The camera zooms in as Rikudo Koushi sits at his desk and begins to scribble madly while cackling. With every stroke of his pencil, the lightning and thunder crash outside causing him to cackle even more. Animals are running far away from the apartment complex as fast as they can, braving the rain for they can sense the evil lurking inside Rikudo-sensei's apartment. The kids in the neighboring houses were crying for their mommies as they were petrified by the insane laughter. The camera pans up while showing what the crazed manga-ka has been working on for the past three minutes.

KOUSHI RIKUDO PROUDLY PRESENTS:

OOKIINA ISHI WO OBIRU

(WITH GREAT WILL...)

AN EXCEL SAGA/RANMA 1/2/SLAYERS CROSS-OVER!

Translated by Justin Ketchum (JRaiKetchum)

Chapter 1: The Saga Begins Again.

Friday, July 17, 200X

7:58 AM JST

F City, F Prefecture, Japan

ACROSS-HQ

It was another day at the secret ACROSS HQ hidden well beneath the surface of the unsuspecting city of F. Here, plans for city-wide domination are concocted by the twisted and methodical mind of it's leader Lord Ilpalazzo. If you look deep into his golden eyes, you can see the agony that he feels for the world everyday as he starts off his mission briefings with his favorite catch phrase "The world is corrupt!" Or, maybe the agony he feels is the constant migraine that begins every morning around 8:00 AM.

"HAIL. ILPALAZZO!" Excel exclaims at the top of her lungs.

"zzo..." Hyatt whispers weakly from the ground.

And so, the migraine resumes as another day with Ilpallazzo's most loyal and yet, most irritating agent Excel Excel begins to unfold.

"Your most loyal agent Excel reports back from the mean and ugly streets of Juuban in the Minatou-ku ward of Tokyo! The trip there was long and terifying by foot. Did you know that there are approximately 1,000 different kinds of insane drivers out there! We almost got ran over 11.1 million times by the ignorant masses that are ignorant of pedestrians who do not have the luxury of owning a car in this day and age! I say that they will be the first to go when we..." The blonde just kept rambling on and on about the trip.

"Excel-kun... is there an endpoint to this sometime soon?" The dictator inquired.

"Hai Ilpalazzo-sama! Then when we did make it to Juuban, we were attacked by the ugliest looking monster anyone has ever seen! It said that we were going to be it's dinner and.. and..."

"Hyatt-kun, please step back one foot."

The blueberry-haired, frail compositioned girl did as requested as Ilpalazzo pulled the rope dangling in front of his throne. A 6' X 2' hole opened up underneath the hyper blonde and she screamed as she fell down the 8' deep hole.

"KYYYAAAaaaa... Oomph! That wasn't too far that time. Is Ilpalazzo-sama showing mercy for Excel! YES ILPALAZZO-SAMA THE MERCIFUL!"

"RRRRRROAR!"

Up above the genuine Burmese Tiger trap complete with genuine Burmese Tiger (Subtitles appear under the tiger reading BURMESE TIGER, Suprisibus! surprisibus!) , Ilpalazzo continued the debriefing with Hyatt admist Excel's screams of pain and terror.

"So Hyatt-kun, what was the outcome of the mission"

"GYYAAA! TAIGAA! TAIGAA! BURMESE TAIGAA!"

"Well, as senpai was beginning to state, we were attacked by what they call a youma which are famous in that part of Tokyo when we arrived there."

"HELP ILPALAZZO-SAMA! EXCEL IS BEING RIPPED TO SHREDS!"

Dust and torn pieces of Excel's clothing were flying up from the giant hole in the floor.

"Go on..."

"We were greeted by the famous Sailor Senshi as they saved us from the horrible youma. That's as much as I know since I collapsed halfway through."

"I see... Well then... Excel-kun!"

"HI-YA! EXCEL PUNCH AND KICK DOUBLE COMBO! AND NEKO EXITS STAGE RIGHT!"

Excel jumped out of the tiger trap with her clothes shredded to near nudity and claw marks decorating her body. To say the least, the tiger was winning.

"Hai Ilpalazzo-sama! What is it that you require from your most loyal Excel?"

"Were you able to find out the identities of the Sailor Senshi so as to try and recruit them to our cause?"

"No, we were not able too! After the battle between them and the icky nasty youma they left just as suddenly as they appeared! Like thunder and lightning! Smoke and air! Blood and Hy-chan's body!" Excel stated metaphorically as she looked to see Hyatt hemorrhaging yet again on the floor. "Right on time too..."

"I see... Did you try to follow them?"

"Yes! And boy did we find out what happens when they transform back! At the same time, we also found out what happens when you do spy on them while they are transforming back. The medical costs for the 3rd degree burns, broken bones and lacerations were astronomical! The healthcare in this country needs a serious reform! The ignorant masses cannot see how insurance companies are stealing them blind right in front of their own eyes! Doctors are getting sports cars and..."

Ilpalazzo reaches for the rope to the tiger trap again.

"And...and... That.. That is all for our report on the previous mission!" Excel finished trembling in fear and sweating like Menchi.

"Thank you Excel-kun. And when Hyatt-kun revives we shall discuss the next mission, #7,827,413-and-1/2. Oh and by the way, where is Lt. Menchi?" Ilpalazzo inquired.

"Menchi had to be used as an emergency food supply on the way back due to lack of food funds and being lost in the wilderness for 5 days. She tasted great fried and served with apple sauce! I found a new emergency food supply to replace Menchi on the way back and I call him Porkchop! Isn't he just the cutest little piggy?"

Excel presented Ilplazzo with a small, black piglet with a leopard bandanna tied around it's neck.

"BWEEEEEEEEEE!" (CURSE YOU RANMA!)

"Ah, I see... Porkchop-kun, you are now the chief Lt. of the ACROSS army. And as for you Toilet Cleaner Excel, well I think someone else needs an emergency food source right about now..." Ilpalazzo decreed.

He reached for the rope and pulled it releasing the tiger trap again.

"! NO! NOT THE TIGER AGAAAAaaiiiiinnnn... (ping)"

AN: Sooo. How was the first chapter? Pretty insane right? Well it's only going to get worse people as this is only the beginning! insert Naga-esque laugh here . I'd like to thank Greyman on the ADDventure for "City Domination Plan 7,827,413-and-1/2" (Episode 849). Oh and if I go out of order on the ADDventure, that's to make things flow more smoothly, ne?

Ja, ne

-Rai