I checked my birth certificate and I know I'm still not Jonathon Larson and I still don't own Rent.

Have you even noticed that looking out the window of a moving car or bus makes you dizzy?

Its like you can't stand facing the state of here and now.

What's in the past? What's in the future?

Well right now I need to figure out the present.

I stepped off the bus and the freezing winter air bit me like a harsh force of reality.

Ok, I thought, you can do this. Step one is find a place to live. Ok I can do that. I need a newspaper.

Alright I lied. Step one is to keep your sanity long enough to find a newsstand.

I walked to the nearest newsstand, up the street. The heels of my shoes clunked on the hard pavement.

I was pushed against a crowd of people. All going someplace different. All going towards a change.

Nothing was impossible. Fear was nonexistent. This was New York City.

I scanned the rack of magazines and newspapers until I found what I was looking for.

Wow I never thought I'd actually be buying a New York Times. I am such a tourist.

500, 40th and Broadway

9th floor penthouse

$14,000 a month

Contact William Gray at 610-970-4301

Ok. Maybe something a bit more in my price range.

1220 30th street and avenue D

4th floor loft

21 year old non-psycho student and artist seeks roommate to help pay the rent

$100 a month

Contact Haze Caldwell at 919-763-0090

Now that's more like it.

Oh my God. I actually did it. I am actually here, in New York.

Ok but, now that I'm here what the hell am I supposed to do?

Well ok. Step one was find an apartment. Check. It may be a two-room loft overlooking a lovely view of a drug dealer in an alleyway constantly vomiting. And there rats in the sink the last time I checked and you can't walk two feet without killing a cockroach. And there is a toilet in the living room. But I have a cute roommate with a great ass and there is only one bed and no couch. Yeah life is good.

Of course I really never see Haze. He's always either at school or locked in his room drawing or painting or more likely shooting up. He thinks I haven't noticed. I've only been here for three days.

Day one was possibly the greatest day of my life. It was like how someone feels after just beginning a race. A feeling like this is something I can do. This something I've wanted to do forever. You haven't truly lived until you have felt like this.

Stepping into the loft, and on a cockroach, I started to have doubts.

But is this not what I wanted? All my life I longed to suffer for my art. I longed to be out spoken and different. Maybe this was the life for me.

I'd just have to wait and see.

Next time: Alexi receives a bit of good luck and a crap load of bad luck

Until next time I don't own emotion