Okay, first I need to apologize for the last few chapters. About the time I started realizing I had left some very large, gaping holes in the story, others started noticing it too. Thanks for calling me on it. I have been particularly negligent in regards to Ford and Teyla. I didn't mean to - I just got a little side tracked. Part of the problem is that I've been writing in too big a hurry and I've rushed it so much that I left stuff out. I keep typing with one eye and looking at the growing stack of papers I should be grading with the other eye and I guess I just lost it. Sorry about butchering the last few chapters. I'm going to try to mend the fence in this story and fill in some gaps. I know that isn't as good as actually writing the scenes into the story. Let me know if the patch job is too jerky and helter skelter. Maybe I can go back and rework a couple of chapters to make it flow better. If you guys are okay with the patch job this chapter, then I'll probably just leave it and learn a valuable lesson.

TheNaggingCube - okay, I used your gate torture/punishment thing this chapter. I hope you like.

Emrys1 - Girl, you have got to be breaking some kind of record on review length. I'm so flattered. And by the way, I happen to love "You Light up my Life", hokey or not. If you want something hokey, go read Blood Brothers - now that is about as corny as it gets. I have a definite hokey streak and I'm quite proud of it!

elemental-sparky -Thank goodness you did post a new chapter. I thought I was going to have to hunt you down.

To everyone else (way too many to do each and every one, much as I'd like to) thank you for making my day over and over and over again. I'll try not to leave any more holes in the story since I'm so good at digging holes in real life (rogue1503 knows what I mean - see Elizabeth in the last chapter and you'll know too).

Chapter 15

McKay stopped typing for a minute to watch Sheppard. He had shown up early this morning and staked out a chair beside Sheppard's bed, intent on not leaving until the major spoke to him. Sheppard had merely laid in bed, looking disinterested, at the ceiling, the wall, or the foot of the bed. They had raised the bed so that he was in a semi-sitting position. Nick, and then Beckett, had been in several times to check the major, each time talking to him and asking him questions. He had never even given any indication he heard the questions. McKay had talked almost non-stop until a few minutes ago, also without results. He had finally had to take a break since his mouth was so dry that his tongue kept sticking to the roof of his mouth.

McKay noticed Beckett approaching. The doctor walked over to McKay and handed him a cup of ice water. "Here, I thought you could probably use this. That was a lot of talkin', even for you."

McKay drank the whole cup greedily, sighing in relief as he finished. "Oh, thank you Carson. You have no idea how good that tasted."

"I don't suppose..." Beckett looked hopeful.

"Not a word. I'm not even sure if he's listening. I may have talked him into a coma by now." McKay glanced at Sheppard, his expression grim. "Why won't you let me help you?" he asked softly.

"Why don't you take a break Rodney?"

"Nope. Not leaving until the major talks to me." He got up and put his face just inches from Sheppard's. "Do you hear that? I'm not leaving until you say something. If you want me to shut up and go, you're going to have to tell me that. All you have to do is TELL me to go and I will." Sheppard seemed to be looking at him and he wondered for a minute if he might not be going to yell at him. For once, that would be a sweet sound. But Sheppard just blinked and turned his head.

McKay straightened and sighed heavily. "Okay, it's your ears." He sat back down and retrieved his laptop from the desk.

Beckett shook his head sadly. "I'll check back with you later."

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Beckett returned thirty minutes later with Kate Heightmeyer. "Rodney, Kate needs to speak with Major Sheppard. I think now would be a good time to take a break."

McKay looked unsure. "I ...I don't know Carson. I don't think I should leave." He glanced at Sheppard, but saw no reaction.

Kate smiled, unoffended. "I won't bite, Dr. McKay. Dr. Weir has asked me to talk to the major. Just give us...about thirty minutes or so and then you can come back."

McKay still looked unhappy, but he put the computer aside and stood up. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't start the party without me." He patted Sheppard's arm as he spoke, trying for that extra bit of contact. Then, reluctantly, he left with Beckett.

Kate noticed Sheppard's eyes as they tracked McKay's retreat from the area. He was aware of what was going on around him, even if he didn't want anyone to know that. Kate was somewhat relieved. Maybe they had a chance. "Major Sheppard, we need to talk about what happened. I need to know what you remember about that day in the conference room."

Sheppard just looked at the wall behind her. She shifted her position a little so that she was in his line of sight. "Major, this may seem a little unsettling and I know how much you hate talking to me, but it's essential. You're not going to get better until you deal with what happened. Surely you don't want to lay in this bed staring into space for the rest of your life. You always pride yourself on looking out for Atlantis. You can't do that in your current state." She paused, but got no response. "We just want to help you."

Sheppard turned away from her to lay partially on one side. "I know you are avoiding me by doing that, but I'm not going away. The pain you felt...the fear...the helplessness...none of that is going to go away. At some point you are going to have to look it in the eye and find a way to handle it. It will be much easier with help." No response.

Kate walked around the bed and sat in the chair, facing Sheppard. "We will eventually have to discuss your attempt to shoot yourself. The prevailing opinion is that it was a panic reaction to extenuating circumstances and not likely to repeat itself. I will, however, need to confirm that before I can clear you to leave the infirmary, not to mention getting back to active duty."

Sheppard looked at her and she thought she saw a brief glimmer of confusion, but it quickly faded back to a distinct lack of expression. She briefly wondered if he remembered what had happened. She hadn't considered that the head injury might have caused some short term memory loss, a relatively common occurrance.

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Thirty minutes after leaving, Beckett and McKay returned. "How are we doing?" asked Beckett as they approached the end of the bed.

"We're finished," Kate said. "Or rather, I'm finished. It was a rather one-sided conversation, I'm afraid. I'll be back tomorrow," she said, directing the last statement to Sheppard. McKay moved to take up his place beside Sheppard's bed.

Beckett pushed a rolling table over to Sheppard's bed and set a tray of food on it. "I brought you some soup, Major. You need to start eating again if we're going to build your strength up. We've got several pounds to put back on you." Beckett maneuvered the tray to within easy reach for Sheppard. He continued to lay on his side, however, making no effort to get to the tray. "All right. I'll just leave it for ya to eat when you're hungry." Beckett turned and walked out with Heightmeyer.

McKay looked at Sheppard, who looked like he might actually be watching him back. "You really do need to eat, you know. If you don't put some weight back on, the first time you go outside, the wind will carry you away." He watched Sheppard's eyes for some sort of reaction or response, but got none.

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Beckett and Heightmeyer walked into Beckett's office. "What do you think?" he asked. He thought she looked kind of sad.

"The fire's gone."

"Excuse me?"

Kate looked up at Beckett. "The fire's gone out of his eyes. I know Major Sheppard doesn't like talking to me. I can always tell he's choosing his words carefully, telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I don't usually worry too much, because he seems to have developed his own way of handling things that works for him. But while I'm watching him come up with his patent answers, there's a fire in his eyes that lets me know he's ...I don't know...very much alive and in control. It's like you can see the fire of his soul and you know he'll be okay. The first thing I noticed today was that the fire is gone. That's what worries me."

Beckett stood there speechless, looking at her, waiting on there to be a solution. "What do we do?"

"You want to know what I honestly think? You're best bet is in there with him."

Beckett looked past his office door. "Rodney?"

Heightmeyer nodded. "The closest thing to a reaction I saw today was when Rodney left the room. He watched him all the way out. Rodney's made a connection. It's a small one right now, but if he works on it...I think that could be the answer."

Beckett gazed off in the distance, as if in a trance. "Oh my god, Rodney really is the answer man."

Heightmeyer looked confused. "What?"

Beckett shook his head. "Sorry...nothing. Rodney said he wasn't leaving until the major talked to him. I guess I'll let him stay, then."

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Lt. Ford and Teyla carefully approached Major Sheppard's bed. They found him partially sitting up in bed, a tray of untouched food next to the bed, staring blankly into space. Dr. McKay sat in the chair next to the bed, looking absently at his laptop computer screen. He looked up at them as they approached.

"Hey, guys. Where have you been? I could use a little help here. Major Silent is starting to wear on my nerves."

"We have been going through Dr. Kavanagh's lab the last couple of days and gathering...evidence." Teyla glanced at Ford, who nodded that she had used the right word.

Ford frowned at McKay. "He hasn't said anything yet?"

"Not a word. I've insulted him, asked questions, insulted him, explained nuclear physics, insulted him...you get the idea. Not so much as a single snark. If he doesn't get a grip soon, I'm either going to die of loneliness or boredom. Heck, I've even started insulting myself, just so I'd have something to respond to."

Ford smiled at Teyla, who also looked mildly amused. "I am curious, Dr. McKay. Has anyone explained to the major what has happened?"

McKay nodded. "Well, I've explained the basics. I told him it was Kavanagh and that we had him locked up. He's not really in any condition to discuss the details. I don't even know if he's listening to me half the time." He turned towards Sheppard and directed his next comments his direction. "When he decides to talk to me, I'll be happy to give him all the details and answer questions."

"So, did you tell him you slugged Kavanagh yet? He might enjoy hearing about that." Ford grinned like a kid.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did tell him about that. I also told him what Elizabeth did. He should know for future reference just how dangerous that woman can be...for his own safety."

"Dr. McKay," Teya began. "You should probably know that we found a container with three more of the blue stones in Dr. Kavanagh's office. That was why he was willing to risk losing the one he put in Major Sheppard's pocket. We are certain that is all of them. We have searched his office, lab, and quarters."

"I will never understand how he could do this. I mean, I knew he was a self-centered, egocentric, annoying weasel, but I would never have guessed he could stoop this low. Sure wish I had of, though."

Teyla raised one eyebrow, sensing McKay's feelings of guilt. "Dr. McKay, surely you do not blame yourself. None of us could have foreseen this. We have depended on one another so much, it is hard to imagine one of our own doing something so terrible. The blame is all with Dr. Kavanagh."

"Hey, Dr. McKay, whatever happened to the rock Kavanagh gave to the major?" asked Ford.

"Elizabeth locked it up somewhere for safe keeping. Hard to imagine that little rock can cause so much trouble." Rodney sighed, glancing at Sheppard, who didn't seem to be paying any attention. He briefly wondered if he was.

"Did anyone else get hurt by it? Aren't you the one who found it was in the major's pocket? Are you okay? You have the ancient gene too, now." Ford looked anxious, as if he was watching an action/adventure movie. McKay almost laughed. No wonder Sheppard got such as kick out of hanging around the kid. Small doses for McKay, though. Sheppard still had a lot of kid in him too, so it didn't get on his nerves like it did McKay's after a while.

"Dr. Beckett has assured me I'm fine. I had him run a blood test since I did have it in my pocket for a while. But my gene isn't as strong as Sheppard and I had it wrapped in a wad of gauze, so I'm okay. Carson said my blood test came back clear." He looked across the room, as if deep in thought. "You know, I did think I may have felt it get warm for a second. But, if it did, I guess it wasn't long enough to do any damage."

Ford and Teyla looked relieved. Ford snapped his fingers, as if remembering something. "Hey, I know something that might cheer the two of you up."

"For heaven's sake, what? We could use a lift in this dungeon of gloom we're in over here. Give!" McKay encouraged.

Ford rubbed his hands together in pleased satisfaction. "We've come up with a good punishment for Kavanagh."

"Who is we?" asked McKay.

"Military personnel. Well, the original idea came from the poor schmucks who got stuck guarding Kavanagh, but the rest of us chimed in and added stuff. We take people who mess with our CO very seriously. Especially when we have a really good one."

"You guys have a lot of respect for the major, don't you?" asked McKay. He slid a sideways glance at Sheppard to see if it looked like he was listening. No reaction.

Ford, however, saw the look and realized what McKay was doing. His reply was serious and honest. "The men have a lot of respect for Major Sheppard. He may not have started out as our CO, but he's done a good job. He's tough and expects a lot from us, but he's fair. And he never expects you to do anything he's not willing to do himself. Heck, most of the time he takes on the most dangerous jobs. And everyone knows, he doesn't leave people behind. You know he'll watch your back. To be perfectly honest sir...I've never served under anyone better."

Teyla nodded. "My people have a great deal of respect for the major as well. He did not have to take us in and yet he did. He defended us when others thought we were in league with the wraith. He has always shown my people respect and honor and we value that. My people consider him a good friend and leader."

They sat in silence a moment, hoping for some reaction from Sheppard. They got nothing.

Ford decided to continue his story. "Anyway, about our punishment. This is what we came up with. We take Kavanagh down to the gate and activate it."

"Ohhhh," said McKay. "Behead him in the wormhole wake."

"No, no!" said Ford. "That's too quick. Have some imagination."

"I have imagination. I am a genius, after all. I have to have imagination."

"Not in regard to torture and pain," said Ford. "This is more military imagination. Anyway, we put Kavanagh's hand in the event horizon...and then shut down the gate."

"OUCH! That hurts! Maybe I don't have the right kind of imagination." McKay made a face of disgust.

Ford grinned. "I'm not done, sir. Now his hand is cut off, right. So we get Beckett to fix him up so he doesn't bleed to death and give him a few days to get over it. Then when the pain starts going down, we haul him back down to the gate and cut off the other hand. Then a foot, then the other foot...you get the idea. Just whittle him away a little at a time. Make him suffer nice and slow...just like the major did. And we don't have a set schedule so that he never knows when we are going to come get him...just like the major didn't know when the pain would come for him. Maybe we could tease him a time or two...you know...take him down there and fire up the gate, but then not do anything that day. He'd never know til it happened when we were going to hurt him." The expression on Ford's face made both Teyla and McKay a little frightened. They had no idea Ford had that kind of anger in him. McKay realized for the first time how much Sheppard's experience had affected all of his friends...how it had affected the entire city.

"You guys have really thought this thing out. I wouldn't count on Elizabeth going along with it though. She's not military. We'll probably have to come up with something more civilized...not that he deserves it. Sometimes I just wish I'd killed him that day I wanted to. Then I could tell the major that he was gone forever."

Movement caught his attention and he looked around just in time to see Sheppard roll over, back to them all, and bury his face in the pillow. He thought he heard a slight, muffled whimper.

TBC

I'm winding down. Don't worry, it won't go on forever. I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel.