Title- Just Can't Believe It

Chapter Title- Back to Jessica

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

Reviewers-

Tikagem- You thought that was sad? Wait until you read the next to. I practically died from tear loss.

Note- I was going to die of silent laughter last night. My brother had a bunch of his friends over (sixteen and seventeen year olds) for his birthday last night and they were playing CANDY LAND.

I barely spoke.

You're not dead.

I barely ate.

You can't be.

I barely slept.

You were only fifteen.

I didn't really do anything.

I was too hard on you.

I couldn't do anything.

I pushed you too far.

My baby girl was dead.

I made you seem irresponsible.

I wanted to disappear into my nothingness.

You didn't kill anybody.

I had lost two children.

I was a horrible mother.

I spent most of my time in my room, with the sheets pulled over me. The blinds were shut.

Today, today was something different. Today was the day of Ronnie's funeral. I pulled myself out of bed and looked in my closet. I found a black skirt and shirt. I got dressed and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. It was all greasy since I couldn't bring myself to shower. I could just remember Ronnie spending hours in the showers. I tried to get my feet into high-heeled shoes, but they hurt too much. I found a pair of worn out sneakers and laced them up.

I walked out of the room, feeling the wall for support. Nate was lying on the couch. He had yet to step into his room. He sat up and stared at me.

"I don't have anything nice to wear," he said. I nodded and went back into our room. Soda had started to get dressed. I hadn't seen him smile in a while. In fact, nobody had smiled in a while. When we told everybody they all responded as if they had been ran over by an 18-wheeler and steam rolled into the ground. Even the school principal acted the same way. I found a nice pair of dark pants that were slightly small on Soda and a dress shirt. This was the outfit he had worn to Steve's wedding, when he got married to Megan. I had kept it just in case somebody else got married. The other day, Soda had to go out to get a new dress outfit because this one was too small.

I went back out into the living room and handed Nate the clothes. He took them and nodded, going into the bathroom to change. Steve came in, holding the little monster's hand. They were dressed nicely. The last time I saw Steve dressed up was the day he got married around seven years ago. I started to cry again. I sank onto the couch and buried my face into my hands.

I was led into the car by Soda. He drove us to the funeral home. I looked around. It was already crowded. I saw some neighbors, some of the waitresses I worked with, some kids who must've gone to school with Nate and Ronnie, and other people. I recognized somebody I never thought would come, Josh's parents. Everybody was dressed up nicely. I watched Nate sit down in the corner and cry. I didn't go over there; I figured he needed to be alone.

Wow, I really like this... it's emotional. Whoa, Wake Me Up When September Ends just shuffled on. It's a sign... It's a sign I tell you! Excuse the sugar hype. I'm a little out of it today. Ah, but I am always out of it.