Disclaimers apply.
AN I got this idea from a strange dream I had. Obviously tweaked it a bit though. Hehehe!
Story Summary:
Mail order. The best way to get your hands on the last copies of the special edition Sailor V mangas! But, maybe Usagi read something wrong…
There's just no way you can order people, can you?
Important Notes:
Set in Sailor Moon Sailor Stars, just before the Starlights come. So obviously, Mamoru's in America. :Smirks:
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Mail… huh? MaLE Order?
Male Orders Coming Right Up!
By Angel-Goddess
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Wide blue eyes scanned the page.
"Uwa! I want to get my hands on that manga!" A blonde girl squealed excitedly, as she flicked the page of her Tokyo Girl Fashion magazine only to find an ad featuring the special limited editions of the Sailor V mangas. All five of them!
According to the latest reports, the collection that was unbelievably sold out in every shop was now obviously a very rare find. Apparently, it was the best selling Sailor V product to ever come out. The downside to it was that there weren't going to be any more reprints of it. Meaning that if you missed out… it was too bad for you.
"Let me see!" Another blonde pitched in, shoving the other to get a look at the ad. "Kya! Usagi-chan, the limited edition Sailor V manga collection! We have to get it!"
Sweatdropping, the girl that had been called Usagi-chan picked herself up from the floor, where she had dropped off from the bed from the sheer force of the shove her friend had hit her with in her excitement. "I know that, Minako-chan! But how are we going to that?" She complained, propping her chin onto the palm of her hand. Her eyes started to get watery and she started to sniffle, "If I miss out on the mangas, I'm going to regret it forever!" She whined almost heart-brokenly.
Minako started to get teary eyed as well. Clasping Usagi's hands into her hers, she nodded, "Yes, you're right. We must get out hands on the manga! We must!"
A raven haired priestess sweatdropped at the two blondes that were making a dramatic scene, "It's just manga."
"No, not just any manga, Rei-chan! It's the Special Limited Edition Sailor V Manga Collection!" The two blondes shouted in sync, shaking their head furiously and sending tear droplets flying around.
Rei sighed, "Yare yare…"
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Usagi stared hard at the ad as she lied in her bed, contemplating. How was she to obtain it? Looking down at the small print underneath the ad, she noticed that it was saying something about accessing the Internet to find out more information. A light bulb went off above her head and she threw a punch into the air. "Yeah! That's it! I'm going to look it up on the Internet!"
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Sign up and get your package and free Special Limited Edition Sailor V Manga Collection! Just follow the quick and easy steps, and you'll have your order in no time at all!
Usagi squealed. Free copies just for ordering some mail! No way! She just had to sign up! She glanced at the website address and giggled, "Even professionals can miss type words after all. I mean, how hard is it to spell mail?"
Step One: Please describe your perfect man.
"Eh? Perfect man? Oh…. Mamo-chan, of course!"
Light clicks of the keyboards were heard as Usagi described her Mamo-chan. "Sweet, kind, caring, nice hair, nice eyes, tall, dark, handsome…uhm… that's it."
Step Two: What would you consider a perfect date?
"Perfect date… hmm…"
Closing her eyes, a small blush appeared on her face as she imagined herself and her Mamo-chan having a candlelight dinner outside on the balcony of a classy restaurant, then they would go for a midnight stroll and they would kiss under the moonlight. Usagi giggled dreamily and opened her eyes, which were slightly glazed over. "Yes, that would be a perfect date."
Step Three: Please enter you personal information and attach a picture.
"Hmm, alrighty then!"
More clicks on the mouse and constant tapping of the keyboard, and finally the words, 'You're now finished. Thank you for signing up!' Popped up on the screen.
She stretched and leaned back on the computer seat, "Now all I gotta do is wait!"
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One Week Later…
The insistent tapping on the door continued, and Usagi skidded out of her room and came charging down the stairs, "Coming!" She yelled down, her voice echoing loudly through the currently empty household.
She skipped over the last three stairs and fiddled with the locks, opening the door slowly. She regarded the old man dressed in a white undershirt and blue overalls in front of her with a welcoming smile. "Ohayou gozaimasu. Can I help you?" She greeted pleasantly.
The old man's large, bushy white eyebrows rose. "It depends. Are you Miss Usagi Tsukino?" He asked in a rickety voice that was wavering slightly.
"Yes, I am." She affirmed.
He nodded slowly. "Ah, I see, I've bought your orders."
"My … orders?" Usagi mimicked, tipping her head to the side. She didn't make any orders, did she? Oh, wait…the special limited edition Sailor V manga collection! It was finally here! "Oh, my mail orders!" She squealed excitedly.
A frown seemed to settle on his lips at her joyous response. "Young children these days," He muttered disdainfully underneath his breath, "No morals at all."
Usagi sweatdropped, she had heard him, but she didn't understand what he was so scornful about. I mean, it was just mangas for goodness sake. What was immoral about it? The fact that he couldn't handle a female star instead of a male one?
He pulled out a clipboard seemingly out of nowhere and scanned the front, flicking a pen out of his pocket and clicking the end. He turned the clipboard so that it faced her and she could see the words written on it. "Ms. Tsukino, I shall need your signature here, here and here-" He pointed to the black spaces, "It is to affirm the company that you have received your orders, and agree to the terms and conditions that apply."
Taking the pen from his other hand, she scribbled her signature sketchily on the spots he had previously pointed to. "Okay, there we go."
"Now, please be aware that refunds are not available and will not be dealt with. Returns shall be acknowledged only when the reason is valid. If the reason is valid and you return your order, the company will graciously issue a replacement within two to three days. However, if we see that you seem to have immediate dislike for your order, we shall send you another one straight away, and you shall still be able to keep your original order." He informed her stiffly, snatching the clipboard and pen out of her hands.
Usagi blinked, "Uhhm, okay."
"Furthermore, if you have any queries, concerns or trouble, or you would like to request a return of your order, please call 1800 HOT MALE. That's 1800 468 6253. Or you can send an e-mail to find-that-package at hotmaledot com."
Usagi nodded, taking in the information. "Okay, so 1800 HOT MAIL and find-that-package at hotmail dot com? I gotcha. That's easy enough to remember." Usagi thanked.
The man handed her a brown package, "Enjoy." He snickered as he left, hopping into his Tarago Van just in front of the Tsukino household and spying on the blonde girl with binoculars to see her reaction.
The innocent blonde didn't at all notice the fact that the van the man hopped into had a huge picture of a man dressed in absolutely nothing, except for a brown paper bag with a random address and a valid stamp on it, covering his private parts and making it look like a neat, little (or big) 'package'. The words 'Male Orders; Bringing the dream package straight to your doorstep. Phone 1800 HOT MALE now.' Were printed boldly beside the man's image. No, the naive girl was too wrapped up on her own world to notice anything around her.
Usagi pondered a little. That seemed like an awfully long talk for just an order of mangas. He seemed to be lecturing her in a way. She shook her head to rid those questionable thoughts and turned her attention to the slightly heavy package in her hands that contained the set of five mangas in pure glee. She couldn't believe it. She was actually holding the special edition copy of the Sailor V manga in her very hands! Usagi drew a breath and let it out shakily, cerulean blue eyes wide.
"Hey, babe, it would be nice if you could let me in sometime today." A drawl on her left crooned lightly.
Usagi's head snapped up in attention, the voice pulling her out of her special-edition-manga daze. "Eh?" Looking to her left, she regarded the tall, dark-haired young man that leaned on the wall of her house with arched eyebrows. "Ne, who are you?"
He opened his eyes to reveal a deep violet gaze. Slowly, he turned to her and smiled, he moved out of his comfortable position and took two steps, which generally would've allowed them to see each other eye to eye if Usagi hadn't been so short. The way he moved was definitely oozing with mild touches of seduction. His hands lightly brushed her fringe and she back-pedalled with a yelp, looking as though he had tried to sexually violate her. He chuckled, "Kawaii. You get ruffled easily… my dear Usagi-chan." He commented.
She puffed up indignantly, "Who are you, and what do you want?" She huffed at him, her pale cheeks tinting pink as she clutched her Sailor V mangas close to her chest as though he was about to steal them away from her. As handsome as he was, he seemed rather too full of himself.
He laughed again and took a step into the house. "Me? I'm you're male order, of course." He bowed, "My name's Dark Moussey. And what do I want? Hmm… it really depends on what you want… so what do you say?" As he continued to talk, he kept taking a step towards the cowering female who seemed to have frozen over as she stared at him.
Usagi had alarm bells going off in her head. She was alone in the house. Her. A female high schooler. There was a stranger in the house who knew her name. Oh god, he even knew were she lived...! There was only one answer to who he could be… "Stalker!" Usagi screeched and, despite how precious her new mangas were, threw them at him as hard as she could and started pushing him out the door, beating him with her tiny fists, "Rape! Rape! Help! Someone!" She shouted, hoping that the neighbours would hear.
"Hey, hey! What are you doing?" The young man exclaimed, backing out into the porch and was easily avoiding her onslaught of attacks, "Wow, you're one energetic girl!"
"Get out, get out, get out! Argh!"
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Fumbling with his binoculars, the old man hurriedly flipped out his mobile and dialled his boss. "Boss! It's me, Tanaka! We have a problem on the Tsukino order. It seems she doesn't like her male order! We need to someone else right away!" He said urgently.
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"Hmmm, Suruko, Tanaka has called, it seem that Ms Tsukino dislikes her male order. Please send her another one with a courtesy note." The boss commented through the intercom to his assistant, lighting a cigar and taking a huge hit from it and blowing the smoke out leisurely.
"Yes, sir. Right way, sir." She agreed submissively, cutting the link and changing the intercom line. "Rukio, please send another candidate to Ms Tsukino's household. Her address is…"
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Honey yellow hair lightly brushed his shoulders as he walked towards a serene-looking two storey house. "Hmmm, so this is the Tsukino Usagi's house. Not bad, not bad." He commented, his voice slightly husky. Walking towards the front door, he noticed one of his main rivals nursing a large bump on his head. He snickered. "Tsk, tsk tsk. Failed to impress the lady, did you, Moussey?" He mildly grilled the irate boy. Indigo orbs glared heatedly at him in obvious dislike.
"Hmpfh. As if, she was stunned at my gorgeous charms." Dark retorted. They've sent him here, does that mean that Tsukino-san called up and asked for someone to replace me? Dark wondered uneasily. He couldn't believe this, he was one of the most gorgeous men around, and here he was utterly rejected by the girl that didn't even bother to get a chance to know him. She had literally left him on the porch to curl up and die... well, it wasn't as bad as he made it sound, but that's what it sure felt like.
The newcomer lifted the sunglasses away, uncovering bright, jade green eyes. "Well, obviously, she wasn't stunned enough." He replied with a big grin that showed off perfect white teeth. "Step aside, Moussey, and watch how a pro woos a girl. Maybe if you pay close attention, you'll see just how effective Kudou Yohji's way is."
That said, Yohji boldly took a step towards the door and pressed the doorbell.
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AN Why, oh, why, must I keep starting new fics? I might not even continue this, if I don't, I'm more than happy to give it away.
Read and review, show me that you like it enough for me to continue.
And yes, it is most definitely Bishounen-galore!
(You may nominate a Bishounen if you so wish)
Bishounens that will be featured are in the following series: Some Weiss Kruez Bishies, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Card Captor Sakura and Final Fantasy VII/VIII/X.
Much Love,
Angel-Goddess
Aka Tenshi-Megami