Mutants make good cowboys

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Tonight she's going to put me in a sailor outfit. Do me a favor, just eat me now"

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Act 2 – Cross-dressing is fun

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We open on a wagon passing a place called 'Fat Cat's Candy's', the figure inside hidden in shadow, obviously our villain.

"…I think anyone who's read this will remember the villain", says Todd, blinking, "he was very memorable"

Shut up, you'll ruin the plot. Anyway, we move into a burlesque house, where Mystique is scantily clad and singing on a table.

"Oh, good for me", mutters Mystique.

Sabertooth is sitting on a chair, looking over at a bar when a very….husky woman is standing.

"I hate this" 'she' says.

"Oh, I think you look great", grins Todd, "lookit that bosom!"

"…..I want to poke you in the liver", growls the 'woman'.

'She' grimaces as Sabertooth makes kissy-faces at 'her', then forces 'herself' to smile coyly from behind a fan.

And a great big puddle of blood on the ground

Mystique finishes her song, wagging her rear and winking at Sabertooth as she walks off.

"Oh no, not again", whimpers Sabertooth, "I don't wanna! I don't wanna!"

Meanwhile, Lance walks over to our 'lady', whispering something in 'her' ear. 'She' blinks then coughs, waving 'her' fan.

"Oh I'm so sorry" 'she' says, "that wouldn't be possible I have…..tonsillitis"

Sabertooth looks from where he's sitting at the table at Bobby and Alex, as they cart off a big chest…that's making a noise.

"There's no oxygen in here!", cries Jason.

"Oh, there's plenty", says Todd, "we have air holes"

"I SEE NO AIR HOLES!", screams Jason as he's carted off.

"Well, I'm still waitin' on my guns and ammunition", says Sabertooth, looking at Hank next to him, "You see my men have brought your merchandise"

"I can't be bought!", shouts Jason, as the 'woman' watches.

"Genral McCreed, your weapons are being delivered as we speak", assures Hank, "Now, shall we go upstairs and check the merchandise?"

Hank gets up and leaves. Sabertooth grins, standing.

"Take me to the poot, Sir!", says Sabertooth, blinking and mouthing 'poot', "I want something young and creamy, a gamer that takes to the crop and the spur"

"No, we don't know what that means, either", admits Todd.

"You drive a hard bargain", says Lance, glaring at the 'woman, "alright fifty cents!"

"You pay good money for your whores, don't you Lance?", smirks Todd.

"I'm very flattered", smiles the 'woman', "but I'm just not interested"

"You gotta be interested, you're a whore!", protests Lance.

The 'woman' narrows 'her' eyes and turns to glare at Lance.

"I may be a whore", Forge growls in his normal voice, "but I work alone"

"FORGE IS IN A DRESS!", screams Lance, before being knocked out by a spoingy flower on Forge's dress.

"This thing rides up my ass", mutters Forge, as Lance collapses to the floor.

Elsewhere, Pietro (now dressed in pants and a jacket) is still fighting Duncan, Lucid and Façade. After a bit of ducking, there is a scream as Tabby falls into Pietros arms, wrapped in a towel, the water tower dropping on top of Façade and Duncan.

"Owww", they groan.

Jott whinnies as she/he decides to race off. Pietro puts on his hat, putting Tabby down and kissing her.

"Now I'm working", he says, grabbing into a pulley and sliding through the warehouse, keeping up with the cart, "wooooooooooo!"

He lands on the back of the cart with ease, tipping his hat to Tabby as he leaves.

"M'am", he opens one of the crates, finding bottles of.. "NITRO!"

"So, THAT'S where I put them", smiles Hank.

Pietro whimpers, clinging to the racing cart.

"This is not the way you transport nitro!", he screams, "woooah!"

"YOU 'whoah!", snips Jean.

"Yeah, we're running away from the madness!", says Stocc, "next stop, Mexico City!"

Pietro looks down to see the reins dangling on the floor, he sighs, diving into Jott's back in an attempt to make him/her 'whoah'.

Back at the burlesque house, Sabertooth is walking along a line of whores, picking one for himself. Mystique begins to smile coyly at him before she is 'gently' shoved out of the way by Forge. Sabertooth pauses, blinking at Forge,

"What's your name…..Missy?", he asks.

"Dora", says Forge in a feminine voice.

The cast erupt into an uncontrollable laughter.

"Yeah, har har", says Forge, "Forge has to be a woman, laugh it up!"

"Why mother's name was", Sabertooth pauses with a snort, "Dora"

"Oh….really?", asks Forge, a little worried Sabertooth would pick someone who shared his mothers name.

Sabertooth drags 'Dora' out, Lance appears, now conscious.

"What sort of lady are you!", he says.

Sabertooth ever so calmly shoots Lance in the chest, killing him, causing everyone to look up.

"She's mine!", says Sabertooth.

Everyone shrugs and goes back to what they were doing.

"Medic", whimpers Lance from the ground.

"I feel like a ditty!", says Sabertooth, picking Forge up and putting him on the table, "Go on, girl, sing!"

"…How'd you feel about 'Crazy Horses'?", he tries.

"No seventies tunes!", snaps Todd.

Forge mutters under his breath, handing Ray, at the piano, a set of notes. Sabertooth tilts his megaphone to the side, ear wax oozing out, causing Forge to grimace.

"……Nasty"

Meanwhile, Pietro is still trying to 'whoah' Jott, as he/she races towards the cliff edge overlooking the burlesque house.

"End of ground!", screams Scott.

"BREAKS!", screams Jean, skidding to a halt.

Pietro screams as he is flung over the panto horse, left dangling over the cliff.

"….Mother", he whimpers, "okay…okay…back up now"

Jott sighs, backing up, pulling Pietro up.

"Don't say we don't do anything for you", sniffs Scott.

Pietro shakes his head, turning to look at the house, seeing Sabertooth through the window.

"General Blood Bath McCreed", he growls.

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And another chapter done! More cross-dressing antics later. Do review. Until next time…