Warning: Spoilers in this chapter, read at your own risk.
Mostly everything should be settled in this chapter. In order for me to make this story even start, having Kuwabara at the mission would have totally put a skew on what I wanted to do. "So what did you want to do then, Zelia?" you ask? I did want tension between the two. But Kuwabara had to not be in the know, to make it more of a misunderstanding. Had Kuwabara been present, he would have seen that Yukina was in love with the monster that tried to kill her. Anyway, like I said, that should be settled within this chapter.
As far as what Stockholm Syndrome is...it's basically when a kidnapped person grows very attached/falls in love with their captor. Messed up, I know, especially since Yukina didn't fall for her first captors (Though that would make for an interestingly disgusting and twisted fanfic; perhaps I will write it someday). Just go with it, because no one knows how she was treated in captivity yet, only how she was captured.
Yu Yu Hakusho © Yoshihiro Togashi.
Existence
A Yu Yu Hakusho fan-fiction.
By Zelia Theb
If the world were to come crashing down in around him, the urgency to protect his own life would still be nothing but a speck of dust in the shadow of Yukina's failing life. Then again, contradicting that very same feeling was the need to not protect himself by ending his own life. After all, he'd be aiding her by eliminating one more danger to her well-being.
He had been constantly battling with himself. One side would argue that it would be best to live with the anguish and guilt of his deeds for the rest of his life, and the other would argue that Yukina may forgive him, so suicide would be the only just reparation. The hills of his soul had seen many such battles, all involving his murderous ways and outcast childhood, but with the advent of his sword-slip, the war had become a daily, sometimes hourly, thing.
Hiei could no longer wallow in the cesspool of blood left from the battalions of soul-soldiers. He would soon be at the apex of the steps; the long staircase that would lead any brave and spiritual soul to Genkai's complex. Her "temple". Although Hiei never understood exactly why it was referred to as a temple; since Genkai herself had participated in the Dark Tournament she was not exactly the holiest of creatures on the planet; but it held that name nonetheless. And soon that temple would be graced with the presence of yet another creature, a creature that was possibly so holy that Hiei was finding more reasons to fear rather than loathe him.
The introspective demon took the opportunity found in his interrupted flow of thought to open his third eye. The Jagan would serve as a mask for his energy; something he so desperately needed if he was going to hide from this valiant and holy warrior of love. It would give him the minor ability to eavesdrop as well. He deserved to hear every bit of tongue lashing, as he always knew that humans were far more bitter behind closed doors than they were to another's face at times. And it was about time he checked up on Yukina anyway. The last presence he had sensed at her side was Botan, who was busy keeping watch with a half-full water bucket and clean washcloth. Genkai was busy discussing things at great length with Yusuke and Kurama in a separate room, however Hiei did not care to hear the sentimentality of it all.
Yusuke had been angry with him, but in a different sense. The detective was upset at Hiei for being upset with himself. And Genkai had to put the detective and their ally Kurama through some therapy of their own, or at least that was what he could make of it, since he couldn't exactly grasp their conversation. In actuality, she worked her magic with wards and charms, staying a step ahead of Hiei and fooling him into hearing jarbled wards.
"You fear for his safety?" the elder woman questioned the anxious boy. The three of them were kneeling around a heating table, allowing Botan to take her turn in the vigil.
Yusuke nodded quickly at his rose-tressed master. "Yeah. I kinda get this feeling that he might-"
"No, Yusuke," Kurama, who was to his friend's right, replied. The fox had never doubted Hiei's courage before, but hearing Yusuke's concern jolted him into denial. He himself had stated that Hiei was "not himself", so perhaps he was to blame for the notion. Either way, saying that he wouldn't ever do such a terrible yet unmentionable deed calmed him. If I believe it, perhaps it will become true, he thought. That was when the old and experienced demon within him rose, and he realized that such a childish method never actually worked. He would have to trust that Hiei hated cowards enough to pull through this on his own.
"But," Yusuke added, "We gotta make sure. Keep tabs on him, ya know?"
"That will not be difficult, considering his job, Yusuke," Genkai remarked, "Though if he's going back to the Demon World he may just ditch Mukuro altogether."
"Damn it..." the boy swore, only to be alerted to another presence.
"How is she?" he heard from the entrance. A female that he could only identify as Botan replied, notifying the visitor that Yukina was sleeping, and shouldn't be bothered at the moment. The presence let out a dejected sigh, and Yusuke listened with impatience as Botan's footsteps returned to Yukina's room, and as the visitor's found their way to rest of them.
"Hello, Kuwabara," Kurama said, standing and bowing before the fourth member of their unemployed team before offering the tall presence his seat.
The visitor, Kuwabara, took his ally up on the offer of comfort, and knelt into the cushion next to Yusuke. The boy let out another exasperated sigh of sadness and ran a hand through his thick orange curls. He was absolutely livid, yet dead inside at the same time. He didn't understand how Hiei could have made such a fatal mistake, but he couldn't really assess the situation anyway since school had kept him away. Koenma had made an issue out of letting Kuwabara know the real details of the mission, and had lied to him about its nature, remarking that it was optional since he was the only one of the foursome who was truly human and needed an education to get by in life.
But he should have known. How could I have not figured it out? He would ask himself this question every five minutes. After all, he could never forget that special bond that he and Yukina both shared. That psychic connection; that wavelength. The pinky-string of love. He had been hurting. Truly hurting. But he had chocked it up to stress, and shrugged it off since it hadn't been followed by one of his famous dreams or visions. And still, despite that the Spirit Detective team had been put on "temporary unemployment", he had also found it weird that Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei were called to the job. Hiei no longer had any ties or probation to hold on to, but still, that didn't strike him as weird enough, just weird. It was that kind of weird feeling he got every single time he was left out of something in the group, so in getting used to it, he made this fatal error.
"He didn't mean to do it, Kuwabara," said Kurama, breaking the silence. His observant nature had given the fox his own sort of psychic intuition, and he knew almost exactly what had been brewing inside of Kuwabara's brain.
But Kurama's words did not comfort him. Instead, Kuwabara let out a vicious creature within, and with a daring glare, he challenged Kurama. "How do you know?" he asked, his narrowed eyes demanding proof of Hiei's innocence. It wasn't that Kuwabara truly hated Hiei after all of these years. In fact, he respected Hiei for his honor code, among other things. It was just that one thing; that thing that just didn't sit right inside his stomach. Maybe it was jealousy; maybe he was afraid that Yukina would fall in love with Hiei instead of him, since Hiei had been at her side just as much as he had over the past few years. Or maybe he's in love with her too. Maybe he knew her before I was even born. But that doesn't explain why he stabbed her.
Yusuke, in the meantime, was rather agitated with Kuwabara's words. As was Kurama, however, Kurama was able to once again understand that this came from Kuwabara's forced physical absence from their group. Our clique. That's one of the reasons I spent time with him after that tournament. I'm such a bad friend.
"The demon lord was much faster than Hiei anticipated, and thrust Yukina into the path of Hiei's sword," Kurama finally answered, debating on continuing with his half-truth.
However, he would have to, if he wanted to be the great friend he never was.
Kuwabara followed up with another question. "Why would he do something so stupid like fight a battle right next to her, then?"
Yusuke's brow arched. It angered him that Kuwabara, his best-friend, was still accusing Hiei of treachery. He looked to Genkai for support; he was about to do something brash and in very Yusuke Urameshi-like nature, but she cued him to stay silent and await Kurama's response.
It was going to be difficult. Kurama put all of his faith; despite that it was a childish behavior to rely on faith and beliefs; into Kuwabara not continuing with further questions. He couldn't break his friend's heart; he couldn't tell him the truth. That the one who captured his heart over the past few years had fallen victim to a psychological disease; a disease that forced her into loving an evil monster.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I told you, this demon was fast. Faster than the shadow of a flame. Not one of us could see it coming."
"Hmphh," Kuwabara muttered, resting further on the back of his knees. His angry eyes drooped back into sorrow, and he sat in silence with the group, all the while feeling alone as ever. He would have to confront Hiei, possibly even duel him in the name of Yukina's honor. But the demon was no where to be found. But, Kuwabara quickly recalled to himself, I could swear I felt his energy at the bottom of the stairs. Now it's totally gone. Maybe he's afraid of me? Yeah right...
Yusuke was growing impatient. They had to halt their talk of Hiei just because Kuwabara had entered the room. And he would be damned if he would give up Hiei's secret so quickly without his permission, all for the sake of avoiding eggshells when Kazuma Kuwabara was around. In veritable truth, the detective wanted nothing more than to flee to Hiei's side and make sure he didn't do anything irrational. He couldn't stand the dead still that the "vigil waiting room" had come to. It had him on edge. As his fingertips curled over into the flesh of his jeans, he remembered the soft pack of cigarettes in his back pocket.
"Who's next?" a stretching Yusuke asked, standing and rubbing upwards on his chest as most boys do.
"Kuwabara and I will take our watch next," Kurama spoke, "Perhaps you should head home to Keiko?" Yusuke winced at the mention of her name. Keiko, the girl I asked to marry me. Did I do that just to get her off my back? Because I loved her? Because I wanted her to know that I would come back? That my life wasn't as important as hers?
"Urameshi," Kuwabara remarked suddenly, "By the way, Keiko asked me where you were a few days ago. Ya didn't tell her about the mission?"
Yusuke stared. "No," he said flatly.
"She was worried sick, and looked like she was crying. She said you didn't go to work and never called. So I told her you were fine and on a mission."
"Damn it, Kuwabara..."
"Hey, it's not up to me to take care of your girlfriend, Urameshi. I told her the truth because she's my friend too."
"Hmm, we should tell her of Yukina then," Kurama suggested.
"Yeah, she can help out, I know she would!" Kuwabara turned to the still standing and still very impatient Yusuke, and stated, "You've got a good woman there, Urameshi. You gotta tell her that you're back home."
"Yes, Yusuke," Genkai concurred, "You should know better than to just leave your work without warning." The old woman knew better than to turn this into a Keiko pity-party. Yusuke still had to be taught about responsibility, despite his impending roll-over into adulthood.
"Listen," Yusuke explained, pulling out a cigarette to ready it for his lips, "I'm not in the mood for Keiko, okay? You guys can tell her about Yukina. I just need a vacation from her now."
"No offense, Yusuke," mentioned Kurama, "But you've been on a vacation from her for a long time."
"I know. Not ready yet." His eyes glazed over, weary from exhaustion, and he remembered the nicotine stick in his fingers. "Going out for a smoke." He took no time to wait for a proper "good-riddance", and immediately lit up upon opening the door out of the temple. It was a good stride over to the top step, but that is where he wanted to sit and relax for the night.
Hiei's curiousity got the best of him. The night had fallen rather quickly, so being seen by Kuwabara wasn't going to be easy. He released himself from his perch, and with a soft thud the heels of his boots hit the stone next to Yusuke.
"Is she alright?" he asked faintly. He hadn't realized until hearing his own voice just how upset and fragile he had become. His mask was rapidly falling to piece around him; he could envision the shattered bits of painted ceramic crashing into the floor around him. He was utterly miserable.
"Botan says she's gonna make it," the boy answered. He flicked an ash forward, and watched it flicker as it bounced daintily off the next step.
"Good." He held back a cough as is lungs rejected the looming chemicals expelled from Yusuke's mouth. It was a filthy habit, but Hiei understood. The Jagan eye had been his drug; the thing that made him feel better. Cigarettes seemed to be the way that humans coped with life, or at least that is how Hiei figured it was.
Yusuke slightly pursed his lips and exhaled again. "She couldn't check the roster like she did with me. I guess demons are handled differently since Spirit World expects their deaths to be mainly unexpected all the time. But Botan knows these things. You've got nothing to worry about."
Hiei relaxed and mimicked the taller one, taking a seat on the cold stone step. He had to admit, just being with someone he could trust put him at ease. It was another unit of soldiers to help him survive the war, and right now it was stronger than the aid of Mukuro. She had taught him very much, or rather, opened his eyes to something he was already doing. Never in a thousand years would he ever admit that she had done something for him though. Never. He maintained that cocky attitude all the time with her, claiming that they still needed no love or friendship to survive in this world.
Plus, it sounded rather cheesy for him to think that he and Mukuro's friendship was all based upon a fairly eloquent version of the question, "Will you be my friend?".
However, Mukuro was not there with him. And he was better off, since she would most likely nag him about his state, and then proceed to point out each and every self-contradiction he was making, as usual. He was a "liar", she said, even though she often lied to herself as well. Oh well. I am a liar. Who cares.
"You'd rather be at home with her right now, huh," said Yusuke out of the blue, his cigarette long forgotten and its cherry burning out a few steps below. In his mind he considered actually letting him go, just as he knew Hiei was going to do. In contrast, he thought of how he would act if this heart-to-heart talk would end up being good-bye. It was something that he wasn't ready to do, and he knew that Koenma would never allow Hiei the luxury that he had given Yusuke when he was but a boy of fourteen.
"No," Hiei protested with honesty. He glared at Yusuke for his insinuation. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"
"You mean do I have a girl to go home to? Yeah, but I don't wanna go."
"Hn," Hiei grunted, displaying signs of his old self again, "Where would you rather be, then?"
Yusuke smiled a smile so big that it couldn't have been missed by a soul on the planet. It was a charming smile, one that could not stay well hidden due to the sheer thrill of the question.
"Right here's fine with me," he smirked, leaning back onto his palms.
"Hah," Hiei let out in disbelief, "Here with me? There's no need to amuse me, Yusuke."
Yusuke pushed up from his palms with little force and stared nearly nose to nose with Hiei. He was insulted. "Who said I was trying to amuse you? I wanna be here because I wanna be here. I came out for a smoke and I was gonna look for you, but you got to me first." When his tirade had ended, Yusuke rested his hands upon the stone once again. It's hard surface had become warm with the presence of the two's posteriors.
Hiei huffed softly. It was difficult for him to understand why Yusuke would want to be with someone who nearly murdered their own sister. But he had done far more terrible things; he had even struck the Detective's girlfriend with an otherworldly sword in the past; and Yusuke still stayed at his side through thick and thin.
And he too, had stayed at teen's side. Even his job allowed him to keep careful watch over the city that he resided in, though it was really all for Yukina's sake. The rest of his allies just happened to be lucky that they lived so conveniently nearby to powerful psychic's temple. Though if one were to ask Yusuke, two bus trips and a train ride wasn't exactly convenient, but he was just lazy. He had run miles and miles non-stop in the past, but he would always "forget" this when it came to obligated travel.
But the detective did not easily forget how uneasy silence made him. A slow retort brought him back to his original question. "Where would you rather be, then?"
"As soon as she wakes up, I plan on leaving," the demon answered, using his palms just as Yusuke was. Their fingers brushed for an accidental moment, terrifying Yusuke beyond all bounds of his skin. He quickly shifted as to not give anything away, and made it seem as if Hiei's lithe fingers deserved their place more than his own.
Showing concern, Yusuke asked, "Where, though?"
Hiei could not answer this question as easily as he thought. He honestly had no idea where he was going to go, but he knew that it would be the farthest reachest of the demon realm. He had thought of running for weeks without proper replenishment, allowing nature to decide his fate. It was one of those questions that had tipped him over the fence again, and the idea of running away was aggressively becoming more and more attractive.
"Wherever I feel like it, Yusuke," said Hiei, trying his damndest not to leave an itinerary that the detective and the rest of the unemployed team would be able to follow.
"Hm, well knowing you," remarked Yusuke, with one hand upon his chin, "I would say that would go farther than anyone could even imagine, or at least as far as you think you'd be able to get without eating or anything."
As many agitated beings did once prodded, Hiei responded without thinking. "Hn. If you already knew that, why did you waste my time asking?"
A tremble quaked within Yusuke. He didn't want to be right, but his trust in Hiei overwhelmed the voice inside him that said, "He's just lying to you, Yusuke." The teen casually moved for the packet of cigarettes again, only to remove the last stick inside. It was lit and puffed at before he could muster up the hardened face to continue conversation.
"Because," said the dark ebon-brunet, formulating a farce before his mouth let loose the next word. He failed. "I wanted to know where I'd be going. I sure as hell don't like not knowing where I'm gonna be, ya know."
Hiei stood. "Must you feel the need to be so desperately attached to me?"
Staring up and smirking, the partial-human responded, "Well, Hiei, before the rescue mission, I hadn't seen ya in a while. Thought we could catch up on some training, or something."
"And what do you have to train for, Detective?" the addressed said scathingly.
With the cigarette loosely between his lips, Yusuke began making false punches into the air like a boxer. "Bad-ass demons like yourself, man. Got another tourny in like two years or something, too."
"You're a pretty bad-ass demon too, Yusuke," Hiei returned with irritation, "So what the hell do you need me for?"
A half-finished cigarette tumbled down the grand staircase as Yusuke took an authoritive stance. "You keep my bad-ass in line when Grandma isn't around."
"If by 'in-line' you mean 'fist fight until we are sore' then yes, I suppose I might," quipped the short-pyromancer, "But you've got plenty of other people around you who are capable of the same thing."
"Well, my life is in the fight. Can't hit Keiko, because that's just not right, and Kuwabara is gonna die in like seventy year or something anyway. Genkai's on the outs...and Kurama is too much of a pansy to really fight with me anyway." Yusuke paused and winked at him. "So yeah. My life is in the fight. Isn't yours?"
"You're not going to be able to convince me otherwise, Yusuke, so just stop," Hiei blurted out. He was foolish for thinking that perhaps he'd be able to survive if Yusuke was there. Somewhere during the conversation, he had faltered. The troops were all dead.
"Yeah, well I'm not gonna let you off yourself. I'll fight you if I have to."
"Don't be annoying!" hissed Hiei, ready to turn-foot and flee, "Go home to your woman, Detective."
"First off," Yusuke corrected him, "It's 'Go home to Keiko, Yusuke', not whatever you said. You can't just call everything like an object or title all the time." Hiei glared back, his patience with the raving boy growing thin. "And secondly," continued Yusuke, "My woman isn't ready to kill herself for no good reason. So no, I won't go home!"
The sounds of the forest had become that much more audible then, and the faint glow from the temple had become their only light aside from the silver moon that hung to their left. Hiei could hear the rapid pounding of his own heart blending with Yusuke's, and the amongst the powerful din lay the chorus of insects and chirping bats. He had to get away from there soon before the situation and forest swallowed him whole.
"Maybe for once I could tell Yukina the truth and have her brother truly be dead. But I don't care if you understand, Detective. Just leave me alone."
A quick hand, faster than the shadow of Hiei's after-image grasped at his wrist then. Yusuke was begging him to stay, his darkened and desperate eyes spokes volumes to Hiei. A beast permeated through his will, and Hiei soon found himself twisting the boy's wrist, sending him down at an angle on the staircase and giving Hiei the looming advantage. It wasn't until he was staring at the wincing expression upon the accepting Yusuke's face that he realized his other fist was poised and ready with aura to hurt him.
The teen's eyelids quivered in anticipation for the pain. He had thought that he'd be able to fight Hiei, but in this situation it was as if he needed to be the punching bag so that he wouldn't have to fight Hiei in the future. He was ready and willing to take in any blow or possibly killing strike that the demon could give him, but it never came. The trembling that had come over him earlier returned, and like a blanket was able to cover up the fear within the hand that held him in place.
Because Hiei was also shaking. He closed his eyes and tore the beast from his head. Yusuke's body was forced to the ground as Hiei pushed away as hard as he could. It wasn't that he wanted to hurt the detective; quite the opposite. He pushed so intensely because he wanted to keep Yusuke away from him. The boy was getting too close to Hiei, just like Yukina had gotten too close to her phantom brother.
"Damn it," complained Yusuke, rubbing a sore elbow, "At least you've gone back to being a bastard instead of sulking."
"Hn."
Yusuke got to his feet and turned his head as he heard Kuwabara calling his name. At first he ignored it, but the calls mutated into shouts of anxiety and urgency.
"Urameshi! Come on! Quick!" Kuwabara quickly grew impatient and moved back into the building, no longer able to wait for his friend to return from his "smoke" break.
"What the hell is he-"
"It's Yukina!" Hiei interrupted, wide eyed. She had woken up, but her condition had only worsened. Yusuke followed Hiei's lead as the demon dashed to the temple and into the ice apparition's room. The group was gathered around her, with Genkai furiously trying to settle her down, and Kurama fiercly mixing medicines. The maiden was a mess. She had gone into fits of coughing and began expulging blood lost from her wound.
The two had made a grand entrance into the scene. While Genkai and Kurama merely glanced up, Kuwabara and Botan were in shock, both out of seeing Hiei there.
"What the hell is he doing here, huh Urameshi?"
To Be Continued...
Kuwabara the bad guy? No. You must understand, that the love of his life was just impaled by someone he thought he could trust, and he's afraid of losing her. With that settled, I just don't want anyone to believe that I would write Kuwabara in a bad light; in fact; without him, I don't think this story would be much of a story.
If you find any fixes, quote 'em and toss 'em into the review. Some things were a bit wrong with flow in this chapter, so if you happen to figure out a better wording, let me know!