Against Instinct

Chapter 2 - To Be Continued

Summary: Going against your instincts, is not human nature. But it could change your life forever.

Dedicated to: This is for everyone who's asked for a chapter 2. This particular burst of inspiration is Selina's fault. And Brain! Thankyou for your input and for believing in me!

Disclaimer: Amy Sherman Palladino's unfortunately.

Rory stood outside Luke's diner for what seemed like hours, but for as long as she stood there, something seemed to keep her from making the few steps through the door. The three days since the Stars Hollow High prom hadn't been nearly enough to comprehend the events surrounding it. Every time she thought about the idea that Jess may not have come back, she doubted their relationship just a little bit more. It only took Jess a millisecond to decide to come back to town and at the same time change her future. What right did he have to do that? And what made him leave in the first place? Too many questions unanswered and too little confidence in their bond, in Jess to ask them.

"You goin' in Sweetie?" Babette asked hoarsely, with a wide smile. Rory jumped, shaken from her thoughts.

"Uh, not yet Babette. I'm just… Deciding whether I actually want coffee." She lied.

"Poppycock! I've known you since you moved to town and for about as long as that, it's never taken you more than a second to say 'yes' to coffee." Babette cocked her head to the side slightly, with a look of sympathy plastered on her face. "He's not in there Doll, I just passed him on Plum Street."

"Who?" Rory feigned ignorance. However, Babette knew better. She patted Rory's shoulder and stepped around her to enter the diner.

Rory sighed. He was the reason she had been putting off going in. But because she thought he'd be in there. Now she'd decided not to go in because he wasn't. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and shivered. There was only one way to find out exactly where she stood and only one person she could find out from. With that thought in mind she turned on her heel and headed towards Plum Street.

From a distance Jess's bent form looked fragile, broken almost. But Rory knew better than that. Jess was tough like week old pizza, perhaps not the most enjoyable and probably best off discarded, but the idea that maybe it'll be better than it seems keeps anyone from throwing it away.

As she approached him on the bridge, Jess didn't look up. He pretty much knew what was coming and he hadn't the faintest idea as to how he was going to deal with it. How does one give reason to leaving without a word, with no intention of coming back? If Rory was any kind of reasonable person she'd get rid of him faster than he could care to think about. He caught the waft of her perfume as she sat down next to him. It was a smell he'd always associated with Rory. Kind of vanilla-y, with an almost sour hint to it.

"Hey." Rory spoke, her voice small and new sounding.

"Hey." Jess turned to look at her.

"What are you reading'?" Rory didn't want to approach the subject straight away. As stupid as it sounded, she wanted things to be normal for a few minutes. She wanted to pretend for a while that Jess had never left, but had still gone to the prom with her. And that as far as the universe was concerned, all was well and happy and they all lived happily ever after. But Rory wasn't an idiot. She wasn't blinded by the inability to see what was really going on. She just wanted life to be simple for a minute.

"Rory I'm sorry. I can't tell you why I left, 'cause sometimes I don't even think I know. I wish I was the kind of guy you need me to be, but I'm just not." He sighed; he didn't want to say what came next.

"I don't want you to be any kind of guy. I want you to be you. I want you to talk to me, because I'll listen to you, I'll understand and because I'm not a mind reader. I want you to trust me the way you trust yourself." The pitch in her voice rose as she tried to persuade Jess out of the inevitable.

"I do not trust myself Rory. And you shouldn't either. I think…" He took a deep breath and looked away. "I think you need to not be tied up with me for a while. I'm not good for you. I think we both need to sort ourselves out. You need to think about whether or not you actually want to be with me."

"Look at me." Rory demanded. "Look at me and tell me you don't want to be with me."

"I never… I…" He looked away from his worn Vans to Rory's tear-streaked face. "Don't cry."

"Tell me to my face. Don't look away like some sort of coward." Almost screaming at Jess now, Rory wiped her eyes with her fingers.

He took her left hand in his right, feeling the wet of her tears on her smooth skin that hadn't yet dried.
"I can't." He stared intently into her eyes. "You know I can't."
More tears sprang from her eyes and he could see himself mirrored in the two blue pools that showed him so much pain, it almost killed him. At that moment he wished for nothing more than just drown in them. No more pain. He imagined tumbling down fast like a heavy stone, pressing out any air left in his lungs and being unable to breathe in again. But somehow he rose to the surface. Jess took a shaky breath.
He slowly put his left hand on her cheek, feeling more wetness. "Please don't cry. Don't shed anymore tears for me." Jess sank a little further into himself. He didn't want to hurt her. That's why he'd gone away in the first place, but by coming back, he'd succeeded to hurt her even so.

Her hand slipped from his as she got to her feet. Before rising to walk away, Jess felt Rory's hands on his face. Gently, almost as if she was scared he would pull away, she pressed her warm lips to his. She wanted to savour every second of their last kiss. She wanted to imprint the memory of it in her mind so she would never forget. She wanted to give one last attempt to change Jess's mind. Pulling away, Rory's tear glazed eyes glistened in the afternoon sun.

"I just wanted to remember." She rose to her full height and began the long walk out of Jess's life. He watched as she walked gracefully. He had to make himself right before he could make anything else right, but he had a feeling his relationship with Rory was far from over and he'd do anything it took to get back what they had.

Rory closed the door to her room and locked it behind her. Leaning against it, she slid to the floor and allowed the tears to flow freely. She'd been fighting them for the entire journey home and she couldn't hold them in any longer.

She truly loved Jess. She'd never said it and never really implied it, but it was true. Anything she'd ever felt for Dean was nothing compared to everything she currently felt for Jess. She had no idea what had come over him, and she knew it would be a long time before she found out, but something inside her didn't feel like this was the end for them. Something inside of her definitely said to be continued