Truth to be told, James felt a little apprehensive about visiting Remus in the hospital wing. Glancing idly at Sirius attempting to run up a wall, he carried on walking, not bothering to stop or even join in as he usually might have done.

"Jamesieeee! Wait for meeeeee!"

He didn't stop or even turn round. He continued to walk on, locked in his own thoughts as he watched his feet come out one after the other. Remus had looked so guilty when he had asked him about his arm…like he had something to hide…

"OI!"

Sirius's voice shattered his musings like a sledgehammer would through brick, and the next thing he knew a pair of arms had wrapped round him and Sirius's weight hit him like a ton of lead.

He staggered, legs buckling as Sirius curled his legs round his waist too, giggling for all the world like a hyperactive schoolgirl. "Yee-ha! Ride 'em, cowboy!"

"Sirius, get off you muppet!" Trying not to laugh in spite of himself, James reached two hands behind his back in an attempt to throw his mate off, which only resulted in Sirius laughing hysterically.

"Ah! Aragh, no, that tickles, stop it!" writhing and cackling fit to burst, his limbs finally loosened their monkey-like grip, and with a dull thump he hit the floor.

There was silence for a moment, in which Sirius stared in complete shock at the opposite wall, face screwed up in pain.

"Ouch," he stated finally, glaring accusingly up at James, "Meanie. That hurt."

James had no sympathy to spare for Sirius as he had just discovered two large, muddy footprints on his robes. Shaking his head and deciding there was no point in making a fuss over it, he offered his hand to Sirius, who took it and allowed himself to be pulled up, wincing.

"I won't be able to sit down for a week," he grumbled as they made their way up the corridor once more, "Why are we here anyway?"

James stared at him in disbelief. "Si, you have the memory of a goldfish. We're going to see Remus, remember?"

"Remus who?" joked Sirius as they neared the stairs that led up to the Hospital Wing, "Arargh, no, I can't manage stairs James, my butt's killing me…"

"Oh, yes you can," said James firmly, grabbing the back of his robes and hauling him up the stairs, ignoring Sirius's yelps of pain with each step. "We have to find out what's wrong with the guy, you even said so yourself."

"I did?" frowned Sirius as they finally approached the Wing's door, him taking slightly exaggerated limps.

"Yes, you bloody well d-"

He stopped. Here was the Hospital Wing. There was Madam Pomfrey. There were the spotless beds and chairs.

And no Remus.

"Back again?" frowned Madam Pomfrey, striding briskly over to them and fixing them with a severe look. "Alright, which one of you is hurt this time?"

"I am!" groaned Sirius, clutching his backside, and James hastily pushed him slightly.

"None of us is hurt, Madam Pomfrey, we just came to visit Remus."

"Oh? And why would you want to do that?" Pomfrey was looking at them as though sure they were up to no good, her large brown eyes narrowed slightly.

James shrugged, thinking it was an obvious question.

"Well, I'm sorry Potter but Mr Lupin left over an hour ago."

"Over an hour ago?"

She looked at him all the more coldly. "Forgive me for asking, but what exactly does this have to do with you, Potter?"

His defensive answer to everything came automatically. "Nothing! I mean," he added hastily as Pomfrey looked even more forbidding, "We're his friends. Mates. Wondered, er, what had happened to him this morning, in Charms. That's all."

Her expression grew slightly softer. "I see. And what did Lupin tell you was wrong with him?"

Yet again, he shrugged, feeling as though he was being cross examined. "Said he felt sick or something like that."

She studied him intently for a moment, then said briskly, "Sorry, I can't help you on that matter Potter. I would, however, suggest your dormitory, perhaps, or even the library."

"The library?" Sirius spoke up, looking stunned. "Why the hell would he want to go there?"

Madam Pomfrey turned to him, arms folded. "Not all students are like you Mr Black, meaning that perhaps Mr Lupin has opened a book at least once in his life. Now, get out, you're cluttering my infirmary. Go on, shoo!"

The hemlock plant is most commonly known for being used in most poisons, and will cause a slow and painful death. The drinker, should this vicious plant be mixed with the appropriate ingredients, will suffer a dying period of up to one hour, by which time their eyes –

Remus snapped the book shut, and slid it back into its place on the shelf, shuddering. After all that had happened to him, he didn't think his stomach could handle another gruesome description of pain, and death. Standing up and walking quickly away from the book, he headed for a table where several first years were doing their homework. Choosing a corner to sit by himself, he sank his head into his hands, running his fingers through his hair.

It was getting long again, he thought idly to himself, tugging at some strands of hair at the nape of his neck. And he had only cut it two weeks ago. His hair was certainly more prone to growing faster than the other boys, but by the time it reached a certain length it slowed down, so Remus was compelled to leave it at that length. Only here, at Hogwarts, boys had short hair. No-one, other than Sirius (who was well liked enough to do what he wanted) had their hair longer than past their ears.

Remus played with a bit of hair, pushing it out his eyes. He would get it cut again soon, he decided.

The first years were looking at him nervously, as though worried he might leap forwards and bite them or something. Gently, he offered them a wan smile and they hastily looked back down, quills speeding up on their parchment.

He looked away, up at the ceiling. It was wonderfully quiet in here, only ever broken by the tapping of the librarians heels tapping across the carpet, but without a book it was almost too quiet. Perhaps he had been around Sirius and James too long, but he almost wanted something noisy to come bursting in here, to distract him from that awful, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and to somehow try and stop flashes of memories from the other night.

Remus could never remember anything clearly from his nights as a werewolf, but at any time the next day he could be sitting still, happily chatting when a sudden memory of trying to tear the wall down with clawed paws would smash into his mind without invitation. He could feel an ominous presence growing and growing in the back of his brain, and instinctively he put up a hand to rub his head.

He didn't want those memories there. If he had to live with being what he was, then he would rather he could remember known of it.

Sometimes life was pitiless.

Staring down at the table top, he became engrossed in tracing the wood grain patterns with his finger. Vaguely, he wondered where Sirius, Peter and James were. He hadn't seen any of them since Charms that morning, having sought refuge in the library, and now it was lunchtime. He could quite easily picture all of them in the Great Hall, Sirius attacking his food with sloppy enthusiasm, Peter eating his very slowly, as usual and James…

Remus sat bolt upright, his stomach giving a huge lurch. A first year jumped in surprise, and an ink bottle went flying but he paid it no attention. No. He had not just heard James's voice. He had just been thinking about him and his mind had played a trick on him.

He sunk back down in his chair, but no sooner had he done so did he leap to his feet, heart racing. There was no mistaking it this time, that cackle of insane sounding laughter just outside the library doors. With a growing feeling of dread he watched as the door started to swing open, then on a sudden, terrified whim flung himself behind a bookcase.

The door was open.

"…and then I said to Snape, 'Oh yeah? What you gonna do about it, Snivellus!' His face – Merlin, you had to be there James!"

Two peals of raucous laughter shattered the suffocating quiet , and Remus watched, feeling a disquieting feeling of de' ja' vu as Madam Pince the librarian swooped down on them in a heartbeat.

"This is a library! If you wish to remain in here, then keep the volume DOWN!"

Sirius looked round, innocently bewildered.

"Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry!" he chirped in a voice that almost sounded polite. At least it would, if it wasn't glazed in the tiniest amount of sarcasm. "Won't happen again!"

He was held in her hawk like gaze for a moment, then she finally stomped away, muttering to herself.

Remus backed away from the shelves, trying not to breathe too loudly. James's eyes had just swept the room, and they had come close, very close to finding his hiding place. Keeping his footfalls as soft as he could, he slunk away to the window seat, contemplating pulling the curtain round him.

He decided against it. It was doubtful they had come in here to look for him, and by drawing the curtain he would bring even more attention to himself. Leaning his head on the cold window, he gazed out at the top of the Forbidden Forest, waiting for them to leave.

He caught snatches of whispers from their direction, and if he listened carefully he could piece together their conversation. Almost against his will, he turned his head, fixing his gaze on his roommates through the shelves of books and listened.

"…won't be in here… mad if he is…"

"She said…is kind of bookish anyway…use your head!"

Intrigued despite himself, Remus tore himself with difficulty away from the conversation. If he was vain, he thought to himself, he would think that they were here to find him. But that was ridiculous…why should they care? They didn't really know each other that well…sure, they had been kind to him, or as kind as guys could get. But they wouldn't come to a library to look for him! They were looking for Peter.

Remus leant his head back on the window, and let them carry on talking about Peter. He would just stay here. He wouldn't be seen. They would find Peter and go soon, anyway.

"Let's split up. You go that way, I'll go this."

"James! You're not thinking of letting me go on my own!"

Remus snapped his head round so fast he cricked his neck. A stomach wrenching twist was felt in his belly, Sirius was coming round the corner, and he was heading right for him.

There was no time to hide. In a second Sirius's dark eyes had swept the room, then finally rested on him.

They widened in surprise. "Oi! Jamesie, I found him!" Sirius shook his hair out his eyes, then bounded towards him like a puppy. "Remus! Where the bloody hell have you been?" He came right up to him, still looking bemused as though unable to believe anyone could stay more than five minutes in a library, but nonetheless sat right down next to him on the window seat. "Oh, Jaaaames!"

James sauntered round next, and he too looked mildly surprised to see Remus there. "Yo," he grinned, standing in front of them. "Comfy down there is it?"

"Oh, yes it is," smirked Sirius, sprawling his legs right over Remus so he was nearly sitting on his lap. "Wouldn't you say so, Remus?"

Remus couldn't help himself. He grinned.

"Very," he replied serenely, acting as though he didn't have an extremely weighty adolescent drumming his calfs on his knees, and glanced up at James. "Um, what are you doing here?" His voice came out papery and dry. He licked his lips, hoping he didn't sound apprehensive.

"Looking for you, stupid." James rolled his eyes, then strolled over to the bookcase. "Hey, do they have any books on Quidditch in here?"

"I should expect so," Remus called back, and for the first time since he had made that resolution in the hospital wing, felt suddenly quite light hearted. They didn't care he was in the library. James was even joining him in reading a book. And as Sirius started singing something about fuzzy wombats and manticore's with measles, (in a completely tone deaf voice) he felt a huge grin unfold on his face. At the moment, he didn't care if they found out or not. His secret couldn't have been further from his mind.

Of course, having a singing, drumming Sirius in your lap does distract you from other matters. Even if you do happen to be a werewolf.

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Thank you so SO much to all my reviewers! There weren't many, but you know, they were still nice reviews and they encouraged me so much. Sorry this chapter took quite a long time in coming.

Til next time!

Mooncheese x generosity