Mutants make good cowboys
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "That was the sound of the director giving up and leaving"
&&&&&
ACT 4 – Mr's. President
&&&&&
We open in Bayville, where Pietro is riding along on Jott, doing his best to look very cool.
"Who said anything about trying?", asks Pietro, "I am cool!"
He stops outside the White House, which has arrived in Bayville by Magic, and also has sheep grazing on the lawn.
"….Sheep?", Todd blinks, "okey dokey then"
As he steps in, Evan appears, stopping him in his tracks.
"Whoa there partner"
"Daniels, I know this is a cowboy movie, but…really", Pietro shakes his head.
"You can't just traipse into the presidents office!", says Evan, "now, give me that gun?"
Pietro arches a brow, moving his coat to reveal firearm on his hip.
"What that one?", he asks, then pulls another as Evan reaches for it, pointing at his head, "What about that one? Can I shoot him, please?"
"No", says Todd.
"…Awww", pouts Pietro going to hand Evan the gun, then whipping it away again last minute, aiming it at his head again, "that'd get you killed"
Evan narrows his eyes.
"Screw it, I'm going back to the sewers", he says, storming off.
"Gentlemen, don't make Captain West any later dan he is for his appointment", says Remy, from his room.
"…Why is Remy Native American with no red-on-black eyes?", asks Pietro.
"Just play along!", snaps Todd.
Pietro smirks, walking into the oval office, where 'Remy' is smoking a cigar.
"With de amount of death threats lately, de cabinet made me hire dese damn detectives", he says, "drink? Cigar?"
"Hell yeah!", grins Pietro, "don't mind if I do, Sir"
"So I understand you let General McCreed get away", says 'Remy'.
"That's not exactly the way it happened, Sir", says Pietro with a frown, "some half-a-sissy masquerading as…"
"Forge", says 'Remy'.
"You know him?", asks Pietro.
"'Course I know him, he's de best Marshal I've got", says 'Remy', then smiles, "a kind of genius. Forge has proven himself time and again as a very cunning operator, with a rosaceous intellect. No'ting will stop him from completing a mission for his President, except perhaps de impulsive actions of a headstrong cowboy"
'Remy' blinks as Pietro pulls a gun out on him.
"Who are you, Mister?", asks Pietro
"What do you mean 'who am I'?", asks 'Remy', "I am de President of the United States.
"Wrong answer", says Pietro, cocking the gun, firing at the ceiling, plaster snowing down on 'Remy's' head.
"That suit's dry clean only!", shouts Todd.
"Who are you?", Pietro asks again.
"I am de President", Pietro cocks his gun again, 'Remy' blinks, his accent disappearing instantly, "I'm Forge"
"There was a shock", says Todd dryly.
"How'd you know?", asks Forge.
Pietro taps the shot-glass in Forge's hand.
"President went to WestPoint, that says Harvard"
"Very observant", blinks Forge as the real Remy walks in.
"Somebody mind tellin' me what de hell is goin' on here", he says, "and I'm de President, GO ME!"
"President LeBeau", says Forge, removing his disguise, "these are perilous times. I was mealy demonstrating how someone using the art of disguise could penetrate into the very bowels of the Whitehouse, Sir"
Remy sighs, shaking his head.
"You're clever, Forge", he says, "one day, it's going to get you killed"
"Like today", mutters Pietro, causing Forge to send him a glare.
"And you, West", says Remy, looking at Pietro, "not every situation calls for your patented approach of shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more, and den when everybody's dead try to ask a question or two. Workin' together will be good for de two of you"
Both Forge and Pietro look like they've been given live grenades for a birthday rpesent.
"Working together?", squeaks Forge.
"With all due respect…", starts Pietro.
"You work de way your commander an' chief tells you to work", says Remy.
"…I was coming to that", mutters Forge
Remy shakes his ehad, walking through a hidden door, Forge and Pietro following him. They end up in a room with dozens of Jamie's pouring over paperwork, ahead are portraits of various Marvel geniuses (or genui)
"Gentlemen", says Remy, "Marvels top sceients in de fields of physics, hydrolics, explosives, all kidnapped in de last year, and all by General McCreed, it now appears"
"….I'm kinda hurt that I wasn't kidnapped", says Forge with a sad sigh, "am I not good enough?"
"You two have been working on de same case de whole time", says Remy, "why did it take you so long to figure it out?"
"Well, Sir", says Pietro, "One of us was trying to catch McCreed, while the other was trying to marry him"
Forge, ever so politely, stands on Pietro's foot.
"I don't have time for dis", sighs Remy, picking up a telegram, "only one week, if we believe dis"
Forge takes it, reading from it.
"The scientists that you seek are in my employ, creating a weapons system beyond the pale of contemporary imagination. History and justice are on my side, I suggest you put your affairs in order, you have one week before you surrender the U.S government"
"De letter was delivered today", says Remy, "with dat cake"
Forge lifts the lid on a gorgeous looking cake, shapes like the Whitehouse, when a load of spiders suddenly crawl out of it, causing Forge to yelp, covering it again.
"It's McCreed, Sir", says Pietro
"Sir, McCreed may be a vicious killer", says Forge, "but a mastermind he is not"
"Hey!", says Sabertooth backstage, "that hurt!"
"So, whom do we seek?", Forge asks himself, "After consulting with intelligence, I…"
"Sir, General McCreed is on his way to New Orleans", interrupts Pietro, "The longer we stay here and talk about it, the farther way he gets, and I don't need intelligence to tell me that"
"No, you'd rather rely on stupidity", Forge quips, getting a glare from Pietro.
"Gentlemen, I am leaving today for Utah", says Remy, breaking up the fight, "where de transcontinental railroads will be joined at promontory point. Look, you two are de best I've got. Put aside your differences, and find dis madman, whoever he is, and stop him. You have one week. Dismissed"
Forge and Pietro give a salute, then head out of the room, Roberto stopping them on the way, holding a box at arms length.
"Gentlemen", he says, "The president has put the Wanderer at your disposal. Engine number 5, track 6. Mr. Forge, the……item you requested"
Forge smiled taking the box, heading outside, where Pitero is already getting on Jott. Forge smirks, getting on a supped-up penny-farthing.
"Figures", mutters Pietro.
"My new invention", says Forge, "I call it the bi-valve-interior-combustion-twice-exhausted-bi-axle-nitro-cycle"
"Save it", says Pietro, unimpressed, "we have a train to catch"
With that, he charges off on Jott.
"Not if I catch it first", snips Forge, putting on a pair of goggles, "Excelsior!"
He hits a button and his bike speeds along the road, passing Pietro and Jott.
"Nice horse!", laughs Forge
"I hate being passed!", shouts Pietro, "stupid panto horse!"
"Well, sorrieee for not having super-speed", snaps Scott.
"Yeah, next time, do your own running!", says Jean.
&&&&&
Tee hee. Do review. Until next time…