Where You Lead
Chapter 3 - Who Are You
A/N: Hey y'all. Thanks for reading! Keep R and R-ing!
Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and The Who.
I woke up in a Soho doorway
The policeman knew my name
He said, "You can go sleep at home tonight
If you can get up and walk away"
I staggered back to the underground
The breeze blew back my hair
I remembered throwing punches around
And preachin' from my chair
Who are you
Hu hu hu hu
Who are you
Hu hu hu hu
I took the tube back out of town
Home to the rolling pin
I felt a little like a dying clown
But with a streak of Rin Tin Tin
I stretched back and I hiccupped
Looked back on my busy day
Eleven hours in the tin pan
God there's got to be another way
Who are you
Hu hu hu hu
Who are you
Hu hu hu hu
There's a place where I know you walked
The love falls from the trees
My heart is like a broken cup
I only feel right on my knees
I spill out like a sewer hole
Yet still receive your kiss
How can I measure up to anyone new
After such a love as this
Who are you
Hu hu hu hu
Who are you
Hu hu hu hu
Being homeless had it's downside. No food, no money and little sleep. On the flipside, Jess had no one to answer to. No responsibilities. Jess found a shelter on the other side of town, to get food and shelter. No one would recognise him. He was free to bludge off the good people of America without a guilty conscience or interfering family.
It wasn't until Jess had been introduced to the world of cocaine that he began to realise how low he'd sunk. He knew consciously that he was better off going back to Jimmy's and finding a job. But in the forefront of his mind, the only thing that mattered was getting his next fix. Sticky had promised to come by every Tuesday with enough coke to last Jess the week and he had a week to come up with the dough.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and before he knew it, he'd been living on the streets for a little over a year. But that was all about to change. There was an organisation - Habitat for Humanity - that was willing to build a house for the bums under the bridge. Jess figured if he relocated to there, he'd be able to get a share in that house and live his life of sex and drugs in a nice place, instead of the homeless shelter, in which he'd previously been taking refuge.
It got harder to come up with the money for his habit, but at that stage, he needed it more than he needed his next breath. More than he wanted to carry on living. More than he wanted Rory Gilmore. Whoa! Where did that come from? He hadn't thought about Rory for over a year. Why suddenly now? Perhaps it was the drugs wreaking havoc on the part of his brain that contained his memories. It didn't matter. Leaving Rory was nothing compared to the mess he'd made of his life now.
That was it. Jess vowed to himself (and to Rory) that he'd get clean. He'd get clean and make something of himself. So he tried. He really did. He found a job bagging groceries in a supermarket. He never really pictured himself as a bag-boy. A Dean! But he needed to get himself out of the hole he'd dug for himself.
Then, as if the angels were lending him a helping hand, he met a girl. Stella. She was gorgeous. They were perfect together. She was as much of a rebel as Jess. They lived together well for a while, but all was not well in paradise. As much as Jess had tried to stay clean, he just couldn't. As it turns out, Jess was Sticky's best customer and Sticky wasn't willing to let up as easy as that. He talked Jess into buying a months worth of coke and told him to make it last. Of course, he couldn't. The "months" worth was gone within three days, between him and Stella. So, Jess cornered Sticky with the money he'd been saving to re-do senior year and bought two months worth.
Back at home however, Stella had been doing some dealing of her own. She had sold every piece of food, furniture and spare clothing for whatever marijuana the customer could hand over. While this seemed like a good idea to Jess at the time, things got worse. Neither Jess nor Stella had showered in weeks. They both were living on scraps out of the garbage tins out the back of the apartment building. Jess had lost his job. They were both craving a decent fix. They were at risk of Stella being pregnant. And Sticky was banging down the door every other night demanding to be paid for the drugs they'd been scamming off him since they lost everything.
Jess felt he had to have died and gone to hell. There was no way the old Jess would have let things get this bad. He tried to pull up any rational thoughts and think of a way to get them out of this mess. But as hard as he tried, the only thoughts he could conjure was, 'Go back to Jimmy's' and 'Steal money for more coke.' And since going back to Jimmy's was definitely not an option, they had no Jess had no other choice but to agree to let Stella go out and sell herself. Jess by no means approved of this and wouldn't let her do it unless there was no other way. And in his defence, it was Stella who had brought it up. She'd suggested it and it would only be for a while, to give Jess time to find a job and so they had money in the meantime.
However when Stella came home after her first night on the street, Jess no longer found her appealing. When you loved someone, you expect them to be yours and only yours. You don't let them go and sleep around, even if it is to support you. And the thought of other men with their filthy, rich hands all over Stella made Jess sick.
He decided to leave her. Over the months, they'd discussed going to Jimmy for help, but Stella refused to have a bar of it. She liked the way she lived. She had friends, money and freedom, that was all she ever wanted. And for a while, Jess thought that's what he wanted but, it's wasn't. Not anymore. He packed up what little things he had left and made for the stairs. But as luck would have it, slinking out without a word was not an option this time. Stella happened to be arriving home just as Jess was walking out the door.
"Where are you going?" She asked him quietly.
"Away."
"Away where?"
"You could come with me you know. Jimmy wouldn't mind helping…" He began to explain, before Stella interrupted.
"I told you Jess, this is the way I like to live. Granted it's not the perfect life and having men pay me for sex isn't the ideal job, but admitting I'm wrong isn't my style."
"Then I'm going without you. I can't stand the thought of you going out again. Admitting I'm wrong isn't my style either, but I also know when I'm in trouble and need help." He told her.
"Just give it time Babe. I love that you care about me that much, but it won't be forever. Just 'til you find a job."
"That's what you said months ago. Then I did find a job and you still went out. How long does it have to go on?" He pleaded.
"It's money Jess, don't you understand that?"
"Jimmy will help us. He hasn't done a lot for me, but I know he'll do this. Come with me."
"Jess…."
"I'm going to ask you once more and then I'm going to walk out and I'm not coming back. And if you don't believe me, just ask my ex-girlfriend. Please come with me."
"I can't Jess. I'm sorry." She replied calmly.
"Me too." And with that, he picked up his bag and walked out the door.