12

Ronon opens his door, knowing she's waiting. She glances around nervously, her thumbs bouncing off each other as she pulls at the hem of her shirt. "Jax."

"Ronon." She doesn't look him in the eyes this time, something he's not used to. He's come to expect her forceful, challenging stare. He misses it.

He leans against the door frame, crossing his arms. "Would you like to come in?"

"No."

He never expected she would, but felt the need to be polite considering she spent a second night in the infirmary and Dr. Beckett found it necessary to sedate and restrain her again. Unfortunately after scouting five separate planets searching for Dr. Weir's frozen lake, Ronon had been too exhausted to stay by her side.

The past three nights, she's been in conditional lock down in her quarters, meaning her door was locked from the outside and a guard posted. Prior to that, Dr. Beckett had her room searched for any stimulants. He found three full boxes of caffeine tabs and confiscated them.

The rumors started immediately and Ronon finally understands why Sheppard dislikes them. Many soldiers have made comments that Jax tried to kill herself with sleeping pills or that she went crazy when someone refused her advances. Another one stated she'd eaten some of the Athosian food and had a bad reaction. He has yet to hear anyone speak of the truth.

"I…I wa-" Her eyes bounce from the floor to him then away just as quickly. She looks down the corridor as she talks to him, finally gaining some control over her voice. "I wanted to thank you. Dr. Beckett told me how you and Colonel Sheppard took care of me. That I would have died…if you hadn't found me…when you did."

"Don't mention it."

Her gaze darts to his then away. "Okay then." And she shuffles down the hall and he sees a small red bag hanging from her shoulder.

Ronon leans out his door. "Jax." She stops, but doesn't turn around. "Tell me about Ryan." Her head hangs and her shoulders slouch but only for a moment.

She rolls her shoulders back and lifts her head, turns gracefully and glides over to him. The ice shield firmly in place when she does meet his gaze. "I'm going to practice. If you want information, I will supply it…but only once. Afterward, you must tell me about Nally. Then we'll never speak of either again."

"Deal." He follows her down the corridor to the nearest transporter.

The three targets are still in place from the previous time. Jax opens her small bag and pulls out the 9mm handgun and three extra clips. "Doesn't Col. Sheppard notice this is missing?"

"It's mine."

"They let you bring personal artilery?"

She puts on the goggles, clicks off the safety and takes aim. "They let me." She fires several rounds into the center mass of the first target. After a moment, she turns her stance so her body falls into a straight line, drops one hand and takes aim again. "Wanna know how he died?" And she shoots, one bullet, center of the forehead.

Ronon knew she could hit dead center, but seeing it done so coolly, skillfully, makes his gut tighten.

Jax clicks on the safety and sets the gun on the table. "Why he died. You're looking at. Why they all die."

"Because of what you saw."

"No." She pulls four daggers from the bag, sliding them from leather sheaths and takes up a position in front of the second target.

"Because." She throws the first knife, but not at the target, at the wall behind it. The knife slices through the paper in an instant at center mass, the paper is thin and her strength behind the throw impressive enough that the target does not slow the weapon upon penetration, it merely splits and lets the dagger pass. The blade lodges into the wall.

"I." She throws the second knife with the same precision.

"Lived." Third knife flies and sticks.

Still holding the forth knife, she faces him, twirling it in her hand as well as Teyla. "You won't understand this but I'll give it a shot. On Earth there are these things called banks where people keep a lot of money."

"Eight years ago, my parents were trying to get a loan to help me. I needed money for something special…for my dream to happen and they were willing to put everything on the line for their 1998 Olympic hopeful."

Her eyes harden. "Then these four men came in, wearing masks, carrying guns. Everyone knows you get down, shut up and let them do what they want so you don't die."

"And you didn't."

"Of course I did. I may be a bitch, but I'm not an idiot. The problem was…I caught sight of one of the men. Saw his eyes…and I recognized him."

"How?"

She huffs and rolls her eyes. "He was my boyfriend, Tony." The fourth knife whips from her hand, whooshing through the air, ripping the third target from it's place and tacking it to the wall, the dagger in the center of the face. She turns to him again. "He also happened to be a cop…along with his other robbing buddies."

"Silly me…I got good looks at all of their eyes. For someone else," she shrugs, "wouldn't have been a big deal. Except I knew I'd seen them all before. I could recognize each one even with a mask on. And then they saw me. And they just knew."

"One of them shot my parents right in front of me," tears well up in her eyes. "Just because he could." She sniffs and blinks the tears away. "Then Tony came right up to me, whispered into my ear and shot me point blank in the chest." Her hand slaps to the spot where the scar should have been.

"I lived, obviously. Just barely. And the D.A. ordered me to testify or go to jail." Ronon's shocked by that and Jax grins viciously. "Told you mankind sucks." She grabs up three new targets and replaces the used ones. "So once I successfully picked all four out of four different line ups…everyone wearing the same masks by the way…I'm put infront of the grand jury and they go to trial."

"Ryan was assigned to protect me. They called him my handler. He was a nice guy, with lots of fighting skills and a kick-ass gin player. They hid me all over the place out of state, in state…until I had to testify. It took two years for the first trial. Another three before the appeal. All the while I'm getting new names, new cities. They even took my dog away."

Ronon's going to ask what that is, but thinks better of it. She seems willing to talk, which is what Sheppard wants.

After they found out that Beckett had to sedate and restrain her for the second night, Sheppard came to Ronon and pretty much ordered him to be nice to Jax. Get her to open up if he could. And since Ronon's not from Earth, there's no 'security clearance' issues messing everything up. Sheppard's sure that's the only way she'll get past her demons. He called it PTSD and tried to explain to Ronon what that meant, then waved his hand and said, "Never mind."

"They wouldn't let me do anything I used to do," Jax continues. "I couldn't have a job. Couldn't go anywhere without three agents watching me. I couldn't go to the bathroom in a public place unless it was checked out first."

She shakes her head. "I spent most of my time in my bedroom, in the dark 'cause 'open windows are not safe'. It's not that the agents weren't friendly. They were professional. They knew better than to get attached 'cause at any minute I could get killed."

"But the men were imprisoned."

"Yeah, they made deals, pled out." She sniggers. "But…you do not rat on the police anywhere. Ever. Because cops have friends. And bad cops…have even worse friends."

She swallows hard. "Ryan let me use his laptop once. I was on it for hours. Decided to see if I could find any of my friends on-line…using a fake name of course." She licks her lips. "Turns out…my best friend…since 6th grade," the tears appear quickly this time and drip down her cheeks. "Had a mysterious car-jacking…two days after I testifed for the grand jury." Her eyes lock onto his. "Shot in the head. Once."

"Just like Ryan?"

Her eyes close and the tears spill down. She hangs her head. "They were always changing agents on me. But he stayed. He brought me books, all kinds, and once I read something, I learn it, so he became my ginnea pig for haircuts, massages, aerobics. He rented the movies I liked…listened to the same music." She giggles softly. "He secretly took me ice skating…because he knew how much I missed it. How much had been stolen from me."

She lifts the gun and takes aim. "After the first two years of sitting on my ass, I asked him to train me in weapons. Defensive tactics. So he did. He said I was a natural." She fires off eight rounds.

"One day about two years ago, we get this urgent message and I'm shuffled off to the nearest military base. Next thing I know…I've got a brother. Major Charles Montgomery, US Air Force." She grins at Ronon. "Charlie." The smile fades. "We had the same father, but my dad never knew about him. Anyway, he was sick and I had nothing better to do, so I ponied up the bone marrow, easy as you please. He got better and we live happily ever after. For about sixteen months."

Ronon waits as she fires off two more rounds at the target then switches clips. "They kept it all hushed-up about the donor thing. The military likes keeping secrets when it comes to their soldiers getting sick. So I was set up in an apartment and we were allowed to see each other, get to know each other." She giggles. "Oh, God. His fiance was the best! I so loved her. We talked for hours about nothing…and everything. I hadn't realized how much I missed having a girlfriend…a best friend."

"She even tried to play matchmaker for me. She knew I had a monster crush on Ryan. Not that I would ever do anything about it, I wasn't going to screw that up. But Lily was pushy and she swore he felt the same way about me."

"Did he?"

She looks down at the weapon and a tear hits her hand. "I don't know. I can only hope he knew how I felt and that he was happy about it. We were at a picnic, living a normal life again. Lily has a huge family. Ryan was smiling…" She sniffs, rubbing her arm across her eyes, then shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "They killed him. Right in front of me. Long range rifle, one shot to the forehead."

After a moment, she catches Ronon's gaze, that heartless smile returns. "See…I'm no good to them dead. Not now." She takes aim on the last target and fires even after the gun is empty. Ronon gently pulls the weapon from her hand and sets it on the table.

Jax goes to the targets and yanks them down one at a time. "After that, I declined protection. Why bother, they obviously could find me when and where they wanted. So I'd had enough. Charlie backed me, even though he knew he was at more risk than I was. But the military didn't like one of their best being in danger that they didn't place him in, so off to Spain he's whisked." She yanks the knives from the wall.

Sighing, she slips the knives into the sheaths then shoves everything into the red bag. "But he wanted me to be safe. He made a deal with Gen. O'Neill—he's a bigwig, but a nice man—got me on the short list for Atlantis." She catches his gaze again. "The end."

Ronon doesn't know what to do. He wants to wrap his arms around her and hug her close, but at the same time, he thinks asking her for permission would be a bad idea. He has several questions, mostly because he doesn't understand some of the terms she used, but understands the story as a whole. Basically, she's been hunted for sport, but if they actually killed her, the game would end, so they take what she loves instead, punishing her over and over, trying to break her.

For once, Ronon has more hatred for someone other than the Wraith. "Are they dead now? The men?"

"No. They went to prison for life. No possibility of parole." She looks at him again, this time the viscious smile returns. "But considering prisoners hate cops…that's not necessarily a bad thing." She raises her brow. "And Tony…was a pretty boy. He must have many friends by now."

"What did he whisper to you. Before he…" Ronon motions to her shoulder.

She huffs, shaking her head with annoyance. "Basically he told me I was no good in bed, only he was more…crude about it."

"I would like to hurt this man."

She wrinkles her brows. "It's not like he was right. I've got wicked skills." She narrows her eyes and tilts her head. "Then again…kinda out of practice. And if you don't use it, you lose it…so, maybe by now he's right." She speaks so matter-of-factly, Ronon wonders if they are talking about the same subject. "Any more questions?"

Ronon thinks for a moment then one comes to mind, but he's wondering how to ask it without making her aim the gun at him. "Why 'Jax' and not the first name?"

"They forced Maggie on me. Never liked that name…hated a girl in grade school, that was her name."

"And 'Jax'?"

She closes her eyes again and that soft smile appears briefly as she says: "Ryan Jaxson McGruder." She opens her eyes and a fresh tears drips from a lash. Jax packs up her bag and head for the door. "Time for my prison cell."

"Jax? What is…massages?"

This stops her and she slowly turns on her toes and faces him. Her brows raised high on her face, mouth open slightly. She cocks her head and pulls in her upper lip with her teeth then wrinkles her brow. After a long moment of staring at him, she says, "Come to my room tonight." Then she turns and leaves.