"Well," said McGonagall as she locked the doors of Hogwarts for the last time and wiped a tear from her eye. "I guess this is it. The end."

Professor Sinistra nodded sadly. "I know. And to think I never even received a decent part in any of the books! I was just the pathetic background character."

The inner McGonagall was laughing—it was great to have roles when no one else got them-- but on the outside the pretended to sympathize with Sinistra. "I'm sorry. But now you can travel to the United States and maybe get a walk-in cameo on an episode of Will and Grace."

Sinistra visibly brightened. "That's true! They'll recognize anyone on Will and Grace!Oh, if only Jack were straight!"

McGonagall gasped. She, too, secretly wanted Jack! Even more than she had wanted Chandler on Friends. Or even Martin on Frasier. Well, that would have to wait. If Sinistra could get a cameo on Will and Grace, she, Professor Minerva McGonagall, certainly could. Besides, there were more important things to take care of.

"Well, go get the role and your fifteen minutes of fame. Maybe they'll let you on Hollywood Squares. Think of me when you're famous! Bye!" And she shoved Sinistra away from Hogwarts property.

There. That took care of all the teachers. And students. Except for the girls out on the island in the middle of the lake, but who cared about them? And now she had Hogwarts all to herself. She took a moment to laugh evilly. This would be where she would rendezvous with Severus Snape. No, they did not work for Voldemort. In fact, they were very much against Voldemort and the many mean and naughty things that he did. But it was they, she and Snape, who had plotted, schemed, and conspired against Albus Dumbledore for countless years now.

In fact, it had been her idea to have Snape kill him. Not that Snape hadn't whole-heartedly liked that idea. But she was the genius. Snape was but a lackey.

And now that all students and faculty were gone, she could reenter Hogwarts, go through Dumbledore's office (Snape had secured a way in there) and steal Albus' Famous Chewy-Chocolate-Almond-Fudge-Chocolate Chip cookie recipe! And transform Hogwarts into not only a giant bakery but the foundation of a multi-million-galleon international conglomerate corporation that snuffed out all small-time cookie makers! McGonagall took a moment to laugh evilly before unlocking the door and stepping back into Hogwarts.

Unfortunately, she wasn't alone.

Just inside the door was Luna Lovegood wielding a mysterious hairdryer of enchanted and legendary origin, and Pansy Parkinson and Lavender Brown conducting a séance. They all stared at McGonagall in horror.

"Gasp!" said McGonagall. "You weren't reading my thoughts about having Professor Dumbledore killed as a way to clear everyone out of Hogwarts so I might still Albus' FamousChewy-Chocolate-Almond-Fudge-Chocolate Chip cookie recipe and transform Hogwarts into not only a giant bakery but the foundation of a multi-million-galleon international conglomerate corporation that snuffed out all small-time cookie makers!"

"Well, now we know all about it," Pansy said. "Moron."

McGonagall pulled out her wand. "Avada—"

But she wasn't able to finish the killing curse. For the hairdryer activated the séance, and out popped the spirits of Fleur, Ginny, and Padma—in all their ghostly power.

"You cannot kill them while we stand in your way!" Ginny declared. "For in the reality of death we have put away our differences and our shared love for Neville Longbottom, and we will protect one another!"

"Yes!" called another voice. In shock, everyone looked up to see the Sexy Hot Supernatural Chicks hovering above them. "They may be three ghosts and two mortals and we may be far superior supernatural creatures, but we share the mystical bonds of sisterhood!"

"Did you say all of that in perfect unison?" McGonagall asked.

Cho the Vampire, Hermione the Zombie, and Parvati the Will-o-Whisp all looked at each other, then nodded once more in unison. "Yes."

"We've been practicing," Hermione added. "Makes us even more creepy."

"Well, practicing is always important when learning something." McGonagall once more brandished her wand. "But no matter what you are, I will get that cookie recipe!"

"But we already decided to take over Hogwarts!" Luna declared. "The recipe is ours!"

"And you will pay for helping to kill a nice old man like Dumbledore!" shouted the ghost of Padma.

Everyone stared at her.

She blushed a ghostly blush. "Oh, yes. I forgot we don't like him."

And the girls all began to throw nail polish at McGonagall. And old N'Sync pins. And old N'sync CDs.

But it wasn't long before they ran out of stuff.

Just then, however, the door flew open, and in ran…

Everyone gasped.

It was Neville Longbottom, with his shirt OFF, and the rest of his clothing a glorious Rambo-style. He was even carrying a grenade.

"Neville!" the girls all cried. And their temporary sisterhood was lost.

"Never fear, ladies!" Neville shouted, pulling the pin and throwing the grenade at McGonagall and killing her forever. "I have finally grown out of my awkward shy boy stage, and I've decided that there is enough Neville to go around! And if not, we can all move to Southern Utah and become polygamists!"

There was much rejoicing.

And thus was Hogwarts taken over—not turned into a cookie factory, but a place to hang out at until they all became bored and left. When Snape arrived, they all broke into Dumbledore's office, found his cookie recipe, made cookies, and had one huge party.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End!