Part 7 – The way you are

Like a bomb thousands of images exploded in Ryan's head. To escape it, he had to wake up. He struggled and eventually he felt himself drifting back to reality. Opening his eyes, he felt the well-known pain again but the images were gone. Instead he saw an actual person standing in his room. His vision was clear after a few moments and he was sure to see Theresa- at first. Something was just not right, it wasn't Theresa. After a moment a name popped into his head: Summer. And he remembered her.

"Summer, what are you doing here?" he asked. It confused him to see her. For all he knew he was home in bed and she was just standing there with a pale face.

"Ryan? Yes, it's me Summer! You remember me Summer!" she happily exclaimed causing Ryan to be even more confused.

"Um, well... Summer, but what are you doing HERE?"

"I thought Marissa was with you." She simply answered and sat down next to him. She felt overly joyous.

"Marissa? Why should she be with me? We're not togther."

"I know that! But she wanted to check on you earlier. I guess she left because you were sleeping. They're all going to be so happy when they see you've remembered!"

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asked. It was just too frustrating. First she showed up in his home and then she kept talking nonsense.

"The Cohens are going to be relieved." She stated, Ryan still had no clue what she was talking about.

"Who?" Sumer was taken aback.

"The Cohens? Seth, and his parents, your guardians. They family you're living with?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm tired." He then said and closed his eyes but there were the flashing images again, he couldn't stand those.

"Do you remember the Carlsons?"

"Who?"

"Well, that's at least something... I think." Summer started biting her nails, a habit she had quitted almost five years ago. This situation was too drastic though.

"I'm not home then." It wasn't a question.

"No, you're not. You're in a hospital."

"Hm... ok... well, could you tell... the doctor to bring me some painkillers then, please?" Ryan then asked. Summer's eyes softened. It was so unusual for him to ask for anything.

"Sure, be right back."

Looking around the room, Summer had to be right. Onlyhospitals had these sterile white rooms. Ryan sighed, he didn't know why he was in the hospital. He hoped a doctor would clear some things up and take this terrible pain away.

Seth, who was sitting, stared at his parents that stood in front of him. He felt like a little boy again and wished it wouldn't take too long. He was more than interested in Ryan's future but he wanted his parents to decide. Seth wasn't yet grown-up enough to take responsibility. Apparently, his parents thought differently.

"We have to decide if we want an operation or not." His father told him.

"Would he remember us and all?"

"If everything goes fine, yes." His mother answered.

"If not..."

"If not," Sandy picked up, "he might not remember anything from his life or certain memories are erased... forever. Also, there could be brain damage."

"What if we don't agree to the operation?" Sandy and Kirsten shared a quick, sad look.

"Apart from the fact that he's in horrible pain caused by this amnesia he could remember us and his real life or his brain sells him the alteration for the truth."

"That sucks." Seth said after a moment.

"Exactly. But we have to make a decision and we want you to decide with us. Ryan is your best friend and very important to you. It won't be just you, but we want you to tell us what you think." Sandy finished. Seth didn't think long.

"No operation. I think Ryan will come along. I mean how can you forget me?" he showed a small smile.

"We don't want the operation either." Kirsten quietly said.

"I just hope it's the right thing to do." Sandy sighed.

Anxiously, Summer waited for the Cohens to return. Not only did she want to tell them her news but she wanted to know what they had talked about. A little part of her had to admit that she wanted to see Seth also. After what seemed like an hour, she saw them entering again. Seth's face lit up when he saw her running towards him.

"Ryan remembers me!" she blunted.

"What?" Sandy asked. Summer nodded her head.

"Yes, he remembers me. He said 'Summer'. He knew who I was!" she was still happy about that.

"Wow, maybe he'll know us, too!" Seth said eagerly but Summer stoppped him.

"He doesn't. Neither you nor the Carlsons. I don't know what this means, Dr.Nibler is with him now." Summer told them.

"We've got to talk to him." Sandy and Kirsten wandered off to get Dr.Nibler as soon as he arrived from Ryan's room.

"He remembers you?" Seth asked, hurt.

"Hey, it's not that I had anything to do with this." Summer defended herself. She felt she had to- for whatever reason.

"But why? It's not like you're his friend or that you even like him a lot. I'm his best friend, he should remember me. He has to! I mean come on, Summer you of all people?"

"Thanks, Cohen. I can totally understand him. Who would want to remember you anyway? You're so selfish!"

"And that tells me Miss 'I'm too good to even aknowledge Seth Cohen'!"

"You're such an idiot, Cohen." Summer turned and ran away. Tears were burning in her eyes. She hated herself for letting his words hurt her so much.

As soon as he walked in, Dr.Nibler knew Ryan didn't know who he was. The expression on the boy's face was clearly bewilderment but he didn't say a word.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Should I?" Ryan asked.

"Well, I'm Dr.Nibler. Your doctor." Ryan stared at him, it was obvious his mind was working.

"I guess you need some painkillers." Dr.Nibler prepared them and Ryan was eager as always to take them. The pain was just too much.

"So I'm really in a hospital." Ryan said after a moment.

"Do you remember why you're here?" Again, Ryan's mind tried to bring back the events. Eventually, Ryan lifted his head and looked at Dr.Nibler.

"Car accident." The doctor smiled genuinely.

"Anything else?" It took another moment before Ryan answered.

"Summer was there... and Marissa," Saying her name, his eyes widened in shock, "she was in the accident. Is she fine? Is she hurt?"

"Don't worry, she's fine. Just worried about you. Was there anyone else? I mean do you know who drove the car?" This time the answer didn't take too long.

"No, no I don't. Was it me?" Dr.Nibler sighed. Something in Ryan's brain was blocking certain things and he seriously wondered why.

Later, Dr.Nibler talked with Sandy and Kirsten again. The Carlsons were nowhere to be found.

"There is a blockade in Ryan's mind." Sandy just stood there sceptically.

"What does that mean now?" Kirsten was annoyed. It seemed like he was telling them something different every time.

"I suppose certain events in his past block the actual events and the present time. I just have no idea why."

"What are you planning to do?" Sandy wanted to know.

"Talk," The doctor answered simply, "and I instruct you to do the same. We've got to talk to him, ask him questions. From what I've seen now the swell in his brain is better, he's able to take it now. Of course, it'll be painful and not just physically. But we might have success with it."

"What do we talk about?" Kirsten asked. She was eager to start talking even though she knew Sandy and Seth would be much better at this task.

"Anything that has happened since he's been with you. Now I know he hasn't been with you long but I guess you can think of something." Sandy nodded. Most things were less pleasant but as long as Ryan came back to the present he was fine with it.

While the adults talked and while his parents were still in some sort of grief, Stan was angrily walking into Ryan's room. The earlier experience had shaken him but when it came to Ryan, the anger always overweighted any other emotion. Also, he had overheard Marissa talking on the phone, excited because Ryan was on the verge of remembering. Stan had to see it for himself and make sure he wasn't playing an act to hurt his parents even more.

Although Ryan couldn't place the person that walked into his room, his stomach tightened. Something was wrong, so he put his defences on.

"So, brother," Stan mocked the word, causing Ryan to flinch, "I hear your brain is back in order."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Oh, now you don't remember me?"

"I don't know who you are." Ryan said honestly but something in his mind started working.

"So you don't know me? Huh? I don't believe you. Do you know what I think?" Stan walked closer and Ryan started to freak a little. If the other boy attacked him, he'd have no choice.

"Seriously, whatever-" but Stan shut him off.

"I talk now. You never let me talk back then. You never gave me the chance to be their child, I am not giving you that one now either. They are my parents, they always have and always will. You were just some kid with a drunken mother and stupid father. I am better than you." Ryan closed his eyes, thinking he's heard that sentence before. As Stan continued to talk, images formed behind his eyes. This time he could see them clearly.

"You stole everything I had and when you were finally out of the way. Finally, I thought- but you were never gone. Never, Ryan. But I know they'll know I am better than you are, so much better."

In the middle of the night, the door had opened quietly and someone had sat down next to him. Ryan had to try hard not to cry or scream. He had to concentrade on breathing deeply, pretending he was asleep. But the touch he feared didn't come. Instead the shadow started talking. A young, angry voice whispering. Trying hard to understand the mumbled words, all Ryan could hear was 'Me better you someday'. He lay awake the whole night even when he was alone again.

"Stan." Ryan breathed out. The memory was back. Stan. The Carlsons. The time Stan started hating him and his mother coming to bring him home. It was all back.

"Exactly."

"What are you doing here? What happened?" Ryan asked. He wanted to get up desperately. He wondered where Seth was and if he was ok, also where Summer had gone. Marissa... she had to be around somewhere. Sandy and Kirsten, they were surely worried about him.

"Don't play dumb now, Ryan. The question is what do you want? Why did you do this? We don't need you, my parents don't need you. They've got me. Me! I am better than you." The hate in Stan's voice was obvious.

"I don't doubt that." Ryan said. He wanted to get away, or get some help. He was afraid Stan would do something... stupid.

"Oh, don't do this psychology crap on me Ryan." Stan said angrily.

"I don't," Ryan replied and looked at his best friend from childhood, "look, I stole a car, I get in all kinds of trouble. I am not good at all." Stan was actually quiet. He didn't know about the stolen car.

"You were the good kid when we were growing up." He simply stated.

"I wasn't. I just tried to be. I always just tried. I always fail, too. You're way better than me, man."

"I know I'm better than you!" the anger was back, but weakened when he went on,"You never wanted to do the bad stuff, you were always 'cute little Ryan' and my parents were devasted when you left."

"They were?" Ryan was touched. His mother had told him the Carlsons had actually wanted to give him away anyway.

"Don't do that!" Stan yelled. Ryan was taken aback by the outburst.

"Sorry." He mumbled and felt like a little boy again.

"You better be." Stan said and stared at him with pure disgust in his eyes.

End, part 7

Ok, just one more part coming up! I'm so glad it'll be done by then. I've got so many ideas in my head right now and actually no time but who cares I've got no place to live in this town 300miles away from home where I have to be in two weeks? Not me, seriously. I don't care. I'd rather just write the whole time : ) Please do me the little favor of reviewing. I'll try to write the next part ASAP.

Written by Anika