A/N: Hello everyone! I'm posting this chapter for Lanna, who reviewed me!! Am I an angst-freak? Maybe I am, but believe it or not, this is the first angsty stuff I've ever written. I hope it's good!! So it's not as angsty from here on out…it's a bit more…I don't know what it is, but you'll see the relationship between Remus and Hermione starting to lay it's foundations. Thanks for reading!
--aimes
Three days later, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape were standing outside the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix at 3am.
"Why did we have to come at this hour, again?"
"Security reasons," Snape replied. "Yours is not to question but to accept that every once in awhile I know better."
"Now I know you feel like my father!" Hermione sniped. Snape did not respond, and Hermione looked back at him. He was rigid, clutching his arm.
Oh, I know that look! Someone's summoning him.
"I curse the day Voldemort allowed his Deatheaters to use the Dark Marks as personal pagers. Lucius Malfoy definitely abuses the privilege."
"Malfoy would."
Snape ushered her through the door, closed it and waited for the wards to reset, then left quickly.
Hermione stood in the hallway for a moment, registering the feel of the place. Light's on in that room. Kitchen, I think. Wonder who's up at this godforsaken hour. She set her bags down and walked toward the light.
She paused for a moment in the doorway, observing. Remus Lupin sat staring at nothing with a cup of hot chocolate in his hands.
"That hot chocolate's gonna get cold fast, Professor." He looked up, somewhat startled, and grinned when he saw her.
"Hermione. It's good to see you again." They remained where they were, grinning like idiots for several moments, the Remus rose from the table.
Hermione covered the distance in moments, half jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly.
They held each other for what felt like hours before letting go. Fifteen minutes. I've really got to stop doing that.
They sat at the table, and Remus got her a cup of hot chocolate.
"How are you, Hermione?"
"I'm fine, remarkably. My right hand tingles, but you can barely see the scars beneath my fingernails. I'm glad they grew back. My back didn't fare so well…I'll show you the scars one of these days. Other than that, I'm alright. Severus has taken good care of me. What's happened since I left?"
"Not a whole lot. Ron, Harry, Ginny, Fred, and George are in a state without you. Ginny's pretty resilient, actually. She's got a lot of potential. Fred and George are being eerily somber most of the time. Ron and Harry look like they've lost their best friend, which I suppose they have. Everyone's been worried for you.
Hermione yawned. "I'm alive. And remarkably okay, actually. It's just going to be a bit bizarre going back to school…going back to that world. I feel…I don't know."
"Like they're all so innocent, even Ron and Harry, and you're just not anymore."
"Yes. That's it exactly. I don't know if I can adjust into that world again."
"No, you can't. But you'll learn to blend fast, and to use your experiences to give your life perspective."
"I've got enough perspective to make an Escher painting look boring." Remus laughed, surprising Hermione. He knows Escher?
"I've got eclectic tastes," he said in reply to her unspoken question.
They continued chatting for hours, when there was a lull in the conversation.
"Professor?" Hermione said quietly.
"Yes, Hermione?" She looked at him intensely.
"Will I look over my shoulder forever?"
"Probably, but it might not be a bad thing," he replied gently. "It kept me alive."
"That's what I figured." She yawned again.
"I think you should get to sleep," Lupin murmured. "They've given you your own room because they thought you needed space. I know it's hard readjusting to the world outside. Space is good but so is knowing that there's someone there to keep you safe. I'd be happy to sleep on your couch if it made you more comfortable."
"Thanks professor," Hermione replied with a smile.
"Call me Remus." He rose and took the mugs to the sink. "Let's go, my lady."
They climbed up the stairs and went to the bedroom that was to be Hermione's. Real world, Hermione. Not scary, you've been here before. Besides, you've got your personal werewolf to keep away the bad guys.
She changed into her pajamas in the bathroom and when she came out, Remus was sprawled out on the large comfy couch near her bed. She smiled at him and crawled into bed, wincing slightly at the pulls on her scar tissue. Hermione gasped when she felt a hand tracing one of the scars on her upper back, which was exposed by the spaghetti strap top of her pj's.
"Sorry," Remus murmured.
"No, it's okay," Hermione replied. She lifted her shirt. "They did quite a number on me, as you can see."
Remus examined the scars lacing her back and trailed his fingers gently along the ridges. "I'm so sorry Hermione," he whispered, and hugged her tightly from behind. She stiffened then relaxed into him, putting her hands over his and closing her eyes. Hermione let the rhythm of his heartbeat lull her…Remus felt her breathing even out and gently laid her into the bed. He pulled the blankets over her and watched her sleep for a moment, fighting a silent internal battle. He leaned over kissed her forehead and retired to his couch. It was a long time before he fell asleep.
"No. No, no, no. You won't win, you won't. No….stronger than you…but oh, God, it hurts…it hurts…" Hermione whimpered in her sleep, tangling in the sheets. Remus awoke with a start and went to her.
"Hermione…" he said gently. "Hermione, wake up, it's a dream," unconsciously echoing the words of Snape a few weeks earlier.
"No…"
He shook her gently and she jerked awake, screaming and struggling. "Hermione! Hermione, it's me, it's Remus!" He wrapped his arms tightly around her and turned his head to avoid being hit in the face.
She slumped against him unexpectedly, sobbing. He held her tightly, rocking her.
"Don't leave me," she whispered raggedly.
"I'm here, I won't leave you," he replied in a gentle, soothing, voice. Calm yourself, Mya. Very mature. You're dreaming about…it…because you're back in the world outside the protected walls of Snape Manor and you're scared. Dayrin's not going to jump out and attack you here. Remus is here, you're safe. Aw screw that, you're scared shitless. Swallow your pride and ask him to sleep with you tonight.
Hermione clung to him, shuddering as she calmed down. She steadied herself to ask him to sleep with her but before she said anything, he pulled away from her and looked into her shining brown eyes.
"Would you like me to sleep with you tonight, Hermione?" he asked kindly.
"Yes," she replied steadily. Remus climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms around her. Hermione snuggled into him and listened to his heartbeat once more.
He's so warm and strong and…STOP. You're going crazy. It's just because you're suffering re-integration shock. You don't think of him that way. In defiance of her brain her heart settled into his rhythm and her hand snaked around his waist as she drifted to sleep.
Sure you don't.
Hermione woke slowly, langorously. For once. She stirred in Remus' arms, and he woke, confused.
"Hrm?"
"Almost. Hermione. Try it with me now," she teased. "Hermione."
"Mm. What time is it?" Note that he has not yet tried to release me or move in any way. Note also that I am making mountains out of molehills and am slowly succumbing to complete nutterdom. Is that a word? Nutterdom? Ah well, it is now.
"My internal clock says it's 8 a.m. It's usually only off by a few minutes in either direction."
"That's completely bizarre. Why are we awake? We only went to sleep three hours ago."
"I dunno, I just woke up. Why'd you wake up?"
"Not sure. Probably because you woke up."
"So it's my fault?"
"Absolutely." They both started laughing. Then Remus sniffed the air. "I know why you woke up! Molly's cooking breakfast!"
They both shot out of bed and pulled on robes and raced down to the kitchen.
"Hermione!" Molly Weasley ran and hugged her and it quickly turned into a group hug as Tonks joined in.
"Air!" Hermione gasped. They released her and she grinned. "I'm fine, I'm alive, I'm doing great, and I'm starving!"
They all sat at the table and dug into the pancakes Molly had made.
After breakfast, Tonks cleared her throat and Hermione ceased her conversation with Molly to look at her.
"Um, Hermione, I'm supposed to take you to see….um…"
"A therapist?" Hermione replied calmly. "I know. When do you want to leave?"
"As soon as you're ready," Tonks replied cheerfully, looking relieved.
"Mm, lemme get dressed and I'm good to go." Oh, and let me grab the cyanide pills because I can survive Dayrin Lestrange and his penchant for pain and suffering but an hour with a head doctor might just drive me to suicide.
The entire room was looking at her. Molly Weasley looked shocked.
"I said that aloud, didn't I? I swear I'll re-hardwire the common sense part of my brain to my mouth one of these days."
Hermione fled.
There was silence for a moment. "I think I pity the therapist," Remus commented. No one disagreed.