Well, it seems as though most of you are okay with a little SasoDei! I don't think I'll linger on them so much, though, because this is a story about Itachi and Sasuke. Although Sasuke has yet to appear. ;;

I'm fairly sure I butchered Kisame's character last chapter... I'm not sure about Sasori, but definitely Kisame. I'm not entirely sure Deidara would throw a hissy fit, but he just seems like that kind of guy to me. O;; Perhaps my entire perception of Deidara is OOC. ;;

I do not own National Geographic. And I'm going to call Leader-sama... Leader-sama.

Smallpox Plum - I understand what you're saying completely. I'm even confusing myself with my overuse of "danna." ; I was going by what my Rika hypothesized, but recent reading of chapter 276 proves that Itachi is just Itachi. Not a danna. But I'm not changing it... I think it sounds cute. . ;

silvernekokitsune - I'm not a traitor. TT It just never got approved. Maybe it was deleted, but if that's so, they never told me as much. It's up on too...

Red Stitches - You totally can! XD It would be nice if I got credit, but you don't have to. (But if you decide to, you can always put a Japanese katakana ru in a circle on there.

START

Deidara walked slowly and purposefully; this particular walk had a purpose. He was dressed in full Akatsuki regalia (complete with hat) for his walk down to the mailbox. As he walked, he murmured an indistinct song from his childhood home of Iwagakure to the soft jingling charms on his hat. He was glad he was alone; Sasori would have told him to be quiet.

There was a single mailbox that served as an all-purpose postal box for the entire organization. Most days, there was little mail. There were a few magazine subscriptions (Kisame's subscription to National Geographic, etc.) and various newspapers from every country and village imaginable. But today, there was something in an envelope. It smelled an awful lot like money to Deidara.

"Kumori Arashi," he read off the address. There was no Kumori Arashi in Akatsuki. Several members used aliases to receive mail and the like, but there were only a few that Deidara could match to the person. No other mail came for anyone called Kumori Arashi, adding to his confusion. Perhaps it had been sent to the wrong address?

"If that's the case," he said out loud, far too pleased with himself to keep it in, "We'll keep his paycheck! Un!"

0o0o0o0o0o

"Danna?"

"What is it, brat?"

"Is any of this mail for you?" Deidara dropped the pile of Akatsuki mail on Sasori's bed. Sasori, outside of the sanctity of Hiruko, sorted through the mail disinterestedly. He grabbed a magazine and a Sunagakure newspaper, leaving the rest of the pile in a neat stack. Deidara frowned; Kumori Arashi's paycheck was still in the pile.

"Do you know who's bringing in the bacon, Danna?" he asked, gesturing to the bulging envelope.

"Should I? No." Sasori flopped over onto his back and flipped through his magazine; Marionette Monthly.

Deidara was a ninja; a ninja famed for his genius and skill. Could he open the envelope and close it again without 'Kumori Arashi' noticing? After a moment of thought, he carefully opened the flap of the envelope with his index finger. Eagerly, he searched its contents for some clue as to who this mysterious person could be.

There was a thick bundle of paper currency inside, accompanied by an official-looking note. Tsuki Publishing, read the logo in the corner.

To: Kumori-sensei

Thank you for choosing Tsuki Publishing. Your payment for book sales of your most recent title is enclosed with this document.

Sincerely,

Pinku Ruki, president of Tsuki Publishing.

Deidara searched for some kind of aqueous adhesive with which to close the envelope once again, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Oh dear, what have you done now?" Sasori asked from the comfort of his bed.

"To be truthful, I'm not entirely sure. Un," Deidara replied, still smiling.

0o0o0o0o0o

Never think that you are merely a tool, Itachi wrote. I am the one that hurt you, and you will be the one to take revenge upon me. You must be the one to atone for my indelible sin, because I have walked too far down the path of madness to repent.

So, in a sense, you will be a tool, wielding divine judgement upon the sinner. You have been given a hard task, and that is why you must hate me. Cast away the memories of the time before---they are meaningless.

But they were not meaningless. Not to Itachi, and probably not to Sasuke, either. Bittersweet memories of times that could never be, that never really were in the first place. Even when Itachi was young, before the massacre of his clan, he had been planning.

Always remember me as the betrayer and the murderer. The time that you perceive as happy and peaceful does not exist, did not exist. I am, and have always been a monster.

There is no redemption for me. No salvation. I can do nothing for myself.

Itachi chuckled as he penned the next bit: We have switched roles. Now, I am the helpless one who can do nothing for himself. Help me, foolish little brother...

Deidara definitely could not read this...

0o0o0o0o0o

"Itachi no danna!"

Itachi hid the notebook, tucking it securely beneath his robes. Deidara would have to strip search him if he wanted to read about his deepest, darkest secrets!

Suddenly, Itachi felt that that idea was even worse. But he kept the notebook where it was as Deidara barged into the room is his rambunctious fashion.

"Do you know who this is for, Itachi no danna?" asked Deidara, offering a pawed and mangled envelope to the Sharingan-user.

"No," he replied immediately after reading the name to whom it was addressed. "Have you asked Leader-sama?"

"Not yet," the Iwanin replied, shaking his head.

"It could be that it belongs to someone you've already asked, but they don't want to claim it."

Deidara blinked, as though what Itachi had said was completely ambiguous. "Why would they do that? Un?"

"Some people are afraid of being discovered."

Deidara's thin mouth curved into a sly smile, the angular eyes narrowing. "People like danna."

Itachi wasn't sure whether the other man was referring to him or to Sasori, but he nodded, nonetheless. "They're afraid that they might be something, or become something, that they never knew they were or wanted to be."

"That's what I'm here for," Deidara said with a satisfied smirk. "Un."

"Yes, thank you for your services," Itachi murmured.

Deidara watched him from the doorway. "And you're sure it's not yours? Un?"

"Positive."

"Okay..."

0o0o0o0o0o

Itachi no danna is lying to me, Deidara thought. This time, when he went to retrieve the mail, he would take a detour. To the bookstore I go... Un!

Deidara wondered how famous this Kumori Arashi penname was; would he be able to find his works in a small, used bookstore? Or would he have to venture into one of the bigger villages in order to find it? What if the books were...pornographic? Like Icha Icha Paradise? He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

He entered a used bookstore, delighting in the jingling the bell made as he opened the door. The elderly man behind the counter spared him a glance and a welcome, then went back to doing whatever it is clerks do; Deidara never quite understood their function.

Deidara wandered down a couple of aisles, looking for the surname Kumori. He didn't find any, and wondered if maybe he was in the wrong section, or if his books were sold there at all.

"Un," he said uncertainly, trying to get the clerk's attention.

"How may I help you...?" The clerk wasn't sure how to end his sentence, credited to Deidara's androgynous features.

"Do you know where I can find books by Kumori-sensei? Un?"

"Who?"

"Kumori Arashi-sensei," Deidara repeated hopefully. The clerk squinted at him, as though it wasn't the type of book he expected young people to read. "Danna asked me to pick it up." Deidara was a fluent liar, and the term danna was vague enough.

"Yes, I have a few of his books in the store, but they've been reserved."

Deidara's visible eye narrowed. Whoever had reserved those books would have to die. Deidara would personally see to it that their ashes were scattered on the four winds!

'That's stupid,' Sasori would say. 'You're stupid, brat. It's just a book. Go to a different store.'

"Ano... Thank you, any way!" Deidara said cheerfully; he would have to thank Sasori later for... Deidara couldn't think what for. For being his partner? For always giving him a second opinion? For being Danna, he decided.

0o0o0o0o0o

After another such encounter, Deidara finally found a bookstore with the complete works of Akatsuki's mystery author! He purchased every one of them with the organization's hard-earned money (never mind that they were in a foreign language); in order to make up for the monetary loss, they would have to hold another bake sale.

The title was in a language that Deidara couldn't read well, let alone understand. He could barely figure out the title: "Za... Ro.. su.. to... a--to o... bu..? Kippi... n... gu... Ahh, this is too hard! Un! Danna will be mad at me if I ask him to read it to me and I can't even say the title!

"Aa..." He was stumbling across more characters that had always been difficult for him to figure out, characters with sounds that didn't exist in his language. He did not remember learning much about them in Iwagakure's ninja academy, although he did remember blowing it up for that very reason.

He removed the fancy slipcover and studied the hardcover. To his chagrin, the title was clearly printed in katakana, followed by a loose translation of what it meant.

"The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret," Deidara read. "By Kumori Arashi." The rest of the text was in that indecipherable language, but he had nothing to fear; Sasori was a genius.

Deidara had wandered far into the city, and he was already very deep into the Fire Country. Since he was already there, why not ditch the Akatsuki robes and try to find Itachi's brother?

0o0o0o0o0o

It was shamefully easy to find the last Uchiha; Deidara made a mental note to tell Itachi to secure better protection for that boy he was obsessed with.

The young Sasuke was dragged along by two other Konohanin, both incredibly easy targets; hot pink and screaming orange in the heart of a forest region? How were these kids even alive? All three adolescents had clear targets on their backs, bright red markers of an easy place for death to come to them. Deidara realized that all Konohanin dressed this way, with some red mark on their clothes that might act as an ideal place to be stabbed. The shoulder, the back, the stomach...

Sasuke did not look to be irrevocably in love with either of the young shinobi, but one could never be too sure. Deidara would stalk them, consult Itachi, and then end their lives.

It would be art in the most beautiful form.

END

Pinku Ruki - It's me! Kinda. Luki Ruki

katakana - a Japanese system of characters used mostly for foreign words, considered a secondary system. But all of the given names in Naruto are spelled with katakana, unless they're in kanji.

"The Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret" is a Queens Of The Stone Age song.

R&R!