TheNaggingCube - I love the parts in the gate idea for Kavanagh. Mind if I use that?

drufan - I think McKay heard you!

elemental-sparky - I'm sorry about your essay. I hope it was worth it. I know how you feel - I'm easily distracted by fanfiction as well. I was almost late for work this morning reading a newly posted chapter of one of my many alert stories.

Espiritu - thank goodness you really got chapter 3 up. I just about lost what was left of my mind.

SayntJimmy - Yes, it's true - I am very sick. And if you think that now, you might want to skip this chapter. I got a little rough.

rogue1503 - I am terribly sorry to have caused you that awful trip to the hospital, but you might want to keep the ambulance warmed up until this chapter is over. I may have gotten a little carried away...and maybe you guys will carry me away after this (hope not). By the way - am loving new chapters of 'In the Still of the Night', so read quickly and go back to work. I want more.

Thank you to everyone else who left a review. It's really hard to teach and lurk by the computer watching for reviews between classes, but somehow I'm managing. I am so very addicted to this! I probably need help - but I sure don't want it. Read on and I hope I didn't push too hard this chapter. Just something weird I had in my sick little mind to do. Let me know if it's too much (but without a lynching party).

Chapter 10

Sheppard sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. Beckett was going over his chart with a fine-toothed comb. "Well, major, everything looks good. How are the muscle tremors?"

"Better. They still come and go, but fewer and farther apart. They never last longer that a few seconds any more."

Beckett eyed him critically, trying to determine if what he was hearing was the truth or the scaled down, let me tell you what you want to hear version that Sheppard was famous for. "What about the cramps?"

Sheppard shrugged. "Last one was...three days ago."

He was worried about Sheppard...but not physically. Sheppard had never once asked him when he would get out of the infirmary. It had been almost two weeks since he woke up and he had never seemed anxious to leave...never tried to escape.. Come to think of it, he'd never shown much emotion of any kind...except for his eyes. If you looked closely...you could see the fear. And that was what Sheppard was trying to hide. He didn't want to release him, and yet there was no reason to keep him.

"All right, major. You can go as soon as you get changed. I want daily checks for a couple of days, until I see how you're doing. Let me know if the tremors get worse or the cramps come back." Sheppard nodded and moved to pick up the clothes that Ford had brought him. Beckett closed the curtain behind him as he left.

Two days later, Sheppard was heading out to the balcony. He wasn't back on active duty yet, but he had a meeting in a little while to discuss what had happened and try to figure out who was responsible. He hadn't actually been invited to the meeting. He'd found out about it by accident...McKay had inadvertently spilled the beans at breakfast. It seems Elizabeth hadn't told him about it in an effort to protect him. He didn't relish talking about it, but he wanted this solved and solved soon. If they caught the person responsible, maybe the fear would let go of his gut and he could actually sleep at night. Beckett would kill him if he knew how much trouble he'd had sleeping or how many times he'd gotten up to lose his lunch. Beckett was already on him about gaining back the weight he'd lost in the infirmary. If he didn't get a grip soon, Beckett would slap him back in bed. He hadn't cared that much about getting out, but now that he was out, he didn't want to go back. Too many memories for now. He shivered.

Lost in thought as he rounded the corner, he collided with Dr. Kavanagh. They shuffled around and grabbed at one another to keep from falling. Finally, both men regained their footing. "Excuse me, Dr. Kavanagh."

"That's quite all right, major. My fault too. I'm glad to see you up and looking well." Kavanagh smiled at Sheppard.

"Thanks. It's...good to be up." Sheppard was amazed the man didn't chew him out.

"Well, I'd better go. Experiments and such." Kavanagh walked down the hall, leaving Sheppard wondering what had just happened.

Sheppard continued out onto the balcony, breathing in the ocean air as he stepped outside. He laid his arms on the railing and leaned against it, enjoying the cool breeze and the sound of the waves crashing below. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the tension stiffening the muscles beneath his hand. He was amazed at how sore he still was and how easily he tired. He wanted to start his morning runs again, but he just didn't have enough energy. He'd taken to trying to have longer and longer walks so he could build up enough strength for running. Beckett had assured him it would come in time and encouraged him not to rush it. He stepped back and laid his head on his hands, closing his eyes and trying to clear the cobwebs from his brain. He felt like he was in such a fog these days.

He startled at a hand on his shoulder. Looking up he saw Elizabeth, worry on her face. "John?"

He straightened up as he said, "Since when have you been so good at stealth mode? Maybe we should take you with us on some missions."

Elizabeth smiled, realizing he was okay. "Sorry. I didn't realize I was being so quiet. Or maybe you were just lost in thought...that, or asleep."

"Hey, I was not asleep. I was just enjoying the peace and quiet. Sometimes that's hard to find around here."

She nodded in understanding. That was one reason she visited the balcony so often herself. The other reason was standing in front of her, the breeze blowing his hair back off his forehead. She noticed that he still looked tired, especially around his eyes.

Sheppard, seeing her expression, decided it was time to head the impending conversation in a different direction. "So, are you okay with me crashing the meeting today?"

"Well, I'm not sure it's a good idea. I still think you need some more time to recuperate...you're not back on active duty yet. Actually, you haven't even been cleared for light duy. As I recall, you are supposed to be resting in your quarters. This, my dear major, is not what I call resting in your quarters." She arched one eyebrow at him in her best mock expression of reprimand.

"Cabin fever. That's my story and I'm sticking to it." He gave her his patented lop-sided grin that had been missing for weeks now. She thought maybe her heart had taken wings. A glint of the old John was starting to come through and she planned on grabbing it with both hands and yanking.

"And you're thinking Carson will buy this cabin fever thing?"

"He doesn't have to if no one tells on me. So...are you snitching or not?" He was still grinning and she was finding it harder and harder to answer. She couldn't figure out why she had to work so hard to get her mouth to form words. Get a grip, she thought to herself.

"I'll make you a deal. I won't tell Carson anything if you'll tell me who leaked the meeting to you."

No wonder she was their negotiator. She knew how to drive a hard bargain. Sorry, McKay. It wasn't like she couldn't figure it out anyway. Who else would have told him? "Think about it for three seconds and you'll know."

"Rodney?" She had known before she asked him. But the game was half the fun, wasn't it?

"Good. And it didn't even take you three seconds."

"You know, Carson's not a blind man. He'll see you sitting at the table with the rest of us."

Sheppard nodded. "I know. I acually told him this morning when I went for my check that I was going. He wasn't overly happy about it, but he understood. He said it might help me deal with it and move on." He smiled again. "Of course, I was supposed to go straight back to my quarters and rest, but ...I just needed some time out here first. It helps...clear my head. It's relaxing."

Elizabeth placed her hand on his forearm and squeezed gently. "How are you really? I know you hate it when I ask, but you look...tired. I'm worried you're trying to do too much."

"I'm coping. I'm still sore and I do get tired easily. But I'm not overdoing it. I rest several times a day, but I'm trying to build my strength back up. You can't do that lying in bed all day. I take a walk, then I rest. It's slow...but I'm getting there."

"Are you sleeping at night?"

Man, she knew how to get right down to it. He hesitated too long, trying to decide how to answer. And that gave her the answer she needed.

"Does Carson know you're not sleeping?'

"Hey, I didn't say I wasn't sleeping!" he snapped. His face flushed with anger, catching her off guard. "Look, I had a bad couple of weeks and now it's over. Everyone's so worried about me moving on. How can I when no one else around here seems to be able to. How long is everyone going to tip toe around me like they're walking on egg shells. I just want things to get back to normal so I can forget this whole stupid mess. Why is that so much to ask?" With that, he stormed off.

Elizabeth figured if you could slam the doors of Atlantis, he would have ripped that one off the hinges. Good job, Elizabeth. Way to piss him off. She leaned against the rail and gazed out into ocean, wondering where the conversation had gone so horribly wrong.

Sheppard walked briskly into his quarters, clenching and unclenching his fists and breathing heavily. As the door closed behind him, he paced around the room several times, trying to diffuse his anger. As he started to calm down a bit, he thought back on their conversation. How could he have blown up like that? She asked a simple question out of concern and he practically took her head off. She had to think he was nuts. Way to go Sheppard. Let's convince everyone you've lost you mind so they can lock you away in a padded cell somewhere. Suddenly, he took his arm and brushed everything that had been on his desk into the floor, violently slinging things every direction. He heard the sound of breaking glass, but didn't care what it was. He just felt so...STUPID. There was no other way to describe what he'd just done.

His back to the wall, he let himself slide down to the floor and rested his head on his knees. "Come on Shep, you can do this. You have got to pull yourself together. Today would be nice. Like, before you make a babbling fool of yourself at this meeting." He felt his stomach starting to roll and swallowed hard. He had to quit doing this. It was over, so why did he keep coming apart at the seams? He would think he had it together and then...well...something like today. Slowly, he got to his feet. He needed to head to the meeting early. He had a stop to make on the way. He definitely owed someone an apology...a really big apology.

McKay paced back and forth in his lab. He knew, without a doubt, that Kavanagh was mixed up in this somehow. It was all too coincidental. It had to have something to do with that stupid hand-warming rock of his. That was the only thing he hadn't really investigated from the first time Sheppard got sick. He'd taken Kavanagh's word that is was nothing. He had no idea how Kavanagh had caused the second attack, but he was still sure he was behind it. Kavanagh had been way too friendly and willing to help. He was up to something and McKay intended to find out what. He wanted to go to Elizabeth, but realized how insane it sounded to accuse Kavanagh of wrong doing because he was being nice. He'd have to have a little more evidence than that. But how?

"I can't just walk up to Kavanagh and say, 'Hey, did you poison the major?' Even he's not that stupid. There has to be something though..."

"Rodney, you are talking to self. What, will no one else listen?" Zelenka was standing in the doorway to the lab.

McKay snapped his fingers and smiled. "That's it. Radek, I need you for a covert mission. Are you up to it?"

"Must I go off world?" Zelenka asked nervously.

"No. I think you'll like this. I want you to raid Kavanagh's computer while he's in a meeting."

Zelenka rubbed his hands together and smiled. "Yes, I like so far. Why we are doing this?" Zelenka really hated Kavanagh. He always talked to him like he was stupid. Well, so did Rodney...but Rodney talked to everyone like that and, somehow, he did it in a way that encouraged friendly banter most of the time. Kavanagh just thought he was that much smarter and better than everyone around him. Very annoying man.

"I think Kavanagh's the one who's been poisoning Sheppard. If I know him, he'll have it all recorded on his laptop. He's too vain to pull off something like this withoug bragging, even if it's just to his computer. But I have to be able to prove it before I say anything, or he'll just destroy the evidence."

Zelenka's expression darkened. "He would do such a terrible thing to the major? I like the major. He is always...nice to me. And he talks back to you...I like that, too. Maybe we can just throw Kavanagh from balcony when finished. I will help. You tell me what to do."

"Oh, if he did it, throwing him from the balcony is far too good for him. I have other, much worse things in mind. Of course, most of them are illegal, but we can deal with that later. This is what I need you to do..."

Sheppard knocked softly on the door as he stepped into Elizabeth Weir's office. She looked up from her papers and he saw the hurt in her eyes. It took his breath away for a second, almost like someone had kicked him in the gut. He took a deep breath and took another step in, his right hand nervously rubbing the top of the holster hung low on his hip.

"Elizabeth...I'm...I'm sorry about earlier. I know you were just concerned. I guess...I guess this thing has me a little crazier than I thought. I ...I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." Sheppard bowed his head and looked at his shoes, too embarrassed to make eye contact.

Elizabeth sighed in relief. "I'm glad you came by. It's okay, John. I was pushing too hard. I didn't mean to...I just care about you and...I guess I needed to be sure you were okay. I'm sorry for being a buttinsky."

Sheppard looked up at her, somewhat taken aback. "Did you just say...buttinsky?"

"Yes I did. Is that a problem?" Her face was perfectly serious.

"No...no, buttinsky is good. So, is that an official negotiating term?" She could see him trying not to smile.

"It is now." Then, the tensions dissolving before them, they both laughed out loud. Each thought in his own mind that there had never been so beautiful a sound. After a few minutes, they regained their composure.

"Are we good?" asked Sheppard, his eyes dancing in a way they hadn't in quite a while.

"We're good. And we'd better go or we'll be late." She picked up her folders and he held out his elbow. She hooked her arm around his and they walked down the corridor to the meeting room.

Within a few minutes, the room was full. Seated around the large table was Elizabeth, Grodin, Bates, Kavanagh, Beckett, Sheppard, McKay, Ford, and Teyla. Everyone talked noisily for several minutes. Sheppard, sitting across from Elizabeth, winked at her. She blushed and looked down at her folders, pretending not to notice and hoping no one else did either. She had noticed that Beckett had taken up a position beside Sheppard and she was certain that was not a chance seating arrangement. She knew he'd be watching him for signs of stress. Deciding to get things moving, she called the meeting to order.

McKay spoke first, telling what he knew about the morning Sheppard got sick and the subsequent search of the area where the major had been running that morning. Bates went next, giving an account of the investigation so far by the security forces. McKay already knew about all of this, so he let his mind wander. He caught himself looking at Kavanagh, wondering if the man could really hate Sheppard enough to poison him. If he did it with the stone, he had put on a good act of not knowing what the stone did. He'd take intense pleasure in interrogating the man himself if he turned out to be responsible. No one got to torture his best friend like that and get away with it. Yeah, they'd learned a lot about interrogation techniques in this galaxy and most of them were not pleasant.

He glanced at Sheppard, seated next to him. Sheppard didn't seem to be paying very much attention. That was odd, since the whole meeting was about him. He looked...strange. McKay looked down at Sheppard's hands resting on the table and noticed that one of them was trembling. He felt his stomach lurch as he looked past Sheppard to Beckett and noticed he was also watching the major with concern. Sheppard's face suddenly drained of color and he picked both hands about an inch off the table. McKay felt his stomach drop as he watched them shake violently. Please, not again.

Sheppard stumbled to his feet, panic evident in his face and his voice. "No," he whispered. Everyone had stopped to look at him and it didn't take long to figure out what was happening. He knocked the chair over backwards and almost tripped over it as he backed up to the wall. "I...can't...I can't do this again...I can't..." He looked around in panic as Beckett and McKay both moved toward him, their expressions grim. He looked across the room and made eye contact with Elizabeth on the other side of the table as she stood up.

"John?"

She thought she saw tears welling in his eyes - eyes full of terror like she'd never seen. It almost seemed like the next couple of minutes went in slow motion. Their eyes locked together, he said "I'm sorry...I can't..."

Fear gripped her like icewater suddenly flowing through her veins as she yelled, "John...no..." and tried in vain to move past the people and chairs to get to him. She saw him draw his gun and move it toward his head, never taking his eyes from hers. She thought she saw him mouth "goodbye" as the gun reached the side of his head. "Nooooo!" she screamed, just as Beckett and McKay reached him. She saw them grabbing for his arm and then...

The horrible, loud sound of the gun going off in the room threw everyone into shock. It left a strange silence in its wake, as all three men dropped immediately to the ground, completely out of her line of sight. All she was left with was the blood splattered on the wall just behind where John had been standing only seconds before.

TBC

Yes, I think I can update tomorrow. Once again, no promises. Hope I didn't go overboard on this one. I warned you in the beginning this one might be kind of dark. Yeah, I know. Understatement and all.