AN HEROIC LOVE

Chapter Eight

Elladan's Tale Part Five

…And I did not sleep much that night, but only partly for the reason that I led Gilwen to believe. For it was that night that I finally came to the decision to be counted among the Secondborn.

I know you would have me choose differently. You have taught me rightly and well to hold elvendom high and I revere the part of me that is an elf. I am proud of my heritage, but as I walked the halls of Imladris that night, I was also proud of the part of me that is a man.

Elrohir and I have lived nearly 3000 years, much of it fighting the long wars with enemies of Light. Grandmother has even called it, "fighting the long defeat." But that is not what I saw in Imladris that day.

It was not a defeat for the free folk, but a victory. Hard won over many years, but in the end, purchased not solely by the elves, but by a hobbit and the blood and toil of the atani. They – we - rightly celebrated this victory over the shadow and we rejoiced in the renewal that abounds. I wished to be a part of this rebirth and peace, if only for a while.

You have taught me well, father. You taught me of Eru and the Valar and of their great love for all of their children. You told me that Illúvatar gave great gifts to both of the erusen. The gift of limited immortality to the elves and of the gift of the Doom of Men. You told me of your brother and his faith and how it was that men came to fear their gift and through it their eventual loss of nobility.

You also taught me that a remnant of your brother's folk remained – the faithful of Númenor and that you saw it for yourself in the countenance of Elendil. And I have seen it in the long line of Chieftains we have succored, most especially in our brother, the King. He was not afraid of death, as he proved by his acceptance of the Gift when it was his time.

As I looked into the face of fair Gilwen that night, I understood that while immortality in elvendom may rest in one being, the immortality of men rested in their children and the children's children. I saw the immortality of Elros and Elendil and all that came before in Gilwen's eyes and those of her, now my, kin.

I also heard it in the prayer of the Dúnedain. Even the elves do not live truly forever, father. It may be many ages before the world is remade, but you taught me that it would be – at the end. And the elves last only as long as Arda.

"To Númenor that was, to Elvenhome that is, and to that which is beyond Elvenhome and ever shall be."

Ever shall be, father. Ever shall be. We know not what lies beyond the circles of this world, but we do know that it ever shall be. And that Illúvatar gathers the Secondborn to Himself into that great eternity.

It is death to this world truly. But it is but a passage to another, is it not? This you taught me and this I believe.

I have often wondered why you lingered so long in Ennor. Especially after mother's attack, why did you not gather us all for the voyage West? You knew, as grandmother did, that it was a "long defeat" for the elves, and eventually it would be for men to renew and rebuild, yet you stayed. Why? To fight the Great Enemy? Why not leave men to determine their own fate?

I think I now know why. Your words may have told one tale, but your actions told another. You stayed for the love of Arda – for its peoples – yes, some of them elves, but also for your brother's heirs, and hobbits and even the dwarves. The whole of the free peoples needed your guidance, your wisdom. Was it not your counsel that ensured the Great Enemy's final defeat? And for whom? For the heirs of Middle-earth – the Secondborn. For Aragorn. For Arwen. For Elrohir and Gilwen. For me.

I love it also, father. And its peoples. I believe that I have now come into my true inheritance and now I see my children and their children along with those of Elrohir and Arwen strengthening the nobility and the one once proud tradition of the Men of Westernesse.

Did Elrohir's choice affect my own? How could it not? But it was only one of the considerations in my thought, as you see. And also yes, there was Gilwen. She was my match, father, and my long-awaited fae-mate. For those 3000 years I had not found what you found in our mother. I believe now that she was a gift to me and I wished to spare her the guilt and agony that plagued Aragorn for those many years. I wished to make my choice before even I asked permission to court her.

So it was that night, I took up the Star of the Dúnedain for my own, the one which I wore on the fields of Pelannor, and declared my choice before Eru and the Valar. They have blessed it, I think, for I have lived contentedly for these many years, and I have not had cause to regret it.

After it was done, I went to your rooms for the first time since your departure. I touched the things you touched and as I sat on the bed I pled for your understanding and forgiveness. The Valar know you have suffered enough and I can only hope that being with Mother and in Valinor have assuaged your pain.

Rest well Adar – and Naneth, for I am content and happy with the life I have chosen and I believe that I will see you again…

So engrossed was he in reading Elladan's account that Elrond had not realized that he had been weeping until teardrops fell on the letter. Quickly brushing them aside, Elrond re-read Elladan's letter, trying to find a flaw, something that would put to the lie Elladan's thoughts, but he found he could not. In actuality, Elrond admitted he was proud of the son he had raised.

Elladan's letter did bring to the fore many of Elrond's thoughts over the past many years. Especially those of his own choice and that of his brother. He discovered deep within himself many questions that he had yet to answer and felt somehow honored by Elladan's decisiveness and faith. Elrond was counted among the wisest of elves and many sought his counsel, but at this moment, all he could do was admire the wisdom and bravery of his son and wonder whether all that he had taught him was the truth that resided in his own heart.

Out of his roiling thoughts, Elrond grasped one small thread – he did not wish to live an eternity in doubt and pain. He could do nothing now to alter his children's choice, but the one thing he could do was begin to take the small steps necessary for his own healing and peace of mind.

Once this thought entered his mind, he found a new resolve and he vowed himself to a certain selfishness, at least for a while. He would find the answers he sought, both for himself and for the sake of Celebrían's happiness also.

Author's Note: Sorry for the short chapter. Elladan's Tale, to the extent it affects Elrond for the purpose of this story is now finished. Many readers/reviewers seem to like Elladan and Gilwen's story however and I have grown to like them a great deal as well. I am neither a proflific nor quick writer, but I have decided to continue Elladan and Gilwen's story after this one is finished. It will probably be more highly rated and may even be posted elsewhere for that reason. I will let you know in a future author's note. Thank you to all that have read and reviewed, especially Rozzan and redhered who have made marvelous comments and suggestions.

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