Part Six.

It was JD who found Ezra, in the stables, running a hand absently along the strong neck of his chestnut horse, forehead resting against the animal's nose, eyes closed. For a moment the young sheriff paused, thinking about how drawn his friend looked, and how weary, however, Ezra, sensing a presence, opened his eyes and let out a sigh.

"I assure you Mr. Dunne that I am fine whatever my earlier outburst implied."

JD paused, and then shook his head uncertainly,

"No, it's not you Ezra…well, I mean, obviously we, I mean I -," he gave up as he floundered hopelessly, and Ezra turned to face him as he continued to fumble, "It's Miss Evans Ezra, she's collapsed."

Ezra blinked at him, trying to angrily push away the shock that was knawing at him. He cleared his throat and eyed JD coolly,

"Which has exactly what to do with me?"

JD stopped, more than a little surprised by Ezra's attitude,

"Well, she asked for her son see, and we just thought -," he paused again, aware that he was slowly digging himself a large hole, and that Ezra was looking at him intently.

The gambler's shoulders drooped.

"And you thought that I filled that description?" he sighed, the sentence coming out as more of a statement.

JD shrugged helplessly, aware that the gambler was less than eager to follow him back,

"She's in a bad way Ezra," he said softly.

Ezra let his eyes fall down to the ground, guilt and duty were not feelings he often felt, and even more rarely did they both happen upon him, but this was such an occasion. Wearily, feeling devoid of any strength, he looked back up.

"Lead me to her JD."

Annie Evans looked a lot worse than Ezra had expected her to, she was pale, trembling, her eyelids were fluttering, as if in an attempt to stay conscious, and her breathing was rapid and difficult. Ezra paused on the threshold of the saloon, shocked, watching as the woman struggled for life, her wild hair clinging to her face.

Nathan looked up from where he was crouched by the woman's side. He felt pity for Ezra, which he knew was the last thing the gambler wanted. But here was this woman who had barged into his life, confused and troubled him more than the rest of them had ever seen, and was now dying before his eyes.

Nathan ran a tongue across his lips,

"Ezra," he said, quietly. The others, on hearing Nathan call the gambler's name, turned to look at him, all gazes uncomfortable and watching carefully for his reaction.

Ezra's eyes were fixed on Annie's face as he took a step closer.

"What's wrong with her Nathan?" he asked softly.

Nathan looked away from him, and from the averted eye contact, Ezra guessed the news wasn't good. He swallowed,

"Is there anything you can do?"

The healer shook his head,

"No. She's too far gone. She must've known it was coming too, gone somewhere remote to live out her last days in peace."

Ezra stayed quiet, his mind flashing back through all the moments Annie had seemed frail and in pain. Someone there was a deep stabbing sensation of guilt as he realised how little he'd done for her in those moments, too concerned about himself.

It was as a sense of self-pity washed over him, that Annie Evans gasped for breath, her eyes fluttering open.

"Johnny?"

All eyes turned to Ezra, and Chris and Vin exchanged uncomfortable looks with Buck and Josiah.

Ezra ran his tongue across his lips, which suddenly seemed dry. He paused, somewhere he was spooked. Spooked at the thought of someone loving him like a son. He'd never had it before, not from his mother, well, not in any conventional way. It was an emotion and feeling he'd always so wanted, and yet here was a mother reaching out for the love of her son. Only it wasn't him.

Nathan was watching him closely, and, as Ezra stood watching Annie's eyes flick across his face, a smile of adulation spreading across her face, he crossed the room, dropped to his knees, and took up the frail old woman's hand.

"I'm here mother," he whispered softly.

As somewhere in the background someone cleared their throat, Nathan stood up, suddenly feeling like an intruder, and backed off to stand with the others.

Annie let out a sigh,

"Always such a good boy," she whispered, her eyelids flickering, and small tears forming in the corners of her eyes, "Didn't matter what anyone told you, you were always my boy. But you let them get to you…the names, the tormenting…"

Ezra couldn't pretend to know what she was talking about, but his face remained comforting as he watched the tears roll miserably down the sides of her face and trickle into her hairline as her head rocked slowly from side to side against the wooden floor.

"I knew you were a god boy, even after you.." she paused, "…you, showed them what you were made of. I said, 'not my boy, not my boy.' It wasn't you up there, not you on the end of that rope. You were always here with me…" she raised her hand, and rested it against Ezra's cheek. He let it stay there was he absorbed her words, piecing together her fractured history. She sniffed again, "I should have protected you."

Another tear broke free and rolled down the side of her cheek and Ezra moved slowly to wipe it away with his thumb, shushing her gently.

"Don't think of the bad times. We're together again now," he whispered.

Annie nodded slowly, her eyelids flickering rapidly.

"Forever," she whispered.

Ezra nodded, a small, sad smile spreading across his face. He felt the grip of her hand weakening, and listened as she struggled for breath. He let his other hand rest against her forehead, and watched as her eyes searched his face for something,

"She's going," he heard Nathan whisper softly behind him. He nodded.

Annie gave a long, weary blink, and gazed up at him,

"Never make any excuses for who you are son, never compromise yourself, or feel ashamed…you are kind, brave and beautiful…and anyone who has the fortune to know you will find that out,"

Ezra felt his heart tighten as she gazed up at him, looking right into his soul. Slowly he smiled, and watched her nod once as her eyes shut and she took another difficult breath.

They sat in silence for at least an hour. Ezra, holding the hand of the woman who had made him consider himself and his relationships more than anyone he'd known, Nathan, quietly checking her progress once in a while, and the other five, who, with hats off, waited with their friend, trying to share some of his emotional burden. Even without words Ezra felt that, and, as he watched mesmerized by the inconsistent rising and falling of Annie Evans' chest as the minutes passed by, he realised he was grateful for that.

It was nearly midnight when Nathan looked up at Ezra, his expression full of compassion for the gambler who seemed exhausted, eyes dry and unblinking, face full of conflict.

"She gone." He whispered.

Ezra nodded.

He didn't know how to feel. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel. It was strange, a woman he barely knew had died before him, and yet it felt as though part of him had died too. Something he had longed for ever since he could remember had vanished in front of him. He'd had a glimpse of his childhood dream, and realised that not only was it not what he had expected, but that it was so much more too.

He felt even more confused.

Slowly, dry, tired eyes blinking but almost unseeing, he took off his jacket, and laid it over the elderly woman.

A thousand thoughts ran through his mind, but, among them, was one that seemed the most fitting.

Goodbye Mother.

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Hope all enjoy (flatmate not MIA, she moved out without saying!) there's one more part to come and a dedication/muse explanation that'll come with it! I hope you enjoy this, and please review folkies! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed already!