There are some things in life you don't think about. Times when your heart decides something and your brain doesn't get any input into the decision. Those are the decisions that you can build upon or break everything you've worked so hard on. This was one of them.
What did she mean to him? Anything? Nothing? He was worried when she got hurt. A friend could worry about a friend. Would he risk his life for her? A friend could risk a life for a friend.
She was his one ticket out of confusion to something else. Anything else. Even for just a moment. And there was no going back. One way ticket. Was that all she was? Was she really? Was she something more? He wasn't sure anymore.
It was like a flickering image. A fading light. Blue. White. Brunette. Blonde. Brown. Blue. And it wasn't Quistis he was kissing anymore. It was someone else. A raven haired girl with a blue outfit. Her again. Who was she? Why the hell did he keep seeing her?
And then she was gone, replaced once again by Quistis. He didn't understand. He didn't want to. He wanted to get away. Get lost. Get lost in her. For as long as it took for him to understand. To make sense of things. To replace who ever he had lost with her; so he wouldn't be alone. He didn't want to be alone.
Not anymore. Even if it meant losing the one person that meant everything to him. Even if it meant losing himself.
And maybe he would have lost himself if she hadn't stopped him.
Hands on chest, forcing him off. Not a touch with a trace of passion; or longing. It was of violence and fear. He pulled away slowly watching her the whole time. She didn't met his gaze. She couldn't.
Was she scared? Frightened? Had he scared her? Squall watched as she looked away from him silently. What was it he was feeling? Hurt? Ashamed? Longing? Confusion? He watched as she exhaled shakily and smiled. Not a smile of happiness, or of joy. A bitter smile, a sad smile. "I suppose I was being naive when I thought this would never happen." She exhaled rather shakily, and turned to him.
He didn't know what to say as he watched her shake her head sadly. In vain, he reached out to touch her. Maybe comfort her in someway, or maybe it was just an attempt to ease his guilty conscience. "Don't." They way she said it made his freeze. Made his heart stop. Made ice creep up the walls.
"Why?" It was all he could do to get that single word out.
"This isn't right." It was like someone punched his in the stomach. She turned to him slowly, "Whatever you're feeling right now isn't for me. You don't care for me this way."
What did he feel then? "How do you know what I feel?" He asked, somewhat angrily.
"I know that you're confused, Squall." The blonde replied quietly. He turned to the window silently, "Look, let's just forget this happened."
"Why?!" He snapped, he had forgotten everything else, why did he have to forget this, too?
She winced slightly at the outburst, and suddenly he felt guilty. "Because it was a mistake. You don't love me, you don't care for me, I doubt you've ever even entertained any romantic thoughts about me in your life before." She took a shaky breath, "You love Rinoa, Squall."
And suddenly, it was almost hard to breathe. His mind was literally doing circles. It would have made sense; the ring, the facts... but then why couldn't he remember her? What about the Quistis? "Then what about the picture? I had my arms around you."
She looked surprised for a moment before relaxing and letting out a little chuckle, shaking her head all the while. "That was during the party Selphie threw. You gave me my instructor's licence back; and was so surprised I hugged you. That's all that ever happened, I promise."
He nodded slowly, sitting back. It made sense, everything seemed to fit together. So why did it feel wrong? Why couldn't he remember that girl no matter how hard he tried? "Alright." He said quietly. Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa. The name wasn't ringing any bells. Maybe it was hopeless.
"She's waiting for you." Squall looked up, surprised. "Rinoa's waiting for you back home, waiting for you to remember. So don't give up, alright?" And she smiled at him, and he vaguely wondered if that other girl's smile made he feel the same way.
Maybe he had something to look forward to now. He also had something to look back on though. Always something to look back on.
So much to take in. He was love in someone else? He couldn't even remember her, so how was he supposed to love her? Squall closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before turning to her the blonde. "Does she love me?"
A nod. "Of course. She loves you so much, I don't think I can even think of word to sum up how much she loves you." She gave him a reassuring smile; "If you're worried about her moving on while you're trying to remember, don't worry. She'd never leave you." Okay, fine. So maybe there was the one time at the dance, but that didn't count. Really, it didn't. And there was that time at Timber, but she didn't think running off because he was being rude counted... Oh, and the time with Irvine and Selphie and Galbadia Garden. She paused a moment. Never mind.
Silence. "I assume you'll want your ring back now." She said quietly, reaching up and fiddling with the chain for a moment.
He paused a moment, looking up at her; and it gave him a bit of comfort. Maybe it was because of the rings, seeing them on someone he could easily pass off as someone else. Maybe in his mind he as replacing her with the one he had forgotten. An easy substitute. "No." She looked up surprised, and he gave her a small reassuring smile. Enough to sooth her soul for only just a moment.
"Did I love her a lot?" Squall asked quietly after a moment of silence.
"More than anything." Quistis whispered with a small smile. "Sometimes I think you love her more than life itself." She paused for a moment, "Now that I think about it, I know you did."
He smiled, not quite sure if that was comforting or not. "Do you love anyone that much?" He asked quietly.
"I did," She whispered, "but it was just misunderstood. They'd never feel the same way about me."
"Have you ever asked?" He didn't even know why he was so intent on knowing the answer. Curiosity? Maybe just for the sake of getting of the spot light off of him. Maybe because he was jealous that she had someone else.
"There's no need to." It was a simple answer. "I just know they would never feel the same way about me."
"They must be a fool then." He mumbled quietly, smoothing back his hair.
She never heard him.