Mutants Make Good Cowboys
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "The Happy Event is to take place tomorrow afternoon, so the next time I write in this diary, Mother will be dead. How odd - yet how pleasing".
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ACT 11 - The short, yet inevitable capture sequence.
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The next morning, the Wanderer is still chugging along, Logan at the wheel...or whatever. He sees Evil-Sam's train a few feet in front of them, chugging along
"We found them, yep, yep we did", says Logan "Can I get a beer for finding them?".
Inside the main carriage, Forge and Pietro blink)
"...Not just yet", says Forge, "Just maintain speed, Logan".
"Well, fine!", snaps Logan.
Pietro is happily shining his boots when a tiny dagger blade shoots out of the toe-cap of the boot he is cleaning
"Aghhhh! I'm a Logan clone too!", he screams, "oh no…wait. Forge, what is that!".
"It's a dagger", says Forge, "I took the liberty of installing it while you were sleeping".
Forge hums happily and starts to head to the front of the train
"I could have taken my hand off", he snaps.
"...That was a low blow", says Forge
"I know", smirks Pietro, "Don't take liberties with my things!".
"There it is again", says Logan, "the kinky-slash-ness!"
"I'm starting to worry about you Pietro", says Forge
"I. Am. Not. Fruity!", screams Pietro, "And don't touch any of my stuff again, ever!".
"Fine", says Forge, then mutters under his breath, "I've only made one or two other additions to your wardrobe".
"What?", calls Pietro.
"Nothing", laughs Forge.
At the front of the train, Logan is staying on the Sam's train's tail. They enter a dark tunnel. When they come out the other side, Sam's train is nowhere in sight
"Oh man, this is just like a Roadrunner cartoon!", says Logan.
"Todd Fan had just excitedly realised the Forge is spookily like Wile. and Pietro is spookily like the Roadrunner", says Todd, "She wanted that to be said".
Pietro and Forge blink
"Errr...MeepMeep?", tries Pietro.
"..I want a new job", sighs Forge.
From behind the Wanderer, four poles suddenly fall down, revealing Sam's train on them. The poles tuck back inside and Sam's train starts to follow the Wanderer. Forge notices this from the back window of the train
"Pietro?", asks Forge
"Yes?"
"If we are perusing Guthrie, then why is he behind us?", he asks.
The front of Sam's train suddenly fires a cannonball (ba dum bum) at the Wanderer
"...That's why", says Pietro.
The cannonball narrowly misses the Wanderer, hitting a mountain instead. Pietro grabs the elastic rope when Mystique appears out of the cabin room, dressed in a night gown
"Can I at least wear normal clothes!", she asks.
"...No", says Todd.
"What's going on!", asks Mystique
"Err...nothing, it's fine", says Forge, "...get down".
"...Ok", blinks Mystique.
She sits down and hides behind a chair, muttering about having a stupid feminine role. Meanwhile, Pietro lies on the pool table, holding the elastic rope
"Why don't you push that little magic button?", he asks.
"What are you doing NOW?", asks Forge
"We'll see if your aggressor Invention works. Then again, it was made by you, so it'll probably zap us into another dimension, or bring out flesh eating dinosaurs", Pietro pauses, "..which I missed the first time around because I was..errr...busy with my dates".
"Idiot", says Forge, "We need a plan".
"Push. The. Button!", snaps Pietro.
"Fine, go ahead and die, see if I care", says Forge.
He presses the 'do not press' button and the Pool Table slides under the train again, complete with Pietro
"He's so courageous", sighs Mystique, then gacks, "...oh dear lord, GAG ME WITH A FISH!".
Under the train, the pool table lowers Pietro down to the tracks, making a small flat piece of metal for him to lie on
"Can you pull on one of those pool cues for me?", asks Forge
"It won't blow up...will it?", asks Mystique cautiously.
"No", says Forge.
Mystique pulls on a pool cue and a bunch of cogs with a wheel comes up from the floor, which Forge begins to wind
"You know, courage is only as good as the machinery which supports it", he says.
"Is that why your such a wuss then?", smiles Mystique pleasantly.
"...I hate you", says Forge
The trolley-thing that Pietro is on starts to slowly move under the train, Pietro gives them a wave as he appears under them in a hole on the floor. Just as the trolley is free of the Wanderer, the rope snaps and the cogs that Forge was turning start to spark
"And here we go", groans Mystique.
Pietro's trolley starts to slide very quickly along the rails, Pietro still attached to it
"Agggrrrrhhhhhh", he screams, "Fooorrrrrggggge!".
"Err..oopsie?", says Forge with a shrug.
Pietro shuts his eyes as his trolley sides under Sam's train, he opens them in time to se a hook which he throw the elastic rope onto. The rope stops him from going any further, but starts to poinging him back and forth. He finally makes a desperate jump, landing on the train and climbing onto the roof. He goes to put the lid on the train's funnel, only to have Beast come at him from behind and try to strangle him
"How refreshingly pleasing it is to try and strangle one of these horrible teenagers", smiles Hank.
Pietro struggles with him for a bit before hitting the heel of his boot on the ground, the dagger popping out of his boot. He happily jabs Hank his the chest, killing him
"Todd Fan would like to point out that this is a novelty dagger, the kind that is plastic and goes into itself, giving the appearance of stabbing", says Todd, "She would never let any of the mutants loose with weapons like that".
Inside the train, Rogue is looking through a periscope, while Evil Sam (as he has transformed again) is watching her
"A'h have them square in ma'h sights", Rogue grimaces, "..ugh, sire".
"As do a'h Rogue, as do a'h", says Evil-Sam
He grins evilly from where he is inches from Rogue ass
"You touch my ass and I'll touch you", warns Rogue, "with ma'h bare hand".
On the roof, Pietro dumps Beast's 'body' into the tunnel, making the pressure of the train rise)
"Inhaler..."., coughs Hank.
"Fire away!", shouts Evil-Sam..
Rogue shoots the cannon at the Wanderer, Mystique and Forge scream in terror and duck as a HUGE harpoon shoots through the train, firing out long pole so it stays in. Sam's train explodes in the front, coming to a stop, dragging the Wanderer to a stop with it. Pietro leaps from the roof to the ground below. Inside the Wanderer, Mystique finally looses the plot
"That's it!", screams Mystique, "I won't let Guthrie take me away, I'd rather be dead!"
She grabs one of the snooker balls.
"..That's not a good thing to wish for...", says Forge
Mystique gives a terrified whimper, grabbing Forge and dragging him into a closet with her
"Hussy!", screams Storm.
"...This...really can be good", blinks Forge
"Please, Forgey, don't leave me alone!", whimpers Mystique, then glares at him, "You touch me, I'll take away your other arm..and maybe a foot".
Evil-Sam, Wanda, Rogue, and Jean walk (or wheel) into the Wanderer
"Ladies, we need a new train", smiles Evil-Sam.
In the closet, Mystique is still freaking out
"Raven, give me the ball", Forge blinks, "...that sounded so very, very wrong".
"That it did", says Mystique, "I won't!".
"I have a plan", says Forge
Pietro stumbles into the Wanderer and knocks on the closet door
"I don't want to know what you two are doing in there", he calls.
"It's Guthrie!", screams Mystique
"No, it isn't", says Forge, "For a start, Pietro doesn't have a Southern Accent"
"It's a trick!", screams Mystique
Mystique pressed the number on the snooker ball as Pietro opens the door. She drops it to the floor as gas fills the room
"And now we go unconscious", says Forge.
And they do.
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Onwards, I say!