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Part 2- Revelations

I felt dirty. Physically, yes, since I was covered in a mixture of mine and Zekk's sweat, but emotionally as well. I knew that if my parents found out about what had happened they would be angry with me. Even worse, I was afraid that they would be ashamed of me. I had spent my whole life trying to be perfect. Daddy's little girl, Mom's helper, representative of the New Republic, and a strong Jedi. But now I felt like all of that had been done in vain. I wasn't perfect anymore, not even close.

Shifting a bit in the uncomfortable bed, I noticed that Zekk had fallen asleep. That was probably for the best since I needed to leave. I had to find a way to get back to my room without anyone seeing me.

Carefully getting out of the bed while trying not to disturb its occupant, I stood up and began putting my clothes back on. Running my hands through my disheveled hair, I could tell that I looked like a mess. Praying that what I had just done was not blatantly obvious, I slowly and carefully snuck out of Zekk's bedroom.

Glancing up and down the corridor, I noted that no one was around and I began to walk back towards my room. When I was barely ten steps away, I could hear my brother's voice echoing down the hall. Overcome with panic, I ran the rest of the way and slammed my door behind me.

Finally within the safety of my small and messy chamber, I sank down the wall. For some reason tears were brimming in my eyes. Why am I crying? What happened tonight wasn't that big of a deal, was it? No, I decided, it wasn't. But I knew I was lying to myself. Crawling into bed, not even bothering to remove my clothes, I fell asleep instantly.

Early the next morning I could hear Jacen stirring in his connecting room. Today he was leaving to go back to Coruscaunt with Uncle Luke while I was supposed to be going off with Aunt Mara. Just yesterday I had been ecstatic about leaving, but this morning all I wanted to do was lay in bed. I didn't feel well. While my body was sore, the worst pain I felt was in my heart. It ached.

Closing my eyes, I went back to sleep until I was once again awoken by a loud and quick knock on my door. Guessing that it was a few hours later, I figured that I had just missed breakfast. Oh well, I didn't feel much like eating.

"Jaina," I could hear my brother call. "Are you up yet?"

"No," I yelled back. "Go away."

But Jacen, being the wonderful twin brother that he is, opened the door and came bounding in anyways. "Nope. It is way past time for you to be getting up. You and Mara are supposed to be leaving soon.

"Jacen, please just leave."

Noting that something was wrong, he sat down on the edge of my bed. "You okay Jaya?"

Not wanting to tell Jacen what was wrong, I simply sighed and murmured "Yeah," into my pillow.

But my twin knew me better than that. "Jaina, if something's wrong you can tell me."

"Nothing's wrong," I said. "I just don't feel so good." There, that should satisfy him.

"Do you want me to go get a medical droid?"

"No."

"You sure? What about Mom or Dad?"

"Jacen, all I want is for you to go away and stop bugging me," I snapped.

His hand swiftly recoiled from where it had been rubbing my back. I could feel his hurt coming through our twin bond, but I didn't really care. I just wanted to be left alone forever.

I could hear Jacen stand up and leave my room without another word. Happy to be alone again, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

A couple hours later I was awoken once again by another knock on the door. This time I could feel the presence of Aunt Mara waiting patiently outside.

"I told Jacen that I didn't want to see anyone."

"No Jaina, you told him that you didn't want to see a medic or your parents. Quite frankly, I am none of those and I am coming in whether you like it or not."

Mara followed through on her threat and then she came and sat in the exact same spot that Jacen had vacated hours before. "Jaina what is wrong with you? We were supposed to have left an hour ago."

"Sorry, but I just don't feel up to it today."

"Jaina, last night you could barely contain your excitement about leaving and now all you want to do is stay? I understand that you're upset about leaving this place and all of your friends, but we have a job to do."

I listened to Mara say those words. She was right, of course. Mara was always right. "I know." Rolling over in bed, I continued, "I just wasn't feeling to great."

"I'm sorry to hear that Jaina, but if your feeling up to it, I would still like to leave some time today."

I considered that for a moment. If I left it would mean not seeing Zekk for several weeks, maybe months. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

As if she had been reading my thoughts, Mara said, "Zekk has been asking for you this morning. I think he wanted a chance to say goodbye before we left. Maybe you should get up and go see him."

Nodding my head, I climbed out of bed. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mara's reaction to the fact that I was still wearing the same clothes from the night before. She never missed anything.

"I guess I was more tired last night than I thought," I said, trying to explain my clothes.

"Uh huh," was all Mara said before she left my room.

About an hour later I was packing up my things into my aunt's ship. Without even having to look behind me I could feel Zekk approach. "Hey," he called out to my back.

Turning around slowly, I smiled a bit and yelled back.

"Where were you this morning? I woke up and you were gone, and then you never showed up for morning or midday meal."

"Yeah, I was tired."

"Oh," he said while he walked closer towards me. "I'm glad I caught you now then. Didn't want you to leave without getting a proper goodbye."

He kissed my forehead. I liked that. In fact, I loved it when he kissed me and when he hugged me. That always felt so sweet, so loving.

Glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one was around, he kissed me on the lips. He started off soft, but then he pressed his tongue in my mouth and demanded more. Still a little unwary, I matched pace. But then he trailed his hand up my side and touched my breast. Pulling away from his lips, I backed away a few steps.

Opening his eyes quickly, Zekk gave me an inquisitive look. "What's wrong? I thought that after last night it would be okay to-"

"It is," I said, cutting him off even though I wasn't sure if I was okay with it. "I'm still getting used to all of this though."

"I know what you mean," he said with a smile. "I always knew that I loved you Jaina, but I had no idea until last night just how much love could mean. You completed me."

A smile slowly crossed my face and I took his hand. "I love you too."

Somehow, he seemed disappointed that that was all I said. Feeling like I had to add more, I continued, "You completed me too."

That brought a smile to his handsome face. "I can't wait until I see you again. I might just pick you up and make love to you right in front of everyone. No more sneaking around, how would that sound?"

Honestly, that sounded great. I wish I could just be with Zekk and feel perfect, the way I used to. I wish I didn't feel soiled and broken the way I did now. I wanted to scream out to the world that I loved him and that I was a woman now, but I couldn't. Because I was ashamed of myself.

I hope all of my readers enjoyed it! Please, please, please review (it's a sin not to!).