Mutants Make Good Cowboys
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "This Colombo...he pretends to be stupid, but really he's smart as a tack".
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ACT 13 - On the lone prairie
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We have moved to night time in the desert. Pietro and Forge have by some miracle managed to make a small fire, on which Pietro is roasting a lizard on a stick
"Just for the record", says Pietro, "...this is gross".
Pietro starts to eat the Lizard On A Stick (TM) heartily
"Y'know.", says Pietro, "..this isn't that bad, want some?"
He offers some to Forge who looks like he has grown two heads
"Err...I think I'll pass. I'm fine...not quite myself out here", Forge rolls his eyes, "...despite growing up in a desert...huh".
"Forge, we talked about this...", sighs Todd.
"Fine", Forge blinks, "...Pietro, there's a very large spider on your hand".
"Yeah, like I'm falling for that one!", snorts Pietro, "Hah".
"There, look!", says Forge, pointing.
Pietro looks and gives a whimper as a tarantula crawls on his hand
"Remember, you're supposed to be nonchalant about this...", says Todd.
"You be nonchalant when you have a huge spider crawling around on your hand!", snaps Pietro, taking a few calming breaths before giving his best nonchalant shrug he can, "He's just trying to get warm".
Pietro looks at the spider, then puts his hand on the ground, letting it wander off
"I swear I was THAT close to death", says Pietro.
"Wimp", says Forge, "How do you know so much about the desert anyway?".
"I lived out here as a boy", says Pietro, "Was raised by the Indians".
Dead. Silence
"Forge!", snaps Todd.
"We prefer the term 'Native American'", says Forge, "Naa móhe vo'êstane vé'keemahpe néxo'oma'ó'haehe?"
"...Tooooaaad", whines Pietro, "He's doing it again!".
"Forge, we are well aware that this chapter is very false with Pietro being raised by In..", starts Todd
"AHEM", says Forge
"...Native Americans", sighs Todd, "But YOU are supposed to be playing an English gentlemen, so just play the role so we can all go home, huh?".
"Fine", mutters Forge.
"And Todd Fan can't remember what you said now anyway", says Pietro.
Pietro checks through his notes quickly, then points at a wasp flying around the spider that had been on his hand
"Take a look at this, that's a desert wasp", he says, "on of the world's greatest hunters".
"...I know", says Forge
Pietro leafs through his notes again
"She'll kill the tarantula, and lay her eggs inside it so the babies have something to eat when they hatch", Pietro grimaces, "...ewe".
"...Now I'm really hungry. So, how did your parents, who I assume were Mutants, feel about you being raised by Native Americans?", Forge pauses, "...Wait, is this thing hinting there's something WRONG with that? If there is, I'm walking out, right now".
"No one is dissing your heritage, Forge", says Todd, then rolls his eyes, "Yeah, great idea Todd Fan, pick Forge to play in a Western, bravo!"
Do YOU want to be the next thing to be roasted on a stick?
"No, m'am!", squeaks Todd.
"Well, they didn't have too much to say about it. I was sent to another mutant plantation as a boy, ran away as soon as my legs were strong enough to take me", Pietro thinks, "...I think I was three".
"Did you ever see your family again?", asks Forge
"...Yeah they were at the camp in New York", says Pietro, "DUN DUN DUUUUUUN".
"We done with the dramatics now?", asks Forge, "I'll help you get him, Pie".
"Oh dear God, are we BONDING?", asks Pietro, horrified.
"I really, REALLY hope not", says Forge
"Let's sing campfire songs!", grins Todd.
We move to the next day, where Pietro and Forge are walking along, trying to head in the right direction of where Sam vanished. Forge is carrying his metal collar around as they walk
"You really have no idea where we're going", asks Forge, "...do you?".
"I know EXACTLY where we're going", says Pitero, "We're going to Bayville High. We'd be getting there a lot faster if you weren't dragging that thing around".
"A lot of scientific ingenuity and hard work went into the making of this", says Forge, "It'd be a shame to just throw it away".
"Plus, it's stuck to your metal arm", snickers Pietro.
"...That too", says Forge, "Besides, you never know when a high powered magnet can come in haaaaanndyy".
Forge is suddenly thrown to the ground and dragged through the desert by the collar, eventually clunking to a stop on a railroad hidden by sand
"Oww", says Forge
"Well, Forge, when you're right, you're right", smiles Pietro.
"Guthrie's private track", says Forge.
After a loooong walk, Forge and Pietro make it to Bayville High, where the Wanderer is parked, Forge gives the machine a pat
"This is not a mirage. This is real", he says, "And that..."
"Is Bayville High", says Pietro, "So Mr Plan Man, what now?"
"Not the Master of the Mechanical Stuff anymore, huh?", asks Forge
"That made you go crazy", shudders Pietro, "I won't call you THAT again"
"What do we have? We have intelligence", Forge pauses to consider, "...okay I have intelligence..."
"HEY!", snaps Pietro, "that's only partly true!"
"We have a sense of purpose. We have the element of surprise", says Forge, "So, what does Guthrie have?"
They walk to the edge of a cliff overlooking Bayville High to see the school has been transformed into a HUGE metal building, which machinery everywhere
"...Well...he has his own city", admits Forge
It is then the ground starts to shake and Sam and the girls rise up on a platform, luckily not seeing either Forge or Pietro. As the platform rises, we see it is the 'head' of a giant mechanical spider, which starts to move over the pair
"...He has an eighty foot tarantula", blinks Pietro.
"Yes", says Forge, "...well I was coming to that".
"Nice to see an invention that works", says Pietro.
"For your sake, I'll pretend I didn't hear that", says Forge, narrowing his eyes.
The final leg of the spider hits a clod of rock behind them, showering them in dirt before heading over to an area surrounded by huge rocks
"Look, he's trapped", says Forge, "that thing'll never get past those rocks".
The spider pauses, before a HUGE canon comes out of the front, shattering the rocks into nothingness before carrying on, on its merry way
"...I wanna go home", whimpers Pietro.
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You know what to do by now