Remus saw his little sister that night.

It was a cold, breezy autumn day and he and Rain were out in the garden, tossing handfuls of dry, crackly brown leaves into the air with childish glee. He felt elated, delighted, watching the leaves shower his three year old sister before tossing some more up as well. He didn't know when he had felt so content and happy.

Amongst the swirling colours of brown, red and green he saw Rain's eyes turn towards him, blue eyes sparkling. "Russy!" she shouted, running off up the path, young fat legs working furiously, "Come catch me, Russy!"

He at once gave chase, abandoning the leaves that had held him so enraptured before. Laughter tore from his throat, and he saw her dart in and out of his vision. He chased her right up to the low, painted back gate which swung open as though pulled by string. Giggling madly, Rain rushed through it, only as Remus approached it also, it slammed shut.

Slowly, confused he skidded to a halt. Breathing hard, he looked about him, disturbed by the sudden silence. The gate was before him, towering over him like some monstrous giant, yet Remus was sure it used to be only neck-high on him before.

He put out a hand to push it open, then pulled it back like he had been stung. There was something menacing on the other side, he could sense it, and with wary eyes he started to back away.

A scream shattered the opaque silence, and Remus froze, heart banging away in a mad frenzy. "Rain!" he cried desperately, hugging his arms round his waist, and suddenly it occurred to him that he was no longer in his back garden. In a kind of horrified slow motion, he swung round and felt his stomach lurch sickeningly.

Branches of trees hung low over his head, beckoning him with dark, rough fingers. Everywhere was black as pitch, the air hung heavy with some kind of sinister promise as the full moon cast silver arrows into his eyes, blocking his vision. He whimpered, not daring to move, not daring to even call out, as a crow screeched with sudden terror behind him, and he heard it flying away with a mad rush of wings. Even as he stood there he knew why it was deserting this place, knew what was coming, for he had seen it so many times before… he watched, unable to move, his lips welded together as the bushes parted before him and a snarling, drooling outline faced him, fangs bared over bristled fur lips…even as it came for him he couldn't scream, couldn't shout out because both he and the wolf knew no-one would ever hear him…

"Remus! Remus!"

The wolf was tearing into him, teeth gripping into his shoulder, and for the first time Remus yelled with pain and fright.

"Remus, for God's sake, wake up!"

Something whipped him across the face, just as Remus blurred back into reality. Something was gripping his shoulder in an iron grip, and he wrenched himself free, catapulting to the end of his bed where he slammed into the bedpost. He crouched there, clenching the blankets in sweaty, petrified hands. People were all around him, reaching out hands full of injury and he snarled at them, backing further into his bed.

A voice spoke out of the suffocating darkness.

"Remus?"

He looked up at that. He picked out Sirius's face from the gloom, staring at him in shock. He spotted blond hair next, and the unmistakeable messy outline of James's hair. He vaguely registered the room around him, his curtains clumsily ripped back and a feeling of acute embarrassment overwhelmed him.

Peter was gazing at him with a kind of awed fright, and Remus looked away. He noticed his body was damp with sweat, and the feeling of mortification intensified.

"I…" his voice was nothing but a whisper, and his audience of three all visibly relaxed now they were sure he was awake. "I'm…sorry..."

James broke into slightly nervous laughter. "You had us scared there Remus. I thought I was gonna have to send Peter for Madam Pomfrey."

He didn't know what to say. Gently he sat forward on his knees and, for no reason, started examining his pillow. That too, he saw, was cold with perspiration. Softly, he pulled at some of the threads hanging out the lining, and wondered how best to explain himself out of this one.

"I had a nightmare," he spoke, and to his surprise found his voice quite steady. "It was…really bad."

Peter's voice piped up eagerly. "What was it about?"

Sirius nudged him, and Remus saw it. "Was I really loud?" he asked faintly, feeling rather sick. "Did I say anything?"

James shook his head. "Nothing really…you were just throwing yourself around, and kind of yelling all this garbled stuff. You woke me up."

"Sorry," mumbled Remus, feeling heat creep into his cheeks again. The air was stiff with curiosity from the other boys, he could almost smell it.

"What were you dreaming of?" Peter asked again, looking fascinated. "Was it horrible?"

Remus looked at him through half closed eyes, feeling a wave of nausea wash through him. "The worst thing you can imagine," he said quietly, before quickly unfolding himself and running into the bathroom, willing himself not to be sick.

As he splashed water onto his burning face, he heard them muttering quietly amongst themselves beyond the door, then to his relief heard the creak of bedsprings as all of them got into bed. He waited a moment to make sure each hanging had been drawn, then quietly padded back through the doorway. The room was still and silent, yet Remus was horribly aware of each boy listening hard to his footsteps, perhaps even peeking at him through a gap in their curtains.

He tried to slip back into bed as naturally as possible. They didn't know anything, after all. Everyone had nightmares occasionally. It was nothing they'd remember in the morning, in fact he was sure of it. He closed his eyes, feigning sleep, and waited until Peter's snores had filled the air again, then silently swung his feet out of bed and gathered up all his clothes. There was no attempting it, he would never get back to sleep. He would get dressed in the common room and read until sunrise.

What he didn't realise was that James, who always took a long time in getting to sleep, still lay awake and heard him gently close the dormitory door behind him. He didn't see James frown and turn over, his mind whirring.

James stared unseeingly up at the canopy over his head. Was it him, or was there something decidedly strange about Remus? He had always been a fairly quiet person, kept himself to himself since he had started at Hogwarts. But now he was even worse. Against his will, James felt his eyelids start to close. He gave a huge yawn and settled himself more comfortably. He would think about it tomorrow, he decided silently, before letting sleep take him over.

0o0

"Pass the sugar."

Peter's words cut through his thoughts like a knife, pulling Remus back down to earth with a bump. Snapping his head up, he relaxed when he saw he wasn't the one being addressed, and put his head back down, letting his hair fall over his face. He stirred round his rice pudding, gazing unseeingly as the milk flowed into the hole he'd just made with his spoon.

"There's none left," he heard James say, two seats away from him, "Sorry mate. Go ask someone else."

This could prove to be interesting. Glancing up from underneath fronds of hair, Remus distinctly saw Peter squirm.

"I – well, don't want to bother anyone…"

"Don't be daft," snorted Sirius, as he ladled copious amounts of cream on his apple pie, "No-ones going to be bothered about being asked for a bit of sugar, Pete. Look, they have some."

Peter continued to fidget. "Er – but, um, what if that isn't sugar? It could be salt!"

They all stared at him.

"Peter," Sirius said flatly, "Unless we have a dyslexic house elf on our hands, there definitely isn't salt in a bowl labelled 'SUGAR'."

Peter turned very pink, and mumbled something indistinguishable.

"What was that?" Sirius bent his head comically close to Peter's, who shoved him away.

"I said," Peter muttered, slightly louder, "Could you go and ask them for me…?"

The look on Sirius's and James's faces didn't require an answer.

"Ok," sighed Peter, picking up his fork and spoon, "I didn't really want any."

But of course you didn't, thought Remus, watching Peter start to shovel down his pie very quickly, as James and Sirius exchanged looks. 'I wonder if they look at me like that sometimes,' Remus thought glumly, going back to his rice, 'They were all acting a bit funny this morning…'

The milk was creating little rivers between the soft white grains, turning into a waterfall if he pushed them all to one side of his bowl. What would happen, he wondered, if he was to drain all the milk away? Would some of the liquid stay behind in the rice? Very gingerly, he bought up a spoonful to his mouth, and tasted it.

Bleagh. Disgusting. He hated rice pudding.

So why the hell was he eating it?

"Remus," came a voice, making him start so suddenly his spoon went flying, "Why do you look so bloody miserable?"

Looking up, he saw all three boys staring intently at him, like he was a performing animal. Which he wasn't for another three whole weeks now.

"Er…" he said stupidly, looking from one to the other. "Why…?"

He had been meaning to say 'why does it matter?', but fortunately Sirius interrupted him long before he got the words out.

"Oh, come on man!" he cried jubilantly, flinging an arm round his shoulder, "It's Friday! No more school for two days!"

Remus laughed. "What, two whole ones?"

Ignoring the sarcasm, Sirius plunged on. "Yeah! So, we should celebrate." Pausing for dramatic effect, he gazed round slowly at all of them. "Lets go play some Quidditch!"

"YEAH!" Everyone in the area winced as James stood up to double his enthusiasm. "BRILLAINT idea, Si!"

"Yup. I know. I'm a genius." Sirius smirked and stood up too. "Coming Peter, Remus?"

Looking remarkably green, Peter muttered something about homework and shot off. Remus, who had been just on the verge of saying the same thing, froze.

"I've got to, erm," he started to mumble, but before he knew it Sirius and James had hooked his arms and started to frog march him away long before he had the time to think up an excuse.

The look on James's face as he handed out the brooms rivalled one of an ecstatic two year old, and with a delighted whoop he sprung straight onto his, gliding easily upwards into the sky.

"Oi, James!" Sirius yelled after him, "We've got to get the ball out first, you plonker…"

His voice tailed off as it dawned on him the distant speck that was James just couldn't hear him, and with a grin he turned to Remus. "Looks like it's just me and you then, buddy." With a slight grunt he pulled down the large, wooden case from the shelf in the broom shed, dropping it heavily on the floor. After snapping back the buckles and flinging back the lid, Remus watched as Sirius undid a little catch and took out a large, red ball.

He pushed it into his chest, and Remus clutched it, staggering.

"We won't use the snitch, it could get lost," Sirius explained, closing up the box again, "And the bludgers are too damn violent. Least this lil thing won't cause us much trouble."

Remus tentatively ran his hands over the red leather of the ball, still trying to think of a way out of this. "Um, Sirius?" he said hesitantly, "I…can't…"

"Play Quidditch?" Sirius laughed, tossing his broom confidently from one hand to the other, "Don't worry about it! We're just gonna chuck the Quaffle around up there, no expert moves or anything."

He grinned encouragingly, and Remus willed himself to smile back. Inside he was shaking, and he'd heard once that brooms were like horses: they could sense your emotions. As though picking up on this, the broom leaning against the wall quivered slightly. And he wasn't even on it yet!

"No, Sirius, it's not that," Remus lowered his eyes to the floor. He had known James and Sirius long enough to realise that flying meant a lot to them, and he tried to push the image of Sirius's jeering face out of his head. "The thing is…I can't fly."

An awful silence came back to him, and desperately Remus raised to his eyes to see his reaction. The empty broom shed blinked back at him. Sirius was no-where to be seen.

"What the…?"

"Come on Remus! What are you waiting for!" Sirius appeared by the open door, already on his broom, dark eyes gleaming, "Hurry up!"

And before Remus could answer, Sirius pulled the broom handle skilfully round and shot off into the gloomy sky.

Remus glanced down at the Quaffle in his arms.

"What in Merlins name am I going to do now?" He muttered, feeling the tiniest flutters of panic starting up in his stomach.

00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Love and peace x