Hey people! Well I have classes and I'll have to study the rest of the week so ill be swamped. But don't worry. Ill continue to churn out the goods. And before I forget, am I the only one getting pissed at the fact that I cant get hypins on this thing? (you know, those dashs… the straight line). Seto's Sister! Glad you enjoyed the 2nd Episode. I hope I don't let u down with this next one! Everyone enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Survivor, nor any of the songs I'm using in this fan fic. They all have very caring owners that they belong to!
Cameras fade in as Jeff Probst is seen…
Jeff: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for tuning in for tonight's show. If u saw last week's installment, you'll know that Tea Gardner was voted off the island… but to everyone's surprise, she just disappeared afterwards! We'll keep you updated on this situation… but until then… CUE THE INTRO….
Joey Wheeler walks by and places his hand on Jeff's shoulder.
Joey: It's a fuckin' tragedy…
Jeff: It sure is…
Joey: I hope… shes… (snickers) found…. (covers his mouth to keep from laughing) SOON!
Joey takes off running, followed by hysterical laughter heard from off the cameras
Jeff: Poor Joey… HIT IT BOYS!
16 Duelists have gathered on a deserted island to claim 3 Million Dollars and a butt-load of rare cards… now only 14 remain… who will be the next to go? Find out today on…
Survivor: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast
Yu-Gi-Oh! Style!
(CAMERA TIME)
Rex Raptor : Gazonga Tribe
Rex: Ok, ive been on this Island for a week now! This is like Duelist Kingdom all over again! I mean, we've got Kaiba Mini-Manor, gourmet food, entertainment, but we lack one thing… GIRLS! How the FUCK did Yugi's tribe end up with all the girls, and our tribe is nothing but a huge sausage fest? I cant deal with this shit! Whatever this next Immunity Challenge is had better involve me and lots and lots of hot, naked asian girls! …. Ok, im gonna go now…
Location: Pootietang Tribe : 2:23pm
(CAMERA TIME)
Mai Valentine : Pootietang Tribe
Mai: OK, this whole thing is getting completely out of hand! I am running out of make up, all my boots are getting scuffed from this sand, and Joey and Tristan fight like a couple of 6 year old girls…
The scene cuts to Joey sitting outside on a bench, listening to his portable CD player, when Tristan storms up to him.
Joey: (Singing)
If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way?
(In a high pitch voice) Hey, must be the monaay!
If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way?
(in a high pitch voice) Hey, must be the monaay!
Tristan: (Snatching the headphone off Joey's head) YOU USED MY FUCKIN' TOOTHBRUSH, DIDN'T YOU!
Joey: WHAT THE FUCK MAN? I did NOT use your toothbrush!
Tristan: (Shoving the toothbrush in Joey's face) Yes you did bitch! Here, feel this shit! Its WET!
Joey: What the fuck is wrong with you, dude! I ain't touchin that shit!
Tristan: I SAID FEEL IT!
Joey: BITCH!
Joey slaps the toothbrush out of Tristan's hand, and it flies a few yards and lands inside a halfway full bucket of liquid that has a sign hanging over it that says, "URINAL"
Tristan: NICE GOIN, YOU STUPID KANGAROO MOLESTER!
Joey: ANAL CRUSADER!
Tristan: NEEDLEDICK!
Joey: least I can get mine up, with your monthly subscription to VIAGRA!
Tristan: (teary eyed) OH YEAH! OH YEAH! WELL…. uh… SERENITY'S A SLUT!
Joey: …
Tristan: YEAH, I SAID IT!
Joey: ILL KILL YOUR ASS!
Joey dives at Tristan, and the two of them are on the ground in a gruesome brawl. Security guards enter from all sides of the island and pulls the two apart. Each one still trying to break through all the security to get at each other.
Joey: ILL FUCK YOU UP TRISTAN! ILL FUCK YOU UP!
Tristan: (pointing at Joey behind a group of security guards) YOU AINT GONNA DO SHIT, MAMA'S BOY!
Joey: Muthafucka, you just don't know when to….
Joey bulldozed his way through all of the security guards and speared Tristan to the ground, whaling on him the whole time. Tristan bucked Joey off then got on top of him and started ramming his head into the ground.
Tristan: (Speaking with each slam) YOU (SLAM!) LIKE (SLAM!) THAT (SLAM!) BITCH! (SLAM!)
The security guards regrouped and separated the boys again, but as Joey was being dragged off, He delivered a swift kick right to Tristan's stomach.
The scene cuts back to Mai's Camera Time
Mai: It fuckin looked like the WWE out there! I mean, it seriously took ALL of CBS security to separate those two! Luckily Yugi was able to talk some sense into the two of them.
The scene shifts to Yugi's hut. Yami Yugi is walking back and forth with his hands behind his back, then turns to Joey and Tristan, who are sitting down on wicker baskets turned upside down. Tristan has an icepack over his right eye and a fat lip. Joey has a wad of tissue stuffed up his nose and an icepack in between his legs to ease the pain off his no-no's.
Yami Yugi: Look at you two… fighting like a couple of children over a fuckin toothbrush!
Tristan: BUT IT WAS AN ORAL-B TOOTH…
Yami Yugi: I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT TRISTAN! Now I don't know who started this fight or why it started, but…
Joey: He called my sister a slut!
Yami Yugi: I SAID I DON'T WANNA FUCKIN HEAR IT! WERE SUSPOSED TO BE A TEAM ON THIS ISLAND, AND I WILL NOT SUFFER A LOSS TO THAT BOX-HEADED KAIBA! IVE NEVER LOST TO THAT BITCH AND I NEVER WILL! Now I want you both to shake hands, look each other in the eyes and say, "… I love you, man!"
Joey and Tristan: Hell no!
Yami Yugi: (holding up his Millennium Puzzle) Do you WANT to go to the Shadow Realm? Because I will send you there… Slifer help me, I will send you to the fuckin Shadow Realm so fast your heads'll spin!
Joey and Tristan: (sighs)
The two of them grab hands and stares each other in the eyes
Joey and Tristan: … I love you, man.
Suddenly, the sound of something falling over outside was heard, followed by the sound of footsteps at a fast pace getting quieter… obviously someone running away.
Joey: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
(CAMERA TIME)
Duke Devlin : Pootietang Tribe
Duke: (holding up a pocket recorder) fuckin priceless is all I have to say! (presses play on the recorder)
Joey and Tristan: … I love you, man.
Duke: Damn… im gonna make BANK off this shit!
Location : Gazonga Tribe : 3:35pm
Seto Kaiba is outside his mansion, drawing in the sand with a stick his next big idea to kill Yugi
Kaiba: ok, Yugi will be too busy focusing on the Immunity Challenge, so if I can somehow hide the laser blaster in the bushes, but have it pointed upwards, ill nail him in his crooked ass head!
Mako Tsunami comes up wearing an Armani suit and a Sherlock Holmes hat on his head. Kaiba looks up and shakes his head.
Kaiba: What the FUCK are you susposed to be!
Mako: Sherlock Mako at your service! Im investigating the disappearance of Tea Gardner. I think YOU had something to do with it!
Kaiba: I WAS gonna use that big breasted bitch to lure Yugi into a deathmatch, but her disappearance shot that idea up in smoke. Now get the hell off of our property before I call security on your fruity ass!
Mako: Fruity! GREAT IDEA MY GOOD MAN!
Mako walks across Kaiba's sand scribbling, messing it all up, then takes a seat next to him on the log and pulls out a bottle full of Fruit Punch and starts drinking.
Kaiba: AAAAHHH! YOU IGNORANT FUCK! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY PLANS!
Mako is chugging away
Kaiba: … of course… that fuckin Yugi…
Kaiba storms off the camera and is heading toward the Pootietang Tribe Campsite. The producer tries his best to stop him
Producer: Seto! Hey Seto! You're not allowed on Pootietang property!
Kaiba, paying no attention to the man, positions his arm across his body and swings, slapping the Producer out of sight. He approaches Yugi's hut.
Kaiba: YUGI! GET YOUR SCRAWNY ASS OUT HERE! NOW!
Yami Yugi opens the door and gives Kaiba his trademark smirk.
Kaiba: Wipe that stupid ass look off your face! Why did you send that nutcase to my campsite!
Yami Yugi: I think your ass has been in the sun for too long
Kaiba: (puts on, then activates his Duel Disk) I don't know why you sent that crazy ass fisherman over to my hut, but if u wanted to truly piss me off beyond belief, you did a damn good job of it! Now lets duel!
Yami Yugi: You mean Mako? I haven't seen him all day! Look, I have an Immunity challenge to get ready for. But hey, I made this for you!
Yami tosses a package to Kaiba as he closes the door to his hut. Seto as opens the package, his face turned bright ass red. It was a light pink shirt with the words, "YUGI'S BITCH" in big, bold letters in the front.
Kaiba: YUGIIIIIII! I AM GONNA SLAP YOU IN THE MOUTH SO FUCKIN HARD YOU'LL HAVE TO SHOVE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH UP YOUR ASS TO BRUSH YOUR YELLOW ASS TEETH!
Soon, Yugi's door opens again, but he has his trademark blue jacket closed.
Yami Yugi: BOY IT SURE DOES GET HOT ON THIS ISLAND! I THINK I NEED TO TAKE THIS HOT, HOT JACKET OFF!
Yami unzips his jacket and takes it off, revealing a shirt that says, "KAIBA'S DADDY" in big, bold letters
Kaiba: OH YOU BITCH! YOU MONKEY ASS BITCH!
Kaiba charges the hut, but security takes grabs him and takes him back to the Gazonga Campsite.
Yugi: SEE YOU AT THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE, SETO!
(CAMERA TIME)
Seto Kaiba : Gazonga Tribe Leader
Kaiba: Yugi thinks he's SO fuckin funny with that shirt! Well ill show him when we whoop that ass at the next Immunity Challenge!
Location: Gazonga Tribe : 4:56pm
Inside the Mansion, Rex Raptor is on the phone talking to some girl, while Odion plays a board game with Mokuba.
Rex: ... so yeah, u think u can come to this island? Theres NO girls in my tribe!
Girl: like, I don't know… who did you say you were again?
Rex: Rex Raptor… Runner up in the Japan Regional Duel Monsters competiton!
Girl: Oh my god! I LOVE DUELISTS! THEYRE SO AWESOME! Especially Yugi Muto and Seto Kaiba! They're SOO hot! And Joey Wheeler too!
Rex: (groans)
Girl: Wait… your not the bug guy are you?
Rex: NO! FUCK NO! I SAID I'M THE DINO DUELIST!
Girl: oohh, ok.. cuz that guy freaks me out! He's sooo stupid
Rex: Try living with him… so, think I can come see you?
Girl: ok… you sound pretty cute anyways
Rex: (quietly) YES! YES! YES!
Girl: My address is…
(Call was cut.)
Rex: NO! NO! FOR THE LOVE OF OBELISK, NOOOOO!
Mokuba: Hey, shut up, Raptor! Were trying to play here!
(CAMERA TIME)
Odion : Gazonga Tribe
Odion : I asked this once already… and now I'll ask it again… how the FUCK did I get stuck babysitting this kid? Were sitting over here playing Destiny Board Traveler for cryin' out loud! I mean, it was fun the first 30 minutes, but this game went on for 6 hours… 6 HOURS!
Weevil enters the room while Rex is pounding his head off the keyboard of the computer.
Weevil: You've been on all day! Get up so I can check my email.
Rex: Fuck you! I'm not movin' til I get laid
Weevil: Here's an idea… go in the bathroom and spank your Mini-zowler
Rex: (jumps up from the computer) He's a MEGAZOWLER!
Weevil: I know what the card is called! Im talking about your…
Rex: I wasn't talking about the card either, Weevil Underwear!
Weevil: What was that?
Weevil snatches Rex's beanie off his head and takes off running with it. Rex jumps up and chases him through the mansion angrily. They run through the kitchen and almost runs into Marik, who's walking to the living room with a big ass sandwich and a glass of grape soda.
Marik: Hey, what grade are you fuckers in? Runnin though the motherfuckin house like your 4 year olds! (looks at the clock) Shit! The Sublime concert is about to come on!
The chase goes outside, where Kaiba is drawing blueprints on a log. Weevil runs by and jumps on the log, not seeing Kaiba there. Kaiba Is now level 20 pissed. Weevil dangles the beanie over Rex's head.
Rex: (jumping up for his hat) give me my fuckin hat, you dung beetle!
Weevil: Come on, do a flip for it! (Continues to dangle the hat) (singing)
Flip, Flip, Flip, Flip! GAME OVER!
Weevil is suddenly pushed off the log and lands on top of Rex. They both look up to see Kaiba activating his Duel Disk.
Kaiba: You assholes picked the WRONG Duelist to fuck with! I USE POLYMERIZATION TO FUSE MY THREE BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGONS, TO FORM BLUE-EYES ULTIMATE DRAGON! THEN I USE DRAGON TREASURE TO INCREASE MY BLUE-EYES' ATTACK POWER!
BLUE-EYES ULTIMATE DRAGON : 5000
Weevil and Rex: … ooohh fuck me…
The cameras zoom out as a huge explosion is heard across the island. Scene cuts quickly to the Pootietang Tribe, where Duke and Bakura are being Interigated by Mako
Duke: What the fuck was that!
Bakura: No Clue
Mako: OK, no changing the subject! Where were you two the night Tea was voted off?
Duke: Fuckin walkin back to camp with your nutty ass!
Bakura suddenly stands up and points to the ocean.
Bakura: Mako, look! A DOLPHIN IS CAUGHT IN A FISHING NET!
Mako: WHAT? HANG ON FRIEND! ILL SAVE YOU!
Mako tears off his suit and runs towards the ocean and starts swimming like a madman. Bakura and Duke both have the classic anime sweat drop hanging from their heads.
Bakura: I cant believe that worked…
Duke: I cant believe homeboy ran into that cold ass water in just his boxers…
Location: Domino Pier : 8:30pm : IMMUNITY CHALLENGE! WOOO!
Jeff: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen! Behold, the beautiful island where our duelists are currently dwelling! Today's Immunity Challenge puts their skills to the test as we find out just what they learned living on an island. (points up to the sky) Our Survivor Chooper is currently roaming the skies around the island. Our survivors has to somehow signal the chopper to land at their campsite. The flashiest signal wins the Immunity! When they see the flare, the challenge begins!
Jeff pulls out a flare gun and fires it upwards
Gazonga Tribe
Kaiba: Ready?
Rex and Weevil are standing there, clothes singed and burned in some places from the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon
Mokuba: Ready big brother!
Kaiba: NOW ODION!
Odion throws a gas bomb and it explodes, leaking out gasoline. Kaiba, Odion, Rex, Weevil, Marik, and Bonz takes off running. Mokuba however, stood there and bent over.
Mokuba: FIRE IN THE HOLE!
Mokuba farts, and huge explosion is heard and scene, but the helicopter kept flying. Mokuba stood there, charred from the explosion. The Gazongas poked their heads out from the brush.
Weevil: I knew that shit wasn't gonna work!
Bonz: (Looking upwards) Guys, look!
Everyone watches as the plane comes in for a landing, but not in the Gazonga Tribe helipad, but in the Pootietang area!
Kaiba: Not again… NOT AGAIN! SON OF AN ASS!
The scene cuts back to Jeff Probst back on Domino Pier
Jeff: And the Pootietang Tribe wins! Lets see how they did it!
The scene cuts to a high tree in the Pootietang area with Mai at the very top… topless! The pilot saw that and instantly landed. Mai climbs back down, putting her top and jacket back on.
(CAMERA TIME)
Mai Valentine : Pootietang Tribe
Mai: Sorry boys, but the goodies stay in the jar!
Location: Tribal Meeting Grounds : 10:21pm
Jeff: well well well, look whos back!
Rex: Shut up, Probst!
Jeff: Go blow Espa Roba, Raptor!
Rex: What bitch! What are you, Michael Jackson? You wanna be startin' somethin'?
Jeff: (choosing to ignore Rex's stupid ass comeback) OK, you all know the drill. Get to voting!
And so, the votes were written, then tallied. Jeff proceeds to reading off the votes
Jeff: One for Weevil…. Two for Weevil… three for Weevil… hmmm, all the votes are the same. Weevil, bring me your torch.
Weevil pouts and makes a pissed off face at Rex, who is laughing at him and flipping him off. Weevil takes his torch and hands it to Jeff.
Jeff: Weevil, the tribe has spoken. Hit the bricks. Your out! Security will escort you off the island so we don't have another Tea incident on our hands.
CBS Security comes and tries to guide Weevil away, but he pulls his arm back.
Weevil: TAKE YOUR FUCKIN HANDS OFF ME! I MAY HAVE GOTTEN VOTED OFF, BUT IM STILL WEEVIL UNDERWOOD! BUG DUELIST EXTRODINAIRE!
Rex: (Shouting) MORE LIKE WEEVIL HAS-NO-WOOD! HAHAHAHAHA!
Weevil: YOU RAT BASTARD!
Weevil tried charging at Rex, but was caught by security and escorted off the island.
Jeff: ok Gazongas… back to your campsite and rest up! You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow!
(CAMERA TIME)
Seto Kaiba: Gazonga Tribe Leader
Kaiba: Now were 2 people short! That fuckin Yugi is ahead of me! Well no problem… because tomorrow, he's mine! And that I promise! I know I said that already and I meant it, but this time, I MEAN IT, mean it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kaiba stops in mid laughter as he notices a stage-hand walking around with a "Kaiba's Daddy" shirt on.
Kaiba: YOU ASSHOLE! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SHIRT?
Stagehand: (shrieks) Y-Y-Yugi gave it to me!
Kaiba: Son of a…
Kaiba runs off camera and the sounds of a serious beatdown is heard as Kaiba beats the high holy shit out of the stage hand.
We are down to 13 Duelists people! What's Kaiba's big plan this time? Whats in store for our Survivors! Find out next time on Survivor: Yu-Gi-Oh! Style!
Ok people, I know this was a boring chapter, but I'm having some serious writer's block already… what with classes about to start up again. Don't worry though… next chapter will be BETTER! I promise! Ill update inbetween class and homework! But in the meantime, please review and don't be too harsh.. : - )