You guys know how to make my heart sing...and it's been singing a lot lately. I have no idea why people take drugs because this has GOT to be sooooooooo much better.
I'm sorry the update is running late. The whole lack of sleep while fighting a cold thing finally nailed me and I just could not stay awake. I promise to add a chapter as soon as possible. I'm kind of afraid not to.
Chapter 12
Weir, McKay, and Zelenka all sat back in their chairs in one fluid motion as they finished reading the last of Kavanagh's reports, recorded just minutes before the meeting in the conference room...just minutes before they watched John Sheppard shoot himself in the head in a panicked attempt to avoid "phase three". Weir closed her eyes and wiped the tears that threatened to overflow her lower eyelids onto her cheeks. "How...how can anyone...be that ...callus? Lab rats get more humane treatment than what he was willing to give John. How do you ...convince yourself...that something like this is okay?"
McKay just sat, staring into space. Weir and Zelenka could both see the fury building in his face. Suddenly, he jumped from his chair and headed for the door.
"Rodney, where are you going?" Weir was on her feet and after him in a flash. She almost had to run to catch him in the hall and grab his arm, tugging him back in order to stop him. "Rodney?"
He turned to face her, his face flushed in anger that seemed to radiate up from deep within. He thought he had a pretty good idea of what a volcano felt like just before it blew...and he was about to blow. "I"m going to kill him Elizabeth. Anyone who would do something like this doesn't deserve to live."
"Rodney, you can't. It's not going to help John and it will end up ruining you. You're not a killer, Rodney. You may think this will make you feel better, but then you have to live with it for the rest of your life. You know as well as I do that it would eat at you...destroy you. You can't do this. John wouldn't want you to do this. Kavanagh will pay for this...but not now. We have to put some distance between this and him or we'll do something we'll end up regretting for the rest of our lives. He's not going anywhere. Let him sweat it out for a while and we'll decide something later." Her eyes pleaded with him to listen to her.
"Dr. Weir is right, Rodney. Besides...there are things worse than death. We have lots of time." McKay hadn't even seen Zelenka come up, but he recognized the wisdom in the man's words. They saw a glimmer of a small smile.
"Yeah...time and things worse than death. I can live with that." Rodney looked back at Weir. "Okay...you win."
Weir smiled in relief and they returned to the infirmary just in time to meet Beckett. Weir stepped forward quickly. "Carson, how is he?"
Beckett motioned towards the chairs. "Have a seat and let's talk" None of them liked the serious expression on his face. All four sat down, facing one another in a semicircle. Beckett seemed to be trying to find a place to begin. "It took quite a few stitches to put him back together. He'll probably have some scarring, but I think most of it will be hidden by his hair...except the area around the temple. As I told Elizabeth earlier, the bullet basically skimmed along the surface of the skull without penetrating it, so there is no direct brain injury. The CT scan, however, does show a rather nasty brain contusion...or bruising. We'll have to watch his intracranial pressure. If there's too much swelling...we may have to take him to surgery. I'm hopeful that won't be necessary. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure he'd survive in his present condition."
"What about the toxin? Do you have the blood results back yet?" inquired McKay.
"Aye, I have them...and it's not good. The blood levels of the toxin are much higher than either of the two previous times. And there lies our other problem. He's already having trouble breathin'. He's not even conscious yet, and his body is shakin' like a leaf in a hurricane. I'm afraid this time is goin' to be much worse...and he's weak from his previous encounters and totin' a nasty head wound to boot."
"When you say worse...do you mean the tremors...or the pain...what?" asked Weir, fear beginning to build on her face.
Carson sighed deeply. "All of it, lass. The pain, the shaking, the tremors...as well as other physical effects. Like I said, he's having trouble breathin' already. That's goin' to get worse as the diaphragm is more and more involved. His heartbeat is still irregular and I'm afraid we may problems in that area as well. And he's less equipped to handle any of it physically or mentally. It's going to be a rough ride. Before, we were trying to help him work through the pain until the toxin was out of his system. This time around, our first priority is going to be keeping him alive."
"What can we do?" asked Elizabeth.
"Nothing right now. In a few days, hopefully, the critical symptons will be over and then we'll be back to pain management. It would be helpful, at that point, if you could do like you did last time. Sit with him and talk to him...let him know you're there. For right now, he's unconscious. At this point, that's probably not a bad thing." He paused as they nodded. "Have you figured out anything about how this happened?"
"Oh, yeah," said McKay in disgust. "We now know exactly what happened. Kavanagh." McKay reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of gauze. He unwrapped it to reveal the small blue stone.
"A bloody rock?" asked Beckett, the disbelief evident in his voice.
McKay nodded. "Kavanagh apparently discovered some kind of a...hidden lab when he was helping investigate a new area of the city a few weeks ago. In that lab, he found this rock...and some ancient writings. He was having some trouble translating the writing at first, so he really didn't know what the rock did when he got the major to hold it that first time. He did, apparently, suspect that it's purpose was...shall we say, somewhat sinister at best. The people working in the lab were trying to take over Atlantis from the current leaders. They were working on a way to incapacitate the leaders without actually killing them. They thought if they could make them sick enough, it would give them time to take over while not actually raising suspicions against them."
"So, even if he didn't know what the stone did, he at least knew it was something bad," said Beckett.
McKay nodded. "He looked at this whole thing as an experiment. That's actually how it's recorded on his computer. The Ancient Stone/Sheppard Experiment, parts 1, 2, and 3. He's recorded how he exposed the major and the effects of each exposure...well, up til the last one. The first time he just marched into my lab and had Sheppard hold it...that was the morning he got sick." McKay hesitated, looking down at the floor and remembering Sheppard getting sick in the mess hall that day. It seemed like an eternity ago...or at least another lifetime. If only he'd seen what was happening then, he could have saved his friend so much pain. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. He felt a hand on his arm and opened his eyes.
"This wasn't your fault, Rodney," said Beckett softly.
"I should have figured this out weeks ago. It was so obvious and I just couldn't ...see it."
"Carson's right, Rodney. There is no reason you should have figured this out any sooner. The point is, you did, and we can make sure Kavanagh doesn't hurt anyone ever again," added Weir.
"How does the rock work?" asked Carson, trying to distract McKay.
"Well, apparently it's only activated by a very strong ancient gene. Kavanagh's research into the ancient text seems to indicate there may be different...forms of the gene. Most of the people in leadership roles seemed to have a very strong, aggressive form of the gene. The stone was designed to respond especially to them. It might react to others with the gene, but it would take a lot longer. When activated, the stone warms and releases the toxin, which is absorbed readily through the skin. Sheppard reported the stone getting warm the time he held it in the lab."
"How did he get exposed the second time? Kavanagh never came near the infirmary."
"Oh, but yes he did. He watched from the hall until the major was alone and snuck in in the middle of the night. He apparently wanted to know if the stone worked when someone was unconscious. So he stuck it in the major's hand while he was asleep and then snuck back out."
"So the answer to that question was a definite yes. What happened this last time?"
"Well, our mad scientist decided he needed to know if direct skin contact was needed. He was also interested in time of indirect contact and cummulative effects. He purposely 'ran into' the major in the hall and slipped our little colored rock into his pocket. The stone was there for at least a couple of hours before the meeting. I guess if the contact is long enough, it can go through clothing."
"Quite effectively, I'd say. It gave the major a massive dose from the looks of his bloodwork."
They all sat silently for a few minutes, trying to free their minds of the worry that was weighing them down. McKay finally looked up at Beckett. "Can we see him?"
Beckett's immediate thought was no. But McKay and Weir both looked so hopeful. He knew their last sight of him was like seeing a dead man. They needed to see that he was still alive. "Okay, but only for a moment." He stood and guided them back to the major's bed.
Most of the top of Sheppard's head was covered in bandages and an oxygen mask covered the front of his face. The ever-present IV line was hooked up, as well as the heart monitor. Sheppard was very pale, but definitely not still. Violent muscle tremors and spasms raced through his body, making him shake so badly the bed rattled, almost drowning out the sound of the heart monitor. Fortunately, he seemed to be unconscious and oblivious to it all.
Weir gasped and brought her hand up to her mouth. "How long...how long do you think he'll be unconscious?" she asked Beckett.
"I don't know. I'm hoping at least until tomorrow. Once he wakes up, we're really going to have our work cut out for us."
McKay, never taking his eyes off Sheppard, asked Weir, "Elizabeth...now can I kill Kavanagh?"
McKay left the infirmary at noon the next day. Beckett has finally given in and let him sit with the major. Sheppard's condition was about the same and McKay was driving everyone crazy pacing around and asking questions. Beckett had thrown him out for a few hours, telling him to go lay down and get some sleep. But he didn't head for his quarters. He headed for the holding cell. It was time to visit Kavanagh.
McKay entered the room to find Kavanagh in the small cell and two marines posted at the door. He nodded to them as he came in. "I just need to talk to Dr. Kavanagh for a minute."
"Fine, Dr. McKay. How's the major today?" The marine showed genuine concern on his face. He wasn't just asking to be polite...he actually cared. That said a lot about Sheppard's leadership abilities.
"About the same. Dr. Beckett says he's holding his own." The marine nodded as McKay turned away and walked to the edge of the cell. Kavanagh sat on the edge of the small bed in the cell. "I want to know how you can treat another human being that way? I've seen abused animals get more respect and consideration that what you gave Sheppard." McKay's voice had started to rise as the anger once again began building inside.
"It was just an experiment, McKay. I told you. He wasn't actually supposed to get hurt. He already needed a padded cell or he wouldn't have gone off the deep end like that. This is not my fault."
McKay clenched his fist. "Are really that stupid or do you just think I am? Or maybe you're just a heartless, gutless, self-centered bastard."
Kavanagh shrugged his shoulders. "Wait until I talk to the people in charge on earth. I'll have all of you shipped home so fast, your head will spin. None of you are fit to be here." He smiled smugly.
McKay just stood looking at him for several minutes. As the silent minutes ticked by, Kavanagh's smile faded away and he began to get nervous. Finally,McKay turned to one of the marines. "Can you open the cell a second? I need to give Kavanagh something."
The soldiers looked at one another and then back to McKay. "Uh, sir...I'm not really supposed to lower the shield."
"Look, I promise it won't get you in trouble. You have to know that there's no way I'd help him."
"Well, since it's you...I guess just for a second." He lowered the shield and McKay stepped into the cell and walked over to Kavanagh. Kavanagh stood up.
"Well, what did you need to give me?" McKay looked at him for a second like he was looking at a dead bug on the bottom of his shoe. And then he hit Kavanagh in the jaw so hard he fell back on his bed and did a flip over the back of it, landing with a resounding thud in the floor."
"Tsk! Tsk! Kavanagh, you really should be more careful. I didn't realize you were accident prone." McKay turned around and walked out of the cell to find the two marines staring at him in shock. "Snap to it man. Get that force field back up. You don't want me telling the major you were asleep on the job." He immediately turned on the force field as McKay strolled out of the room. As soon as he got to the hall, he began shaking and rubbing his hand. Wow! That hurt, but it sure felt good.
Beckett sat in his office, picking at the tray of food his staff had brought him for supper, insisting he should follow his own advice and eat a decent meal. He though of all the times Sheppard and McKay had sat in their bed in the infirmary, picking at their food much like he was, while complaining that they weren't hungry. He really just wasn't hungry. Maybe he would have more sympathy for that point of view in the future. No. Not a chance. He finally gave up and decided to go check on his most frequent patient.
Sheppard was really starting to thrash around in the bed. It wasn't just the shaking like before. He was starting to roll from side to side and curl up in a fetal position. Beckett sighed heavily. That meant he was regaining consciousness on some level and was starting to feel the pain. He had hoped to make it a little longer, but it wasn't to be. He glanced at the heart monitor and was disturbed to find the major's heartbeat faster than before and the pattern slightly more irregular. He had a feeling the next day or two would be very difficult for everyone.
"I wish I could give you something for the pain, Major. But your vitals are all over the place, I don't dare. Just try to hang on, son. We'll get you through this." He was standing there lost in thought, when McKay and Weir walked up and stood beside him.
"Any change?" asked Rodney. He looked down and noticed the agitated movements of Sheppard. "He's not...is he conscious?"
"He doesn't seem to be fully conscious yet...but he does seem to be waking up on some level. Judging from his movements, I'm afraid he's becoming aware of the pain and responding to it. I'm afraid the added stress of trying to deal with the pain may make his condition even worse. I...Rodney, what happened to your hand?"
McKay looked absently at the back of his right hand. "Gee, I must have accidently his something. How could that have happened?" he said in mock dismay.
Beckett frowned. "I don't suppose the something was named Kavanagh, was it?"
"Rodney!" exclaimed Weir. "I thought we decided not to do anything about him yet."
McKay looked indignant. "I just wanted to talk to him a minute. I had a...muscle tremor and it tremored into his face. He's all right. I didn't actually hurt him."
Beckett shook his head. "Well, come with me, then, and let me look at your hand. Looks like I might need to tidy up those scrapes. I wouldn't want ya catchin' anythin' from Kavanagh." Beckett led McKay away to take care of his hand. Weir heard McKay asking questions as they walked.
"You don't really think I might catch something, do you? Oh no! What about infection? That place is so dark and I know it's not clean. There's no telling what's living down there."
The pain began ebbing in like the tide, surging forward with a force that took his breath away. Then, when he thought he couldn't take it another minute, it would slowly roll back out. John was not consciously aware of his surroundings. There was no processing of the sounds around him or memories of what happened. Just the pain rolling across his body in wave after wave after wave. The pain was familiar and he felt he knew it well. He hated it and what it did to him...and yet he had to embrace it in order to ride the wave through it. It seemed that this was all there had been and all there would be...just the blinding, white hot pain that clenched his muscles tight and made him want to scream. Then there was the new pain. His head seemed to be throbbing and burning at the same time. He had no idea why, although he thought he should probably know. Too tired and too much pain to think. Just try to move with the pain and keep it at bay...ride it from wave to wave. He knew he couldn't do this much longer. He was weakening...soon he would be too tired to fight. Very soon.
Nick walked into the infirmary to see Beckett and McKay headed his way. McKay was checking out the bandages on his right hand. "Hey, what happened Dr. McKay?"
"Not much. My hand accidently slammed into Dr. Kavanagh's face," replied McKay, as if that were an everyday occurrence.
Nick arched an eyebrow at Beckett. "You know, you miss a lot when you work nights. I may have to speak to you about my hours."
Beckett just shook his head. "Not a chance, doctor. You're the one person I can trust to handle this place at night. I'll fill you in later."
"Carson!" All three of them jumped at the shrill tone of Elizabeth's voice, knowing immediately that it couldn't be anything good. They ran to join her at Sheppard's bed. McKay stopped several feet short of the bed when he saw Sheppard's arms and legs flailing wildly, pulling out the IV and rolling the covers up.
"He's having a seizure!" yelled Carson. Elizabeth and Rodney moved back as two nurses joined Carson and Nick. Elizabeth found she could scarcely breathe throughout the ordeal, which seemed to go on forever. When it was finally over and the violent, jerky movements had slowed back to the steady shaking that had become normal for John Sheppard, she let out a deep breath.
"He's stopped breathing, We'll have to intubate." Carson's voice hit her like a slap in the face. She backed up to the bed behind her so she could perch on the end. She looked over at Rodney to see that all color had drained from his face as he watched them put a tube down Sheppard's throat and hook it to the ventilator. She could hear Carson and Nick giving orders, exchanging information, and discussing the major's condition, but she felt as if the voices were fading into the background with the whoosh of the ventilator and the irregular beeping of the heart monitor.
"Carson, he's going into ventricular fibrillation! We need a crash cart NOW!" One of the nurses quickly rolled a cart up to the bed and Nick began charging the machine and preparing the defibrillator paddles. Squeezing the gel onto the paddle surface, he rubbed them together and handed them to Carson. Carson and the other nurse had already pulled Sheppard's gown back to reveal his chest.
"Ready!" said Nick.
"Clear!" yelled Carson as he placed the paddles on Sheppard's chest and released the charge. Sheppard's upper body arched up off the bed. All eyes turned to the monitor, which revealed that the irradically squiggled line from before had been changed to one that was almost flat. "Again!"
Beckett shocked Sheppard two more times with the same results. There was a brief pause while Beckett barked orders out to the nurses and then took a rather large syringe and plunged the contents into Sheppard's chest. Then they charged the defibrillator again. Neither McKay nor Weir missed the worried expressions on the faces of the two doctors working frantically to save the major's life.
Elizabeth walked into the room with the holding cell containing Kavanagh. She stood silently in front of the cell, watching Kavanagh eye her from inside the cell. His left eye was bruised and swollen almost shut.
"So, did you come down here to slug me too?" he asked. She didn't answer. He noticed that her face was red and her eyes looked swollen, as if she'd been crying. Her hair and clothing looked disheveled, which was highly unusual for Weir. "What's the matter? Pretty flyboy not feeling so well? I don't suppose I could get my computer back and a report on the drug levels in Sheppard? This stuff will be really important some day. You're just too short sighted to see it. When we get back to earth..."
"You will not be returning to earth, even if we discover a ZPM capable of establishing a wormhole. You will never return to earth...I'll make sure of it." Her voice was almost as cold as her eyes. Kavanagh shivered slightly.
"You...you can't do that."
"Oh yes I can. You're crimes have affected all of Atlantis. It is we on Atlantis that will decide your fate and it is we on Atlantis that will carry out your punishment."
They looked at each other silently for several moments, Kavanagh starting to feel the fear creep up his spine. "Why are you doing this? The major will work the drug from his system and be fine again. There's no need to overreact."
She stood staring at him, the hate in her eyes crystal clear for everyone in the room to see. "Major Sheppard went into cardiac arrest 20 minutes ago." Kavanagh's mouth dropped open and he stumbled back to the bed, sitting heavily on the edge of it as Weir turned and left the room.
TBC
Sorry. I just had to do that. Too good a moment to pass up. You guys are totally right. I'm sick and evil (Hee! Hee! Evil laugh)