Disclaimer: I own Chrono, yes I do! I'm a liar, how 'bout you!
Author's Note: See chapter one or chapter seven.
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Ticks of the Clock
Acceptance
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"That's why. . . I want to stay with her forever."
It's lines like those that really do a number on me- make me want to cry and smile and laugh and sigh all at the same time. I don't know if he even realizes it or not- if he even realizes how much it hurts me when he says things like that.
Chrono. . . he was the first boy to ever look at me without really looking. To see me as me: not as a pretty little tool or a weapon of mass destruction. He smiled for me- at me. No one had ever smiled at me before- at least, not like he did. Or maybe it was just because he was the one smiling. A boy- a boy my age (well, that's what he looked like)- taking an interest in me. Me! A sweet boy- one who cared when I fell and asked me if I felt okay when my face looked flushed. A kind boy- one who would help me with my chores and leave me little treats when I was feeling down. A gentle boy- one who avoided conflict if at all possible; only fought to help people.
A taken boy. . . one already in love.
I suppose it sounds cliché. Rosette is my best friend, after all- I even think of her as my big sister. I love her. She's my role model, my idol, my hero. I want to be just like her when I grow up. I want to be strong and courageous and helpful.
. . . I want have the kind of love she does. I want Chrono to love me, too. I want him to love me like he loves her.
But I know that's not possible.
At first I thought he might have a crush on me- he was warm and soft and very, very understanding. But I suppose I was being rash and overly hopeful. Of course he was going to be warm and soft and very, very understanding- he was trying to be my friend! He was trying to make me feel welcome, to help me get over all of the tragedies in my life.
I appreciated that. But I think it hurt me more than it helped. It took until the day at the lake for me to understand how stupid I was. That was when he told me how much of Rosette both he and she saw in me. It was then that I learnt what was truly going on.
Strangely, though- it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
Well, I suppose that's a lie. It hurt a lot- and if I hadn't been so flattered by his compliment, I might have started to cry. I was even a little angry at Rosette- but I couldn't possibly stay mad. It wasn't her fault- and she was being so kind to me. She only meant the best. She still only means the best.
So now I simply watch over them: sticking mainly to the sidelines; adding one or two comments along the way- pushing them together at times; pulling them apart at times; being there to help them kiss and make up most of the time. Sometimes I get a little jealous, yes- I try to be by his side more than her, try to win him over and sleep beside him when we travel- but when you truly love someone, you want to see them happy.
And I want to see Chrono happy. I want to see him very happy- happy with my big sister Rosette. The one who guides me and teaches me and makes me laugh and makes me cry and shows me how to do things the right way.
And who knows? Maybe I can be in their future wedding- playing quiet witness as they pledge to love each other for the rest of their lives. It will be romantic and sweet and I'll be thrilled for them- ignoring the quiet ache in my heart.
Yes, Chrono- I'll always love you. But because I love you, I'll never let you know.
(Note: Last night, I had the misfortune of accidentally reading an Az/Chrono fic. No offence to anyone- but UGH. Then when I was watching the anime this morning, I couldn't help but notice Az trying to get close to Chrono more than necessary. . .
I dunno. I think it's pretty well shown in mangas 2 and onward that Azmaria fully realizes Chrono and Rosette's relationship and is actually playing matchmaker for them, but at the same time this was too fun of an idea to pass up. . .
That, and I just HAD to bash down the coupling a bit after reading that fic. . . (sweat drop)
And let me say this as a final closing: Az/Joshua rock my socks!