Good eve – uh, morning ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the exceptionally late chapter twenty of this fanfiction! Please, keep all weapons pointed away from the author and instead point them at certain detestable individuals – ie our dear Minister Fudge.
That said, I am so sorry that this took so damn long, but first there is exams (still not QUITE over) and my computers inability to connect to the net anymore. I'm on a computer in the college library (faster than mine anyway though...)
Now, before reading this chapter, please duck back to chapter nineteen, where the scene with the flashback has been rewritten, and Minerva has one more line to say at the end.
LoonyLoopyLisa Gee, I had no idea that the killer bunnies from Jupiter would get such a reaction...glad you like!
mercyangel I know the feeling, my friends mostly have their natural hair colours, and yet they are all weird...
Elle Aw, thanks! And the collecting shall continue.
Benjis VIP Thanks! Don't know about the okay part, I think he's just going to put it out of his head until they know more.
Silver Sparklze Thank you! I know, I know, I DO need to write faster. Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner than this one!
Liber Creperum-Liber Diabolus Thanks! More it is...
The It Is sitting in cage throwing nuts in order to, as you said, drive you nuts Glad you like the story.
Obsessed4 Scream, eh? So, did you get more weird looks or less this time? And don't worry, I would NEVER desert this fic! I adore writing it too much. So thanks.
TheSilverLady Thank you.
insanechildfanfic Ta, darling.
madden Thanks!
Sparticus17 Thank you so much! I know, it DOES get a little sidetracked, but we'll get there eventually. Glad you like the build up. And don't worry about Snape, he'll get 'em back. I adore Blaise too, and I'm definitely with you on the he's a guy, tell us more about him front. Thanks again!
Wihstrum Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I haven't had time to read your fic yet, but believe me, it's on my to do list.
The Chaotic Ones Aw, thanks.
cRazy-GIrL-3000 Oh thank you! That stuff was getting even ickier by the second! Glares warningly No inventing icky sticky stuff! Purple hair? Wow, that's cool. Mine's just brown. I had copper foils put in about six months ago, but you can hardly even see them. I wanted pink...And no, you do NOT need to invent the icky rice bubbles. So, did you end up finding that fic? You didn't tell me, so I'm guessing not...
BlackSparrow Thanks!
KatFay Thank you! I wish I could do that to my friends too, but I think they'd kill me...
Dragenphly Glad you liked the hair. I know, the spy thing IS confusing, even had me confused for a while, and even now...well, someday it'll make sense. Hopefully.
Chronicles Bailey falls over from being tackleglomped I see you were very excited by this update. I'm glad about that.
Dark-One Shadowphyre I understand about being insane like Harry, and of course it's a very interesting thing. Oh, half the time I don't know how to take it either, and it comes out of my head!
henriette Thanks. Plot is wide, yeah, which sometimes leads to badness. But also gives me more room to work in.
Ginny13A 'kay.
Rowenna7 Thanks! Yeah, I like Harry being friends with other people too, and I adore Seamus. I just like putting all the Gryffindors in his year together, cos I just think they could all be really good friends. I'm glad you like my characterisation. I know the slash is way overdue, but we'll get there!
StarBot Thank you!
Something Shiney Thanks!
Chi7890 I haven't read the Abhorsen trilogy yet, though I have been meaning to. When I do, of course, I will now see Mogget as Felix...and I know, the next button always disappears at the most terrible times...good think I'm updating now, it'll come back!
kristalnacht Me is guessing that you don't like cliffies...
chibidark angel Dumbledore forgot to give Snape the lemon drops, and as soon as possible Remus will get chocolate. Though not on Sirius, sadly. And don't worry, you weren't really that late, and it doesn't matter. Harry and Draco matching, I didn't even realise it until you mentioned it! They'll get together sooner or later, probably sooner though. And probably before Seamus and Blaise. Or after, I'm not too sure yet. Hermione and Lavender, well...evil grin you'll see next chapter. Would be an adorable picture, now if only I could actually draw better than stick figures...And one more thing – no one said that Sam and Siri were free...Rosier cant blow his cover like that. Problem is, I haven't written the next part with Siri, Sam and Rosier yet.
Right then. Has everyone read the revisions? Good. Now, enjoy the chapter!
Harry, Seamus, And The Master Plan
By SilverWolf7007
Chapter Twenty Were-Penguins, Puppy Dog Eyes, Blaming Harry, And Adding To The Collection
Ten minutes later, Minerva realised that it wasn't just the students that were getting into trouble. Severus, it seemed, had left Remus a 'gift' before going on his hunt for Harry.
"You know, if this wasn't me, and if it hadn't been him, I'd be praising the man's brilliance by now," the werewolf said in a conversational tone. "Of course, the fact is, it IS me, and when I get out of this mess he's going to be sorry he ever started this damn war!"
Minerva refrained from commenting, knowing perfectly well that it would just infuriate him more. As, of course, would laughter on her part. The students and half of the staff were already laughing at the Defence teacher's predicament, and she could tell that his patience was wearing thin.
"If it helps at all, Remus, blue really is your colour."
Slowly he turned and gave poor Flitwick his own version of the now infamous 'Harry Potter Death Glare'. The charms teacher gave a squeak and turned to Professor Sprout on his other side.
Amanda Hooch, however, was not so easily dissuaded. "Now really Remus, there's no need to be like that. You accepted Severus's challenge, so you're as much to blame as he is for this."
Remus turned his glare on Hooch. "So you're telling me that Severus charming my tea to turn me into a bloody blue and yellow penguin is my own fault, is it?"
Hooch blinked a couple of times, and then slowly backed away from her incredibly pissed off colleague.
"Maybe Harry will arrive soon, Remus. He ought to be able to fix this."
Minerva's comforting words were undermined by the smile threatening to break onto her face, and the slight tremor in her words that indicated barely suppressed laughter. Remus just glared at her.
Maddy stepped into the Astronomy Tower with her eyes closed. "Jason, if you and Sarah are in here snogging, then bloody well stop it before I open my eyes."
A startled squeal and muttered swearing confirmed her hunch.
"What the hell are you doing here, Madeleine?" her cousin demanded.
Maddy tentatively opened her eyes and found Jason standing in front of her. Ignoring him, she looked further into the room and gave Sarah a shy smile.
The Ravenclaw girl stepped up beside her boyfriend and grinned at Maddy. "Hi there."
"Hey. Terribly sorry to interrupt," she said with a sarcastic roll of her eyes. "But it's lunch time, and Jase, you know that Draco and Blaise will give you a hard time if you don't show."
"Padma and Lisa are likely to do the same thing," Sarah added apologetically to Jason.
He shrugged. "Let's go then. Thanks for coming and finding us, Maddy."
She grinned. "What else did I have to do?"
Jason laughed. "Good point. I'm guessing that Emma and Malcolm are nowhere to be found."
"Lunch, probably. Either that or the Five are convening somewhere."
Sarah smiled at them in amusement. "I'm not even gonna try to work out what you guys are on about."
Jason grinned and slung his arm over her shoulders. "Probably a good idea. It's likely that if we were to tell you, it could take us a week."
Five steps into the Great Hall, Harry was surprised to see that not even one single person was glancing in his direction. He followed their gazes to the Staff Table and immediately understood why.
"Oh dear. I really ought to help him out," he muttered.
Draco stepped up next to him and gave a hopeful look. "Can I take a few pictures first?"
Unable to resist the blond, he sighed. "All right then, but only if you promise to take pictures of the other pranks too."
The Slytherin smirked. "I have been."
Harry grinned and turned back to the table while Draco pulled out his camera and took a few photos.
"You done yet?"
"Yep. I'm going to eat something, have fun playing with penguin boy over there."
"Werewolves have very good hearing, you know."
Draco paled. "You don't think he heard me, do you?"
"Nah," Harry assured him. "If he did, that glare of his would be directed at you, rather than at Snape's empty seat."
The blond sighed in relief. "Oh good, the last thing I want is him hexing my lunch."
"Hm. See you back in the library after lunch then?"
"Of course." Draco gave Harry a devious smirk. "We have an appointment to keep involving hair styles, I seem to recall."
Harry smirked back. "I do believe you're right."
Severus had left Dumbledore's office, ducked into the Great Hall to quickly hex Remus's chosen drink for the day, and then headed to the dungeons in search of Harry, snickering to himself about mental images of the soon to be were-penguin.
He was ten steps into the dungeons when he realised what time it was and that the most likely place he would find Harry was the Great Hall. "Dammit!"
He stopped and leaned against the wall, trying to recall exactly how he managed to get himself into these situations. 'Of course,' he thought. 'It's all Harry's fault. He manages to get himself involved on the fringe of nearly anything that happens, and ends up right in the bloody middle of it. Then, of course, if the last year or so has been any indication, he takes a rather Slytherin approach to solving whatever it was that he was involved in. It's a bloody miracle the brat's still alive.' Severus sighed. 'If it weren't for him, I'd be eating lunch right now. And moping.'
Moving away from the wall, he headed away from the dungeons, deciding that lunch came first, and he'd probably see Harry there anyway.
Oh yeah. Harry would be there, and he'd take the spell off Remus before Severus even got a chance to lay eyes on the were-penguin. 'If I don't get to see my own work, I know who to blame.'
Of course, when was anything NOT Harry's fault these days?
Remus heard someone clear their throat in front of him, so he looked away from his glaring match with his sandwich and came face to face with the person he had been waiting for. "Took your bloody time, kid," he growled.
Harry raised an amused eyebrow, unfazed by the man's tone. "Be polite, Professor Moony, or I might just leave you like that."
Anger forgotten, Remus employed his most pathetic, pleading expression - the one that Sirius, James, Harry, Seamus, Sam and even Minerva had always referred to as 'the irresistible puppy dog eyes'.
With a sigh, Harry pulled out his wand. "I swear, that look ought to be illegal. You could get anyone to do anything." With a wave and a few whispered words, the guise of a penguin vanished from the Defence professor. "Better?"
"Much, thanks. I think I'm going to take care of the retaliation myself this time, though."
"Sure, it's up to you. But I have a question."
"Ask it," Remus said curiously.
"Why didn't you just get Professor Minnie to fix it for you?"
Ignoring Minerva's twitching eye at the nickname, Remus grinned. "It had to be you, Harry. Or someone else involved. Minerva is an impartial bystander, and by the rules of the game is therefore unable to interfere." He gave a shrug. "I didn't make up the rules, and I never have found out who did."
"Maybe we will, someday."
"I bloody well hope so," Remus muttered, the growl returning to his voice. "I'm going to thoroughly kick the - "
"Remus!"
"Pineapple juice out of them." He turned to Minerva with an innocent smile. "What did you think I was going to say, Minnie?"
She glared at him through narrowed eyes. "Just be glad I cant interfere, Lupin, else you'd be in a damn lot of trouble."
Harry glanced between them, noting that undermining their lighter words were signs of stress and worry. Frowning slightly, he decided to leave it for now. It was undoubtedly something to do with the meeting that Dumbledore had called, and he would wait for Severus to find him after lunch and tell him what had happened.
He had noticed Severus enter the Great Hall not long before he had ended the spell, and chose to leave quickly before Remus realised the Potions Master was there.
Interrupting Minerva's rather colourful description of what she would do to Remus if she could, Harry cleared his throat again. "This is where I leave you, at a very fast pace feeling slightly worried for your sanity." He backed away a few paces before turning sharply and heading to the Gryffindor table.
As Harry sat down, Seamus turned to him. "Er, did you calm the dragon? About the hair?"
Rolling his eyes, Harry nodded. "Yeah, but the other one ended up talking about his hair as though it were a separate entity. We, and they, need some serious therapy."
"I know, I know." He leaned a little closer; making sure no one overheard them. "How's Plan B coming along?"
Harry gave him a decidedly evil grin. "Well, it still involves a Malfoy, but now I've employed Hogsmeade as well. Not to mention some more chocolate."
Seamus laughed. "Might want to hurry up with the planning, though."
"I do realise that. The first opportunity we're going to get to go to Hogsmeade isn't until the weekend though. We'll have five days to plan."
"Right then. What are you doing after dinner tonight?"
"Plotting Plan B, by the sounds of things."
"Bring your dragon with you. We'll need his help, especially since you plan on involving him."
Harry nodded. "You bring hair boy, then. Library?"
"Hermione and Lavender are going to be there. Maybe if we change their hair they'll leave."
"Either that or they'll kill us."
"We'll have to risk it," Seamus announced. "We can always hide far away from them."
"Very true." Harry grinned hopefully. "Can you bring the chocolate?"
Laughing, Seamus nodded, and the two turned their attention to their food.
After lunch was over, Severus followed Harry at a distance to the library, and arrived just in time to hear him ask an eager looking Draco Malfoy, "So where would he be right now? I saw him leave the Hall, but Sarah was still there when I left."
Draco shrugged. "I dunno, I was hoping he'd show up he - " he cut himself off as he spied Severus standing behind Harry.
The Gryffindor turned as Draco fell silent and raised an eyebrow at the Potions Master. "Is this about the meeting?"
Severus gave a sharp nod, eyeing Draco in confusion. Just to confuse him more, the blond gave him a bright grin.
"I thought so." He turned to his companion. "Draco, do you mind?"
"Of course. I'll go on a Jason hunt, and I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."
Harry nodded and watched him leave the library before turning to Severus. "Well? What's wrong?"
"I will never understand how you always know when something is wrong."
"You're right, you wont," he said with a grin, before his expression turned serious. "Now spill."
Draco had barely been out of the library for two minutes when he literally ran into Maddy. "Ow!"
"Sorry Draco!"
"No, it's my fault Maddy, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
She shrugged. "Either way, it doesn't matter. Looking for someone?"
"Jason, actually. Have you seen him?"
"He was headed to the Common Room last I saw him. What do you need him for?"
Suddenly struck with an idea, Draco grinned. "Oh, Harry and I were working on something in the library, and we need a few people to help us."
"Could I help at all?" she asked, not too sure that she'd be able to because of her year.
He gave her a delighted smile. "That would be brilliant Maddy, thanks. Could you help me find Jase first?"
She nodded, and the two of them headed to the dungeons.
By the time that Draco returned to the library with Maddy and Jason, Severus was gone. Harry was sitting in a chair with his feet on the table, staring into space. To Draco, it was obvious that he was brooding about something, and as much as he wanted to know what that was and help him deal with it, now was probably not the time - especially with Maddy and Jason there.
"Hey Harry, Maddy and Jason agreed to help us with that experiment," he said as he dropped down into the seat next to him. The other two Slytherins sat across from them, looking curious.
Harry looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, then caught onto Draco's plan and grinned. "That's great! I'm so glad you're able to help out."
"No problem," Jason said with a grin. He couldn't help but feel rather friendly towards one of the people who had helped his cousin settle in at Hogwarts.
"So, what do you think?" Draco asked Harry.
The dark haired teen dropped his feet to the floor and considered their unsuspecting victims. "Maddy's red, absolutely. A very bright red. What about Jason?"
Draco copied Harry's considering look, watching his friend. "Hm, what do you think of a fluorescent yellow-green?"
Harry grinned deviously. "Perfect. Shall we?"
"Oh no, you do the honours."
"Thank you, I appreciate the opportunity."
"What's going on?" Maddy asked, becoming a little suspicious.
Harry and Draco exchanged a look, and then Harry flicked his wand at the two of them.
"What did you just do?" Jason demanded.
"Added you to the collection, of course." Knowing that didn't help at all, Draco pulled the mirror he'd found for this very occasion while in the dorms out of his bag and handed it to the two of them.
Draco stood up. "Well, this has been fun, now we have to go." He grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him out of the library.
They hadn't taken more than five steps out the door when they heard Maddy scream, and Jason swearing at them, followed by two sets of footsteps.
Laughing, they ran.
"I don't like this arrangement."
"Tough."
"Why are you doing this? It's not going to grant you the favour of either Dumbledore or Voldemort."
"On the contrary, old friend, I think the Dark Lord will be very pleased when I reveal Dumbledore's spy. He seemed happy enough when Severus was found out."
"So you think that by doing this you're going to become Voldemort's right hand man, is that it?"
"I've had enough of your voice. Now why don't you do something about your companion over there; his unconscious form is really beginning to piss me off."
"They'll find you out. I don't know which side will do it first, but they will. Voldemort may not like spies, but I highly doubt he'll be too pleased with you, either."
"Shut up. Just don't talk."
"Why not? What are you going to do about it?"
"There are many things that I could do. However, I think this one will do for now."
"And which one would that be?"
"This one, of course. Crucio!"
SIRUS: Who the hell were they???
SNAPE: No idea. Sylvan? Remus?
REMUS: I don't know either.
SYLVAN: I ain't telling. It'll ruin the plot.
BELLATRIX: (Rolls eyes) Who cares?
EVAN: Hm, everyone but you, maybe?
VOLDEMORT: I don't care.
LUCIUS: Well, as long as it isn't me...
SAM: Why oh why oh why oh why –
REMUS: SAMANTHA!!!
SAM: (Innocent) What?
SIRIUS: Why oh why what?
SAM: Why oh why ARE WE STILL IN THAT GODDAMNED CELL AND NOT EVEN GETITNG A GODDAMNED SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER???
SW: Cos I said so dammit!
SAM: Oh.
TOM: Hello everyone!
VOLDEMORT: (Suspicious) Where the hell have you been?
TOM: Nowhere and everywhere.
SIRIUS: Limbo?
REMUS: (Rolls eyes)
TOM: No you dimwit! I was around.
SNAPE: That's what they all say.
TOM: Really? I didn't know that!
EVAN: Hey, where did Salazar go?
EVERYONE: (Looks around)
NARCISSA: Uh oh...
LUCIUS: How the hell could we have misplaced Salazar bloody Slytherin???
TOM: I don't want to know...
SYLVAN: This smells like trouble.
REMUS: (Sniffing) Really? I thought it smelled like chocolate.
SIRIUS: No, that's the chocolate in your pocket you're smelling.
REMUS: Oh. Oops.
SYLVAN: Indeed.
SNAPE: You know what really pisses me off about this chapter?
SAM: What?
SNAPE: That there is still no explanation for the whole me getting along with the Slytherin-ish Gryffindor golden boy.
SW: Yeah, that'll happen eventually, really!
SNAPE: Yeah sure...
SYLVAN: How about we let SW post the chapter now?
EVERYONE BUT SYLVAN & SW: All right then...
Okay, now that's over...
Please review!
SW