She couldn't sleep. It was the same dream haunting her every time she dared to close her eyes. The dream were she lost him forever, where she betrayed Rinoa... where she died. It made her freeze in panic, made it hard to breathe and it made her wonder what the hell she was getting herself into.

What was she getting into? It seemed like the only thing she was doing here was causing herself more pain. Maybe she was being selfish, after all, did she really come here to help him? Maybe there was an ulterior motive behind it; maybe just a vain attempt to try and convince herself that maybe for once in her life, Squall could need her the way he needed to Rinoa.

She shook her head. It wasn't true, was it? She wasn't really trying to take him away from Rinoa was she? And yet when she questioned herself about it, she couldn't produce an answer. She found herself curling up into a fetal position, hoping that maybe it would protect her from everything in the world that would ever hurt her.

The blonde smiled bitterly. As if. The hurt would still come, she knew that much. Maybe now she knew why Squall had been so cold; after all, if you never loved someone, you would never get hurt when they left. Or in her case, never loved you back. But it wasn't that case anymore was it? Rinoa had come and magically traded in the old Squall for a new one. One that loved Rinoa. Rinoa and not her.

The realization of the fact stung. Even without Rinoa, she could never have him. And even if she did, her own conscience prevented it. And it was like a raging war inside her head of three different parties. The first, was mad at Rinoa; for taking away her Squall; for making her be alone. The second, saying that even if she did have him, would she really be happy knowing that she took him away from Rinoa? And third, finally, reassuring herself that even if Rinoa never existed, she would never have a chance with him.

But she knew that Rinoa deserved him so much more than she did. Rinoa wasn't bitter and jealous like she was after all. She was trying though. She was trying to redeem herself. She really was. Squall stirred in his sleep, and she vaguely wondered what Rinoa was doing right now. Was she scared? The blonde assumed she would be, along with worried out of her mind.

Rinoa. Would Rinoa hate her now? Hate her because she was in love with him? Hate her because she wasn't her? Hate her because he had kissed her? "Would you hate me Rinoa?" She asked quietly, as if Rinoa was here with her. There wasn't an answer. She wasn't expecting one anyways.

She sighed, this was taking a toll on her. Both physically and mentally; she didn't know long she would be able to last before she had a breakdown. But by God, she would do her best to help him. Tomorrow she would try harder, that was her new resolution. She would make him remember or die trying.

[ o [ o [ o

"Do you remember anything about a field of flowers?" It was around 2 o'clock in the afternoon when she had randomly asked him. What a weird question.

Squall thought for a moment and his mind drew a blank. Why did she want to know about a field flowers? Was it a trick question or something? He shook his head, didn't know anything. Not anymore. "No." He said quietly. "Why?"

"You and Rinoa made a promise there." And it hurt. It hurt to tell him all the things she had tried to forget. Hurt to give him away. "She said..." The blonde had to take a moment to compose herself; feelings wouldn't get in the way of this. They couldn't. "She said she'd wait for you." I'd wait for you too. I'd wait for you forever, Squall. But you never gave me the chance. "She promised you. That was your promise."

"I'm sorry. I don't remember."

Quistis forced a smile to reassure him everything would be alright. But it wouldn't. She knew it wouldn't. Even if he remembered, it wouldn't be alright. Not for her. Knowing they had shared a kiss only because he didn't remember. Knowing he only cared for her because he didn't know Rinoa. Only because there was no one else replace her with.

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be forcing all of this on you on one sitting." She sighed. "It's getting a bit stuffy in here, do you want to take a walk?" The walls reminded her of Rinoa; they seemed to penalize her; weigh her down, make her drown in her own guilt.

Squall nodded, and walked out soundlessly. The blonde took a look at the room, it was quiet, nothing jumped out, it was peaceful. Had Squall and Rinoa talked in rooms like these? Kissed? Tell each other their undying love? Made love in rooms like these?

She took a shaky breath, and took one last look at the room before shutting the door and leaving.

[ o [ o [ o

Fields of flowers haunted her. Whenever she went by them they drew out vivid images of Squall and Rinoa promising in the fields, reminded her of what she could never had. What he would never promise her. The promises they would never make. She ignored the flowers, pretended it was a wasteland. Where Rinoa rescued Squall. She squeezed her eyes shut, she was literally being haunted.

Why was it that everything she saw, everything she heard, everything she touched brought her back to what hurt her the most? Why? Did fate personally align all the planets to torture her? She didn't know, she honestly didn't.

Squall was keeping her pace; until they were past the cursed field and onto the dirt road. "Where do you want to go?" Yes. This would help distract her from her guilt. She watched as looked around silently, before slowly walking over to the old bar. Slowly at first, then more briskly as he got closer.

The blonde quickly followed him, almost having to start sprinting after him as he had gotten a head start. The door swung open and closed with a small creak, and then it was silent. She had been here before, both in the 'dream world' and in real life. This was Raine's bar.

Quistis watched as Squall examined the place, hoping he wouldn't go upstairs. Last time they had been there they had gotten yelled at. Twice. Not an experience she wanted to relive. Squall walked over and examined the white flowers. "Do you remember anything about this place?" If she had one gil for every time she had asked him that she would have been rich.

Squall was quiet for a moment, "The flowers." He murmured quietly. "I don't remember what about them, though." He said quietly. He took one last look at them before he turned to leave. "Never mind. It was probably nothing."

And she wanted to tell him about Raine and about Rinoa, but he was already gone.

She had lost him long ago.

By the time she had gotten outside, he was already in the house beside it. Again, she followed him into the house. It had been abandoned for years, light streamed through the holes in the roof and the whole house was covered in a thick layer of dust. Bullet holes were shaped in arc near a dusty painting, but out of all the things to examine; he was looking at an empty picture frame.

And she couldn't help but watch as his finger gently wiped away the dust at the surface as he starred intently at the frame; as if there was something deep within it. "The picture was taken out." He whispered softly.

And she knew why. She knew Laguna had taken with him; when Raine had died, Ellone had left. So he even when he couldn't see them, talk to them, touch them; even when he could never be with them again; he would have something to remind him. Remind him of what he had. Remind him of what he had loved so dearly.

For her, pictures reminded her of what she had lost.