Many thanks to my betas maudgonne and silverweaver. Many thanks to my legal counsel, storymom. Portions of this chapter were borrowed from a website but I can't get the link to work here. It's called Format of a Criminal Trial.

As the third day of the trial began, Ryan sat at the defense table, palms flat, watching them as he thrummed his fingers against the wood. Barry was going over a few last minute things with Dr Patel and Sandy and Kirsten were talking to Seth.

Seth had been quite upset that morning to learn that he still wouldn't be allowed into the courtroom and his parents expected him to go to school that morning. With the end of the trial and the possibility of a verdict, he had put his protesting into overdrive and his parents had finally agreed to allow him to come to the courthouse even if he had to wait in the hallway.

Sandy slipped into his seat beside him. "You ready for this, kid?"

"If I wasn't, would it change things?"

Sandy put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "What she says won't change how we feel about you."

"Yeah. And hopefully it'll keep me out of prison, right?"

"Right."

The bailiff entered then and called the courtroom to order. Once everyone was settled, Barry called Dr. Patel to the stand.

"Dr. Patel, can you state for the record your expertise, please?"

"I'm a psychiatrist who specializes in dealing with adult survivors of child abuse and grown children of alcoholics."

"And how does this expertise apply to Ryan?"

Dr Patel pulled out a file folder that was obviously quite thick. "This is Ryan's social services file. It documents the many times over the years that the Atwood family was investigated. Suspicions of neglect when he arrived at school hungry, dirty; unexplained injuries, black eyes, bruises. He moved in permanently with a foster family when he was sixteen after his mother abandoned him and wasn't able to properly care for him due to her alcoholism."

"And does Ryan behave like someone who's grown up in an abusive, alcoholic household?"

"There's no one way that survivors of abuse act. Different people process the experience in different ways. But Ryan's behavior can be explained in terms of how his experiences shaped him."

"The prosecution claims that Ryan's behavior indicates his guilt - that his own words and actions belie his claim of self-defense. Are you saying that because of his childhood, his words and actions can be interpreted differently?"

"Exactly. There's more to what he's saying than we can hear."

"When the police first arrived, Ryan didn't ask for help or say he was a victim of a crime. Does this surprise you?"

"Not at all. Growing up, Ryan wouldn't have had positive experiences with authority, making him less likely to trust the police and ask for help."

Ryan didn't think those words belonged in the same sentence. Positive experiences with the police? They always said they were there to help. Just tell them the truth and things would be better. Kids who told the police the truth ended up in foster care, living in a house where no one cared, no better off than when they were with their parents, really.

Or they stormed into the house, guns pointed at anything that moved, holding back the kids who just wanted to protect their dad – their dad who was thrown to the floor and had a knee shoved into his back as his hands were cuffed. Holding back the kids who just wanted to hug their dad before he got taken away, telling them they'd be better off without their dad, that it was all for the best.

Or they made assumptions that because you were poor you deserved to be thrown in jail because you weren't worth anything anyway, or because you were rich you deserved to be thrown in jail because it would teach you a lesson about how the world worked.

In Ryan's experience, the police didn't look at you like a person – they looked at you as a criminal no matter what the case. And he wasn't going to ask them for help because he didn't expect it.

Ryan refocused on what Barry and Dr. Patel were talking about. Barry had brought the video interview with Dr. Kormac out again and they were discussing Ryan's aversion to the word attacked.

"Why did Ryan refuse to say he was attacked?" Barry said.

"In some cases of abuse, the child rejects the idea that he is a victim. He doesn't like to be seen as weak. The word 'attack' brings connotations of one person getting the better of the other. You'll note he doesn't deny that he was defending himself, because that means he was standing up for himself. It's the idea that he was helpless and attacked that he vehemently denies."

Ryan wasn't sure he liked the way Dr. Patel kept calling him abused. He never considered himself abused. His dad hit him and Trey and his punishments might be harsher than anything Seth's ever seen, but he had generally done something to deserve the punishments his dad handed out. And some of the assholes Dawn had brought home could get rough, and none worse than AJ, but they were just trying to prove that they were in charge of things and didn't like being mouthed off to. It wasn't abuse.

"Some children of alcoholics have a tendency to internalize blame," Dr. Patel said. "They feel responsible for everything that happens around them, whether it's something they have control over or not. So when the officer asked him what happened, he wasn't going to answer with the fact that he wasn't at fault, because everything is always his fault in his mind."

With that, Barry finished questioning the doctor and it was the prosecution's turn. "Did Mr. Atwood tell you all of this? That he doesn't trust police, that he doesn't like to be seen as a victim, that he was abused as a child?"

"No," Dr. Patel said. "That's the point. He doesn't realize what motivates his actions."

"So you're talking in generalizations. 'In some cases of abuse.' 'Some children of alcoholics.' This may not apply to Mr. Atwood at all."

"I've interviewed him extensively; I've reviewed his history; I'm an expert in this field. I can recognize the behavior. Ryan shows classic signs of a person who refuses to be a victim, who has a distrust of authority, and who internalizes blame. Just because he doesn't recognize it in himself doesn't mean that I can't identify it or that it isn't there."

"I have no further questions for this witness."

"Mr. Dunbar," the judge said, "you may call your next witness."

Barry stood up. "Your Honor, the defense rests."

The prosecutor began his closing statement. "Ladies and gentlemen. The defendant himself admitted to fighting with the victim in the alley. He was seen fighting with the victim in the bar earlier. He made no effort to inform the police that he might have been the victim, and later denied that he was even attacked. Beyond any reasonable doubt, the defendant is absolutely one hundred percent guilty as charged. In the interest of justice, in the interest of the victim of this terrible madness, the People of this State ask you to find the defendant guilty of Manslaughter in the Second Degree."

When the prosecutor concluded his statement, he returned to his table and sat down. Ryan waited for Barry to get up. He glanced over at him when he didn't make a move immediately. Barry grinned and winked at him, and then got up to deliver his closing statement. "Ladies and gentlemen. The State hasn't proven its case. It's proven that Ryan was in the alley and we've already capitulated to that. No doubt, the judge will remind you of the burden of reasonable doubt. This is not a civil trial. We require extremely higher levels of proof. Surely you must have doubts. The first and most obvious – Ryan Atwood is not stupid. Why would he willingly enter that alley alone with an angry man who has five inches and fifty pounds on him? Second, the circumstantial evidence is susceptible to two different interpretations, one pointing to guilt and another pointing to innocence. By law, if reasonable, you must adopt that interpretation that points to innocence and reject any misguided interpretations which point to guilt. Their expert is an overworked psychiatrist who has to rush through his cases, unable to give them the time needed to delve into them properly. Our expert had time to learn about Ryan, and see that his actions didn't belie guilt – they belied an abusive upbringing over which he had no control.

"The victim was known at the bar for fighting. Ryan was shown time and again trying to walk away from the fight. We don't want a verdict of not guilty because you feel sorry for Ryan, who has been wrongfully accused. We demand a verdict of not guilty because he is absolutely one hundred percent innocent. The time has come for you to decide, and the choice may not be as difficult as you might think. If you are not one hundred percent certain that he entered that alley on his own volition with intent to continue the fight, you must return a verdict of not guilty."

Once the closing arguments were concluded, the judge read the jury its instructions and sent them off to deliberate.

As everyone started to file out of the courtroom, Ryan turned to Sandy. "So what do we do now?"

"Now we wait."

Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth went off in search of food, but Ryan begged off. He had no need to hear a rehash of the morning's events and he knew his stomach wasn't going to be receptive to food anyway.

He wandered outside to the wide concrete steps in front of the courthouse and sat down off to the side. He leaned back on his hands, closed his eyes and let the sun wash over his upturned face. He tried to let his mind go blank. It had been in overdrive the past few days, and there was nothing he could do now.

Eventually, he was aware of a presence beside him. He squinted as he opened his eyes and saw Sandy sitting beside him, holding out an apple.

"I thought you could use some nourishment."

Ryan took it from him and slowly began shining it on his pants.

"Things'll work out."

Ryan glanced over at him. "You don't know that. The jury can just as easily convict."

"Even if they do, Ryan, we'll make things work."

"If they convict, I'm done. I'll be just like my father and brother."

"Don't say that. You can do college courses by correspondence. You can still work for a better life."

"Have you ever been inside? There's no 'improving yourself' or 'a better life'. There's surviving and getting out in one piece. If you're lucky." He glanced over and saw a pained expression on Sandy's face. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now."

"Maybe you're right." Sandy stood up. "But I will give you something to think about. You may want to give up on yourself, but Kirsten, Seth, and I will never give up on you."

After Sandy walked away, Ryan stared at his apple before finally sinking his teeth into it.

Eventually, Ryan made his way back inside. He saw Kirsten and Sandy sitting together; he gave a slight wave as he walked past, still not in the mood for more conversation. He found his way to a row of vending machines, and stood in front of one, trying to decide what he wanted to drink.

"The Jedi mind trick won't work on getting stuff out of the machines," Seth said, walking up beside him. "I know, because I tried it. You need actual money. Want me to go ask Mom?"

Ryan held out his fist and jingled the quarters he was holding.

"Ah, you got it covered. I could still ask Mom. She doesn't need to know you have your own money."

Ryan narrowed his eyes at Seth and then went back to staring at the machine.

Seth turned around and leaned against the next machine. "God, I hate waiting."

"You don't have to be here. You could have gone to school."

"And Mom should have gone to work?"

Ryan shrugged.

"You don't get it, do you?"

Ryan started to drop his quarters into the machine. "Get what?"

"You don't get to deal with things on your own anymore. Once a Cohen, always a Cohen. It's a blessing and a curse."

Ryan rolled his eyes at Seth.

"All right. You don't want to talk, I'll leave you alone." Seth pushed himself up from the machine. "But I'll still be here."

As Seth walked away, Ryan punched his selection and waited for it to fall.

He walked back down the hallway and found Seth playing his Gameboy and Kirsten, who appeared to be reorganizing her purse. She looked up as he walked by. "Have you had anything to eat yet?"

He showed her his bottle of Coke.

"That's not overly nutritious," she said.

He sank into the seat beside her. "Sandy gave me an apple earlier."

"Did you eat it?"

He grinned at her. "Yes. You know, you don't have to worry about me."

"I know I don't have to," she said. "But I do anyway."

Sandy returned with a newspaper, and shared the sports section with Ryan. Then Seth pulled out his iPod, so Ryan played with the Gameboy for a while. Eventually, Barry appeared again, looking at his watch. "I have a feeling we're not going to get the verdict today."

Just then his phone started to ring. "That's probably the judge's clerk, letting me know that the judge sent the jury home for the night."

He opened his phone. "Yes. Okay. When? Right. Thanks." He closed his phone again. "I was wrong. Verdict's in."

TBC