestionably the one who was being aggressive.

Ryan was so frustrated. She was there telling everyone lies and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't realize how tense he was until Sandy leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Just relax. You don't want the jury to see you so angry."

He concentrated on unclenching his jaw and breathing deeply until Amanda was excused and the judge adjourned the trial until the next morning.

Seth came home after school to an empty house. Everyone else was at the trial and it sucked that he couldn't go too.

He wandered out to the pool house. Ryan had been there when he'd gotten home from school every day for the past couple of months and it felt strange that he wasn't there now. Seth flopped down on the bed, as though he were just waiting for Ryan to come out of the bathroom. After a few minutes, he got up and went back into the main house.

He went into the kitchen, in search of a snack. He opened each cupboard and considered the contents – chips, crackers, cereal – but dismissed each one. He pulled out a box of cookies, reached in for one, held it in his hand, and then replaced it. He just wasn't hungry. He stood in front of the fridge, staring at the array of beverages. He settled on a bottle of water and brought it with him into the den.

He flipped through his videogames, trying to decide which one to play. Most of them were more fun with two players and he couldn't find one that appealed to him, so he grabbed his book bag and went up to his room.

He pulled out his economics book and attempted to read the next chapter, but he couldn't concentrate on the words on the page. He finally gave up pretending that he was going to get anything productive done and switched on some music and lay on his stomach with his head hanging over the end of the bed.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, he heard the front door opening and voices drifted upstairs to his room. He went down the stairs, past the office where he could hear his dad and Barry talking behind the closed door. He made his way into the kitchen where he found his mom and Ryan poring over take-out menus. "So?" he asked.

"We're thinking Thai for supper," Kirsten said, as Ryan continued to study the menu.

"I don't care about the food." His stomach rumbled, belying his statement. "Okay, I care a little about the food. But I care more about the trial. How'd it go today?"

Ryan merely shrugged so Seth turned to his mom, knowing she'd give him more information than he could ever get out of Ryan.

"Things went as well as we expected."

Seth watched Ryan slumped over the counter. "Ryan doesn't look like things went well. What gives?"

Ryan glared at him.

"One of the witnesses was less than truthful on the stand," Kirsten said.

"Someone lied?" Seth was intrigued. He sat down next to Ryan and pulled the menu away. "Did Barry go all Perry Mason on him and make him admit the truth?"

"It was a she, and there wasn't much Barry could do. If she wants to say I came onto to her when I didn't, she can."

"Who did you come onto?"

"Jake's girlfriend. And I didn't come onto her."

Seth felt some memories slip into place. "Was she a redhead?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Seth wasn't listening to Ryan as the wheels turned in his head. "Long red hair?" He held his hand in the air. "Yea high?"

"Yeah, Seth. When did you see her?"

The conversation he had overheard in the club, which he had forgotten about completely, was now playing non-stop in his head. He was already halfway to the door. "I need to go talk to Dad."

He had thought Barry and his dad would have been happy to hear what he had remembered. Instead, they were both upset and yelling at him.

"Why didn't you tell us about this before? That night in the car? At the deposition? Why wait until now?"

Seth didn't know what to tell them. He just knew that the conversation he'd overheard in the club had completely slipped his mind until he heard Ryan and Kirsten talking about Jake's girlfriend. Then it came to him in a flash, and he could see the girl with long red hair talking about how she had flirted with some guy to make her boyfriend jealous and get him kicked out.

Barry then spent the next hour and a half grilling him and prepping him for his testimony that was likely scheduled for the next day.

TBC