Arturo pulled out some beers and they sat at the kitchen table. As kids they had shared sodas at the same table, along with Theresa or Trey. The missing siblings were why they knew each other, but after so many years Ryan and Arturo knew each other as well as they knew their friends. As they reminisced late into the night it dawned on Ryan how real it was. Theresa and her mother were gone, and he was a father. Ryan and Arturo alternately cursed at the unfairness of the deaths and smiled when remembering Theresa's fierce stubbornness and her incredible beauty, Mrs. Sanchez's loving patience.
Ryan explained haltingly, with the barest of facts, what had happened with Trey. Arturo shook his head ruefully, "Trey's messed up, maybe it was doing time 'cause he's never gone that far. My best friend, but crazy and nothing but trouble for you."
They agreed Louisa was their priority, but they went around and around about their roles in her life. In the end Arturo allowed there was room for Ryan in Louisa's life but Arturo was her uncle, someone she knew, and the person Theresa would want her to be with. Ryan allowed there was room for Arturo in Louisa's life but he was her father. Arturo admitted money was tight and he could use some help, but he made it clear he was the one in charge. They settled on starting slowly, letting Louisa get to know her father, and putting off the larger questions. Ryan would visit the next day when neither of them needed to work.
Arturo look frazzled running around the house collecting his things. "I didn't think I'd say this but I'm glad you're here, man. Louisa is usually an easy baby, but she doesn't care that I didn't sleep – she wanted a bottle at six and hasn't slowed down since. I'm beat."
"Wait, 'Turo, I can't do this," Ryan said in a panic, "I only got through three chapters." Ryan had checked out all the baby care books at the library that morning and crammed before coming to the Sanchez house. He ventured a look at the baby, his baby, seated in the high chair. Ryan broke out in a sweat. This was too real; he was responsible for this little, fragile, life. The fragile life pounded a fist into a puddle of orange food-like pulp and giggled as it splattered across the tray.
Arturo's boss had called to say there was an emergency and he was needed. "Damn, I want to be here with you and Louisa the first time but I can't lose this job." Arturo grabbed a work shirt with his name and the company's name logo, Speedy Gonzalez Delivery Service, stitched onto it.
Arturo slowed down to pat Louisa on the head, managing to find a spot not covered in food. "Diapers under the sink, milk already made in the fridge but make sure you warm it. She usually goes down for a nap at three," he said dodging Louisa's spoon. She hummed happily despite her miss.
Ryan's mind raced, a three minute nap, milk under the fridge… Arturo punched him in the shoulder playfully to jog him out of this stupor. Laughing he said, "Hey she's only ten months old, how hard can it be? I'll be back in 5 hours, it's only a half shift." It was noon.
"Angie?" Ryan asked in desperation.
"She's been bitching since I got back from Atlanta. After you left last night we went at it again, then she took off. One more thing- Louisa's kinda clingy, won't go in the playpen if you don't stay in the room. She misses her mom, bad at first, and I even had to let her sleep in our bed but she's getting better. My number's on the refrigerator door." The door slammed before Ryan could think of what to ask.
Ryan heard the roar of a car start up and race down the street. He fell down onto the chair in front of Louisa. He darted nervous glances at her. This was their first time alone together. Fascinated, he began to stare, studying her every shape, and expression, looking for more evidence of Theresa and himself in her. His heart beat loudly and his cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. He sat, marveled by her, until she seemed to grow scared of his scrutiny, silence or both and her face scrunched up in distress.
"Tee,Tee,Tee," she begged, crying loudly. She seemed to be looking around for Arturo.
It was mostly a blur from her first wailing screams. He picked her up gingerly under the arms, and raised her to face level. Her eyes were squeezed tight now, and she only stopped crying when her body gasped for a new breath of air. Ryan bit his lip considering his next step. "No, no, no," he begged jiggling her from side to side. At his voice she paused and blinked at him mournfully. She considered him, frowned and began again with a low whining sound. He held her close and bounced her in his arms.
Feeling silly at first he learned to babble. "Ba-ba-ba, la-la-la," he sang in synch with his bounces competing with her cries, "O-kay, we're gon-na be-be fi-ne, gon-na-na stop-stop-stop cry-ing-ing."
As she calmed, Ryan found a voice; she didn't seem to care what he said. "You are just like your mama, when she was mad I knew it. Everything she did, she did full force. When I met your mama she wasn't happy either. We just moved to Chino from Fresno and it was my first day in the fourth grade. We were playing soccer and my team beat hers. I … your daddy." Ryan stopped pacing long enough to enjoy those words and to admire her over again. "Your daddy," he continued, "scored the wining goal. Really, you can ask your Uncle 'Turo, he'll back me on it. I could tell she wanted to slug me, but instead she chose me for her team the next day. She was like that, never hurt a fly but got what she wanted. What else… I've got so many more stories for you. She never laughed at my old hand me downs and strange lunches. I could always talk to her, she could smell my bull- I mean, I couldn't lie to her either. She saw right through me."
Louisa got bored with Ryan's soliloquy. She tugged his tee shirt and he let her down onto the floor. She crawled to a red plastic cube, probably a part of a toy, and chewed on it. Ryan looked down at his food smeared, stretched shirt, and sighed with relief. He could do this, he thought, and sank onto the floor with her.
She put down the cube after awhile and looked at him expectantly. Flummoxed Ryan looked around for something else to entertain her with. There was a small pile of toys near the sofa. He chose a stuffed bear. "Louie, I'm gonna get ya. Grrrr," he threatened and rubbed her leg with the bear.
"Rrrr," she repeated gleefully and made a grab for the bear.
He had never paid babies much attention before, but he knew this baby was brilliant. Ryan fell more deeply in love, her every sound, her every gesture a wonder. Using toy after toy from the stack he made up games, encouraging her to mimic him. She seemed so fickle, obsessing on a rattle but getting upset when he ran a plastic truck down her arm, that he worried he would misread her and send her into another crying fit. Exhausted, he realized he had been there for less than an hour.
When the toys ran out, he carried her to his car to get the library books he had checked out earlier. Snuggled securely in his lap on the front stoop they read the picture bookstogether. Louie loved a flap book about the circus best. The moving parts held her attention, and Ryan realized she liked reading the same one over and over. She was completely entranced with a mirrored page, calling out, "Bababa!"
"Yeah, baby, Louie," encouraged Ryan. He was getting the hang of this.
Later they wandered aimlessly around the neighborhood, Louisa enjoying the long ride in her stroller. Ryan felt very smart for remembering to pack diapers, and some treats. They survived two tantrums, and preemptively avoided one more. Ryan could tell by her droopy eyes she was getting tired, and quickly headed back to her house. She was asleep by the time Ryan got home, and she frowned unhappily when he jostled her getting her out of the stroller.
He carried her to a crib he found in Arturo's room. Laying her down, she woke up and sat up angrily. She began screaming, streams of tears pouring down her cheeks. Her palms reached out, trying to clap together in a new gesture Ryan couldn't decipher. So he picked her up and bounced her again. She still cried but didn't scream so loudly. He walked her around the house like that. When he got to the kitchen she lurched for the refrigerator and began clapping her hands together again.
He opened the refrigerator's door and when Louisa saw the bottled milk she kicked her feet excitedly. It was hard to get the milk warmed and keep her feet still at the same time, but he managed to set the bottle in the microwave. Checking every fifteen seconds to see if it was warm enough got Louisa all excited and mad when he put the bottle back in the microwave to heat more. After a few tries, it still seemed cool to him but that seemed better than too hot. He shook it up, and gave it to Louisa. She had no trouble knowing what to do with it. She wiggled around in Ryan's arms until he had her cradled the way she wanted. She fell asleep that way.
When Arturo came home later than expected, Louisa was still asleep in Ryan's arms. Ryan had been waiting for someone to share his newly founded revelation. He looked up and whispered, "I think she loves me, man."
"Great, I gotta get some sleep."
"Did you hear me?" Ryan laughed quietly, flushed with joy.
"Yeah, you're lovable. Don't wake her, I haven't sleep in days."
Author's Note: I completely stole ideas and lifted exact words from my great beta, FredSmith. Thanks, FS!