Chapter Five

Control

A week later found Jordan ready to go home, but homeless.

And dropped back into a world that she sometimes struggled to recognize. In reality, she knew that two years wasn't that long and most things didn't change that much during that time. But when you sleep through the years and suddenly just wake up, the changes that have taken place can make even the strongest person gasp and want to retreat back into darkness. Jordan recognized the feeling and did her best to fight the depression that often accompanies a coma survivor.

It wasn't easy.

After her fall out with Woody when he was shot by the sniper, Jordan had removed him on her emergency contact list as next of kin. She replaced him with Garret. And Garret had done an excellent job of taking care of her. He had made sure she had the best medical attention available, that she was taken care of, and kept comfortable.

But there were some decisions he had to make that stripped Jordan of the very things that gave her security and freedom. The first being her Pearle Street apartment. As it became apparent that she wasn't going to come out off the coma soon, Garret had reluctantly let her apartment go. He had stored some of her furniture in his basement…her bed, a couch, her kitchen stuff – and her beloved guitar. He told her he would have never gotten rid of that. It reminded him too much of her.

The second decision Garret had to make was involving her El Camino. Jordan had loved the truck, but even before her accident, it was proving impractical. She couldn't get parts if it broke down, and it was wearing out fast. She had been trying to decide whether to trade it, sell it, or just junk it and bite the bullet … buy a new car and set up payments … when the crash happened. Garret had chosen not to even try to get her truck repaired. "I didn't want you driving it again when you came to," he had told her. "It was old and unsafe….no airbags, no seatbelts….what the hell were you thinking when you bought it?"

The fact is she wasn't thinking. It was cheap and she could pay for it. That was all that had mattered at the time. Her mortality and the truck's durability never crossed her mind.

She also struggled to catch up on what had happened to everyone in the last two years. While personalities had basically remained the same, other events had changed her friends' futures. Lily was engaged to Matt. They were getting married in the summer. Lily had asked Jordan to be her maid of honor.

Somewhat reluctantly, Jordan had said "Yes." It wasn't that she didn't want to do it, it was the fact that somehow she didn't feel like she quite fit in yet. Wasn't sure what to say. Was even less sure of what to do. She was happy for Lily and Matt.

As well as for Nigel, who finally had begun dating another woman, after getting over Sarah. Jordan was delighted, but had never met the woman and knew nothing about her…although she seemed nice enough. Nigel did bring Gloria by the hospital to meet Jordan.

If these changes were making her head hurt, she was at least thankful that one of her co-employees had remained relatively the same. Bug was still happily single, content in his work and his studies…even if he was more pensive than ever.

With two years worth of changes facing her, as well as some recovery time, Garret had persuaded her to come home with him until the doctors said she was well enough to live on her on. "I can take care of you and then gradually bring you back to work as you're able," Garret said.

Jordan sighed. She hated being a burden to anyone. But she had little choice. She needed to be with someone at night and had no place to stay. And with all her friends so busy with their own lives, Jordan didn't want to interfere with their schedules. Reluctantly she had agreed with Garret. "But only until I'm able to live on my own," she said.

"Sure," he agreed.

So now Jordan found herself watching Garret get ready and go to work each morning, leaving her behind to rattle around in his house, reading, watching the news, trying to catch up and get her bearings in a world that for her, had propelled itself to years in the future overnight.

She shook her head as she finished her coffee one morning and told Garret good-bye. "I'll be home about six," he told her. "Stay out of trouble until then, okay?"

"What trouble could one post-comatose woman get into here?" she joked. "You haven't let me hold so much as one scalpel or talk to a cop since I got out of the hospital."

"And I plan on keeping it that way until Dr. Cruz releases you to go back to work," Garret grinned. "Bake cookies or something…."

Jordan threw the dishtowel at him, which Garret neatly ducked and threw back at her. "See you," he said, before he shut the door behind him.

Jordan sat down at the counter and poured herself another cup of coffee. Garret and Dr. Cruz was well aware of how badly she wanted to go back to work…even part time. But her health was still a hindrance. She had problems with things moving under her feet. Not walking exactly, but being put in situation such as one where she would have to ride a train and stand up. That action would make her dizzy and sick. And constant fatigue seemed to plague her. No matter how much she rested, she seemed to always be tired.

That was bothering her this morning as she slid off the barstool, put her coffee cup in the sink, and made her way into the sunroom. Lying down on the couch, she mentally made a list of everything she needed to do as her energy returned.

The first was go shopping. For clothes, make up, and shoes. Lily had bought her a few things…mainly sweats … when she got out of the hospital. Garret had gotten rid of all of her other clothing…not that she would have worn much of it anyway. Styles had changed. She was determined to keep up with fashion and at least look nice. If she was still growing stronger by the end of the week, she'd give Lily a call and see if the grief counselor had time for a shopping trip on Saturday or Sunday. She needed casual and work clothes.

She really needed everything.

She sighed as she rolled to her side and continued to make her list. Then she needed to at least go back into the morgue and reclaim her office. Go through her old files. Sign off on the final Howell report.

See who were the other detectives she would be working with besides Woody. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brow at the thought. She had seen Woody one more time before she left the hospital. He had bumped into her when he came by the nurses' desk to check on her on his way to his doctor.

Jordan had no idea he was even still seeing a doctor about his post-sniper injuries, but he remained under a physicians care. Despite all the therapy he had undergone and despite the fact he had worked very hard, Woody still walked with a slight limp…one that would grow worse if he was tired. He didn't apologize to her about their encounter in her hospital room. He simply told her he was glad she was feeling better and would be going home soon. Then he had turned and left as suddenly as he had come….his words holding the same coldness and frost that his eyes now did.

Her farm boy had changed. Drastically. Despite a fairly successful recovery, Lily and Nigel had told Jordan that Woody had become cold, hard, and bitter. After he had returned to his job after his DL was over, he had received a promotion. He was making more money…found a great, new apartment. And of course, found a great, new girl, too. One that was the totally opposite of Jordan. Blonde. Bubbly. He and Jenna were dating fairly steadily now.

Jordan tried her best in her heart of hearts to be glad for him, but that emotion couldn't be conjured up yet. She felt as bitter as he did….like she had been cheated out of two years she had no control over. Like much of her future had been stripped away from her because of what happened in the past.

Wearily, she pulled the throw down off the back of Garret's couch and curled up in it. She had no control over her past. What was done was done. But her future was a different story.

And she'd be damned if she'd lose control again.