Disclaimer: RvB and the guys from Rooster still own all their characters
A/N: -smirks- idiots are so damn hilarious. It almost makes up for their lack of brains. Almost.
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"Hey Simmons, what are you doing here?" Donut asked, trying to spot the maroon Spartan behind the boulder.
"Shut the fuck up, Donut."
"Yeah, hey Simmons, why don't you come out and we'll... TALK." Church shouted from his position ducking under the window.
"YES. Talking is very good." Caboose said slowly.
Both Church and Simmons replied with irritation, "Shut up."
"Damn, Caboose, you sure take a lot of crap." The pink armored Spartan commented. He was, after all, the most sentimental of all the soldiers in the gorge.
"Shut it, traitor!" Simmons shouted from behind the boulder, "We can't be taking sides with the Blues!"
Remembering where he was, Donut repositioned himself behind Caboose, well out of range of the whitish blue Spartan crouched beneath the window. Suddenly, an idea hit Church.
"If you don't give yourself up, I'll shoot this Red here!" Church yelled in warning.
Caboose frowned, "I do not think-"
"Shut it, idiot." Church hissed before calling out, "Well, will you?"
"FUCK NO!" Simmons replied, much to the shock of Donut, "I'm not risking my ass for that piece of shit!"
"He would if Sarge was here." Donut muttered angrily to himself.
Well, technically it was to himself, but Church just happened to catch it. Grinning, Church shouted, "Well... all right. But I don't think your SARGE is gonna be very happy when I shoot him!"
From behind the boulder, the maroon Spartan stood, looking in the window, "Sarge!"
Shooting and pained cries ensued.
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"Aah! I can't take it anymore!" Griff screamed as if in physical agony.
Tucker and Tex looked up surprisingly as the yellowish orange Spartan leaped up from behind the boxes. He had his hands clapped over the sides of his head, shouting angrily, "Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"
With that said, he continued screaming crazily as he ran out of the base. Tex and Tucker exchanged stunned glances. Then, with a shrug, Tex turned to go back in the other room, "I'm gonna go polish my sniper rifle up on the roof."
"Yeah, and I'm gonna go..." The aquamarine soldier scratched his head, pausing a bit before saying aloud in the now empty room, "do, uh... stuff."
"What the fuck!" Tex exclaimed as she entered the next room.
Church was bloodied and groaning in the corner. The dark green Spartan could even swear she heard groaning coming from right outside the window as well. Holes from a battle rifle was gouged into the far wall. And she could see Caboose, unharmed, trying to console a frightened Red.
"What is that Red guy doing here?" Tex asked angrily, a frown creasing her brow.
"Oh, do you mean the one outside?" Caboose asked, turning around, "He was coming to rescue...um, uh... mongooses, or something like that. Unless it was the rabbits. I am not sure. And then Church and the red guy started shooting and then they started screaming and then there was more shooting and more screaming and then-"
"All right, Caboose, I get it." Tex interjected quickly, knowing how the blue moron liked to go on and on pointlessly. She waved her sniper rifle over to the pink armored Spartan still cowering near the corner, "But what is HE doing here?"
"He?" The blue moron looked around, confused, before turning back to Tex, "He is not a he. She is a girl and she is VERY frightened. 'Cause Church wanted to shoot her and then Simmons didn't want to rescue her from the bunnies. And then the mongooses were here to-"
"I suddenly do not like this plan." Donut spoke up from his corner, edging away from the room, "So I'll just be on my way."
"Hey." Tex trained her sniper rifle on the Red, making him freeze, "What was the plan?"
Donut threw his hands up in the air, shaking his head as he stammered, "I-I don't even know what the plan was. We were just supposed to go over here and... uh... well..."
"Spit it out!"
"AAH! Uh, we were supposed to attack the base. That's what he said. PLEASE don't shoot me!"
"That's what who said?"
"Sarge!"
"Oh," the girl Spartan withdrew her rifle, slinging it over her shoulder as she replied with a sigh, "that OTHER Red idiot."
Donut blinked, unsure whether to be relieved or insulted. Hell, what was he thinking. Being alive took priority over everything else.
"Hey..." Church shifted in pain, "I need... a doctor."
Caboose knelt next to the whitish blue Spartan, speaking in a loud whisper, "Do NOT move, Church. We will get you some help."
"Does it LOOK like I'm moving do you, dumbass!"
Caboose flinched before adding, "You should not shout either, Church. There might be more mongooses around..."
"Oh, god why?" Church groaned aloud, "Why must I be stuck with such a moron."
"You're one to talk."
"What was that Tex?" Church growled.
"What are you, deaf as well as brain-deficient?" Tex growled back.
Donut looked from one blue to the other before deciding, "I guess I'll just be going now... Minding my own business..."
Church jerked his head in Donut's direction, eliciting a shout of pain, before he cursed, "Fuck. Just shoot him already!"
"Nooooooooo." Caboose exclaimed, "She is a girl. We should not shoot her."
Tex stared at Caboose. He stared at her. She stared back. Donut stared at him. Church, still filled with pain, glared. But Caboose, not knowing what else to do, just continued returning her stare.
After a while, she decided to say, "Caboose. I'M a girl. That Red over there is a guy decked out IN girly colors."
"Hey," Donut frowned, "It's not like I CHOSE to wear this color."
"Shoot him! Shoot him! SHOOT HIM!"
"HEY. Calm down, dirtbag." Tex replied, sparing a whithering glance for the wounded Blue.
"Whose side are you on, Tex?" Church asked, "And why is no one getting a medic?"
"Because the guy whose name I cannot pronounce is off being evil with Omally in his head." Caboose answered.
"Sarge is an exceptional doctor." Donut piped up, before memory of what happened with Simmons and Griff resurfaced, "...Sort of..."
"What? Ask for help from a RED? FUCK NO!" Church cried out angrily.
"Hey, you're not in much of a position to refuse." Tex pointed out.
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"AHHHHH! AHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHH!" A hysterical Griff continued to scream as he ran blindly through the canyon.
Sarge had found it amusing for the first half an hour, but soon it just got boring. With a sigh, he tossed the sniper rifle in favor of two pocketed needlers before reluctantly heading out of the base.
"AHHHH! AAAAHH!"
"Griff."
"AAAAHHH! AHHHH!"
"Griff!"
"Aaaahhh! AAaaahhh!"
"GRIFF!"
"Aaah! Aaa- yes?" The Red stopped running crazily in circles.
"What in the name of Blue Cheese happened to the god darn plan man!"
"Well we got in pretty easy 'cause one of the blue morons let us in then the crazy chick with the rifle showed up and we ran like girls- I mean we made a tactical retreat but then she freaked us out as she shot crazily and they started arguing like crazy which made me crazy and I ran and screamed and ran and-"
"Yeah, I saw all tha- I mean I got all that, Griff. Now what for the love of jerky happened to your teammates?" Sarge asked.
"Oh yeah, them. Well, uh... Seriously, I don't know." Griff shrugged, though he was not smart enough to stop the next words, "And truthfully, I don't much care."
He should've seen the blow coming, but was still surprised as he staggered from the whack to the back of his head, with Sarge berating, "Good god man. No wonder I knew you wouldn't make a good soldier! Idiotic, selfish, egotisti-"
"Hey Sarge." Donut greeted.
"Oh, hey, Donut." Sarge replied, interrupting himself and about to continue yelling at what he believed to be his worst recruit when he did a doubletake.
Behind Donut was the blue moron carrying Simmons and Church over each of his shoulders. Tex and Tucker had stopped slightly behind them.
"By Salami and all that is holy..." Sarge gaped, before glaring at the pink soldier, "DONUT! How could you lead the Blues straight to our base!"
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Haha, this is pointless. Pointless! I don't even know where the story's heading.