Chapter 7
Ryan shifted the diaper bag hanging from his shoulder and held Louisa on his hip, pausing for a few moments before approaching the Cohen house. He had lived only two of his eighteen years here, but they had been the first hopeful ones. He had never forgotten to be grateful, even through the recent estrangement. They had taken him in, an almost fully-grown man, damaged and troubled, and made him a part of the family.
They all had some work to do to repair their relationship, but the Cohens had never stopped reaching out to him and he was ready to meet them halfway. His priority was Louisa now, and he needed their help for her. Also, he missed them.
The door opened without his knocking. Kirsten ran to them squealing in an uncharacteristically girlish manner that made Ryan smile. Kirsten eagerly tried to take Louisa from Ryan, but Louisa would have none of the stranger and buried her face into Ryan's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, it's been a while since I've been around little ones. She's a beauty," Kristen said more calmly. She kissed Ryan on the cheek and led them inside.
In the kitchen Sandy hurried over to meet them with a platter of food in one hand. "I was in a delicate egg moment, you understand," Sandy said clapping Ryan on the shoulder and then placing a hand on Louisa's arm. "By God, so this is Louisa. I'm Gramps now," he said in wonder to know one in particular.
Ryan smiled proudly. He had been nervous driving back to the Cohen house. He had even made it a point to dress in nice slacks and a polo shirt and put Louisa's best dress on her. It was silly perhaps, but he wanted to make a good impression, to show Kirsten and Sandy how well he and Louisa were doing. With their sincere welcome, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted. "Thanks, I really appreciate you guys helping me get this straightened out."
"You did the right thing coming to us. We'll work it out, son. But first breakfast then we fawn over Louisa."
They herded themselves onto the back patio and settled around the table, plating dishes of eggs, bacon and toast. Louisa sat timidly in Ryan's lap, occasionally venturing wide-eyed glances at the new people and new surroundings.
"Ryan, I'll win her over before you leave and I'm not above a bribe," Kirsten said and pushed a package tied up in a pink bow toward the little girl. Since Louisa only blinked at it, Ryan opened it as she looked on curiously. It was a pair of bright yellow booties with noisy bells sewn onto the tips.
Ryan put them on her, and shook each foot in turn. She smiled at the jangle it made before ducking her head back into Ryan's chest shyly. "Thanks," Ryan said to Kirsten.
"She'll be in Manolo's soon enough," Kirsten said, "but for now I'm so happy to get a chance to shop for a sweet little girl."
But Ryan grinned widely. "She is incredible. And to think I didn't think I'd ever have any kids. It's all still so new to me."
"What do you mean - no children?" Kirsten asked, "You're young, but I always knew you'd be a good father. We were there to help you and Theresa and we're here to help you now," Kirsten said and Sandy nodded in agreement.
"I was worried… that my genes were messed up or something." Ryan looked away uncertainly when he spoke.
"Ryan!" Kirsten gasped. And Sandy added forcefully, "She's lucky to have you."
"Yeah, stupid I know, but with my family's history… I thought I was so messed up no good could come of me or should be near me. That's what I was thinking, part of why I moved out. But I want to tell you guys I see things differently now that I have Louisa." Ryan flushed, feeling too exposed they way they stared at him. He paused but forced himself to continue.
"What I do with Louie affects how she acts. I see it every day. It's scary how simple and yet impossibly hard this whole parenting thing is. I'm not making any sense but I want to start things fresh between us. No more trying to be who I think everyone wants me to be. It takes too much energy and I already have more important work," Ryan said gesturing tenderly at Louisa. "I'm taking a child development class… I'm still learning… I had a screwed up childhood, but that's not gong to mess us up from now on."
"I'm glad you know better about yourself now. Yes, let's start fresh," Kirsten said and leaned over to put a reassuring hand over his. Louisa fingered her diamond ring, and absently allowed herself to be pulled into Kirsten's lap for a better look. Kirsten beamed but kept quiet and Louisa didn't startle.
"I'm confident my charm alone will win her over," Sandy said wiggling his eyebrows up and down at a puzzled Louisa. "But how old was Seth when he began to appreciate the bagel?" Kirsten and Ryan smiled tolerantly.
"Seth's been great, bugging me to call, and telling me what a dummy I've been with you guys." Ryan smiled as he spoke. "Louie loves him, too. Finally another kid for her to play with."
Kirsten nodded knowingly. "That's my son. We owe him and Louisa if they were the ones who brought you back to us."
Sandy took a drink from his coffee mug, and his face grew somber when he continued, "You're moving out has made us think hard, too. We were out of line, Ryan. We should have listened to your hesitations about Trey. We were a little worried about losing you when he first got out of prison, and we didn't want you to have to choose between your families."
Kirsten took off her watch to let Louisa play with it but grimaced and said, "If I hadn't been drinking I would have been more diligent about what was happening in your life, seen how torn you were. You were trying to be careful and we only urged you to the edge."
Ryan waved them off. "I'm not proud of what I did at Trey's. Let's put that all behind us, and focus on getting Child Services off my back."
"Okay, that's where I come in," Sandy said rubbing his hands together. "I've gotten a chance to look over the file. They have no evidence of neglect, only an angry ex-girlfriend's hearsay," Sandy explained, "but Child Services is going to need a schedule of her daycare providers."
"She's fine," Ryan said plaintively looking at his happy and healthy child. "Why do I need to prove anything to them?"
"You're in a high risk category – a young single father with only a high school degree, low paying job…" Sandy said.
Ryan shook his head angrily. "They have some nerve; ignoring me and Trey for years and butting in now when there's no problem."
Sandy nodded understandingly. "We'll vouch for you, of course. And they'll be glad to close this file if there are no flags. Kirsten and I talked about it and we'd like to help you with a daycare provider."
Ryan stared stonily into the distant California view of the water but nodded his head. "I'd appreciate it, and I'll pay you back as soon as I can. Arturo and I are fine most of the time, but we'll need someplace steady." His voice was strained but he knew he needed their help for Louisa, and pride wouldn't stand in his way.
"About Arturo," Sandy said then paused, "there's just one thing - you shouldn't include him in the schedule you submit to the state."
Ryan looked up sharply said tightly, "No way."
"He's a big red flag. In and out of trouble since he was a kid, convicted of theft, done some time."
Ryan said loudly, "He's changed, been clean for years, and he's lost his family. I won't take her away, too; I won't do that to him."
Sandy's voice rose with Ryan's. "The D.A. is up for reelection and if you've been watching the news at all there were four children found dead under Child Service's care in Riverside. He's out for blood to show he's tough; the safest course to take is to leave Arturo out."
"I think it might be best if you moved out of Chino too," Kirsten added, "we would love it if you came back here. It's a better environment for her to grow up in."
"What do you mean? What's so great about this place? She won't be looked down at in Chino because she's not lily white, and she won't be torn to shreds by bitchy girls because she doesn't have the right clothes." Ryan words came out in a controlled but heated voice. "We are fine where we are."
Louisa looked up frightened by the new tension and loud words. She held her arms out and whined, and Ryan took her back into his lap. Her eyebrows puckered in worry, and she began to squirm for his attention. Ryan set her down from his lap where she stood between his legs staring up unhappily at him. She let out a few soft whimpers and looked for her dad's reactions, but Ryan only smiled and jangled the bells on her boots instead.
"So you want me and Louisa to come back and live in you the poolhouse?" asked in a quiet but sarcastic voice. "Maybe you can hire a nanny for Louisa, and I can go back to school like she never happened."
Louisa began to move away from Ryan. Kirsten leaned over and tried to pick her up. "I'm worried she's going to scrap her knee on the concrete," she explained.
"She's fine," Ryan said coldly, "I don't want her growing up thinking she needs to be protected from the big bad world. Chino concrete is just as good to fall on."
Louisa stomped around them holding onto whatever she could find, chair legs and real legs. The bells jangled with each move, and she looked up to share a smile with whoever was closest.
Kirsten tried to return Louisa's smile but she looked upset, too. "There are other things like a good education, and opportunities." She looked to Sandy for help.
Sandy cleared his throat. "Son, you may think you're world wise now, but please listen. We know how the system works, and we can make this easy for you."
"Sandy, Kirsten, there's a point of no return with you guys I don't want to cross without being perfectly clear. I don't blame you for not listening about Oliver and Trey because I didn't spell it out. I wasn't sure of myself before so I tried to do it your way. But I'm saying now, straight out, Arturo is a good guy."
"Ryan, please we are just trying to help Louisa and you," Kirsten said anxiously.
"I appreciate everything you've done for me, but if this is how help is given in Newport, I don't want it."
"Ryan," Sandy said warningly.
"You guys are not listening to me… again." Ryan's nose flared and he tried to stay calm. "What good is telling Louisa family is important if we throw out the only family she's know since she was a born?"
"It would only be until Child Services closed the investigation," Sandy offered shifting in his seat uneasily.
"Why bother espousing do-gooder pretensions, Sandy, if you won't stand up when it counts? This is for someone I'm telling you is like blood to me. I couldn't do that to Theresa and live with myself."
Sandy leaned forward earnestly to make his point. "You could lose custody. Sometimes you have to hold your breath and do something unpleasant."
He picked up the bag and gathered Louisa. "And sometimes you have to do what is right," Ryan said softly.
Author's Note: Once again, Thanks FredSmith!