Disclaimer: Ok, you all know the stunt: I don't own anything here save for my twisted little mind, all right?

This is based on a wonderful mod HeX Coda by Stefan Gagne. Setting is his, characters are his; words are my own, but they are cheap and you can have them. You can have Delly as well… but I wouldn't recommend it. ;)

a note: Concerning the previous piece – the place is actually called AetherSlam! It's just that Justin calls it "Slum" instead. ;)

Temper-a-Mental

No, I don't dye my hair light pink! I was born with it, thank-you. Just like I'm a born sorceress. Yes, that's right – I'm born with magic in me. Sue me! …Huh, you would, wouldn't you? …Well, go right ahead! Go on, sue me! See what happens! I can fry your skinny ass off, you know…

What, threatening? Ha! Why the hex should I? No, the thing is, you can't sue me, kid – I'm authorized!

Huh? What, this? Agh… Damn! Yeah, it says "rejected" on my arm! Yeah, yeah, capital leathers, Cathedral official... grmf… the damned paint still didn't come off… sticking my hands wherever…

Eh? Open magic dangerous? You bet it is! Wanna see how much? ..Oh, forget it; I'm outta here!

& & & & &

Grmphufh… How low can you get? Arguing with stuck-up little brats… Go Hex Coders! Wo-fuckin'-hooo! What's next? Holding open panel discussions, maybe? Right. Lets all get together in peace and harmony, let's smile and shine and be reasonable and polite… and ridiculed and mocked and glared at while Davyd's trying to explain… Bah! Explain! Right! Yu can't explain anything to a bunch of idiots, dammit! How come only Lester and I saw that? Speaking of the bastard…

Oh, I forgive him bailing out the way he did… But I ain't forgiving not taking me along! That, he's gonna pay for! Oh yes! Mark my words! He gets out and now he gets all the fun and doing the real thing at last, and I get stuck with panel discussions and…and… Melee Maidens!

Melee Maidens… Huh. Trust the tall-asses to come up with something like that… and trust tall-asses to get hooked on it, too! Tall-asses and their smart-assed kids… Argh! I think I'll explode here! I think I'll... think I'll…

/SIZZzzz-pfssssSSSsss-POW/

…!

Ughhh… looks like I did burst there. Phuh… But it does feel good to let it out, you know. Let it out like this, I mean. Yeah., yeah, I know – I should control myself. Davyd just kept going on and on about it, form the day one. I can hear him now: "But Delly, you understand that control is blah, blah, yadda, yadda…" Auxcrap! It's all just bunch of auxcrap, Davyd! It! Ain't! Workin! Dammit!

Bah, but Davyd's never running out of explanations… incoherent as they tend to be most of the time. Well… Why the hex should I control myself, huh Davyd? Oh, sure, you can take the snickers – shove your gnomish nose deep enough into your precious research and you won't even hear them. Well I do! And I'm sick of them! And what I'm sick of, I sizzle-fry! Yes, that's right! It's my magic! Mine, you hear me? My own! It's my blood, it's my strength and I'm damn well gonna use it, all right! …Just like dad did.

Eh, dad… Dear ol' dad… "Closet wizard"…Yeesh! Whoever came up with that stupid term, I wonder? Hmph… one of the tall-asses, I bet. Well, first of all, he was not a wizard! He was a sorcerer! Like me! And second, there was no closet that would last a day and a half with him around.

So daddy dear was a sorcerer, all right? And yes, Merin, you moron, he too had a family to feed! Only he wasn't hiding in a closet about it, ya know! And he didn't throw his hand in with the Cathedral either!Hex, ya think he'd take it from them like you did? No way! Not dad! Ha!

And it's people like you, halflings like you that give us bad rep, Merin, not me! Yeah, that's right! You! As long as those like you just take it and the rest go growing crops we'll all be bleedin' cabbage-folk… and get half a glass of booze for a full price!

Cabbage! Argh!

Well… I'll give ya cabbage, all right! Flaming cabbage! Yup! Just like dad did… Until one day some tall-ass smart-fuck told him he ain't a closet-wizard but a cupboard one! Like… why waste a whole closet when he'd fit in a cupboard just fine… Ugh! Just the kind of thing you'd expect a tall-ass to think funny.

Well… it's the smart-tall-ass who's growing cabbage now… Splattered across the field and fertilizing the soil! Hah!

Of course, next thing you know dad's got a half a dozen Corp wizards on his ass. Half an hour later, four out of six are also cabbage fertilizers and dad's a nice, crispy stain on the ground…

Oh, but he went out with a bang! Just like he should have… Just the way he wanted it.

Eh? What do I got from it now? Well, to begin with, I had a great dad! And to end with, I have more magic on my 3-foot-something frame than the Corps have in five 12-feet-top-secret bookshelves over there! That's what I got! And you know what else? I never planted single crop in my whole, hex-damned life! Only thing I ever planted were my elbows into some smart-tall-assed groins… Yeah, and that frying pan in Daniel's face the other day.

No, I'm still not on speaking terms with that asshole. And no, I don't plan to be, either! No… letters of apology ain't gonna cut it. No, a box-full of sweets, either. Yes, of course I had to climb on the chair first! How else do you think I could reach his damned head? And he's only lucky I didn't aim for the closest thing in my sight, ya know…

No! I ain't sorry! That asshole had it coming! And he knew it damn well, too! What, you think I wouldn't know what he meant with that card? Halflings and frying pans! People! How cliché do you get? Well, you want a cliché, Daniel? Here it is! And be grateful I didn't heat it first!

…See? I do control myself after all.

What? What'd I do with it? I'm keeping it in my room as a trophy. Yeah, that's right – I've a frying pan with Daniel's face imprinted on it. And it's priceless, too – For once that muzzle of his ain't looking smug on it!

Pandy and Miranda? Frying pan for them? Nah, why would I? They didn't piss me off… yet. Pandy - she's just too busy being Pandy, you know. And Miranda? Well… she trashes things with a warblade and I trash them with magic – We get along just fine there.

Huh? Who? Six? Don't even mention miss whiny-pants in my presence! I might fry something again. Grrrr…. Stuck-up buttoned-up whine-cry cute-shy proper-manners sad-story no-spine purple-hair SISSY-ASS! And they call that CUTE? AGRH! Oh, I'm gonna turn her into a snail one day! Just you watch! Spineless purple little snail… and I doubt anyone would even notice the difference.

No, I'm not going to wack her with a frying pan. No, Davyd neither. Then why do I - what? Why do I hold… Oh, this frying pan, you mean? You really wanna know? Fine, I'll tell you then.

This one – I'm saving for Lester!