I kinda feel like an idiot. The whole jelly thing was my friend Alaina's idea (well, the majority of it), and I meant to put that in the last chapter. Oops. Sorry Alaina…So yes, we're all thanking Alaina now for giving me the idea…
Semma – Glad you like the chapter, and I don't think I'll ever see lime jelly the same way either…And hey, if you can get a pic done of course I don't mind, I just hope you'd send me a copy.
LoonyLoopyLisa – Heh, I know the feeling, thankfully my mum is perfectly aware that I'm nuts…and it is kinda a quick update…quicker than it has been, anyway!
Charming Marauders – Thanks, and yes, exams are very evil…our midyears are in (checks and dies of horror) Oh god, about three or four weeks…Glad you enjoyed the chapter.
cRazy-GIrl-3000 – Wow, I really am glad you liked this chapter…I still feel guilty about Alaina's idea though…thankfully, after she wrote the idea down I became determined to get the damn thing into a chapter and post it…so I did. But neither of us can remember how she came up with it. As for the Evil Sticky Yellow Coco Pops of Doom (glad you think the name is apt), well, the taste doesn't matter anyway, and thanks, cos I have a Plan for them now…
Shakespeares Whore – tee hee, glad you enjoyed…
fifespice – Oh yeah, Snape is going to get them…next chapter…
Draeconin – Meh, I can understand how all this can be annoying, but I like doing it anyway…sorry…but I'm glad you like the story!
Shinigami – Hee hee hee, I had so much fun putting Sevvie in there. But I didn't even notice I'd put him in Halloween colours…Yep, Siri will join Remy, and Sam, once she's over what Harry has done to Severus, will probably join her husband against them. I went into the explanation of the spies this chapter, which will hopefully clear things up. If not, complain and I'll try again (grin). As for my muses…I don't even bother to try and count them anymore…
Silver Sparklze – Oh, if only it were me who deserved the medal…I still have the little piece of paper with the idea on it…
NephyRiddle – Heh, glad you liked it so much…though I hope you were able to get off the floor before anyone trod on you…
mercyangel – Glad you started the day well. As for the quick update…what can I say, I was inspired!
B Madden – Oh don't worry, Sevvie and his accomplices wont let them get off lightly!
mlovektowsing – heh, good idea, everyone bow down to Alaina…
Curious Shadow – Thank you, and I will. I just hope that laughter induced death is temporary as well as repeatable.
eaglelinda – It's a good question, where did the idea come from? Sevvie's revenge should be good…
Lady-Crymsyn – (Bows) Why thank you. I think the plot is buried faaaar under the randomness…lost it somewhere back in chapter, oh, two? Glad you like it!
Dark-One Shadowphyre – Enjoy the jellied Potions Master…though I cant really see the toast connection. Heh.
musicgirl141 – Glad you liked.
Sweet-single – Thanks, and yay, you like the kitty…she's getting named in this chapter.
maleficus-lupus – Glad you enjoyed…
Zabini Angel – I can picture it too…hee hee hee. The slash ought to come in…soon…really soon, I hope.
stepht – Thanks
Yashaness – Glad you enjoyed it, and the next chapter…well, you've joined up just in time for a quick update.
Does anyone know a synonym for 'glad'? I'm getting RSI…well, I am glad…oh well.
Chapter dedicated to Alaina in apology…heh heh…sorry dear, don't bring out the poking finger at me.
Harry, Seamus, And The Master Plan
By SilverWolf7007
Chapter Twenty-Four – The Spy Explanation And Children's Songs…
It took Sam ten minutes to extract her husband from his wobbly prison. During that time, Sirius and Nate followed Remus up to his office, and the students finally began to calm down.
Standing at the front of his classroom next to the glass box, wearing nothing but his boxers and a pair of flippers, snorkel in hand and dripping jelly, Severus gave Sam a pleading look.
She turned and faced the still-snickering mob of teenagers. "All right you lot, get out." Her eyes locked onto Harry, Blaise, Seamus and Draco, who were looking exceptionally smug. "Except you four."
Once most of the students were gone and the four boys were sitting on Severus's desk, Sam sighed. "Looks like I've missed a lot while I've been gone," she said wryly. "Sev, why don't you head down the hall and get cleaned up?"
He looked somewhat panicked. "Walk down the hall in my underwear?"
"Well Sevvie, you have been indecently exposing yourself to the students since class began, I don't really see how much of a difference it could make," Harry pointed out with a bright grin.
Severus's eyes narrowed. "You know, since you're involved in this prank war I can actually choose to prank you next instead of Remus."
Draco's eyes widened. "Does, uh, that go for all of us?"
Slowly, Severus looked over the four students before turning and considering the box of jelly. "Indubitably, my dear boy."
The boys exchanged glances before sliding off the desk as one.
"Sorry to laugh hysterically, take photos and run," Harry said quickly. "But we really need to hide so Sevvie can't prank us anytime soon? Okay? See ya!" With that, he darted out the door, his partners-in-crime on his heels.
Severus turned to his wife. "I don't suppose you'd summon me a cloak so I can be somewhat decently attired when I return to our rooms?"
She smiled at him and did so. "Of course. I'll come with you, then we'll head up to Remus's office."
He raised an eyebrow. "Why are we headed up there?"
"For the explanation of what the hell is going on in the Death Eater ranks and who are the bloody spies that Avery owes me."
"Very well then."
"Oh, this is bad, this is very, very bad," Seamus moaned as the four boys hurried out of the dungeons. "We're going to die, I know it."
Draco smacked him across the back of the head. "Calm down already! We're not going to die. Harry has a plan...don't you?" he added hopefully, turning to look at the Gryffindor.
Glancing at him, Harry shrugged. "Sure. Or I will, at any rate. Come up to the Common Room with us before we have to head down to Transfiguration."
Blaise blinked. "Uh, why?"
Harry smirked. "Well for one, it'll confuse Hermione and Ron, which is always fun. Not to mention the others. Also, I heard Hermione inviting the other Slytherins to do the same, though I don't think they all accepted. So it's not like you'll be the odd ones out."
"No, we'll just be the ones getting interrogated."
"That goes for all four of us, not just you and Blaise," Seamus pointed out. "I mean, Ron said it this morning. Not much can get Harry out of bed before seven in the morning."
Blaise sighed. "You know what? Seamus had a point. We are all going to die...slowly and in our sleep, after eating something that tasted suspiciously like it was supposed to."
Seamus and Draco both looked confused, and seeing that Harry didn't they looked to him for an explanation.
He grinned. "Well, Severus is a Potions Master. He's not going to use a deadly poison that makes our food taste any different than normal, he certainly knows of one or a thousand that have no taste at all. Blaise was just pointing that out."
Blaise nodded.
Draco sighed. "It worries me that you two think so alike..."
"Why?" Harry asked in confusion.
"Because," the Slytherin replied. "Left on your own you both come up with insanely wonderful ideas...I almost dread to think what you can think up together."
Seamus snickered. "Of course, as long as they're not plotting against us, it should be fine."
"Very true," Draco allowed with a smirk. "It's a good thing they're with us."
"Darn tootin'," Harry stated.
The other three eyed him.
"What?"
"Nothing," Seamus and Blaise replied.
"We think you're nuts," Draco told him.
Harry grinned. "Well, that's probably a good thing."
"Why?" Blaise asked.
"Because he is," Draco informed them with a smirk.
"Ah, that explains it all then," Seamus said wisely.
"So Draco, have you named your kitten yet?"
Draco blinked for a moment before replying. "No, not yet. Why?"
Harry shrugged. "I was just thinking. Neither have I."
"Random is Harry's forte," Seamus explained to the Slytherins, who both looked a little thrown by the rapid subject change.
"Comes with being nuts, I expect," Blaise said, eyeing Draco with a faint smirk. Seamus laughed.
Severus Snape was officially having a Bad Day, starting from when he'd awoken in a glass box of lime jelly, just in time to see four shadowy figures, each with either pink, silver, white or gold hair, sneaking out of his classroom. He was fairly sure he had heard them laughing evilly on the way down the halls.
It had taken him a while to comprehend his situation, but once he realised that there was a chance he could just pull himself out, he had tried to do so unrelentingly.
At least, he had until he realised that it was nearly impossible, that he was quite tired, that he had jelly in his boxers and that the sudden burst of loud laughter had emitted from the sixth year class he was currently supposed to have been teaching.
He had never been more relieved to lay eyes on his wife, not just so she could rescue him, but to see her safe. But the rescuing bit was a large part of it.
However, even when he was stepping into his bathroom and shedding robe and boxers (flippers and snorkel having been left in the classroom) he still was fairly sure that he would leave Harry and his friends alive.
He stepped into the shower and turned the tap.
Immediately, he was covered head to toe in lime green water, that he was quite certain was dye.
Sighing, Severus turned the tap off, removed the spell, and turned it back on.
It took him a moment to process what had just happened to him.
He took in the green skin (though not hair, which he thought was unusual), the globs of jelly...
His hair.
Severus twisted the tap back off and stepped out of the shower, looking into the mirror.
His hair, currently hundreds of tiny electric blue snakes, stared back.
He could have almost taken that as well.
The snakes began to sing.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star..."
"POTTER!"
Harry glanced at his watch. "He ought to be back at his rooms by now."
"We're going to die," Seamus repeated.
"Yes, we probably are," Draco agreed.
Blaise looked at Harry. "Think he's found the shower yet?"
"Undoubtedly so." The Gryffindor looked up at his companions. "He's going to get us back, and get us good, but for gods sake will you two stop proclaiming our deaths! You sound like bloody Trelawney!"
"The shower was a stroke of genius, Harry," Seamus said in an admiring tone.
Harry snickered. "Thank you. But..." He glanced at Draco with respect in his eyes. "I personally can't wait until he goes to bed."
The blond smirked. "Neither can I."
Sam, waiting for Severus to leave the bathroom so they could head up to Remus's office, was confused when she heard the shower start, stop, start and stop again.
A few minutes later, however, it was all explained.
"POTTER!"
Burying her head in her hands, Sam gave a mournful sigh. "Oh Harry, couldn't you have left it at the jelly?"
Several minutes passed, in which the shower was turned back on, left on, and then turned off. Not long after that, Severus emerged.
Sam stared. Her lips twitched.
He glowered at her. "It's not funny."
She took in the green skin, snake-hair, and his deep purple robes. "The robes, Sev?" she asked, keeping her laughter under control.
He shrugged. "They're not too bad, I suppose. I can deal with them. The problem, Sam, is that these are the tamest coloured robes I now own."
"Oh dear."
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…"
Three pairs of eyes snapped immediately to the doorway of Remus's office. They stared.
They took in the skin. The robes. The hair...
"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb..."
They blinked.
Sirius slowly began to grin, snicker, and slide off his chair. As he hit the floor with a thud, his snickers graduated to full out hysterical laughter.
Severus scowled at him while Sam and Nate tried to keep straight faces.
Remus was still staring. "You know, Sev," he began slowly. "I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, but I am now. You've been out-evilled by four teenagers..." He smirked. "Oh, and lime green really is your colour."
"This is the song that never ends..."
Severus let out a strangled scream as Remus and Nate followed Sirius to the floor.
Sam just dropped into Sirius's vacated chair with a sigh.
Ron, Hermione, Parvati, Lavender, Dean, Neville, Millicent, Pansy and Jason were sitting by the Common Room fire in Gryffindor Tower when Harry, Draco, Seamus and Blaise arrived. And every one of them was wearing their personal versions of evil grins (or smirks in the cases of some).
Harry exchanged glances with his three companions before joining his classmates, dropping onto the floor. Seamus and Blaise fought briefly over an armchair, eventually settling for each of them sitting on an arm with their feet on the seat. Draco just sat down next to Harry.
Before they were verbally ambushed by the others, Harry was physically jumped on by his tiny kitten. He pushed her over gently and rubbed her stomach, gaining a loud purr. Crookshanks raised his head curiously to look at the kitten from his perch between Hermione and the reluctant Ron.
"Named her yet?" Draco asked, reaching over to pet the kitten.
"Not yet," Harry replied. He looked up and smirked at the others. "Well? Go on, I know you're all simply DYING to ask..."
"Was it you?" Neville demanded. "As in, all four of you?"
"Yep!" Blaise answered proudly. "And none of it would have been possible without the potions meddlers that are Draco and Harry..."
Hermione turned and Looked at them both. "Meddling with potions? In Professor Snape's classroom, no doubt."
Harry inched away from her disapproval, ending up almost sitting on Draco.
"It could have been worse," the Slytherin offered. Hermione turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "Well, it could have," he defended. "We could have been messing about with random ingredients and foodstuffs in Severus's private lab."
"No we couldn't have," Seamus pointed out. "I don't think we'd have gotten in there without express permission and total supervision by Snape himself at all times."
"Seamus is right," Blaise agreed. "Anyway, do we have any other questions, or are you satisfied with what you know?"
"Whose idea was it to put Snape in a box of jelly?" Lavender asked.
"Blaise's," Seamus told her.
"Well, not all my idea," the Slytherin argued modestly. "Admittedly, when I saw the stuff in Harry's cauldron, I suddenly had a mental image of Snape swimming in it...then I remembered the box Draco and I had been using in the summer. But other than that, it was mostly Harry."
"He worked out how to set it up, and he came up with the snorkel and flippers," Seamus added. Then he grinned. "But it was all Draco's idea to bring our dear professor out in what he sleeps in..."
"And the light behind the box was a stroke of brilliance on Seamus's part," Harry concluded with a grin at the pink haired boy. "I'm personally looking forward to lunch."
Pansy looked to him curiously. "Why lunch?"
Blaise smirked. "Because by then, Pansy dear, Snape will have definitely discovered what Harry has done to his showerhead, and with any luck, we'll get to see it."
Finally, Sirius, Remus and Nate had calmed enough to sit down and pretend to be serious, while Sam just eyed them all wearily and Severus glowered at the world in general and the three men in front of him in particular.
Nate looked at the two ex-prisoners and the werewolf, carefully avoiding the snake-haired man...
Remus cleared his throat. "Okay, so from what I've gathered so far, you, Nate, are a spy against Voldemort, correct?" The blond man nodded. "Good. And Dumbledore knows this?"
"Of course. He's one of the very few who do."
"And you, Severus?"
"Yes, I knew."
"And Harry as well?"
"Yes," Nate replied.
"Now, we are here for you to explain the complicated mess that is the identity of the spies among Voldemort's Death Eater ranks, correct?"
"Uh huh."
"Very well. Get on with it before Sevvie's hair starts singing again."
Ignoring the increased scowl on the Potions Master's face, Nate began his explanation.
The Gryffindor and Slytherin sixth years had half an hour left before they had to go to Transfiguration.
"We've got a quiz," Neville stated suddenly. He quickly pulled out his Transfiguration book and flipped it to the relevant chapter. "I mean, I know we studied last night and all, but..."
"You'll do fine, Neville," Hermione told him soothingly. "Really, you knew all the material last night, we all did. We'll be fine."
Harry eyed his three partners-in-crime worriedly. He'd 'accidentally' allowed the existence of McGonagall's test to slip his mind. "Should we pull out our books?"
"Good idea," Seamus told him, bringing out his text. "Hopefully there will be no failing involved."
The four of them got to work, while the others either flipped through their books or chatted quietly.
After twenty minutes, Harry's head snapped up and he stared at Pansy and Millicent in confusion. "Something isn't right here."
"You're not suddenly going to go anti-Slytherin on us, are you Potter?" Millicent asked with a grin.
He rolled his eyes at her. "Of course not." He gazed around the room, suddenly realising what he'd found wrong. "Something doesn't match."
Blaise caught on immediately. "You're right, Harry. Any ideas?"
Harry eyed Millicent thoughtfully. "Teal, I think," he stated with a wave of his wand.
Pansy's eyes widened. "You're not going to do me, are you?"
He smirked. "Well of course, Pansy dear. Preferred colour, or should I pick?"
Sighing in resignation, she placed her Transfiguration text in her lap. "Bluish grey?"
He flicked his wand. "There you are then." He grinned. "I'd say I have quite the collection, now. Wouldn't you agree?"
Pansy looked around at her classmates, taking in each individual bright colour. She smiled. "I think it's a wonderful collection, Harry."
He grinned in delight.
"Let me see if I've got all this straight," Sam began after Nate finally finished explaining. "Lucius is a spy, secretly, and no one but yourself and Damon Nott know this, or at least, are supposed to know this."
Nate nodded. "That's correct."
"And you are also a spy, and no one but Sev, Harry and Dumbledore actually knew that, though Harry gave Sirius a few hints."
Sirius sighed. "All Harry really told me is that some of the Death Eaters are not as they seem, and to be alert for help coming from an unexpected place, should the need arise, and to just accept it and go with the flow."
"Harry actually asked me specifically to look out for you all, especially you and Sam, as you are the two usually in the most danger."
Sam nodded, smiling wryly. "We do tend to get the jobs in the more perilous sections. Okay. And both Lucius and yourself pass information to Damon, who gets it to Dumbledore. Right?"
"Right."
"Good. Now, I don't think I quite got this part...where are Lucius and Damon, and which side is Evan really on?"
"Well," Nate said with a sigh. "I don't really know about Lucius and Damon, though you mentioned that Evan said that Lucius was in the Malfoy Manor dungeons, so they actually might be."
"I can't believe that Evan is evil," Remus muttered. "He always was a weird kid, though."
Sam snickered.
"So yes, Evan is definitely on Voldemort's side, working, as far as I can tell, with Narcissa and Phillip Parkinson. Evan is pretending to be Lucius, it seems, and keeping his contact with Dumbledore open and discrediting the real Lucius by being himself when he's here. Phillip, I assume, is masquerading as Damon."
Nodding, Sam frowned. "Okay, but I - "
She was cut off by her husband's hair bursting into 'The Song That Never Ends' again.
After a few minutes, the snakes seemed to tire of the song, and fell silent once again.
A few minutes after that, Sirius, Remus and Nate calmed down enough to let Sam finish her sentence.
"As I was saying," she sighed. "I still don't understand why they're doing this. It makes absolutely no sense."
"Probably because it was Narcissa's idea," Sirius said with a shrug. "No offence to my dear cousin, but she's nearly as nuts as her sister. Bellatrix, that is, not Andromeda," he added hastily.
Nate nodded with a sigh. "I hate to say it, but that's the only real explanation I can come up with as well. And quite possibly just because they want to mess with our heads."
Speaking of heads, Severus's began to sing again.
"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb, its fleece as white as snow..."
The sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins managed to live through their Transfiguration class and even their test, and soon found that it was lunchtime. Minerva let her class go almost reluctantly, but found herself hurrying after them. She had seen how eager they were to leave, and she was quite certain that lunch was going to be entertaining...after all, it was probably Severus's turn to be pranked.
The students walked to the Hall in a loose group, but headed for their own house tables for the meal.
Minerva watched them from the staff table, noticing as she did so that neither Severus nor Remus had arrived for lunch yet.
She frowned suddenly, certain she could hear, faintly, singing...
"Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool, yes sir yes sir, three bags full..."
Severus had 'allowed' Sam and Remus to drag him to the Great Hall's doors, but he was adamant that he would not be going through them. Really, he'd prefer to eat his meal with Nate and Black. Honest.
Neither his wife nor her brother listened to any of his pleas, and he was forcibly tugged into the Hall as his hair began a rousing rendition of 'Three Blind Mice'.
"Kearia."
Seven pairs of eyes moved from watching the doors to the Great Hall expectantly to eyeing Harry in confusion.
"Celtic for 'little dark one'," he continued.
Parvati reached over and patted him on the head. "That's nice, Har."
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not just spouting this off randomly for no reason, you know."
Hermione raised her eyebrows at him. "Then what are you talking about?"
"My kitten. I'm going to call her Kearia."
"Ah, it all makes sense now," Ron told him with a hint of sarcasm.
Harry prodded him in the back of the head. "You can't complain, your owl is called Pigwidgeon."
Ron rolled his eyes. "One, I wasn't complaining. Two, Ginny named Pig. Remember?"
"Yes," Harry allowed. "But you're the one that nicknamed him 'Pig'."
"Harry?"
"Yes Ron?"
"Shut up."
"Yes Ron."
"Kearia's a nice name," Lavender told him. "Where'd you find it?"
Harry shrugged and motioned vaguely to Ron with the hand that he wasn't using to hold his sandwich.
Lavender blinked. "Huh?"
"He can't tell you because Ron told him to shut up," Seamus translated. "Har, who ever said you had to listen to what Ron tells you to do?"
This time, Harry just glared and pointed at Dean, who grinned and shrugged innocently.
"Oh, speak up, Harry," Ron said teasingly. "You've gone awfully quiet all of a sudden."
Harry smacked Ron around the head, but turned to Lavender. "I think I read it in a book somewhere...can't really remember, I'm afraid."
"What should we be expecting to see once Snape gets here?" Neville asked suddenly. "Come on Harry, give us a hint."
The silver haired boy just smiled mysteriously. "Be patient, my friends, you all will soon see...and probably hear."
At that moment, the doors opened...
"Three blind mice, three blind mice, see how they run, see how they run..."
Harry smirked in satisfaction, and began to laugh.
The majority of people in the Great Hall, students and teachers alike, took one look at the green skinned, purple robed and blue-snake haired Potions Master before falling off their chairs in laughter.
SEVERUS: (Sulking in corner, glaring at everyone)
SAM: There, there, dear, I'm sure it will all wear off soon.
REMUS: Knowing Harry? I highly doubt it.
SAM: (Sighs) Oh dear…
VOLDEMORT: (Sulking in opposite corner to Severus) How is it fair that a whole bunch of my Death Eaters are plotting against me?
BELLATRIX: (Pats him sympathetically on the shoulder) There, there, My Lord, I'm sure everything will seem better in the morning.
VOLDEMORT: It's four thirty in the afternoon…
NARCISSA: So, you have to wait a bit. Be patient. No decent evil Dark Lord ever kept in power by being impatient.
VOLDEMORT: (Suspicious) Are you sure?
NARCISSA: (Sighs) Yes, Milord.
TOM: Ah well, Voldie, I'm sure you'll recover.
VOLDEMORT: I might not.
SIRIUS: I fail to see how that could be a problem.
VOLDEMORT: It's people like you that cause chronic depression and paranoia in Dark Lords…people like you, and spies.
REMUS: I feel quite proud, don't you Siri?
SIRIUS: Yep, sure do.
HARRY: (Sulking, not in corner at all)
REMUS: Harry, what's wrong?
HARRY: I lost something.
REMUS: (Hands Harry plate with a pie on it) Here, have a chicken pie. It'll make you feel better.
HARRY: (Suspiciously poking at pie with fork) Remus?
REMUS: Yes Harry?
HARRY: There appears to be a herring in my pie…
REMUS: Oh? I'm sorry, I'll bake you a new one tomorrow…I don't have any chicken left.
HARRY: That's not the problem.
REMUS: Then what is?
HARRY: The herring I lost was in the pie, Remus.
REMUS: Oh. Oops?
HARRY: (Uses herring to smack Remus across the back of the head)
Okay, posting now…
Please review!
SW