Part 2

iLetting her go was the most gut-wrenching and terrifying thing that he had ever had to do. To Duncan, it was like finally grasping something solid like rope after falling through air endlessly… then learning that you had to open your hand else the rope would strangle you. Sometimes he thought he would have happily let himself be strangled as long as he still had her.

It was sinful to think about it then, but he had been so tempted several times to just relish in the sin and beg her to take him back.

And he wouldn't have said a word. And he would have made sure nobody else said a word either.

Imagine his relief and grief to find that she was not his sister, and he lost her for nothing.

When he saw her leaning against the lockers, her eyes squeezed shut, Duncan knew that she had been through another encounter with Logan. He wanted to shake her, because she got burned every time she tried to convince Logan to get back together with her. But that was Veronica. She had a hell of a hard time getting over Duncan himself. Veronica didn't let go easily. She latched on to love like Backup biting into a bone. Once Veronica loved, she might as well die trying to keep that love.

She deserved so much better than loneliness and anguish. Duncan walked up to her and handed her his handkerchief. She quickly grabbed it and dabbed at her eyes. He knew Logan was just at the corner, watching them. Had Veronica not been there, Duncan would have raced towards his best friend headfirst and slammed him onto the wall.

"Your History is on the way to my Math," he told her. "Come on."

They walked together until her room, when she handed him back his handkerchief and thanked him.

"Pick you up after?" he asked tentatively. "I need a lunch companion."

At this, Veronica slowly looked up at him from beneath her lashes, and Duncan saw someone he had not seen for two years. There was his Veronica—the girl he fell in love with, the girl who looked up to Lilly and adored him. This was the Veronica who represented to him so many things that he never saw in his own life until she stepped into his house with soft steps and laughed in that tender way she did. It was a vulnerable and transparent Veronica, and he rejoiced at seeing her peering out of the super-Veronica armor she decided to wear after Lilly's death.

"Will you be okay eating with a girl who's thinking about another boy?"

He brushed her cheek with his thumb. "If it will make you feel better, then I'll be fine."

She smiled, then nodded her assent at his question. Veronica turned back and entered the room. She sat down and glanced back at the doorway to see Duncan standing outside still. She waved at him and Duncan smiled, then walked away./i

His lawyers helped Duncan push his way through the reporters. When microphones were thrust at his face, Duncan waved them away. The police escort that he had been provided with ushered him into his car.

"Hell out there?"

Duncan turned in his seat and saw the man who always seemed to know where he would be. "Keith."

The older man smiled. "You didn't have to do that, Duncan."

"So my lawyers told me." Duncan glanced back outside as the car started. His lawyers were waving away the reporters, pleading no comment.

Keither closed his hand over Duncan's. "For all it's worth, thank you. But there is no hard evidence that he laid a hand on Veronica."

"Are you afraid I'm going to ruin the chances of discovering who did this?"

"At this point, Duncan, there seems to be nothing anyone can contribute to the resolution of this case." Keith sighed and clenched his fists. On his lap, a tick folder lay. He flipped to the first page and revealed the most recent picture that he had of Veronica because she disappeared. "I've solved so many cases, Duncan. I can't believe how helpless I am at this. Is it because she's my daughter?"

Duncan reached for the picture and looked down at it. He remembered taking it just outside the campus. She decided to stand on top of a marble table and dumped her camera in his bag. Duncan laughed and coaxed her to jump down. She had refused to do so, and made faces at him and made him chuckle, then chortle with laughter.

i"Take a picture of me!" she called out.

"Veronica, it's your first day," he said. "You're making a scene!"

"I was born to make a scene!" she declared, throwing back her arms and twirling. "Now take a picture, Duncan."/i

He did take that picture, and after having it printed, Duncan had had it framed. Now it was on top of her father's file on her. "Have you ever thought that maybe it's true what I've always suspected—that I killed her? I was the one who last saw her; I was the one who had access to her; and I was the one who was standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down into the water when her car sank."

"It would have been so easy to name you suspect," Keith admitted. "But it doesn't make sense, Duncan. You had no motive."

Duncan's jaw tightened. He had revealed everything to Keith and all the investigators except for one thing that only he, Veronica and Logan Echolls knew.

Answers were all he wanted. It was that one secret that just could not voice. He did not want Keith to find out. Nobody else would ever know about it.

Like everything else that one wanted to get away from, the secret taunted him when his phone rang. He looked at the screen and saw the name he despised above anything. Duncan glanced at Keith, who nodded as if he needed permission to take the call. The older man looked out of the car and watched the road go by.

"What do you remember?" were the first words Logan said.

Duncan looked at Keith from the corner of his eyes. He turned away from Veronica's father and whispered, "I remember confronting you."

"Then what, Duncan?" was the next demand.

"What right do you have to ask when you cut her out of your life long before that?" Duncan parried.

"If you're going to drop a bomb like the one you did, you better be ready with answers," Logan hissed. "I've kept myself from destroying you because there wasn't any proof. You've thrown down the shield, Duncan."

Duncan told the driver, "Stop here for a moment."

Keith turned to Duncan, and the younger man said, "I have to take this call outside." Duncan climbed out of the car and answered, "I don't owe you answers."

"You owe Veronica the truth, and that's the same reason you spoke up today."

Duncan walked away from the car, as if the distance would assure him that Keith would know nothing. "I remember confronting you. And then after that there was nothing. The next thing I know, my car was at the edge of Ratisen's Point, and I'm climbing out, and looking down into the water."

"There must have been a chase," Logan concluded. It was the same conclusion drawn by the officers on the scene. "You chased her off the cliff," spat Logan, the one statement that Duncan had always suspected but nobody voiced.

"I loved her," Duncan said, to himself sounding as if he were on the defense. He didn't want to say it, because his feelings were not for defense. Even to Veronica he selected the moments when he spoke about them.

Logan's breathing was harsh and audible. "Loving someone doesn't mean you're not capable of hurting her. I know that for a fact."

The call dropped then, but Duncan suspected that having found out what he needed to know, Logan just ended the call. In his frustration, Duncan threw his phone on the ground, where it smashed into its tiniest pieces. He stomped back into his car to ride in silence with Keith until they reached the apartment he had once shared with Veronica.

"Please drive Mr. Mars back to his hotel and come back for me," Duncan instructed.

Before he got out of the car, Keith grabbed his arm. Duncan looked back. "You didn't kill her," he said.

The words, coming from someone like Keith, caused his throat to close. "You really believe that?"

Keith smiled tightly, then nodded. "When Lilly was murdered, I suspected you. This time, Duncan, there is nothing in my instincts that tells me that you hurt my daughter."

"I wish I can believe that," Duncan replied, then got out of the car and entered the building where he used to live.

The place breathed familiarity. Duncan rested his forehead against the closed doors of the elevator as he was lifted to the floor he occupied long ago.

iHands closed over his eyes. Duncan grinned at the feel of her small hands covering his sight. He could picture Veronica standing on tiptoes just to blindfold him like this.

"What's going on?" he asked, immediately bending his knees so that she wouldn't have to strain too hard.

"I want it to be a surprise," she whispered into his ear.

Duncan grinned, because every day was a surprise since he got back together with her. "You do know tomorrow is an exam day," he said, "so I hope this is not a party that I have to entertain for."

He heard the elevator bell ring, and Veronica led him out of the elevator and into the apartment. Then, he walked with her, turning at her command. He knew the lay of the land, and he recognized that they were on their way to the dining room. Finally, she took her hands and said, "Ta da!"

The table was laid out with matching utensils and gorgeous china. "I bought the food, so be not afraid," she said in disclaimer. There was lobster and white marlin, and even blueberry cheesecake. "Happy anniversary," she said. "And I don't mind that you forgot."

He had turned to her then, and looked down at her red-rimmed eyes. Duncan kissed her forehead and breathed in. She had been so busy the last few weeks, often sleepless with work that he suspected had something to do with investigators calling her at odd hours and mail that she would never let him read. Even with her preoccupation, she remembered the day that Logan finally cut her clean and Duncan passed by her room after History and took her out for lunch.

Duncan laughed and knelt down on one knee, then took a small box from his jeans pocket. "I didn't forget," he began.

Before he could open the box and speak again, Veronica had gasped and snatched the box from his hand. "Oh my God, Duncan, yes!" she cried out. She opened the box and stared at the ring inside. "It's gorgeous." Belatedly realizing what she had done, Veronica grimaced and handed the box back to Duncan. "Sorry, you go."

Duncan shook his head and said, "You always beat me to the punch, Veronica Mars."

She smiled widely. "Well at least you're not going to be nervous anymore."

"I wasn't," he said, blatantly lying. "Veronica," he said finally, "will you marry me?"/i

Duncan opened his eyes when the elevator doors opened, and he took a deep breath. Directly as he stepped out of the elevator was the place he had once called home, and never called home again. He surveyed his surroundings, left in exactly the same condition it was in that last night he could remember when they fought.

Keith had offered to take some of his daughter's belongings back with him to Neptune. Duncan had refused. Instead, he had kept the lease on the apartment and did not move anything, hoping against hope that someday, his memory would be jogged by the familiar surroundings and he would finally discover the answers to his questions.

He walked over to the mantle, deliberately not turning his gaze on the dining room, because he did not want to remember her vibrant eyes when she accepted his proposal. Instead, Duncan picked up a figuring of a little girl and a little boy holding hands and kissing. Inscribed at the bottom were words so cheesy he was glad Veronica did not scrape them off, "First Love's Kiss."

i"What is this?" she asked, frowning as she turned the figurine over.

"It's purely for decoration," Duncan said. "And it's a gift, so stop frowning."

She screwed her lips. "We're not in high school anymore." When she turned the figurine, she saw a small opening at the bottom. "Ah!" she said in discovery.

"What is it?"

"We can keep messages inside."/i

He smiled at the memory, and placed the figurine back on the mantle. Duncan stepped over an overturned lamp.

iHe threw a punch./i

Duncan stopped stock still because it was the first memory that occurred to him of the night that he had forgotten.

iThe lamp broke when it hit the floor.

Duncan glanced at his fist and saw his knuckles scraped and bloody./i

Duncan whispered, "No." Images of violence flooded his sight.

He had screamed then. Duncan clasped his throat, almost feeling the raw abrasion from two tears back.

iShe was running. He saw panic in her eyes./i

That, he knew, was the exact point when his world had blacked out.

iLoving someone doesn't mean you're not capable of hurting her. I know that for a fact./i

tbc