Disclaimer: God I don't own any of this, I don't own Ford, Arthur, The Heart of Gold, David Dixon, Simon Jones, none of them though I sure wish I did. I would be content with Douglas Adams, he was truly amazing! If you haven't got it yet Douglas Adams owns the characters I'm merely using them for my own sick pleasure.
"Marvin?"
"Should I even respond, it would be sinking to a low level of thinking to even try,"
"Why don't you go put yourself away kid?"
"Marvin go put yourself away, well excuse me for breathing which I never do anyway so-"
"Yah…I am going to bed, Ford and the monkey I wish you pleasant dreams" Zaphod yawned, his second head nodded sleepily eyeing the maniacally depressed robot with distaste. Ford and Arthur simply looked at each other, "I don't like-" "Hush Arthur, it's Zaphod! You would think by this time you would have got use to his comments." Ford mummer setting downing his Pan Galactic Gurgle Blaster, Arthur made one of his all too familiar faces that showed Ford he wasn't just going to get over it and rose from his seat.
"I'm going to bed also."
"Admitting defeat?" Ford picked up his beverage once again with a sly smile, Arthur had been half way up the stairs when he paused. If he wasn't going to let it go, Ford reasoned he mind as well have fun with it.
"I AM not admitting defeat! This is ludicrous! I am not going to fight with an four eyed idiot that gets his jollys from stealing spaceships with infinite improbability drives!"
"You must admit that is quiet a feat to do Arthur"
"It is not! He said he was going to use the lou than simply sped away with it! If it takes two brains to concoct such a weak idea than- Are you even listening to me FORD?" By the time Arthur had go to "weak idea," Ford had lost interest in the game and was busy watching Marvin sit himself down in a corner of the main room to shut down.
"Yes Arthur I am listening" Ford responded, Arthur jammed his hands deep into his robe pockets and exited the common room with a cluck of irritation.
"I don't see how you can shut yourself down but manage to turn yourself back on I mean what the hell is that?" Ford slurred his words together as he peeked over at the robot from the center console, "Well that is a great question! It all started with the creation of the star system-" "Oh zark off" Ford cracked getting up from the blue chair, "That isn't very nice let's try this again the star system." Eddie began once again his cheery narrative, while Ford leaned forward, shut off the lights and departed drunkenly.
"And nasty cup of coffee with tons of-"
Arthur Dent a six foot tall ape descendant from the demolished planet Earth laid wearily on his bed watching the soft blue and white stars pass his window in the high tech ship the Heart of Gold with mild satisfaction. The whole entire Earth was gone and Arthur had yet to let it set in, he felt like he was merely floating through a rather frightening nightmare.
And Trillian, what were was the improbability rate that he would have met her once again on a spaceship rather than a quaint café in London?
"Glad to be of service" A door hummed sweetly to Ford. He crashed into the left wall of the corridor with a eruption of laughter, "Stupid doors, they're all a bunch of"
"May you have a safe passage,"
Ford squinted at the door as it opened, "You sick door you ever get sick of being so pleasant? What if I kicked you on the way through huh? Would you be so happy if I did that? I bet you would…your the kind of door that likes pain" Ford's words drifted off in to low gibberish. The curving hall made Ford's mind cringe, it was to much to take in, Ford never took well to darkness, bends, spaceships, or his two feet when he was drunk.
"I should have stayed home today," Ford choked rounding the small area and slamming face first into Arthur's room door.
"FORD!" Arthur jumped up from his bed, his good friend from Betelgeuse let out a moan and then proceed to become very still. "FORD?" Arthur hurried over to Ford while tying his robe tightly around him, he had an inkling that Ford had drunk to much and found it necessary to state the obvious.
"Ford I think you've drunk to much."
If there was one thing that would get Ford Prefect moving aside from Eccentrica Gallumbits the triple breasted whore of erotica 6 was Arthur Dent stating the obvious. Ford rolled over onto his back and managed to pull his legs into the room so the door would cease freaking out due to the fact it couldn't complete its job of getting people safely through it. "I'm fine." Ford grabbed hold of Arthur and lifted himself up. Arthur shook his head it seemed to him Ford wasn't fine but he wasn't in the mood to argue partly because he was tired and partly because he was suddenly depressed about the aspect of living the rest of his life with out a good cup of tea. Even drunk Ford could read Arthur like a kiddy book.
"Oh cheer up Arthur it could be worse, you could have been ingested by a six ton mega rhino from the Horse Shoe nebula. You're still alive so you shouldn't act as though your not I mean sure everything you ever loved and cared for from you mummy to your pet dog Fluffy"
"James"
"Right pet dog James is gone but look on the bright side your traveling the galaxy"
"With a man from Betelgeuse, a woman I failed to get off with, and a four eyed idiot that is easily amused with calling me a monkey."
Ford nodded solemnly for it was all true.
"I fail to see" Arthur was cut off by Ford suddenly jumping on him, they collapsed on his bed with a faint thump.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Shhhh Arthur!" Ford hissed, he quickly brushed his fingers over the light button at the head of Arthur's bed. The room went a pitch black and silence blanketed them, "Ford" "Shhhh" Ford's eyes were glued to the galactic window.
Slowly a thick creature that strongly resembled a fruitrollup wriggled into view of the window.
Here's what the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy has to say about frubulas. If you see a frubulas than its already to late, hopefully you had a good run in life. Frubulas are long flatworm like creatures that float on cosmic rays in the Crab nebula. They don't have a home planet and are said to have come from the left over lunch bag of a radioactive goat head in Ursa Minor. Not to be confused with evil or boring creatures, frubulas are freakishly friendly and cheerful things which is the main problem. Frubules have very sticky skin that secretes watery sludge and when they come across any creature, they are consumed with the need to embrace them with the utmost joy and hospitality which kills the creature slowly due to the fact they wrap their whole 20 meter body around them. They come in three colors, raspberry rain, blue berry blast, and mysterious flavor.
The Frubula pulsed through the air pausing then suddenly squished it's pink body onto the glass in a feeble attempt to hug Arthur and Ford.
"Oh God it's hideous! Ford what is it?" Arthur choked, Ford covered Arthur's mouth, he wasn't in the mood to listen to Arthur disobey his command for the third time.
The frubula wiggled some more before giving up on its quest and detaching its self from the window leaving a transparent goo that tinted the stars purple and pink.
"That was close," Ford coughed, "Close? Ford please tell me what the hell is going on!" Ford slid off Arthur landing with a pop of his knee on the edge of the bed, "It was a Frubula"
"A frubula?"
"Look it up in the guide later, the important thing is that its gone and hasn't called its friends for a group hug of the Heart of Gold."
"Group hug?"
Ford rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, "Arthur let it go, we just escape a world of pain which is a good thing." Ford got up from the bed and walked over to the window frame to examine the glossy muck.
"I don't believe I've the hang of all this space travel yet." Arthur stretched out on his bed. "Arthur it's vitally significant that we stay as quiet as possible, don't turn on any lights, and alert Trillian and Zaphod to keep low till we can be sure the brilliant lights of the Heart of Gold will not bring the caring creature back for round two." Ford walked carefully back over to Arthur's bed and leaned into the heart shaped intercom. "Computer be as quiet as you can and tell Trillian and Zaphod that a frubula has been spotted and that they need to lay low till we are sure its gone for good. Do you understand?" Ford waited for the computer to respond with a worried expression. Hopefully it wouldn't yell its cheery response, "You got it" Eddie whispered happily back to Ford. "Thank goodness it listened for once, Computer shut off all existing lights in the Heart of Gold please."
"Sure thing."
"Well Ford what do we do now?"
"We wait Arthur we wait"
"Wait?"
"Yes there isn't much more we can do without the doors talking, lights blinking or Marvin turning himself back on to drone on about his left leg pains." Ford slid down against the wall adjacent to Arthur's bed and tipped his head back. "Ah well when you put it that way Ford I guess that is all to true." He relaxed on his bed with the underlying fear of the creatures abilities for he had yet to check the guide for reference.
A few moments passed, than a few more, the moments turned to minutes, and the minutes turned to a hour. Arthur dozed off as the time reached an hour and a half.
Arthur dreamed he was sitting in his home on Earth in the living room in the company of his mom, dad, Trillian.
"Arthur we are so proud of you love!" His mom was beaming at him in a unrealistic manner.
"Good job Arthur!" His father kept laughing and it was starting to make Arthur uncomfortable.
"Arthur more tea?" Trillian was sitting in her red skirt and matching top with a tray next to him. The tray was empty and Trillian repeated herself and tipped her head to the side.
"What is going on? Trillian there isn't tea on that tray…Mum, Dad what are you both-" Randomly the side of his home crashed in huge beams of light pouring out from what appeared to be a small silver spaceship, "What the hell!" Arthur jumped up, bits of his wall spray across the coffee table and the sofas, "Arthur sit down have some tea dear!" No one had moved save for Arthur, the space ship made a soft clucking noise and then dropped open its door crushing the table and the nearby television. "Someone's come to visit, would you like some tea?" Trillian gushed holding up the empty tray, Ford came out of the spaceship with a worried look. "Arthur?" "Ford?" "Arthur! Arthur! Arthur!" "Ford?"
Arthur could feel himself slowly coming out of his deep sleep, he could faintly make out his friend's face inches from his. "Ford?" Arthur whispered, Ford jerked back and did something he rarely did he blinked, "Arthur?" He choked, "Can we move? How long have I been sleep? Ford I had the strangest dream, you were in it and Trillian and me mum and dad…oh it was ghastly." Arthur rubbed his faces with his hands as he tried to right himself with his surroundings. Ford waited patiently for Arthur to stop chatting fragments as he rearranged his jacket, vest, and pants, the scare of Arthur waking was still ringing in his ears and he tried his best not to seem to unnerved. "Its been around 3 hours Arthur," Ford felt quiet suddenly intoxicated once again like he had just finished two pan galactic gurgle blasts.
"Well is it safe?" Arthur began to sit up, Ford had one of his few moments where he was torn between what was right to do and what he wanted to do. The Frubula was far away by then most likely getting cuddly with a new friend a supernova couldn't have brought it back.
Ford licked his dry lips, "No! Arthur it isn't safe yet" He quickly put his hands firmly on Arthur's shoulders and laid him back down on the bed, "That creature must have some hearing," "It's not hearing us so much as the movement of lights that'll bring it back." Ford jumbled together a false explanation gripping Arthur's hand firmly in the mist of him reaching for the light. They were so close, Ford's chest was pushed against Arthur's side and his hands were somewhat restraining Arthur's movement.
"Now or never," Ford whispered at himself, "What was that Ford?" Ford leaned in and kissed Arthur passionately on the mouth.