Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls, and now that Jess is gone, I'm proud to say that! Yes, I have a huge attitude with the show! If he comes back I'll apologize, but for now I'm holding a grudge! :)
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE RIGHT TIME
A/N: Hey, I hope you guys like this story! I feel kinda bad because this is supposed to be a more dramatic chapter (although if you've read any of my stuff you'll probably agree that most anything would be more dramatic, and it's definitely more dramatic than the fluff chapter) but I'm not in a very dramatic mood, so I really just feel silly writing it, so if the drama aspect is not there, I'm sorry!! And I know I've said that I'm hating the writing in Rory's POV thing, but apparently I'm a masochist ;) because I started this one this way, and I've changed almost every story that I started that way, so I decided to just suffer through this one.
Thanks to LitJunkie, Arianna, Samantha, Mrs. Mariano, Kaila:) and hehehe() this one's dedicated to you guys!!
Grr, okay, this was SUPPOSED to be out sooner, but my mom banned me from the internet for a week, no, I didn't do anything wrong, I wasn't even grounded, just banned! AND, as if that wasn't a big enough obstacle, my dad CANCELLED the internet. So, that's why it took longer than I wanted to get this out, and if you're not Mrs. Mariano you probably didn't even know that it was supposed to be out, so I probably didn't need to explain:) But I did intend to get this posted on the 9th, sorry for the delay, blame my parents:(
Now I need to go read all of the updates I missed. So, enjoy! And keep in mind, I AM nice, read the disclaimer!
NOTE: They DID go to the Distillers concert, but it was under different circumstances, he wasn't not calling or showing up when he said he would, he just got the tickets.
Here's Chapter two~ A BAD FEELING
*
Jess and I have spent more and more time together lately. We're growing really close. I'm beginning to wonder how much longer I can hold the 'I love you', it's been five months since we first got together. In the beginning, yes, it was bumpy. He seemed slightly jealous of Dean, then there was the black eye, when he avoided me. But now we've gotten through all of that, and now our relationship is about as close to perfect as possible. I dont think it's humanly possible to love a person more than I love Jess. I'm going to tell him soon, I'm just waiting for the right time. Even though I know you're never supposed to do that, because if you're waiting for the right time to do something, it never comes. Jess had just brought me home, we had spent the whole day together. It was ten o' clock on Saturday night, Jess walked me to my door like he always does. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was different, but I didn't know what. It almost made me want to tell Jess I loved him, but I stifled it because this isn't how I wanted to do it, so, I put it off. Again.
"Well, thank you, I had a good time. Of course we always do, but still..." I smiled at him.
"Yeah, we do. I had a good time too." he agreed. But when he looked into my eyes just before kissing me, I thought I saw a flash of something in his eyes. I ignored it and kissed him. After a minute we broke away. This time the look was too strong not to notice. This look was a mixture of emotions. It was like fear and regret and well, it looked like there was love ih his gaze, too. It was a mix between happy and sad, if the look would have been words it would be the biggest oxymoron ever. I had never seen it before, so I didn't know if it was good, or bad, and I didn't know how to react to it. So, I didn't. I just smiled and and gave him another kiss.
"I wish I didn't have to let you leave yet." I said.
"And I wish I didn't have to leave." he replied.
"See any shooting stars or wishing wells?"
"Unfortunatley not," he briefly glanced at the ground before returning his gaze back to my eyes. He stroked my hair and pulled me in for another kiss.
I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him one last kiss, "Good night, Jess."
"Good bye, Rory."
I gave him my brightest smile, and disappeared into the house.
"Hey, hon," Mom greeted me.
"Hi," I said, distractedly as I walked over to the window.
"What are you doing?" she asked me.
"Wait a minute." I said.
"Okay,"
"Thank you."
"Closing my mouth now."
"Mom," I scolded as I peeked out the window, just in time to see Jess walking down the driveway and kicking a rock into the road in frustration. Something's definitely wrong.
She joined me at the window, "Why are we watching out the window?" she asked.
"I think something's wrong." I said.
"Why?" she asked, escorting me to the couch.
"I don't know." she sat down and patted the cushion beside her for me to do the same.
"It's just that it would be a little more helpful if I knew something about what's wrong." she said.
"I don't know what's wrong." I said, pacing the floor.
"Okay, well, why do you think something's wrong?" she asked.
"It's just a feeling." I replied.
"You mean like an intinct?" she asked.
I started walking faster, "Yes," I stared intently at the ground.
"Any idea of WHAT'S wrong?" she asked.
"I think it has something to do with...oh, never mind."
"Why?"
"I'm just being overly dramatic." I said.
"Everything's okay then?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure everything's fine. I'm going to go take shower, okay?" I said as I walked down the hall.
"Okay," she called back.
I walked in my room and grabbed some pajamas; it was a cami top, light pink with little red strawberries all over it, and matching boycut shorts. Then I grabbed of pink slippers and a towel. Stop it; nothing's wrong. When I got out, I stood in front brushing my hair. Then I looked in the mirror at my eyes, it reminded me of the look that was in Jess' eyes. I sighed and put my brush down as I walked out.
"Hey kiddo," Mom smiled.
"Hey,"
"Feel better?" she asked.
I nodded, even though I didn't really feel better.
"Sometimes a nice warm shower can do that." she said.
"Yeah, I'm probably just tired." I said.
"You don't really feel any better, do you?"
"Not really," I sighed and sat beside her on the couch.
"How come?" she asked.
"There was this look in his eyes tonight."
"What kind of look?" she asked.
"I don't know; it was like a happy, sad scared, just an array of different feelings all rolled into one."
"Mmm hmm,"
"And for some reason I had a bad feeling."
"Because of the look?"
"I guess, I don't know, it's probably nothing."
"All right, well, do you want to watch a movie or something?"
"No, thanks." I replied. She's just trying to make me feel better.
"You sure?" she asked.
"Yeah, I think I'm actually just gonna go to bed."
"Okay, well, I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning." she feigned opimism. The fact is, she trusts gut instincts.
"Good night," I stood up.
"Good night, Honey,"
I kissed her on the cheek, "See you in the morning." I said.
"Okay," I walked to my room, I pulled down my covers and got in bed. I closed my eyes, figuring the sooner I'd feel better. I stared at the ceiling for 15 to 20 minutes, then I finally fell asleep.
*
The next morning I woke up and stumbled out of bed. The second my feet touched the ground I clutched my stomach. It was in knots. I walked out into the hallway.
"Hey hon, what's wrong?"
"Something's wrong, my stomach has more knots in it than a tree."
"Instinctual bad feeling again?"
"Yes, something's wrong; I can feel it."
"Well, they say you should trust your instincts."
"Well, they're telling me something's wrong."
"Well..." she didn't know what to say.
"Something bad." I added.
"Well, let's go for coffee, maybe that'll make you feel better."
"And Jess." I brightened.
"Yep, coffee and Jess."
"My two favorite things."
"Hey!"
"I mean, two of my three favorite things." I corrected.
"Thaty's better."
"I neglected to mention you because you are the queen of Favorite-land. So, you're pretty much a given."
"That's much better," she smiled.
"And do you want to know the good news?"
"Yes, I do."
"You come before coffee on the importance meter."
"You are now my favorite daughter."
"Which is good considering I'm the only one you have."
"Right, forgot about that."
"Yeah,"
"Didn't work, did it?" she asked.
"What didn't work?"
"Trying to make you feel
"No, my stomach still has knots in it." I said.
"Wonder why?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe you need to eat." he suggested.
"Maybe, but this is definitely not hunger pangs." I said.
"Well, let's go."
"Okay, let me get my coat."
"Wait," she said.
"What?"
"Forgetting something?"
"Like...?"
"Like you resemble Strawberry Shortcake." she said.
I looked on my pajamas, "Oh,"
"Yeah,"
"Might want change, huh?"
"Might want to. Oh, the slippers! Now those you must wear."
"Ignoring you now."
"Come on, they're stylish."
"Walking down the hall." I announced.
"Fine, wear real shoes if you want to ruin my fun."
"I appreciate that I have our blessing."
I went in my room. Why can't I shake this feeling? Why do I feel like something's very wrong? Okay, stop freaking yourself out. I put on some real clothes. There has to be an explanation for this. I keep going over the date and our goodnights to see if something went wrong. Why did Jess have that look in his eyes? Why did he kick the rock? I feel like this bad thing has something to do with Jess. I sighed, ready to go. The sooner we leave, the sooner I get to see Jess; then everything will be okay. Then maybe I'll feel better. I swear when I get to that diner I'm just going to make him hold me.
I walked out into the livingroom.
"Hey kiddo, ready?"
"Yes, I am."
"Good, I need coffee."
"I need Jess." I said.
"Well, you get both at the same place."
"Luke's." I finished.
"Our second home." Mom said.
"We should get mail there."
"Let's go get our loves." Mom said.
"I get the one with dark hair and dark eyes."
"I get the one that's dark and in a cup."
"That might work." I nodded as we left the house.
Mom smiled.
"What?" I asked her.
"What did I say?"
"Nothing,"
Well then, what's the problem?" she asked.
"You were thinking something."
"Was I?" she played dumb.
"Mother,"
"Daughter," she countered.
"What's so amusing?"
She shook her head, "It's just, when I said our loves..."
"Wha- oh," I realized what I had said.
"Yeah, you immediately thought of Jess."
"Well, that's just...because we're together, so I mean, of course he would come to mind when I hear that." I rambled.
"Uh huh."
"I didn't actually come out and say that." I defended.
"Say what?" she played dumb again.
"That I'm in love with Jess." I clarified.
"Oooh, you ARE in love with Jess!"
I couldn't fight a smile, "Yeah,"
"I knew that." she said smugly.
"You did?" I asked.
"Yep,"
"Why did you wait till now to say something?"
"Well, for one thing you chose now to slip up, and I don't really know, it just came out."
"I haven't told him yet," I informed her.
"You haven't?"
"No, I almost did last night."
"Why almost?" she asked.
"I stopped myself." I explained.
"Oh, why?"
"I wasn't sure if it was the right time."
"Oh," she half nodded.
"What?" I asked, curiously.
"There's no such thing as a right time."
"I know, part of me screamed that."
"But...?" she inquired.
"The other part scared me."
"How?"
"If he doesn't feel the same way." I answered.
"Oh, that's how."
"I don't think I can stand it much longer."
"Well, here's a thought, maybe he's waiting for YOU to say something." she suggested.
"Jess isn't really the passive type." I pointed out.
"That's true,"
"So, that's probably not it." I reasoned.
"Well, maybe you should just tell him how you feel anyway."
"I could, couldn't I?"
"Yes, you could."
"I'm going to. I love him, and I'm going to tell him." I said.
"You go girl!" Mom said in mock encouragement.
"Thanks,"
"Hey, solidarity, sister."
"I stopped myself last night, but if I keep waiting till 'the right time' I'll keep waiting until it's too late."
"Right, so to avoid that mess..."
"I'll tell him now. Well, when we get there."
After a minute, she asked, "Are you nervous?"
"A little, what if he doesn't feel the same way?"
"I'll bet he does." she nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, really sure."
"You're my mom, you're just saying that."
"I'm super sure."
"You're just being nice."
"How about this? I'm so sure that if he DOESN'T feel the same way, I will stand on my head while I sing 'Look Away' by Chicago."
"You're that sure?"
"Yes,
"Okay, but if you're wrong I'm going to hold you to that standing on your head sining thing." I informed her.
"Duly noted."
At the sight of Luke's I stopped dead in my tracks as I again started to feel like someone died or something.
"What's wrong?" Mom asked alarmed.
"I just got a REALLY really bad feeling. Worse than last night and worse than this morning, in fact, I think if you put the two feelings together that still wouldn't feel this bad." I rambled.
"Okay, stop talking, and let's walk. Can we walk?"
"Yes, we need to go to Luke's, but...I don't know, something's wrong."
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and we continued on our way to Luke's. We walked to the into Luke's.
At the sight of Mom and me, Luke looked down and went to the kitchen to get an order.
"Luke left." Mom pointed toward the kitchen that Luke practically ran into.
"I saw." I frowned, "Well, let's sit down." I suggested.
Good idea," she sat down at a stool.
I was almost on the stool when something caught my eye. I froze in my almost sitting position.
"Honey?" Mom tried to get my attention.
Just then Luke came back out, "Oh, hi," he said, acting like he'd just seen us for the first time.
"Hey there, runaway coffee man." Mom greeted.
I finally stood back up and looked away from the window that I had been staring out of. Not because there was something wrong or different about the window, but because the window was right in the view of the parking spot Jess always uses. But it was empty. The feeling from earlier came back stronger than ever, my eyes started to burn as I figured out what was wrong.
"Honey, are you okay?" Mom asked.
Tears started to well up in my eyes, I swear, I could almost hear my heart breaking. I looked at Luke, "Luke, where's Jess?" I asked him, trying to maintain composure.
He looked down at the floor uncomfortably then back at me, probably thinking dsomething like "I'm going to kill Jess for making ME do this."
He pulled something out of his back pocket; I stared at like it was the gun that someone was getting ready to shoot me with. "Um, he wanted me to give you this," I let a tear fall, "I'm sorry Rory, he's gone."
He no more than said that and I choked on the lump in my throat. Tears started to fall more rapidly, "I waited too late." I whispered. As soon as I took the letter in my hand I started crying uncontrollably. Since I couldn't seem to stop I just ran out of the diner. No, he cannot be gone. I felt pretty pathetic because I was wailing so much that you'd think someone just killed my best friend. Well, no one killed him, but he's gone just the same.
I didn't quit running until I reached the bridge, where I collapsed on my knees and continued to cry more freely, because I knew no one would see me there. Even though I knew it was irrational, I still kept wishing that Jess would just show up there like he did the night of the dance marathon. But, no wishing wells or shooting stars.
I immediately stopped crying, and pssibly breathing, I'm not sure, I can't remember. That's it, I couldn't figure any of it out, now I think I've got it.
~"And I wish I didn't have to leave."
Duh, there was a double meaning! But why would he leave me? What did I do? I mean, he left without so much as- oh, wait, I covered my mouth as the tears came again. He said good bye, he NEVER says good bye! He says good night. I sank down, he's really gone. He's gone and he's not coming back. I waited too late, why did I have to stop myself last night? Why? I was going to tell him, I was, today, this morning. I was going to tell him I love him, and now I'll never get to. I was going to tell him, but did I listen? No, because it wasn't "the right time". Well, I hope you're happy now. Now is it the right time? Huh? No, now he's gone.
I don't understand though, nothing was wrong. Our relationship was going great; we were happy. I looked at the horrible envelope for the second time. I turned it over and opened it. But then I stopped, thinking of our picnic. I'm almost afraid to read it. If I read it that makes it real. I sighed and satred out at the water.
~"Yelling at you like that, breaking up with you in front of everybody, the guy's a total jerk."
Maybe so, but at least then I understood what happened. Why would he do this? I decided the only way to answer my questions was to read the letter. I carefully pulled the paper out and unfolded it. I sat there reading the last piece of Jess that I had. It was really hard, because my hands were shaking so badly; and the words were blurring because of the tears in my eyes. When I reached the bottom of the letter I ran my fingers over the writing. It read 'P.S. I will always love you.' I choked on my tears again.
I stood up and and stared at the spot where Luke pushed Jess in the lake. I sighed, well, he left my life as quickly and abruptly as he left it. But instead of "In like a lion, out like a lamb" it seemed more like "In like a lamb, out like a lion". I slowly walked back home. I had no smile, no energy, not even any emotion, in fact, I'm not even sure how I got home, I only know that I did.
I walked in, "Lucy, I'm home." I said flatly.
"Hey hon," she attempted a smile.
"What are you doing?" I asked her.
"Looking for my Chicago album," she grimaced, "I'm so sorry honey."
"I should've known, I had the bad feeling, I knew something was wrong, and now that I'm thinking about it, I realized he said 'goo bye' last night, not good night. He's never said good bye, it's ALWAYS good night, but last night...it wasn't." I looked down.
"I'm so so sorry that I gave you high hopes, but I thought... I thought-"
"No, don't apologize, you were right." I told her.
"What? How was I right?" she asked, puzzled.
"He does love me." I said.
"Well, he cartainly has a strange way of showing it." she said, somewhat bitterly.
"I know," I nodded, after a second I added, "I can't believe he's gone."
"Oh honey, come here." I sat down beside her.
I held her tight and cried on her shoulder. After a few minutes I stopped, "I'm gonna go lie down." I said.
"Okay sweetie, go ahead," she watched me walk to my room.
I sat on the edge of my bed and held his letter, staring at his handwriting. After a minute I walked over to my dresser and opened the drawer with the New York ticket stub in it. I couldn't even do that this time. Now, he's in California. I took my letter and ticket stub and put them in a small shoe box. Then I dug out my Distillers ticket from the concert, along with the few pictures that I had of him and added those to the box. My Jess box.
I went over and sat down on my bed, of course the first thoughts that flooded my head were thoughts of Jess. I remembered the storm, when he carried me to my bed. That was so sweet. I sighed to myself and got under the covers. Of course that wasn't helpful either, because then all I could think of was how it felt to have Jess' arms wrapped around me. All of these thoughts of Jess, the memories, all of it made me sad. Because now it's gone. I curled up and hugged my pillow, then I cried into my pillow thinking of all the time we spent togther and how much I was going to miss him.
**
A/N:*Peeks out from behind a rock* Hi, are you guys remembering that I love Jess more than the person who created his character? And that I'm nice and not mean and can't torture you people for more than 1 or 2 chapters? Okay, good.*Throws the rock aside* So, I hope you liked this chapter, although if you didn't I understand, because I almost didn't like it myself (just like smile with Bryan!), but it was needed! In case you haven't noticed he NEVER leaves in my stories! Almost everybody has a story where he leaves...then there's me. So, yay for me, I made one! But don't worry, be happy!! And PLEASE REVIEW because I love reviews almost as much as I love Jess!! *nods* That says a lot! If you review I'll love you forever! :D Thank you all for being so patient, I'm sorry about the sucky updater habits, but I did intend to get this up sooner than this, and then I got thrown off by the no internet rule. PLEASE REVIEW!!! You guys rock! And if I'm reading one or more of your stories and you're starting to wonder if I fell off the planet, I didn't! I have a week of updates to read! I will get to it, you'll know by my review that will be begging forgiveness or something like that!:D If I miss it just yell at me, I'll try to get to all of the stories soon! Very soon! Oh, .P.S. The whole story won't be so much thinking, it will be more dialogue, because frankly I suck at writing the big long thoughts and feelings paragraphs, I'm much better with dialogue, so the thoughts won't last long, but this chapter was written just before Jess actually went with his dad on the show, so it's old, and at that time I guess I liked writing the long thing *shrugs* I don't know, but I did, and I'm not in the mood to be dramatic, so I couldn't even rewrite it.
But you know, if I get lots of reviews *cough* hint *cough*, I might update sooner! A lot sooner! So, please review!!!! Please!!!!
Ooh, and next chapter, someone gets a black eye! Who? Who? Okay, I'm going away now.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE RIGHT TIME
A/N: Hey, I hope you guys like this story! I feel kinda bad because this is supposed to be a more dramatic chapter (although if you've read any of my stuff you'll probably agree that most anything would be more dramatic, and it's definitely more dramatic than the fluff chapter) but I'm not in a very dramatic mood, so I really just feel silly writing it, so if the drama aspect is not there, I'm sorry!! And I know I've said that I'm hating the writing in Rory's POV thing, but apparently I'm a masochist ;) because I started this one this way, and I've changed almost every story that I started that way, so I decided to just suffer through this one.
Thanks to LitJunkie, Arianna, Samantha, Mrs. Mariano, Kaila:) and hehehe() this one's dedicated to you guys!!
Grr, okay, this was SUPPOSED to be out sooner, but my mom banned me from the internet for a week, no, I didn't do anything wrong, I wasn't even grounded, just banned! AND, as if that wasn't a big enough obstacle, my dad CANCELLED the internet. So, that's why it took longer than I wanted to get this out, and if you're not Mrs. Mariano you probably didn't even know that it was supposed to be out, so I probably didn't need to explain:) But I did intend to get this posted on the 9th, sorry for the delay, blame my parents:(
Now I need to go read all of the updates I missed. So, enjoy! And keep in mind, I AM nice, read the disclaimer!
NOTE: They DID go to the Distillers concert, but it was under different circumstances, he wasn't not calling or showing up when he said he would, he just got the tickets.
Here's Chapter two~ A BAD FEELING
*
Jess and I have spent more and more time together lately. We're growing really close. I'm beginning to wonder how much longer I can hold the 'I love you', it's been five months since we first got together. In the beginning, yes, it was bumpy. He seemed slightly jealous of Dean, then there was the black eye, when he avoided me. But now we've gotten through all of that, and now our relationship is about as close to perfect as possible. I dont think it's humanly possible to love a person more than I love Jess. I'm going to tell him soon, I'm just waiting for the right time. Even though I know you're never supposed to do that, because if you're waiting for the right time to do something, it never comes. Jess had just brought me home, we had spent the whole day together. It was ten o' clock on Saturday night, Jess walked me to my door like he always does. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was different, but I didn't know what. It almost made me want to tell Jess I loved him, but I stifled it because this isn't how I wanted to do it, so, I put it off. Again.
"Well, thank you, I had a good time. Of course we always do, but still..." I smiled at him.
"Yeah, we do. I had a good time too." he agreed. But when he looked into my eyes just before kissing me, I thought I saw a flash of something in his eyes. I ignored it and kissed him. After a minute we broke away. This time the look was too strong not to notice. This look was a mixture of emotions. It was like fear and regret and well, it looked like there was love ih his gaze, too. It was a mix between happy and sad, if the look would have been words it would be the biggest oxymoron ever. I had never seen it before, so I didn't know if it was good, or bad, and I didn't know how to react to it. So, I didn't. I just smiled and and gave him another kiss.
"I wish I didn't have to let you leave yet." I said.
"And I wish I didn't have to leave." he replied.
"See any shooting stars or wishing wells?"
"Unfortunatley not," he briefly glanced at the ground before returning his gaze back to my eyes. He stroked my hair and pulled me in for another kiss.
I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him one last kiss, "Good night, Jess."
"Good bye, Rory."
I gave him my brightest smile, and disappeared into the house.
"Hey, hon," Mom greeted me.
"Hi," I said, distractedly as I walked over to the window.
"What are you doing?" she asked me.
"Wait a minute." I said.
"Okay,"
"Thank you."
"Closing my mouth now."
"Mom," I scolded as I peeked out the window, just in time to see Jess walking down the driveway and kicking a rock into the road in frustration. Something's definitely wrong.
She joined me at the window, "Why are we watching out the window?" she asked.
"I think something's wrong." I said.
"Why?" she asked, escorting me to the couch.
"I don't know." she sat down and patted the cushion beside her for me to do the same.
"It's just that it would be a little more helpful if I knew something about what's wrong." she said.
"I don't know what's wrong." I said, pacing the floor.
"Okay, well, why do you think something's wrong?" she asked.
"It's just a feeling." I replied.
"You mean like an intinct?" she asked.
I started walking faster, "Yes," I stared intently at the ground.
"Any idea of WHAT'S wrong?" she asked.
"I think it has something to do with...oh, never mind."
"Why?"
"I'm just being overly dramatic." I said.
"Everything's okay then?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure everything's fine. I'm going to go take shower, okay?" I said as I walked down the hall.
"Okay," she called back.
I walked in my room and grabbed some pajamas; it was a cami top, light pink with little red strawberries all over it, and matching boycut shorts. Then I grabbed of pink slippers and a towel. Stop it; nothing's wrong. When I got out, I stood in front brushing my hair. Then I looked in the mirror at my eyes, it reminded me of the look that was in Jess' eyes. I sighed and put my brush down as I walked out.
"Hey kiddo," Mom smiled.
"Hey,"
"Feel better?" she asked.
I nodded, even though I didn't really feel better.
"Sometimes a nice warm shower can do that." she said.
"Yeah, I'm probably just tired." I said.
"You don't really feel any better, do you?"
"Not really," I sighed and sat beside her on the couch.
"How come?" she asked.
"There was this look in his eyes tonight."
"What kind of look?" she asked.
"I don't know; it was like a happy, sad scared, just an array of different feelings all rolled into one."
"Mmm hmm,"
"And for some reason I had a bad feeling."
"Because of the look?"
"I guess, I don't know, it's probably nothing."
"All right, well, do you want to watch a movie or something?"
"No, thanks." I replied. She's just trying to make me feel better.
"You sure?" she asked.
"Yeah, I think I'm actually just gonna go to bed."
"Okay, well, I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning." she feigned opimism. The fact is, she trusts gut instincts.
"Good night," I stood up.
"Good night, Honey,"
I kissed her on the cheek, "See you in the morning." I said.
"Okay," I walked to my room, I pulled down my covers and got in bed. I closed my eyes, figuring the sooner I'd feel better. I stared at the ceiling for 15 to 20 minutes, then I finally fell asleep.
*
The next morning I woke up and stumbled out of bed. The second my feet touched the ground I clutched my stomach. It was in knots. I walked out into the hallway.
"Hey hon, what's wrong?"
"Something's wrong, my stomach has more knots in it than a tree."
"Instinctual bad feeling again?"
"Yes, something's wrong; I can feel it."
"Well, they say you should trust your instincts."
"Well, they're telling me something's wrong."
"Well..." she didn't know what to say.
"Something bad." I added.
"Well, let's go for coffee, maybe that'll make you feel better."
"And Jess." I brightened.
"Yep, coffee and Jess."
"My two favorite things."
"Hey!"
"I mean, two of my three favorite things." I corrected.
"Thaty's better."
"I neglected to mention you because you are the queen of Favorite-land. So, you're pretty much a given."
"That's much better," she smiled.
"And do you want to know the good news?"
"Yes, I do."
"You come before coffee on the importance meter."
"You are now my favorite daughter."
"Which is good considering I'm the only one you have."
"Right, forgot about that."
"Yeah,"
"Didn't work, did it?" she asked.
"What didn't work?"
"Trying to make you feel
"No, my stomach still has knots in it." I said.
"Wonder why?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe you need to eat." he suggested.
"Maybe, but this is definitely not hunger pangs." I said.
"Well, let's go."
"Okay, let me get my coat."
"Wait," she said.
"What?"
"Forgetting something?"
"Like...?"
"Like you resemble Strawberry Shortcake." she said.
I looked on my pajamas, "Oh,"
"Yeah,"
"Might want change, huh?"
"Might want to. Oh, the slippers! Now those you must wear."
"Ignoring you now."
"Come on, they're stylish."
"Walking down the hall." I announced.
"Fine, wear real shoes if you want to ruin my fun."
"I appreciate that I have our blessing."
I went in my room. Why can't I shake this feeling? Why do I feel like something's very wrong? Okay, stop freaking yourself out. I put on some real clothes. There has to be an explanation for this. I keep going over the date and our goodnights to see if something went wrong. Why did Jess have that look in his eyes? Why did he kick the rock? I feel like this bad thing has something to do with Jess. I sighed, ready to go. The sooner we leave, the sooner I get to see Jess; then everything will be okay. Then maybe I'll feel better. I swear when I get to that diner I'm just going to make him hold me.
I walked out into the livingroom.
"Hey kiddo, ready?"
"Yes, I am."
"Good, I need coffee."
"I need Jess." I said.
"Well, you get both at the same place."
"Luke's." I finished.
"Our second home." Mom said.
"We should get mail there."
"Let's go get our loves." Mom said.
"I get the one with dark hair and dark eyes."
"I get the one that's dark and in a cup."
"That might work." I nodded as we left the house.
Mom smiled.
"What?" I asked her.
"What did I say?"
"Nothing,"
Well then, what's the problem?" she asked.
"You were thinking something."
"Was I?" she played dumb.
"Mother,"
"Daughter," she countered.
"What's so amusing?"
She shook her head, "It's just, when I said our loves..."
"Wha- oh," I realized what I had said.
"Yeah, you immediately thought of Jess."
"Well, that's just...because we're together, so I mean, of course he would come to mind when I hear that." I rambled.
"Uh huh."
"I didn't actually come out and say that." I defended.
"Say what?" she played dumb again.
"That I'm in love with Jess." I clarified.
"Oooh, you ARE in love with Jess!"
I couldn't fight a smile, "Yeah,"
"I knew that." she said smugly.
"You did?" I asked.
"Yep,"
"Why did you wait till now to say something?"
"Well, for one thing you chose now to slip up, and I don't really know, it just came out."
"I haven't told him yet," I informed her.
"You haven't?"
"No, I almost did last night."
"Why almost?" she asked.
"I stopped myself." I explained.
"Oh, why?"
"I wasn't sure if it was the right time."
"Oh," she half nodded.
"What?" I asked, curiously.
"There's no such thing as a right time."
"I know, part of me screamed that."
"But...?" she inquired.
"The other part scared me."
"How?"
"If he doesn't feel the same way." I answered.
"Oh, that's how."
"I don't think I can stand it much longer."
"Well, here's a thought, maybe he's waiting for YOU to say something." she suggested.
"Jess isn't really the passive type." I pointed out.
"That's true,"
"So, that's probably not it." I reasoned.
"Well, maybe you should just tell him how you feel anyway."
"I could, couldn't I?"
"Yes, you could."
"I'm going to. I love him, and I'm going to tell him." I said.
"You go girl!" Mom said in mock encouragement.
"Thanks,"
"Hey, solidarity, sister."
"I stopped myself last night, but if I keep waiting till 'the right time' I'll keep waiting until it's too late."
"Right, so to avoid that mess..."
"I'll tell him now. Well, when we get there."
After a minute, she asked, "Are you nervous?"
"A little, what if he doesn't feel the same way?"
"I'll bet he does." she nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, really sure."
"You're my mom, you're just saying that."
"I'm super sure."
"You're just being nice."
"How about this? I'm so sure that if he DOESN'T feel the same way, I will stand on my head while I sing 'Look Away' by Chicago."
"You're that sure?"
"Yes,
"Okay, but if you're wrong I'm going to hold you to that standing on your head sining thing." I informed her.
"Duly noted."
At the sight of Luke's I stopped dead in my tracks as I again started to feel like someone died or something.
"What's wrong?" Mom asked alarmed.
"I just got a REALLY really bad feeling. Worse than last night and worse than this morning, in fact, I think if you put the two feelings together that still wouldn't feel this bad." I rambled.
"Okay, stop talking, and let's walk. Can we walk?"
"Yes, we need to go to Luke's, but...I don't know, something's wrong."
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and we continued on our way to Luke's. We walked to the into Luke's.
At the sight of Mom and me, Luke looked down and went to the kitchen to get an order.
"Luke left." Mom pointed toward the kitchen that Luke practically ran into.
"I saw." I frowned, "Well, let's sit down." I suggested.
Good idea," she sat down at a stool.
I was almost on the stool when something caught my eye. I froze in my almost sitting position.
"Honey?" Mom tried to get my attention.
Just then Luke came back out, "Oh, hi," he said, acting like he'd just seen us for the first time.
"Hey there, runaway coffee man." Mom greeted.
I finally stood back up and looked away from the window that I had been staring out of. Not because there was something wrong or different about the window, but because the window was right in the view of the parking spot Jess always uses. But it was empty. The feeling from earlier came back stronger than ever, my eyes started to burn as I figured out what was wrong.
"Honey, are you okay?" Mom asked.
Tears started to well up in my eyes, I swear, I could almost hear my heart breaking. I looked at Luke, "Luke, where's Jess?" I asked him, trying to maintain composure.
He looked down at the floor uncomfortably then back at me, probably thinking dsomething like "I'm going to kill Jess for making ME do this."
He pulled something out of his back pocket; I stared at like it was the gun that someone was getting ready to shoot me with. "Um, he wanted me to give you this," I let a tear fall, "I'm sorry Rory, he's gone."
He no more than said that and I choked on the lump in my throat. Tears started to fall more rapidly, "I waited too late." I whispered. As soon as I took the letter in my hand I started crying uncontrollably. Since I couldn't seem to stop I just ran out of the diner. No, he cannot be gone. I felt pretty pathetic because I was wailing so much that you'd think someone just killed my best friend. Well, no one killed him, but he's gone just the same.
I didn't quit running until I reached the bridge, where I collapsed on my knees and continued to cry more freely, because I knew no one would see me there. Even though I knew it was irrational, I still kept wishing that Jess would just show up there like he did the night of the dance marathon. But, no wishing wells or shooting stars.
I immediately stopped crying, and pssibly breathing, I'm not sure, I can't remember. That's it, I couldn't figure any of it out, now I think I've got it.
~"And I wish I didn't have to leave."
Duh, there was a double meaning! But why would he leave me? What did I do? I mean, he left without so much as- oh, wait, I covered my mouth as the tears came again. He said good bye, he NEVER says good bye! He says good night. I sank down, he's really gone. He's gone and he's not coming back. I waited too late, why did I have to stop myself last night? Why? I was going to tell him, I was, today, this morning. I was going to tell him I love him, and now I'll never get to. I was going to tell him, but did I listen? No, because it wasn't "the right time". Well, I hope you're happy now. Now is it the right time? Huh? No, now he's gone.
I don't understand though, nothing was wrong. Our relationship was going great; we were happy. I looked at the horrible envelope for the second time. I turned it over and opened it. But then I stopped, thinking of our picnic. I'm almost afraid to read it. If I read it that makes it real. I sighed and satred out at the water.
~"Yelling at you like that, breaking up with you in front of everybody, the guy's a total jerk."
Maybe so, but at least then I understood what happened. Why would he do this? I decided the only way to answer my questions was to read the letter. I carefully pulled the paper out and unfolded it. I sat there reading the last piece of Jess that I had. It was really hard, because my hands were shaking so badly; and the words were blurring because of the tears in my eyes. When I reached the bottom of the letter I ran my fingers over the writing. It read 'P.S. I will always love you.' I choked on my tears again.
I stood up and and stared at the spot where Luke pushed Jess in the lake. I sighed, well, he left my life as quickly and abruptly as he left it. But instead of "In like a lion, out like a lamb" it seemed more like "In like a lamb, out like a lion". I slowly walked back home. I had no smile, no energy, not even any emotion, in fact, I'm not even sure how I got home, I only know that I did.
I walked in, "Lucy, I'm home." I said flatly.
"Hey hon," she attempted a smile.
"What are you doing?" I asked her.
"Looking for my Chicago album," she grimaced, "I'm so sorry honey."
"I should've known, I had the bad feeling, I knew something was wrong, and now that I'm thinking about it, I realized he said 'goo bye' last night, not good night. He's never said good bye, it's ALWAYS good night, but last night...it wasn't." I looked down.
"I'm so so sorry that I gave you high hopes, but I thought... I thought-"
"No, don't apologize, you were right." I told her.
"What? How was I right?" she asked, puzzled.
"He does love me." I said.
"Well, he cartainly has a strange way of showing it." she said, somewhat bitterly.
"I know," I nodded, after a second I added, "I can't believe he's gone."
"Oh honey, come here." I sat down beside her.
I held her tight and cried on her shoulder. After a few minutes I stopped, "I'm gonna go lie down." I said.
"Okay sweetie, go ahead," she watched me walk to my room.
I sat on the edge of my bed and held his letter, staring at his handwriting. After a minute I walked over to my dresser and opened the drawer with the New York ticket stub in it. I couldn't even do that this time. Now, he's in California. I took my letter and ticket stub and put them in a small shoe box. Then I dug out my Distillers ticket from the concert, along with the few pictures that I had of him and added those to the box. My Jess box.
I went over and sat down on my bed, of course the first thoughts that flooded my head were thoughts of Jess. I remembered the storm, when he carried me to my bed. That was so sweet. I sighed to myself and got under the covers. Of course that wasn't helpful either, because then all I could think of was how it felt to have Jess' arms wrapped around me. All of these thoughts of Jess, the memories, all of it made me sad. Because now it's gone. I curled up and hugged my pillow, then I cried into my pillow thinking of all the time we spent togther and how much I was going to miss him.
**
A/N:*Peeks out from behind a rock* Hi, are you guys remembering that I love Jess more than the person who created his character? And that I'm nice and not mean and can't torture you people for more than 1 or 2 chapters? Okay, good.*Throws the rock aside* So, I hope you liked this chapter, although if you didn't I understand, because I almost didn't like it myself (just like smile with Bryan!), but it was needed! In case you haven't noticed he NEVER leaves in my stories! Almost everybody has a story where he leaves...then there's me. So, yay for me, I made one! But don't worry, be happy!! And PLEASE REVIEW because I love reviews almost as much as I love Jess!! *nods* That says a lot! If you review I'll love you forever! :D Thank you all for being so patient, I'm sorry about the sucky updater habits, but I did intend to get this up sooner than this, and then I got thrown off by the no internet rule. PLEASE REVIEW!!! You guys rock! And if I'm reading one or more of your stories and you're starting to wonder if I fell off the planet, I didn't! I have a week of updates to read! I will get to it, you'll know by my review that will be begging forgiveness or something like that!:D If I miss it just yell at me, I'll try to get to all of the stories soon! Very soon! Oh, .P.S. The whole story won't be so much thinking, it will be more dialogue, because frankly I suck at writing the big long thoughts and feelings paragraphs, I'm much better with dialogue, so the thoughts won't last long, but this chapter was written just before Jess actually went with his dad on the show, so it's old, and at that time I guess I liked writing the long thing *shrugs* I don't know, but I did, and I'm not in the mood to be dramatic, so I couldn't even rewrite it.
But you know, if I get lots of reviews *cough* hint *cough*, I might update sooner! A lot sooner! So, please review!!!! Please!!!!
Ooh, and next chapter, someone gets a black eye! Who? Who? Okay, I'm going away now.