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"COLONEL O'NEILL," the general started, but was interrupted by Sam.
"Sir, Col. O'Neill is telling the truth. We have NEVER been together….sir," she added sheepishly at the end.
"How is that possible?" the general asked, his anger still leveling off at a 10 on the anger scale.
"That's what I've been asking for weeks, sir," Sam exclaimed. "I don't know HOW I got pregnant! I don't know HOW Col O'Neill is the father and I don't know HOW these sort of things always end up happening to ME!"
Everyone in the room just looked at Sam after her unexpected outburst. No one really knew quite what to say after it. Finally, Daniel, who had been uncharacteristically quiet up until this point, broke the silence. "You know guys, I'm pretty sure 10 weeks ago, Jack was on that ship with Loki and we were all trying to figure out who Mini Jack was.
This caused a few small gasps in the room. If Jack was, indeed, on Loki's ship, then he had a pretty darn good alibi, right? Of course, that brought out all sorts of other possibilities. And, these possibilities were now running through everyone else's heads.
Teal'c, surprisingly enough, was the first one to voice the one possibility that everyone seemed to be thinking, but no one wanted to say. "DanielJackson, do you believe that O'Neill's clone fathered Major Carter's child?"
"WHAT?" Jack and Sam yelped together.
"I am merely stating that, if, O'Neill was aboard Loki's ship…."
"No, Teal'c," Sam interrupted. "That's not….no….he….I….TEAL'C! DAMN IT! That's just not possible!" Sam squawked out in obvious agitation.
"Major," General Hammond began in a much calmer voice. "Is it at all possible that Col. O'Neill's clone is the father?"
"NO!" Jack and Sam both loudly replied. Sam glared over at Jack, mentally cursing him to shut-up.
"No, sir, absolutely not, no." Sam continued.
"Sir, if I may?" Janet piped up, looking at the general for permission to speak.
General Hammond nodded his head at her.
"Col. O'Neill's clone had a slight anomaly in his DNA. The anomalie doesn't appear in the baby's DNA. I don't believe the clone could be the father."
"So, we're back to the baby being Jack's," Daniel announced. He almost sounded like he was getting excited over the idea of Sam and Jack having a baby. Sam and Jack both glared at the cheerful archaeologist.
"Sir," Jack started, looking over at General Hammond. "Carter and I have never done anything…..nothing…..sir, I have no idea how this happened, but I bet anything that sneaky, no-good, son of a b……..hmmm, asgaard, Loki, has something to do with this."
"Doctor?" General Hammond looked over at Janet wanting her opinion on Jack's accusation.
"Well, sir, the asgaard do have the technology to do something like this….and the dates do match up," she announced.
"SEE!" Jack shrieked, quite happy that, at the moment, Janet was agreeing with him.
"Well, people, we're going to need to get a hold of the asgaard and see if they have any explanation ……Until we get some answers to all this, SG-1, you're all on downtime. Colonel, I expect you to take this time to get your backlog of paperwork done," Hammond finished.
"Yes, sir," Jack replied in the happiest voice he could get out, with thoughts of doing paperwork running through his head.
General Hammond started to walk out of the room, but then suddenly stopped and turned back around to face Jack. He stood there scrutinizing Jack for a few seconds and then began shaking his head. "How the hell am I supposed to explain THIS to the president?" he muttered, more to himself, but loud enough that everyone in the room heard.
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It was two weeks later before Thor finally made his appearance at the SGC. Word, by way of the SGC grapevine warned people to stay as far away from Col. O'Neill as possible. Two weeks cooped up in his office had not done good things for his demeanor.
In fact, the only time he appeared happy was the few minutes he had each day sharing meals in the commissary with his team. So, needless to say, when SG-1 was paged to General Hammond's office, Jack went running with 'a smile on his face' and a 'bounce in his step.'
Jack was, surprisingly, the last one to reach Hammond's office and wasn't too surprised to see his favorite little grey alien standing next to the general's desk. "O'Neill, it is good to see you once again," Thor greeted as Jack made his way into the office and closed the door.
"Thor, buddy, how've you been?" Jack asked in the usual chipper way he always greets Thor.
"I have been most disappointed in the actions of Loki, O'Neill," Thor replied.
"So, it was Loki then?" Jack asked before anyone else in the room got the chance.
"It was," was Thor's simple reply.
"Why?……And how?" Sam asked, looking down at Thor from her position in one of the chairs in front of the general's desk.
"Major Carter, Loki beamed you up to his ship the same night he beamed up O'Neill. He extracted, what you refer to as semen, from O'Neill and reproductive eggs from you. He then combined the most superior of these specimen and deposited the result back into your womb."
"And, what was the reason for doing this, Thor?" General Hammond asked.
"Col. O'Neill and Major Carter are highly praised among the asgaard. A child with the combination of Col. O'Neill and Major Carter's genes would be….very promising," Thor stated.
"PROMISING? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS SCREWING WITH OUR LIVES? DON'T YOU THINK IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CARTER'S CHOICE, WHEN AND IF SHE WANTED TO HAVE A BABY? YOU KNOW, WE HAVE OUR OWN WAY OF MAKING BABIES! DID YOU GUYS ONCE…EVER… THINK THAT MAYBE CARTER WANTED TO MAKE HER OWN BABY? DID YOU GUYS EVEN ASK HER IF SHE WANTED A BABY? I KNOW YOU NEVER BOTHERED ASKING ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STRESSED OUT CARTER'S BEEN BECAUSE OF LOKI'S DUMBASS MEDDLING?" O'Neill would have continued yelling at the little alien, but, his face had turned a deep shade of red and he needed to stop to breathe.
"Uh-hum, Thor, what Jack's trying to say," Daniel began in his best diplomatic voice. "Is having a baby isn't a small thing. It's more of a life-changing thing. Loki should never have done what he did. Especially not without talking to Sam and Jack first."
"I understand. Major Carter and O'Neill have every right to be angry and I assure you, the asgaard would never condone such behavior. Loki is being punished as we speak," Thor stated in his normal calm voice, not even phased by O'Neill's outburst.
Thor then turned his attention to Sam. "Major Carter, if you do not wish to have this child, I can remove it immediately from your womb…"
"NO!" Sam burst out, cutting off the alien's speech. She looked at Thor in total shock and placed her hand over her abdomen, protectively. "That's not necessary, I never planned on this child, and it wasn't created in the conventional way, but, it's mine, and I plan on keeping it."
Although everyone's attention was on Sam, if anyone would have looked over at Jack, they would have seen an incredible look of relief cross over his face at Sam's acceptance of their child.
"Very well, Major Carter. Again, I apologize for Loki's actions and I hope this does not interfere with our friendship," Thor replied, once again in his normal, monotone voice.
"Of course not, Thor," Sam responded before realizing it really wasn't her place. She looked over at the general who only nodded his head in agreement.