Title: The Joys of Marking
Author: Xiaolang's Ying Fa
Author's e-mail: ying fa sakura yahoo . com (without spaces and underscores between the words and an "at" sign before yahoo. Stupid wont let me put it up >.> )Category: (bad) Humor
Rating: PGSpoilers: To Be Safe, Up to PoA
Summary: The acts of Wizarding Homecoming. 'nuff said.
Disclaimer: I do not hold any claim to any of the characters portrayed in JKR's Harry Potter
Author's Notes: This is in result of homecoming that our school has this week. Its really not this bad…well, who am I kidding. If this is what resulted, you can better believe its this bad where I come from. Small squick!HarryDraco (only if you hate it and squint real hard), but it really is meant to be more funny than slash. So I didn't categorize it.
XxXThey'd all gone barking, raving mad, thought Hermione as she made her way into the Great Hall on one Monday morning, early in October.
People were decked out in their house colors and the number of the year they were graduating on—but that wasn't the most outrageous, no, not by far. People had spelled their hair, their skin, even their PETS to the color of their house! It was a good thing Crookstanks already resemble a rather light red color incase any one got any odd ideas (although it would have been rather funny to see a fat bright red rat running amuck if Scabbers was still around).
Some people had even CLAIMED other people. The upper years had younger years from other houses on leashes and collars, marked and mastered.
God. It looked like this year's theme was sodomy. Hermione refrained the urge to giggle quite scandalously.
It was then she remembered it was the week. The week in which all house festivities were blamed upon.
In a way, it was a whole lot like the Muggle Homecoming in High School. They had a Quidditch game at the end of the week, and small activities in the beginning and middle, something like a welcoming to the new year. Oh, and mustn't forget the dance at the end of the week. Although, instead of the Quidditch game being "home", they had all four houses match in the same night, and the winning two houses were rewarded by having the dance decked out in their colors. (It was almost undecidedly Slytherin and Gryffindor, though the thought was nearly as appalling as the Christmas dance itself)
Although, until the game, the students had to entertain themselves. Thus the odd colored skin, the arm candy, and the unbearable amount of marking going on. It seemed like it was this year's challenge was to 'mark' someone who was naturally and very evidently out of bounds, and off limits, for rather obvious reasons. Which meant, all the Slyherins were now open territory and up for immediate grabs. All years up to Four had been marked and claimed, mostly by the Gryffindor's, although, the most honor (and perverse smugness) would be if they were to claim the older years, or at least their same year. Half the Fifth Years had been marked but only a hand-full of Sixth and Seventh. Most Slytherin girls, as they were not really into sodomy considering their lack of anatomy, laughed and set up their fellow house-mates, grinning wildly as they were condemned to obediencey and whipped ownership. It was of the utmost amusement. If the facts weren't funny enough, Hermione laughed outright at seeing Pansy Parkinson's face scrunched up in laughter, her mouth frothing most unbecomingly.
Hermione sighed as she made her way to the Gryffindor table, sighing again as she noticed half her year held Slytherin-residing foot candy. Collared and humiliated. She sighed again, at least they were being fed.
She was only half appalled when she came across Harry and Ron. Her Harry and Ron. She couldn't believe they'd lower themselves to this! Then again…the sodomy part she could understand for Harry, but what was Ron doing in all this? She then took notice to where they happened to be staring and smirking wickedly at. The Slytherin table. No surprise, really, seeing as how most of Gryffindor had the same idea. Then she took a closer look, yep, just as she'd suspected. Another non-surprise actually. She sighed and sat in front of them, blocking their staring contest with the object of whom was about to become Weasley's and Potter's newest and first arm candy.
She almost felt bad for the ferret.
XTwo days later, and three more till the dance, saw Harry and Ron rethinking their strategy on accosting the object of their latest affections. Or rather, Harry's affection, and Ron's constant enmity. After nearly an hour of strategizing, they believed they'd had everything under control and perfect to a point.
Hermione just rolled her eyes and tried to pretend everything was still as it should be.
XWhen Hermione walked down to the Great Hall the next morning, she was hardly surprised at being almost knocked down by a running Draco Malfoy, clothes impeccably rumpled and red markings all over his face. "07! 07! Potter and Weasley Rule! 07! 07!" it read.
She hid her smile behind her hand as he looked at her, his silver eyes wide and scared, his mouth open and shaped as if to hex her, but instead he simply fled down the halls, not taking the time to look back.
It was to be an interesting day indeed.
XBy Thursday, nearly all the Sixth Years had been marked. It was down to a shameful two, everyone else having been claimed and as such now kneeling on the floor and being fed scraps. The two remaining Slytherins shuddered. They would never lower themselves to that.
Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy looked at each other in barely repressed fear.
"Stick together, hold out till the end?" Nott asked hopefully. Draco raised an eyebrow at him like he was crazy.
"Every man for himself." He said, and ran down the hallway. Nott sweatdropped, but knew better than to stick around while the Ravenclaws and even some Hufflepuffs were beginning to eye him almost hungrily.
XIn the Great Hall at lunchtime, Harry and Ron could be seen conversing in hushed tones and barely concealed glee. Hermione shuddered, not wanting to think of the many possible ways they could come up with in the capturing of one Draco Malfoy. She didn't have to wait long to find out though, because as said blond walked into the room, Harry and Ron attacked. Well, she supposed, attacked was a rather harsh word for what really happened. Harry pounced from his seat, right onto the blond in question, sending them both tumbling to the floor as Ron kneeled, grasping Malfoy's hands and pulling them over his head as Harry straddled the boy's lap, ceasing any movement beyond eye rolling.
Malfoy looked absolutely horrified.
Harry grinned wickedly and extricated a bright red glitter marker from his robe pocket. If it was possible, Malfoy looked even more frightened.
Harry, positively glowing with glee, began drawing all across the blond's face, causing him to absolutely howl and squirm so much Ron had to lie half-way across him just so Harry could draw a straight line.
When Malfoy began sprouting non-sense about "His Father!", and various Dark Magic hexes he would be most happy to test out of the both of them, they decided it was for the best to let up.
If anyone was surprised at the choice of the victim of the Potter/Weasley get together, they were even less surprised when Malfoy came into the Great Hall the next day blushing bright red (or was that the marker he couldn't get off?) chained to Weasley's hand and holding Potter's.
Hermione learned to accept these things as they came. Never question it, never wonder about it, and you might be able to get a nice ride from it, along with some pretty memorable pictures.