Characters are OOC
Chapter 8:
Battle for Sasuke: Orochimaru's downfall"HAREM NO JUTSU!" Naruto shouted as he transformed. Suddenly, over a thousand blond girls popped up.
"Insolent fool, that trick would only work on the week minded. Besides, these girls do not interest me as much as you do, or any other boy for that matter." said Orochimaru. Naruto transformed back into himself and looked horrified. Orochimaru started rushing at Naruto at full force. He was going faster than a fat man on a brownie. Then Naruto had an idea; he thought to himself, "I had miso ramen yesterday, today I should have plain ramen." After that thought, he actually had a good idea. He reached into his shuriken holster and pulled out a tube of Mentos, the fresh maker. Naruto was just about to eat it to get his energy back when it was snatched by Orochimaru. Orochimaru swallowed all of it whole and chakra started bursting out of him. As strong as the force coming from Grandma Harold after "Bean Day". Orochi's power flourished until he took his final form. The form of Peter Pan! One can only imagine what comes next, but Naruto beat you to it. His eyes grew wide and he started dashing off as if there was free ramen ahead of him.
Faster and faster Peter Pan flew, until he was directly on top of Naruto. Then he grabbed rope in his mouth and tied Naruto to a tree. This basically scared Naruto into a coma, because he suddenly fell asleep. One can only image what happened after this, but just as Peter Pan was about to get his funky chicken on Sakura stopped him.
"You can continue with Naruto after you give me back Sasuke! Do not make me force you to!" said Sakura.
"I'll take the second option, I wouldn't want to give Sasuke up that easily now would I?" said Peter. He gave a loving look at Sasuke and winked at him and turned back to Sakura. "I will pick one challenge, you pick another challenge, and then Naruto picks the last event. You must win at least 2 out of the 3 challenges to get my precious Sasuke back. Deal?"
"NARUTO PICKS THE LAST EVENT! Oh god….fine, to save Sasuke I will do anything." Sakura said depressingly. She thought to herself that it would probably be stupid like seeing who can roll a sumo wrestler fastest up a hill. "You pick the first event."
"OK, the first event will be who can get a better groove thang on with the Teletubies theme song. The Naruto will be the judge of this got it?" Peter stated. Sakura went wide-eyed but agreed to the terms. The battle for Sasuke was on! Peter was up first with his useless arms and chicken legs. He started off by doing the robot chicken, and then his infamous "Sumo mumo belly bounce bash technique". In that technique, Peter summons a giant 8 headed snake and the snake begins to do the robot. Naruto scored him a 6.7 out of 10. Next was Sakura's turn in which she was stunning. She started off with the worm, then moon walk, then finally span with her head on the floor and her shirt almost a fourth off. For that stunning performance, especially the last part, Naruto gave her a 10 out of 10. Sakura had won the first challenge.
"My turn to pick," she said, "and I pick an arm wrestle!" Sakura knew very well that The Third had made it so that he could no longer use his arms, so she already had the highest advantage possible.
"OK then, I agree to the challenge." said Peter. Just then he asked to go to the bathroom first. Sakura let him go, which was a horrible mistake. "OH MY GOD THE PAIN!" (deep breathe) "URRRRRGGG, get out of me already you little demons! OH YEA, THAT'S THE STUFF! Who's your daddy you deformed pieces of dirt! GAHH, the pudding! THE PUDDING!" He started stomping his feet angrily at the ground. Then finally, it was over. He came back out with his hands covered in a green muck and smelling like Uncle Betty's cooking. "I am ready for the arm wrestle!" Peter announced with pride.
Sakura looked uneasy and her eye started twitching. She thought to herself, "his hands are so….ewe! I cannot arm wrestle him now! I have to for Sasuke!" "ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO!" So then she was about to clasp his hand when God came out of the sky and stopped her from doing so. She understood completely but lost the challenge. Then god made like Moses and separated the junk stuck to Peter Pan's hands form Peter's hands.
"Naruto I would help you out but Oprah Winfrey is on now, boy is she hot. So I have to go now, good luck with that whole hokage thing. Good bye now." said God, and just like that he went back up into the clouds and then came back down and made fun of Peter Pan. THEN he went back up to watch Oprah.
"All right people, I have thought of the last challenge! Ready for it? I sure am! The last challenge is, whomever can scare the other to forfeit. You will each be given one chance, and one chance only. Orochimaru, you begin.
"Oh this will be easy, scaring this little girl. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" shouted Orochimaru. (who finally turned back into his original form.) As fast as a hobo on a nickel Orochimaru ran into a changing room. After about two minutes he came out in a robe and stood in front of Sakura. "PREPARE FOR UTTER PAIN!" he shouted, and he made good on his threat. He took off his robe to reveal the bikini that he was wearing under it.
"OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN! MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!" Sakura screamed in agony and rated the pain as a 9.5 out of 10.
"Yes yes, and I even got implants to fill these out. I wanted to bring out my inner Haku. My mother was supportive of it to, good old Mother Teresa. Besides, I needed to change my clothes. Hadn't changed my underpants for the past seven weeks and they got a little hard and discolored. This slowed me down a bit and even made it hard for me to blend in." Orochimaru stated.
Now it was Sakura's turn and she had something in mind. "You want a kiss Orochimaru?" (she puckered her lips) Then Orochimaru got a displeased look on his face. He started squirming as she moved closer.
"ALRIGHT ALREADY! I GIVE UP! MAKE HER STOP!" Orochimaru screamed in distress. Sakura stopped obviously, for she did not want to kiss this Haku-wannabe. Naruto announced the winner as Sakura and Sasuke was given to Sakura. She was so delighted to see him, but Orochimaru was very sad. He thought to himself or herself (I'm not sure which anymore) but anyways he thought to himself, "Well at least I still have my Naruto." Just then a shuriken was thrown and cut the rope that Naruto was tied down with. Orochimaru turned to see the face of the one responsible, and was surprised to see that it was Kabuto.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" shouted Orochimaru. "You insolent fool! I had him right where I wanted him!"
"EXACTLY! That should be me down there! You remember what you promised me that night in bed? You said that you would propose to me today, but instead you've decided to go out and have a little party first I see. All of this, and then you show your new bikini to a girl first and not me. I see how it is! Even after you got me pregnant with your son!" shouted Kabuto. Everyone looked horrified right then except for Orochimaru. He seemed surprised more than horrified. Everyone was thinking to themselves about which was worse those two going out or Orochimaru getting Kabuto pregnant.
"We are not even sure if that is my baby! So why should I care for it? Please tell me why? snickered Orochimaru.
"Well you are the father, I just went on the Maury show and the DNA test shows that you are the father!" said Kabuto, "and he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids, and that Demon Fox too!" Orochimaru looked as if he was going to cry and then went over to Kabuto and kicked him where the sun don't shine and then gave him a huge hug. A light covered Orochimaru and he transformed into Michael Jackson in Peter Pan clothing. He took Kabuto by his leg and flew them both off into Never Land, or a secret room in a mansion; you be the judge of that. People started hearing weird noises at night, but the strangest of all was when they heard Orochimaru or Kabuto say, "That's right boy, get in there all nice and deep-like," or "THANK THE LORD THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME AND NOT SOME WOMAN!"
MEANWHILE Naruto and Sakura greeted their newly won back friend. Then together, they walked back to Konoha with the sunset going up for some reason in the background. With all of them agreeing, they all decided not to tell everyone what "exactly" happened. I do not think that you would want to either. They went back to Konoha and Sakura and Naruto got prizes for their extravagant heroism. Each of them was risen to a Chuunin, but Sasuke was also given the Chuunin name because of what happened while he was locked up with Orochimaru. With that put to the side, the new Chuunins headed out for their next mission. Little did they know that their fate was being controlled by me. A few days after that they were all brought back to Genin level because Naruto was attacked by a squirrel and then on the same day raped by a pigeon and neither Sasuke nor Sakura helped him. Afterwards they headed off for their new mission, until they saw Hinata's team ahead of them. Naruto quickly ran to her and walked along with her not knowing the dangers ahead of them. Together they walked, back to the Hidden Village of the Mist..