Where You Lead

Chapter - One of Us

A/N: Please! R & R! I'm starting to feel a little rejected! Does my writing suck? Let me know what you think and whether I should stop torturing you! And I thought I would personally say something to smile1 because you have read all of my work (Well my fanfics at least!) And I just wanted to say thankyou for continuing to support me and reviewing and inspiring me to keep writing! And it really does help when you tell me when my stuff sucks! I've since removed In Ten Years coz I really hated it! I wrote it ages ago at like 2 in the morning. I plead temporary insanity! And if you or anyone wants to check out my original work head to OK now on with the story!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Joan Osborne.

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin' to make his way home?

If God had a face what would it look like?
And would you want to see if, seeing meant
That you would have to believe in things like heaven
And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets?

Back up to heaven all alone
No, nobody calling on the phone
No, just tryin' to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin' to make his way home?

Just tryin' to make his way home

Like a holy rolling stone

Back up to Heaven all alone

Just tryin' to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

"Do you believe in God, Jess?" The middle aged woman sitting opposite him asked. Jess had grudgingly made a deal with Jimmy that he would see a therapist. In return he got a job manning Jimmy's hotdog booth.

"What sort of a question is that? I thought you were supposed to be helping me." Jess retorted, avoiding the question.

"So you don't?" She asked again.

"I never said that."

"So, you do?"

"I never said that either."

"So, what are you saying Jess?"

"Will you stop saying that. Stop saying my name like I'm insane and might have forgotten it or something." Jess told the therapist.

"I can only help you if want to be helped. So far you've avoided all of my questions and the only reason you've opened your mouth is to tell me I should be helping you. Now, I want to help you Jess. Why did you come here?" The woman replied soothingly.

"Because my dad told me he'd give me a job if I saw a therapist."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Why does your dad think you should be here?" She asked the surly young man.

"Because I'm a junkie. But I've been clean for about three months. Sometimes I look out the window and he gets all psycho and continuously asks me what I see when I look out the window and bull like that. I'm not freakin' insane." Jess replied.

"What do you see?" She asked him calmly. Jess just looked at her. He contemplated dodging the question, like he always did with Jimmy. But part of him wanted to know why he saw the things he did. Maybe this woman could tell him.

"My ex-girlfriend." Was all he offered. The therapist took this and ran.

"Does she have a name, or is it irrelevant?"

"Rory."

"And I'm guessing when you see her, she's not actually there?" Jess just shook his head.

No. No she's not. Maybe I am freakin' insane! I'm seeing things and I'm now telling people that I'm seeing things! What the hell is wrong with me? But it's not like I actually see her. She doesn't stand there and see me back or talk to me. Not that she would if she were actually there…

"Does she talk to you? I mean… Is she actually there to you. Can you interact with her?" The therapist asked, interrupting Jess's thoughts.

"No. I more imagine her. There'll be someone walking their dog and all of sudden, it'll be Rory, walking that dog." Jess explained, becoming more and more convinced that he was indeed insane.

"Okay. Well, for a minute I thought maybe you did have some psychological problems that you have needed help with, but it sounds like you're just suffering from grief." She explained.

"She's not dead!" Jess yelled, getting defensive.

"Somebody doesn't have to be dead for you to grieve for them. To grieve is to feel sorrow. And that sounds like what you're doing with Rory. You miss her. You want to see her, but somehow you're prevented from doing so, just like when someone dies." She reassured him.

"So, this'll all go away if I see her? For real. Actually talk to her?" Jess asked.

"Well, I'm not quite sure. What were the circumstances on which you parted?"

"I left." He replied flatly.

"So, it was you who instigated the parting?"

"Yeah." He wasn't going to offer up anymore information than he had to.

"Can you tell me why you left her?" The therapist asked trying to drag a bit of history out of this troubled guy.

"I left the town she lived in and in the process left her." He corrected her, trying to delay answering.

"Okay, so why did you leave the town?" She tugged a little harder.

"To meet my father." Admitting defeat, he paused, then continued. She obviously wasn't going to let up until she had a good background, so Jess figured he might as well make it easier for himself. "He left my mom and I the day I was born. Then when I was seventeen my mom said I was too much hassle so she shipped me off to live with my uncle. Then a year or so later he appeared in town, claiming he just wanted to see what I looked like. Then he left. Again. I was happy to see the back of him and then Rory's ex-boyfriend and I got into a fight, which then led to Rory not talking to me. The thought popped into my head, to actually meet my dad and find out what he was like and I followed through with it. I packed up my stuff, got on a bus and left. Does that tell you everything you need to know?"

"Almost. Except for why you're now so messed up about Rory."

"So, you admit. I am insane." Jess inquired.

"No, that's not what I said. But you have issues about leaving Rory, which have intensified due to the amount of time that's passed and your drug dependency. Have you thought about why you might have these issues?" She said it politely enough, but Jess felt patronised.

Have I thought about why I might have these issues? It's all I've thought about. That and how to not have these issues.

"Not really. Mainly just how to not have these issues." He told her.

"Did you love her?" The woman asked. The question hit Jess like a sucker punch to the gut.

YES! "I guess. I don't know." Jess answered.

"Okay. I know hypnotherapy isn't my specialty. I only use it on those I believe will get the most value out of it…" Jess took the opportunity to interrupt.

"NO!, No, no, no, no! You are NOT hypnotising me! I barely agreed to therapy!"

"Please Jess, Just listen to me before you say no. It'll help you deal with some of those issues subconsciously. You most likely won't remember anything you say or do while under hypnosis, so if knowing what's hidden deep in your head is what's putting you off then it's not a problem. I truly believe this will help you." She tried to convince him out of his stubborn refusal. However he said nothing. "Jess?"

"Don't you have other patients to be seeing?" He asked.

"Actually, I was going to have a half day, but I would rather help you."

"Fine. But if you get anything that seems too personal, I want you out of my head." Jess warned her.

"I won't be in your head per se, but okay."

This was nothing like in the movies. Jess wasn't made to lie back on a long leather sofa. The therapist wasn't chanting "You are getting sleepy." She just told him to get comfortable, close his eyes and relax. Before he knew it, he felt at ease. More at ease than he'd been in over a year. Then in a soft tone he heard a voice.

"Okay Jess. I'm going to ask you some questions. When you hear me you'll believe it's Rory. When you answer her, don't get upset, just stay completely relaxed. Answer her clearly and if you don't think she'll understand what you mean, explain yourself to her… Did you understand everything I just said Jess?" She asked him softly. Eyes still closed, he replied.

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, the next voice you're going to hear will be Rory's." Before she continued, she let her voice fade out of Jess's head. For this to work, he had to believe he was talking to Rory.

"Jess?"

"Rory?"

"Why did you leave?"

"I didn't want to disappoint you anymore."

"How did you disappoint me?"

"I couldn't take you to the prom. I wasn't graduating. I wasn't good enough for you." The therapist was beginning to like this Jess better than the real one.

"So why didn't you say goodbye?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe it would be easier that way. For you and me. I didn't think I'd be able to leave if I had to see you cry over me. It would just be another disappointment." The therapist had gotten as much as she needed to help him and was just about to wake him up when Jess started talking. "Rory?" Patients rarely spoke voluntarily under hypnosis, so she replied warily.

"Uh, yeah?"

"I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it before." Jess told 'Rory.'

"Uh, that's okay." Before Jess could speak again, the woman woke him from his trance. "Okay Jess. I'm going to count to three. When I get to three you are going to open your eyes and you won't remember the conversation you just had with Rory. 1 - 2 - 3." Jess opened his eyes.

"Have you done it?" He asked.

"Yep. Do you want me to tell what you told me?"

"Will I benefit from knowing?"

"Probably." She told him.

"Uh, maybe you could give me a copy of your notes and I can find out when I'm ready." Jess's bravado had diminished somewhat since the start of the session. Perhaps he knew what the therapist had discovered and felt ashamed.

"Sure, that's probably a good idea. That way you can deal with it in your own way in your own time."

A few minutes later the therapist re-entered the office, handing a photocopied sheet to Jess. Without looking at it he folded it up and slipped it into his back pocket.

"Okay, well I'm gonna…" He gestured to the door.

"Sure. Be sure to call and schedule another appointment with my assistant when you're ready." She urged.

"Sure. So, I'm gonna… I'll… Seeya." With that he left the office.