Mutants make good cowboys
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You've reached the Szalinskis. At the sound of the beep, please leave your message, your fax or your binary file".
&&&&&
ACT 10 - Behind every good man...
&&&&&
We open on the train, where Logan is leaning back on the couch, reading a bikers magazine, despite it being the 1800's. Pietro walks past him, snatching the book from him.
"Let's go Logan", says Pietro, "Bayville High".
"I was readin' that!", snaps Logan, "Aye aye SIR".
As Pietro sits down, Forge looks out of the window sadly
"I don't understand why we couldn't bum her a ride back to the Mansion", he says, "...it is on the way".
Mystique is stood outside on the platform, still wearing her skimpy clothing, and still covered with Forge's coat
"We're on the way to Bayville High, where our president happens to be", points out Pietro, "How do you feel about that little coincidence?".
Forge sighs as the train pulls off, Mystique gives him a coy wave)
"Forgey", she calls.
Forge crosses his arms and pouts
"We wouldn't have even known where Guthrie was going if it hadn't been for her", he sulks, "Isn't it a bit ungracious, if not perilous".
"Have you been hanging around with Beast again? You're talking like him", blinks Pietro, "If she'd have got on the train, she'd have been in our way, she and I would have ended up in the saddle...even if it's adultery",
"That's funny", says Forge, "I got the feeling she was much more interested in me".
"Yeah, right", snorts Pietro.
The train chugs on until it's a little later, where Forge is inside cooking, a chef hat on his head
"You know, I've been trying to place myself in Guthrie's shoes", he says
"Good luck", says Pietro.
"Hey guys, that wasn't nice, a'hll", Sam twitches, "DRIVE POKERS UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS!".
Hank hits Sam/Evil Sam with a tranq dart and drags him away
"Okey dokey...", blinks Forge, "What could this demented maniac with no reproductive organs want with Raven?".
As Forge is babbling away in the kitchen, unknown to him, Mystique has just fallen thought the roof hatch. Pietro points a gun at her before sighing and putting the gun down. Forge, having not noticed this, still carries on
"This is not to say that Raven doesn't posses a beauty worthy of a Shakespeare sonnet or a Monatchelli painting", he says, "The curvature of her buttocks and the swell of that magnificent bosom so full, so sumpcious, so..."
He turns around and sees Mystique sitting down with a raised eyebrow
"...So what were all those foreign ministers doing at Guthrie's party?", he says in a squeaky-voice, "This is what really puzzles me. Did you ever know there were so many, and so foreign so.."
As Pietro walks up, he drops his voice
"How long has she been here?".
"Somewhere around Montachelli's buttocks", grins Pietro.
Mystique meanwhile has got up and started to eat the food on the table. Forge bangs his head on the wall before walking over to her and smiling
"I am really, really, really, REALLY sorry..."., says Forge
"Allow me to spare you the embarrassment", says Pietro, "Make yourself an sandwich, you're getting off the train".
Mystique scowls at Pietro before sighing)
"I know why those foreign guys were at Guthrie's party", she says, tasting the food Forge has just cooked, "Mmmmmm this is fantastic, I mean, how do you cook it? You can cut it with a fork".
"It's a French recipe that I can't pronounce", says Forge with a nod, causing Todd to smack his head with his script.
"Foreign ministers", sighs Pietro impatiently.
"Oh", Mystique blinks, "They were mad at something. Something about some real bad dealings with the sharing of Bayville Land...".
Pietro mutters under his breath and calls into the phone connected up front
"Logan, stop the train", he says, "Miss Wyngarde is getting off".
"Who the Hell is Miss Wyngarde?", asks Logan over the speaker.
"I'm a poor, starving, half-naked young woman who only wants to find her father", calls Mystique
"Half-naked!", asks Logan
"Logan, stop the train", says Pietro again.
"We're not putting anyone out here in the middle of nowhere", says Logan, "especially if their half naked!".
Mystique gets up from the table and walks coyly over to Pietro
"Please, Pie, my father's the only family I have left", she says, "What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for news that he's been killed, or go do something? What would you do, Pie?".
"I don't have anything against you, Raven", he says, "The only thing that worries me is what's gonna happen when we catch up to Guthrie and you're still on this train".
Mystique gives Pietro some 'puppy eyes')
"Oh, Pie, I know you'd never let him take me back. I've seen you shoot", she groans, "...adultery suit, here I come".
She gives Pietro a kiss, making Forge fall out of his chair and try to scramble up to his feet with as much dignity as he can muster
"Raven, let me assure you that any attack by Guthrie would be an exercise in futility", he says, "Allow me to demonstrate how some of my designs have made the Wanderer completely impervious to attack".
He leads her to the pool table in the middle of the room
"I kissed an older person", grimaces Pietro, "...eeeewwwww!".
"I am not old!", snaps Mystique.
"I said oldER, didn't I!", snaps Pietro.
"Hey, we're wastin' daylight here people!", shouts Todd
"It's night time", points out Forge
"Just keep actin'!", growls Todd.
"Testy, testy", tuts Forge, "Over here, three seemingly innocent billiard balls, yes?".
He proceeds to juggle them
"But to press the number on the ball it becomes a sleeping bomb effective in under three seconds. Groovy, huh?", he grins, "So put your mind at ease, you are completely safe within these walls".
Mystique giggles coyly when he touches her cheek only to have Pietro storm through the middle of them
"I don't know about you, ma'm, but I'm certainly gonna sleep better assuming that Guthrie wants to barge in here and play a game of pool", says Pietro.
"And speaking of sleep, I'm really tired, Forgey", says Mystique, "do you think I could borrow something to wear?".
"I have just the...", starts Forge
: "I got something, it 'aint stylish, but it wont explode when you put it on either", smiles Pietro.
"That would be nice", says Mystique, blinking,
She heads off to the back of the train. A little while later, Pietro and Forge are lying down on separate couches in the main room of the train
"Guthrie's kidnapped a few Metallurgists, so whatever he's building is gonna have armour, he's kidnapped a couple of Chemists, so it's gonna have explosives, and according to you, Raven's father is the foremost expert in hydraulics in the world, so the things gotta move", Pietro frowns, "What the Hell could he be building that's gonna make the President surrender the Bayville government?".
"A bedside heater", says Forge suddenly.
Pietro blinks a few times
"...What?".
"Raven, she needs a bedside heater, it gets quite chilly back there...", says Forge.
"You mean to say I memorised that long speech and you didn't even LISTEN to it?", gasps Pietro, "That's exactly what I was talking about, the distraction".
"What?", asks Forge
"I give up", sighs Pietro.
Mystique suddenly appears from the cabin, wearing Pietro's all-in-one-under suit
"Well, goodnight", she smiles, "and thank you for saving me".
"Goodnight ma'am", says Pietro.
Mystique turns around and starts to walk away, the back flap of the suit hanging open, revealing a blue butt
"Raven", starts Pietro, "...that outfit...".
Mystique turns to face them again)
"...Is most becoming I hope it's", Forge blinks, "..umm".
"It's not too...breezy..back there", adds Pietro, "...if there's anything...".
"Anything at all...", says Forge
"I'll be right here", they say in unison.
"Oh, aren't you boys sweet!", giggles Mystique, "Well, sweet dreams".
"Whore", says Storm from backstage.
With that, she walks away again, giving another show of blue butt before she shuts the cabin door
"I told you she'd be a distraction", says Pietro.
"She's not a distraction", says Forge, "It's nice having her on board. She's a breath of fresh ass".
"Pardon me?", asks Pietro.
"What?", blinks Forge
"You said ass", says Pietro pointedly.
"No I didn't", says Forge, "I said it's nice having her on board, she's a breast of fresh air".
Pietro shakes his head
"You are one messed up little 70's guy", he says, "Lets just get some shut ass".
They start to fall asleep when Forge sits up on his couch
"Hey!".
"And cut!", says Todd.
Mystique comes out, giving Pietro and Forge a thwak each upside the head
"That's for ogling!", she snaps.
&&&&&
Clickety click, lickety split!