Chapter 8 of Toxic

It was a warm Sunday afternoon, and Ryan sat smoking a cigarette on the front stoop enjoying the cool shadow cast by the house. A short reprieve from all his worries. He blinked at the unexpected sight of the Cohens' Range Rover pulling up along the curb.

"Seth, I don't understand. If Ryan is hurt, he needs to see a doctor." Kirsten's anxious voice could be heard through the rolled down windows.

"Yeah, well, about that… he's fine. I made up the whole story because I wanted to get you guys to Chino stat to cauterize the family trauma. We need to congeal the unit," Seth said weaving his fingers together, "Plan Cheen-O Jell-O I call it."

Sandy closed the driver's side door and said, "Seth, you didn't need a wild plan, scaring us half to death. Your mom and I will always be glad to see Ryan. We all know that."

Seth led the way up the Sanchez sidewalk walking backwards. "So, I'm not sure how he's going to take this little surprise visit. Just follow my lead because I know Ryan, and he's gonna be a little touchy. He told me what happened between you guys at breakfast yesterday in confidence…"

Ryan stood up. Kirsten and Sandy stopped and looked at him hopefully. It hurt him to see them. There was nothing more he wanted to do but to trust them without reservations, and be the young delinquent eager to shed his past and please them. But he was a boy from a fucked up family, who had problems holding back his fists, trouble explaining his thoughts; he was someone who had seen too much, too young. Those were all undeniable parts of his past – a past he hoped stayed in the past. But it was a past that made him see things differently – like whom to trust. He had come to realize Kirsten and Sandy were the most generous and loving people he knew, but not perfect.

His gut instincts about Oliver or Trey had been right. By not trusting himself then, people got hurt. Now everything he did affected Louisa and he had to get it right. He'd deal with Child Services his way, take their damned blood test to prove the obvious – that he was the father, and answer their questions politely, jump through all their hoops but he wouldn't roll over Arturo just to make the process easier. If the worst happened, and his stomach clutched just thinking about it, he could tell her he tried to do right and never stopped fighting for her.

Seth turned and lifted a hand waist high in greeting. "Oh, oh, hey Ryan. Um, how's your day been?"

Ryan eyed them all neutrally. His cigarette was burning low, and he wasn't sure what to do with it. He held it down to his side because he knew how the Cohens felt about smoking.

"So yeah, we were in the 'hood, so to speak, and thought maybe you needed your posse …" Seth's words trailed off.

Sandy held his arms open in a gesture of appeal. "Kirsten and I felt bad about how we left things yesterday and wanted to make it right. We tried calling and calling you but you didn't answer your cell. Then Seth came up for the day and he hijacked us with a fantastic story and bad puns."

Kirsten had been quiet; Ryan had felt her eyes scrutinizing his every move. "Ryan, I didn't know you took up smoking again," she said.

Ryan grimaced slightly before he deliberately sucked on his cigarette and put it out on the handrail. "Yeah, guess so. Look, I appreciate you guys coming but we're fine. Maybe we can come by for another brunch next week?" he asked in what he hoped was a casual tone. He wanted time to get ready for a visit with them, prepare himself so he didn't show how worried he was about Child Services taking away Louisa. He'd show them he could do this himself, his way.

The Cohens stared back at him dumbly, squinting to understand what Ryan meant behind the bland words. In the pause Arturo called out to him, "She wants that estupido horse. Where'd you put it, man?" Arturo opened the screen door with Louisa in his arms. His face broke into an easy smile and he said, "Hey I didn't know we had company."

"See-see," Louisa said demanding attention.

"Okay, we'll find your horsee in a minute," Arturo said and shifted Louisa to offer his hand to Sandy who was standing closest.

"Glad to meet you," Sandy said with enthusiasm shaking his hand, "I'm Sandy and this is my wife, Kirsten. My son, Seth."

They made their greetings while Ryan frowned and looked away.

Arturo didn't seem to notice Ryan's reticence. "I'm so glad I got to meet you before I left. Ryan told me all about you. I really appreciate you helping us out with Louisa. Once you meet her, you can't resist, right? Even though she's a little wild. Sí, mi brancita?" he asked poking Louisa. "My little bronco," he explained to the Cohens, "she's crazy about horses but it's just a phase."

"See-see!" Louisa replied with a small kick of her legs.

"Come inside," he said, "I made some empañadas."

"Empanadas?" Kirsten asked before adding, "how lovely."

"Mom, you are so white!" Seth corrected her, rolling the 'n' with exaggeration. "Empañadas," he repeated.

Arturo shot Seth a disapproving look and Seth shrank back. "The guys are coming over later for a party," Arturo continued, "Not sure if they'll have real food in Utah – that's where my first long haul is. Did Ryan tell you about my promotion?"

They followed him inside. As soon as they entered, Ryan began to toss toys and clothes off the furniture and floor and into a playpen in the corner of the room. Under a book was the toy horse. He took it to Louisa who brightened.

Arturo put her down to let her play with the horse. "Can I get anyone else a beer, soda?" he asked.

There were polite negative murmurs, and it seemed to dawn on Arturo there was a lot of tension in the room. "I'll let you guys catch up then," he said suddenly somber. He left with a puzzled and vaguely hurt expression on his face.

Seth got down on the carpet to play with Louisa. Their nonsensical play filled the strained room.

Ryan continued to pick up around the living room, too embarrassed to meet Kirsten or Sandy's eyes.

Sandy put a hand on Ryan's elbow. "Let's talk?" he asked tentatively.

Ryan nodded equally hesitant but said quietly, "I haven't changed my mind. I'm not mad, but Louisa, Arturo and I, we're going to be okay. I'm sorry about telling Arturo… lying to Arturo about your helping us. I didn't want him to worry on his first big job." He glanced uneasily to the room where Arturo had gone.

"Ryan, hear me out. Arturo seems like a nice guy. I never meant to offend him or you. We'll go to the mat for Arturo, we'll get testimonials from everyone and their mother. I'll grease all the wheels I know of."

"We'll do it your way. We hear you, finally," Kirsten said apologetically. "We were wrong to push Trey back into your life, and it would be wrong for us to push Arturo and Chino out of your life."

"But if I find out they're gonna," Sandy paused and said with a lowered voice, "take her then we'll do it my way. Okay?" The question seemed to hang between a demand and plea.

Ryan saw Sandy's logic, no matter how distasteful it was. With all of Sandy's resources put to Arturo's defense he knew the chances of Child Services going that far would drop dramatically. Ryan's chest tightened and his mouth dried, they had listen to him after all. He had missed them, missed having someone to turn to for parenting advice and for advice on how to finish up growing himself. It was too scary to think about being so alone. Who could turn down an invitation to a family he trusted and respected his opinions?

"I'm not your responsibility anymore, or Louisa either," Ryan protested half-heartedly.

"When you moved in with us, when we first met Louisa, I knew that we would never take another easy breath again without knowing you guys were safe," Sandy said earnestly.

"So, we're like asthma?" he asked with a smirk. He knew what Sandy meant; he was a father too. It made him light headed to hear Sandy and Kirsten still felt that way about him.

"Dude, it's okay. I think he means that in a good way," Seth called over to Ryan.

"Oh," Ryan said without meaning. He glanced at Kirsten and Sandy a few times. "Thanks," he mumbled to the floor, "Thanks for listening, thanks for helping… thanks."

Kirsten went to him and put her arms around him. "We love you, Ryan," she said simply. Her eyes were wet but she smiled.

Ryan nodded slowly and raised his arms to return the hug. He glanced at Sandy standing beside him. He broke from Kirsten and offered his hand to Sandy. Swallowing the lump in his throat Ryan said gruffly, "I love you guys, too," Sandy ignored Ryan's hand and pounded Ryan on the back.

Seth carried Louisa in his arms over to them. Louisa made a lunge for Ryan but Kirsten intercepted and took her into her own arms. Louisa cried out and twisted to looked for Ryan, but Ryan simply rubbed her back in Kirsten's arms and Louisa quickly settled contently.

"Breathing easier now, Dad?" Seth asked.

"Yeah," Sandy laughed and added, "let's find Arturo and get some empañadas."