Where You Lead
Chapter 12 - I'll Be Ready
For Jess for loving Amber, and loving me and being so patient!
Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and the singer of this song!
Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light
And some people need, to have somebody
When the edge of surrender's in sight
Don't you worry, it's gonna be alright
'Cause I'm always ready, I won't let you out of my sight
I'll be ready
Never you fear
I'll be ready
Forever and always, I'm always here
In us we all have the power, for sometimes it's so hard to see
And instinct is stronger than reason
It's just human nature to me
Don't you worry, it's gonna be alright
'Cause I'm always ready, I won't let you out of my sight
I'll be ready
Never you fear
I'll be ready
Forever and always, I'm always here
'Cause I'm always ready, I won't let you out of my sight
I'll be ready
Never you fear
I'll be ready
Forever and always, I'm always here
Amber watched her friend as he nursed his black eye with a bag of ice. He'd refused to let her help him any more than he needed. Despite the bruises spattered over his face, the limping, and the hand permanently clutched to his side, Amber had never seen Jess in more pain, than the pain that clouded his eyes in un-reparable despair. He sighed as he shifted the bag in his hand in moving it to his lip.
"Let me call a doctor. Your ribs have to be broken." Amber asked gently.
"Amber, back off. I'm fine."
"No you're not fine! Not fine at all Jess. You're sitting there like a wounded soldier, feeling sorry for yourself, probably trying to plot the perfect murder in your head. Fighting the tall guy is not the way to get her back." Jess looked up from the spot on the carpet.
"I thought you were in punishment mode." Was his only reaction.
"I don't need to be. You do that enough on your own."
"So, I'm not allowed to fight Dean. What do you suggest I do? 'Cause short of getting on my knees and begging, I've pretty much tried the only thing I thought might work." Amber turned her head to her suitcase, suddenly finding the zipper incredibly fascinating.
"Why her?" She asked, snapping her head back towards Jess.
"Huh?"
"I just don't understand what it is about her that makes her so special."
"Amber…"
"I mean, you go to hell and back because of her, you get your ass kicked by a really tall, giant-ish guy, and you still want to fight for her. Surely she's not worth all that." She spoke quickly, cutting Jess off.
"She is…" Amber looked into Jess's eyes. "And don't call me Shirley." Jess added with a smirk.
"Jess, I'm being serious. She's just like any other girl."
"She is not like any other girl. She's smart. She's beautiful. She gave me a chance when no one else in this God awful town would. She never expected anything from me, she didn't judge me. And every time I was a jerk, she forgave me."
"So that's it? You're looking for an easy lay, and to be a jerk and get away with it?"
"Jeez…"
"Don't 'Jeez' me Jess. 'Cause from where I'm standing, that's exactly how it sounds!"
"You know nothing about Rory. Or me! You went to England and I came here. I met a girl and for the first time since you left, I was happy, and you can't stand that! You can't fathom the thought that you might not be the only person in this God damned world that I care about. Reality check Amber, the world does not spin on its axis solely for you!"
Amber was about to retaliate when a soft knock on the door interrupted their screaming match.
Irony was a bitch at the best of times, so when Amber swung the door open, causing the smooth, polished wood, to collide dangerously with the bedside cabinet, Rory jumped.
"What a surprise." Amber spat at her, before snatching her wallet off the bed and walking out, slamming the door behind her.
"She loves you."
"She'll get over it."
"Like you did?"
Jess brought his hand to his face and rubbed his chin. He'd never thought about it that way before. He'd never really had to. He'd only ever focused on his own pain and his own troubles. He didn't have time to worry about what Amber might be going through. But this was Amber they were talking about. She was tough as old boots. She'd never cried, never lost a fight, definitely never talked about her feelings. She was Jess's twin soul. But being Jess hadn't been the most fun lately, or ever. Excluding the few months that he was with Rory.
"I'm sorry." Jess looked up at Rory.
"For what?" He asked her gruffly.
"I don't know… It just feels like I should be saying sorry." He didn't reply. She didn't expect him to. "Please tell me what happened in California."
"Nothing happened in California. I should go find Amber."
"Something did happen. When Amber arrived here yesterday, she told me that you had problems. And that I was one of them. And I didn't believe her. And then I saw you at the bridge, and you looked like this crumpled, broken guy. Not half the guy I remember, and I realised that…. That she was right."
"You are not a problem Rory. What went wrong between us… It was my fault. And then I got mixed up in stuff I shouldn't have gotten mixed up in and…" Jess trailed off into a slur of words and emotion.
"And what?"
"Living with myself became the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"Oh God. You didn't kill someone did you?" Jess's answer got lost in the noise of Amber crashing back into the room.
"You know what? This is my room. Get out!" She yelled, looking Rory in the eye.
"Amber… We'll only be a few minutes." Jess spoke softly.
"Actually, no. We'll only be a few minutes. Outside?" She spoke to Rory, gesturing to the hall through the open door. Rory looked to Jess for answers, for an explanation, before following Amber down the stairs and out, onto the veranda.
"Jess has been through things you'll never imagine. He's done things you'll never do. You and him are like… A fish and a bird. The fish ain't ever gonna fly. And the bird ain't ever gonna swim. You get what I'm sayin' Rory?" Amber's thick New York accent, showing its true colours.
"You don't know me at all! So don't stand there and tell me how much of a bird I am!" Rory retorted, with fire in her eyes.
"Jess is the bird. And you're weighing him down. All you're doing for him is stopping him from being able to fly. Don't keep him from flying." Amber spoke in pure calmness, before stepping around Rory, heading up the stairs and back to her room.
"Don't keep him from flying."
Rory dug deep to keep the tears from flowing. She refused to listen to some city girl about how she should deal with her love life. And despite everything, she did love Jess. She tried not to, she wished she didn't, but she couldn't help it. Every time he got near her, he infected her like some sort of terminal disease. Rory tried to pretend she didn't feel it, and even harder than that, she tried to fight it, but when she looked into his eyes, the will to fight it, drifted away.
Granted, she hadn't tried very hard to make him go away, and the truth was, she didn't want him to go back to New York, or California, or anywhere that wasn't Stars Hollow. Losing him had been hard enough the first time, and she was damned if she was going to give him up all over again.
She was not going to let that heartbreaking kiss at the bridge, be the last.